From a word prompt on LiveJournal. I must admit I have watched Amaro's One Eighty but Cragen's section is 100% fictional so no need to worry about spoilers :) Also Fin/Olivia are just friends in this, before any of you get any ideas. You could probably guess but incase you get confused, italics are memories and non-italics are present day.
So yeah, please review they mean the world to me and will only help me improve. Enjoy!
DISCLAIMER: SVU and all the characters belong to Dick Wolf. I don't own anything.
Final. Even the word itself seemed so… final. Sometimes it was a good thing, sometimes it wasn't. Today it wasn't sounding so good. Olivia couldn't remember how she had arrived here. All she could remember was anger, raw anger and sorrow. It was the kind of sadness you get when you feel alone on a busy street or when you talk but realise nobody is actually listening. But somehow, she had ended up on the roof. The roof where she had spent many an afternoon contemplating a case or her job or her life in general. Today was no different. Only today, nobody followed because nobody knew where she had gone. Over the years she had told Nick many things about herself, and some things he had learnt along the way, but somehow this place… she had never been able to share it with him. It held so much for her and somewhere, deep down, she didn't want it to ruin another partnership, another friendship.
Leaning on the railing, the whole of downtown Manhattan lay before her. A crisp breeze blew in off the Hudson, ruffling Olivia's hair and causing her nose to turn slightly pink. The door behind her creaked slightly as it was gently opened and closed and soon she felt another presence, leaning next to her on the railing.
"I'm sorry Liv." It was three words but between them, it meant so much. She told herself the tears were caused by the growing wind but they both knew it wasn't true.
"I know."
A week had passed, Jenna's body was lying on an autopsy table somewhere and Elliot hadn't been seen in the squadroom since. Until today. He'd walked through to Cragen's office, ignoring everyone on the way. Olivia had sat and waited but, after half an hour and still no signs of him leaving, she had given up and gone to the roof. Of course he would find her here.
"Today was my last day."
"I know. Cragen told me yesterday you'd handed your papers in." Silence fell between them, the sound of the city bustling by the only noise.
"There was nothing else I could do Liv, nothing." Olivia could only nod. Elliot reached across the void, wrapping an arm around her shoulder and pulling her close. Olivia leant into his chest and all of a sudden the world turned quiet, peaceful.
Neither knew how much time had passed but when Olivia started to shiver, Elliot led her away from the railing and back into the building. At the elevators he pulled her into one last, bone crushing hug and at last, Olivia managed to find her voice again.
"It just seems so… final." The elevator doors opened and Elliot stepped back into the car.
"I know."
Olivia stepped back from the railing and looked across the rooftop. It was flat apart from the door to the stairwell and metal aircon vents at regular intervals.
The door opened and a small smile spread across her lips as the grey detective hobbled over to her.
"You had to pick outdoors didn't you?" The smile widened as Olivia walked over to where her colleague had stopped.
"Sorry, do you want to go back inside?" Munch shook his head.
"I've just hobbled up three flights of stairs so we might as well stay." Olivia laughed and turned to lean against the wall.
"What are you gonna do now?"
"I got a call off the DA yesterday. They want me to carry on at Hogan Place, be a special investigator." Olivia chuckled.
"Sounds like the perfect job for you." The two stood in silence, gazing over the city they both lovingly called home. Silent tears slipped down Olivia's cheeks, turning cold as a breeze whipped over the rooftop. "I'm gonna miss you Munch. It just seems so final." Munch turned to face her,
"This isn't the end though, chances are you'll find me waltzing into the squadroom like nothing's changed by the end of the week and Liv," he pulled her so she faced him, "I'm only a phone call away." Olivia nodded and gently hugged the man who had always been there, in the background, watching over her.
The door remained closed. Nobody had followed. Nobody knew she was here.
"Olivia?" Olivia turned as her name was called across the roof. She had been leaning on the railing, looking down on the street below as officers came and went and city life continued. Her captain – that's what he would always be to her, no matter where he was or what he was doing – walked the few steps from the door to the railing and stopped in front of her. "I wanted to tell you separately but it just kind of came out, I'm sorry."
"Don't apologise Don, I'm happy for you. You get to do what you've always wanted to do – travel." Cragen smiled. "When are you leaving?"
"Why?"
"Well somebody has to wave goodbye at the port don't they?" Cragen shook his head before answering.
"Not this time." Olivia frowned but was suddenly pulled into a tight hug.
"You'll always be the naïve detective who stepped into my office fifteen years ago, asking which desk was yours." Olivia laughed as she pulled away,
"And you'll always be the scary Captain who busted my balls for going off piste too many times."
"Scary?"
"Naïve?"
"You thought you could save the world one victim at a time."
"You don't have any eyebrows." Both laughed as they returned to the railing and silence fell between them.
"This isn't it Liv."
"What do you mean?"
"In six months I'll come back, drop in. See how things are going. I'm not gone forever." Olivia turned to face him,
"Thanks Don. That… it means a lot. It just… it seems so final."
"I know Liv," they both turned out to the Manhattan skyline, "I know."
Fin walked into the squadroom holding four coffees. Placing them down on his desk, he glanced around the bustling squadroom.
"Hey Nick, where's Liv?" Nick Amaro looked up from his paperwork.
"I dunno, about fifteen minutes ago she stormed outta the cap's office and headed that way. Haven't seen her since." Fin nodded before picking up two coffees and heading where Nick had pointed. Climbing the stairs, he pushed the rusting door open and found who he had been looking for, leaning against the railing and looking down on the world below.
"Liv?" The woman turned, her hair blowing about her face as the wind picked up but the glisten of tears on her cheeks and the red rawness of her eyes were unmistakeable.
Seeing who had called her name Olivia turned back, waiting for Fin to join her. Passing a coffee, he stood beside her in silence. Eventually, Olivia spoke.
"They all said their last goodbyes up here." Fin didn't have to ask who. "This place, it hasn't been the same. It was always safe, y'know? Somewhere we could watch the world carry on as if nothing downstairs was real. But now, now it's where the only three men who meant anything to me left me." Fin glanced sideways,
"I'll try not to take that personally." Olivia nudged him affectionately.
"You know what I meant." Fin chuckled.
"Well I'm not going anywhere, you're stuck with me for a good few years yet." Olivia looked over at him.
"I wouldn't be too sure." Fin's forehead creased into a frown.
"Whaddya mean? Do you know something I don't?" Olivia took a deep breath,
"I'm thinking of leaving." Fin turned to fully face her, stunned. "I don't think I can do this anymore, I don't think I can say goodbye to any more people."
"But you've only just become Sergeant, in a few years you might even be Captain."
"I know but watching Munch and Cragen go I've realised… this isn't what I want to do for the rest of my life. Of course, I still want to help victims but… not like this."
"What happened?" Now it was Olivia's turn to frown.
"What do you mean?"
"Nick said he saw you storm out the Captain's office before heading this way, what happened?"
"Nick should mind his own business." Olivia paused, "We lost a case. And I know, we lose cases all the time but this one. I don't know why but this one was just one too many. I'm just tired Fin. Tired and fed up and sick of it never being enough." Fin considered her answer before replying.
"Go home Olivia. Sleep, eat, watch shit TV. Come back in a few days and you'll realise, you can't give up this job." Olivia shook her head as fresh tears fell down her cheeks.
"That's what I'm so scared of Fin. What if I can never give this up? What if I'm here until I'm Munch's age? With no one to go home to so I spend hour after hour, day after day working the case. Only this time I haven't got a partner there who knows which Chinese takeaway I like. I haven't got someone who knows exactly what to say to cheer me up and exactly when to say it and I haven't got a Captain who has my back through thick and thin, even when his job is on the line. What if this is it? This where I end? My final act spent in that squadroom, listening to another victim, busting another perp." Olivia's body shook with her sobs as she held onto Fin who, by this point, had enclosed her tightly in his arms. After her sobs had subsided somewhat and her breathing had returned to normal, he released her and she stepped back.
"Whatever happens Liv, I'll always be here. I promise. I know which Chinese you like, my jokes always bring a smile to your lips and I have always got your back, don't ever forget that." Olivia wiped her eyes and nodded.
"I love you Odafin Tutuola."
"I love you too baby girl."
The last time she had spoken to him properly had been up here on the roof. Back then he had promised to stick by her and, she supposed, he hadn't exactly broken that promise. He hadn't left her like the other three had, it hadn't been his choice like it had been theirs. Although, she considered, none of them had really had much of a choice.
But it was still a goodbye… of sorts. His way of letting her know he was always going to be there, no matter what. She smiled as she allowed yet another New York breeze whip her tears away. She knew what she was going to do now. She was going to choose, she was going to give herself this one last freedom before it was taken away from her.
Suddenly the door creaked and Olivia whipped around.
"I've been looking all over for you Liv, the Cap wants you to make a speech before we head to the church." Olivia nodded and took a deep breath before following her partner inside.
Final… maybe it wasn't so final after all.
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