Disclaimer: I don't own Glee.
A/N:
Hi Lovelies:)
There was initially a longer author's note to this about my feels about the last episode. But it caused some offence with readers, which I did not intend, I promise. So I decided to remove it.
Honestly I didn't think it would be taken the way it was.
What I post here shouldn't be about the author's notes anyway, I think, but about the writing, the stories. So I dearly hope you can enjoy this story now if my author's note before made it impossible for you, which I am sorry it did in more than one case.
All I really want is to write stories that can mean something positive to you guys. I hope the people who contacted me about that author's note will get back to me again. So I know this here reached you guys.
And I'm Missing You
Blaine wakes up in his bed on the Saturday morning before the week of auditions for this year's school musical.
But …, he does not want to think about that. As a matter of fact it has been pushed far off his mind, together with the chaos and hurt of last year's performance.
Really it is all an unsuccessful attempt to not think about what else had happened a year ago, 'How we held each other, how we moved, how amazing it felt, … together … right here on this bed.' And how much Blaine aches to be allowed to make Kurt feel good again after all the ache he knows he has caused the man he loves so very much - cannot even imagine not loving anymore, not being allowed to love anymore.
And sure, Blaine had expected to miss Kurt a year on, but not like this, not at all like this, with so much fear and dread, … uncertainty.
The dim light filtering into his room tells him, without looking out the window, thick November rainclouds are hanging heavy in the sky.
He finally turns around … to find the mattress next to him empty.
Closing his eyes again he turns back around and lets out a deep sigh, glad for that split-second that something fills the silence, drowns out the missing sound of soft breathing next to him.
"I love you."
He wills himself back into unsteady, restless sleep. He does not get up that day until the late afternoon. But no amount of hiding away from the world can take any of the sting from finding the package he had sent to Kurt, unopened, back on his doorstep that day.
Blaine wakes up in his bed on Sunday morning.
The weather is as dreary outside as it had been the day before.
It is an instinct to turn around, to look for Kurt. It is the weekend still after all.
For almost a whole school year, and months after, Blaine's parents almost always gone, Kurt had spent … they had spent weekends waking up next to each other in this bed.
It is no wonder Blaine cannot sleep, does not want to do anything but lie here and imagine 'We are still.'
"I love you."
On Monday morning, waking up, turning once more to face an empty pillow beside him, air cold and stale, Blaine turns back around even quicker than the days before.
He pulls the blankets closer around himself, curls up on himself to try and forget the warmth missing next to him.
Blaine reopening his eyes, hoping to find a blank piece of wall to stare at, instead fall on the framed picture of Kurt in a tux, standing on his dresser.
He squeezes his eyes shut tightly and shaking his head in quiet agony whispers softly, "I love you," to a room full of memories - like he has done every single morning since he came back from New York.
He blindly reaches for his phone on the nightstand, picks it up and dials. It rings two times before he hears a "Hey."
"Mike?"
"Blaine." Mike does not have to ask what's wrong they have talked plenty over the last weeks, at all kinds of hours, about their break-ups. Mike is not over Tina either. He gets it. He does not get Blaine cheating, but he gets Blaine missing Kurt. As a matter of fact Mike is convinced, after hours and hours of talking the last weeks, that Blaine does not get Blaine cheating. He hopes Blaine will get the chance to talk it all out with Kurt, soon, because in his experience it is the only thing that can ever clear up anything.
"He sent it back, unopened."
"The package?"
"Yeah. I promised him, Mike. I promised him to bake him cookies at least twice a year," Blaine lets out a sob. "I promised him so much."
"Oh Blaine. Give him time."
"I can't fix this, can I?"
"Blaine, no, you can't."
"It feels like I should be the one to fix it. I broke us."
"You broke Kurt's heart, Blaine. If he can forgive you that he will let you know. All you can do is wait. I'm so sorry, Blaine."
"I know. Thank you, Mike."
"Any time." There is a moment of silence then Mike adds, "I'll see you for Grease auditions this week."
"Shit."
'Okay?' that is not the answer Mike had hoped for … or expected. "Blaine?"
"I …, Mike, I don't think I'll try out, …, it wouldn't be fair to the others. I know I can't really give it my best."
"Hey, don't worry. I mean it sucks, but I get it. … I'll still get to see you though, right?"
"I won't allow my stupidity to cost me anything more."
"Good. Blaine?"
"Mmh?"
"Don't give up yet," Mike tries to encourage.
"Yeah. Thanks, Mike. See you Tuesday."
"See you. Bye."
The click of Mike hanging up the phone first echoes cold and sharp in Blaine's ear.
Putting the phone back down on his bedside table with a sigh Blaine swings his legs over the side of the bed and walks over to his dresser already reaching for a drawer's handle when he freezes.
Silence unsettling gathers around him as he just stands and stares.
His eyes have been pinned to the framed picture for several minutes already, when Blaine, tears heavily streaming down his face, picks it up, tracing Kurt's features shakily with a thumb, "I love you."
A/N: Hope you liked it. I wanted Blaine to send him something more personal, so it ended up being homemade cookies because of the box scene :)