The trouble with love when you're in love it makes you blind you can't see the faults in the person you love. I personally feel like you never get over your first true love, and when something tragic happens could fate bring you back together?

It was a normal cold winter's morning in busy central London on rush hour; I always hated rush hours im not good with crowds. But I had a hospital appointment which I couldn't miss. I made my way onto the tube and sat by the window with head leaning on it. I looked around me and there was couples everywhere a man sat with her arm round his partner stroking her face whilst looking at her like she was his everything, I wiped a tear from my eye and tried to pull myself together putting on my brave face when really my heart was broken in too. It all started three months before I had been with Matt for five years we met through friends at the age of 23. I thought he was my knight in shining armor turns out I was wrong as hell. He was my world and I though I was his. We had been planning and trying for a family and I thought we had a great future till I went home from work early and caught him in bed with another man. At that moment my heart shattered into a thousand pieces and I ran and kept on running, and here I am in a lonely city all alone. Thinking why didn't I listen to my friends, and why did I waste five years with a man who didn't respect me or love me.

I'm in the hospital waiting room; I hate hospitals they always smell of tsp. A man and woman walk in and throw me a sympathetic smile, that's the trouble when you're sat in a fertility waiting room all alone. For all they know my partner could be running late, I look at my mobile and then at the door to make out im waiting for someone. Then hang my head in shame at how silly i must look. "Tanya Delaney" a nurse shouts. I scoop out of my chair and get my leg caught in my handbag on the floor and fall flat on my face. Tears well my eyes i feel so stupid and idiotic. I'm still lying there on the floor feeling to embarrassed to get up when I hear "Tanya is that you?" I still at that voice no no no i tell myself this cannot be. Then i feel someone pulling me up and there i see those piercing blue eyes.

"Hi Blake" I squeak trying to avoid those eyes. "Tanya I thought It was you, are you ok?" says Blake. "Yeah im ok, I have always been accident prone you should know that" I bend down to get my handbag the nurse is tapping her foot impatiently. "I have to go Blake goodbye" I whisper feeling the ache and emotion in my heart at the last time we said goodbye. "Tanya wait please, I finish in half an hour please see me after your appointment I will wait in the cafeteria for you" Demands Blake. I nod my head and follow the nurse into see my doctor thinking how embarrassing seeing your first ever love, the one that got away in a fertility clinic whilst lying flat faced on the floor. Only me I thought.

Mr. Clarke's treatment room is so small and cramped he signals for me to sit and I do as I'm told. "Tanya my dear how have you been feeling since the laparoscopy?" he asks. "I feel all better thanks just so worried about the outcome, and glad to be here so least I will know if to worry or not" I say trying to look everywhere but at the doctor. "Tanya are you here alone?" I nod. "Well Tanya I have good news and bad news" the Dr looks at me with a sympathetic smile. I think in my head I wish people would quit giving me those looks; I smile and nod my head. "The bad news is your left tube is much damaged and blocked my dear, but the good news is your right is perfect so we can concentrate on that one when the time comes. I take it you and Matt haven't worked things out since your last appointment?" he asks. "Erm no doctor Clarke, that won't be happening at all I plan on taking a break from the treatment till I see my future better" I hang my head in shame. "Tanya, please don't take this the wrong way my dear but you will find someone in time now you have this burden off you, you can start rebuilding your life again I will be here when the time comes if you shall need ivf treatment." He half smiles. "Thank you Dr, you have been so nice to me the last few months each time I have broken down, you have always put me at ease and I thank you for that." I smile at him he is such a lovely man reminds me of my granddad. "Well Tanya I wish you well and if you need to see call reception and they will book you in" he says. We say are goodbyes and I exit the room and can't help but feel a glimmer of hope. I straighten myself up and make my way out of the fertility department and head to the exit when I see Blake waiting for me.

I stand for a second admiring him from a far thinking this is the man I always wanted deep down in my heart if only things had been different. If only id made the decision to leave with him instead of staying in my home town wasting my life away. I could of saved myself all this heart ache. Those piercing blue eyes find mine and I begin to panic, I sort my breathing and hold my head up high and walk over to him.

I'm sat at the table whilst Blake is getting us a coffee. I send a quick text to Nicole and my mum promising I will call them later to explain what the doctor said, and then I switch my phone off and throw it in my handbag just as Blake sits with our drinks. He places a coffee in front of me and as I reach for the sugar his hands skims mine, and there it is that same old feeling making me tingle in places I didn't know existed only with this man. He apologises as I snatch my hand back, I give him a half-hearted smile and say "So Blake it's been how long since we last saw each other?" "Too long" he smirks. I find myself smirking back then think in my head Tanya Delaney are you flirting. There is awkward silence between us. Not knowing what to say I just sip my coffee. "Tanya, I'm very sorry to hear what happened back at home. He really messed up this time didn't he?" he whispers the last part. "How do you know" I ask surprised. "Luke told me we still speak every week, he also told me you were in London but I only found out that at the weekend. Every day since I found out you were here finally in London I haven't stopped thinking about you!" he stares at me with them blue eyes. "Luke had no right to tell you my personal problems Blake, I'm glad you can all have a laugh at my expense." I whimper. He reaches over to me and places his hand on top of mine. "Tanya love, nobody is laughing at you he is the fool he had everything I have always wanted and he threw it all away. You deserve much better, and I know you know that deep down." His eyes growing wider. "I really should go I shouldn't be here talking to you , if Megan found out you were talking to me well we know that would cause you problems" I stammered whilst grabbing my bag and running away from him. "Tanya, there is no me and Megan!" he shouted. I froze right there on the spot, I felt like the ground had swallowed my feet. I could hear his footsteps approaching me my heart felt like was beating hard against my chest. He stopped and guided my body round to face him and lifted my chin so my head was tilted looking at him. "Tanya we have lots to catch up on please let me take you to where you are staying and take you for dinner tonight?" he says with that look. I know that look too well and here I am standing in front of my first love and before I can think I'm saying yes. His face glows with delight as my answer sinks in.

So Blake leads me out of the hospital to his car. We sit in silence after I tell him where I live. He pulls up outside my small one bedroom flat. He hands me his card and I accept and ask if he would like to come in he declines and I can't help but feel a stab in my heart. He must see the pain on my face and says "I have few errands and phone calls to make I will be back at six pm, please text me so I have your number" he winked. I laugh and exit the car and stand at the side of the road waving like a silly school girl get a grip Tanya I tell myself.

I open the door to my lovely little flat its small and cosy Ive tried to make it nice trying to make it homely. I throw myself onto the sofa and dig my phone out switch it on, I get the card Blake gave me type the number into my phone to save it and send him a quick text.

Tanya – Here's my number Tanya.

I hit send and wait then my phone bleeps,

Blake- Thank you Tanya I will see you at six pm, I'm so happy I bumped into you see you later ;)

Oh my god a wink face I smile actually feeling a little better than I have in months. I make a quick phone call to my mum explaining what the doctor said. Then I phone Nicole she answers after the third ring "Hey Hun, how are you?" she asks. "I'm good thank you, been kind of a weird day" I say as I pinch the bridge of my nose quickly filing her in what Doctor Clarke said. I hear a sigh coming from the end of the phone then "Tanya you shouldn't have gone alone, you want me to drive up." Nicole asks me. "No I'm fine honestly I still have 50% chance, I'm fine really and I have plans tonight" I laugh. "Spill" she shouts down the phone. I leave the part out where I fell over but tell her all about seeing Blake. "Oh my god, I'm so sorry Tanya I should have told you that Blake was working at the same hospital as you attend some best friend I Am." says Nicole. "It's really ok, it was nice seeing him after all this time. He knew all about the Matt thing which I was shocked at but least I don't have to tell him." I mutter. "Tanya he doesn't know it all he knows he cheated that's it not the extent of it, Luke would never say that even though Blake is his brother." Replied Nicole. "Oooh I see I'm sorry Nicole forgive me, how come you never told me Megan wasn't on the scene?" I wait for my answer. Silence and then "Tanya you know I love you, I thought you didn't need Blake in your life anymore after him up and leaving it's not my place to tell you what has happened he will explain to you just go easy on him Hun. You both have been hurt by the people you loved, just be friends for now it's nice you know someone up that way! We do worry about you, all of us do." She says sadly. "I love you Nicole" I say. "You to Hun ring me tomorrow okay?" she said. "Of course bye" I say and put the phone down.

I pottered around for the rest of the afternoon sat and read for a few hours thinking what to wear. At four pm I jumped in the shower and groomed myself then spent thirty minutes tameing and straightening my hair. Then another thirty minutes decideing what to wear. I choose a black fitted dress with a black lace cardigan and pulled my favourite red shoes and matching bag. I quickly applied my makeup and stepped into my dress and realised I couldn't zip it up then I heard the sound of the door bell. Oh no I thought please don't be Blake , I run to the door and there he is standing there looking at me with those smouldering eyes. I invite him in and he says " Do you know your unzipped" he raises his eyebrows. I blush my face matching my red shoes that are still on the bedroom floor. "yes I cant seem to do it, I will go change quickly" I turn to bolt. He places a hand on my shoulder "here let me" he whispers. Holy fuck I think that has to be the most erotic thing ever. So it begins.

Took me a while to control my breatheing once Blake had removed his hands from my zipper,I found my voice and dashed to the bedroom shouting to him to take a seat in the livingroom. I quickly put on my shoes checked myself in the mirror and went to join him. As I walked in the livingroom he was stood at the mantelpiece with a picture. "That was years ago" I whisper. He turned and looked at me and whispered "I remember the night this was taken, your still as beautiful as ever Tanya." I feel my face blush again he has away with words, at that moment I wondered why I pushed this man away from me. His eyes meet mine and I promise myself that im going to put things right with him, so we can be friends. "We best get going my love, we have lots to discuss" he says whilst grabbing my hand and leading the way.

Im sat across from Blake he has just ordered drinks we are in a beautiful Italian restaurant and things still feel bit tense between us. "So Tanya, do you enjoy London?" he asks. "It's a beautiful city, I wish id come sooner!" my face flushes realizeing what I have just said looking anywhere but at him. Blake looks at me with a sad smile. "I wish you had too, forgive me if I speak out of term but I sometimes wonder where we would be now if you had left with me Tanya?" his eyes burn into me. "Blake it wasn't possible you know why I wouldn't come with you, you were in love with someone else, and please forgive me if I speak out of term but it proved that you did when six months later I hear you were in a relationship with that person." I reach for my wine and take a sip. His eyes grow wide with anger he leans across the table and says between clenched teeth "you know that isn't true megan was my friend through work, I never wanted her it was always you! You pushed me away I left for London and a few months later she transferred to the same hospital I was still heartbroken from you Tanya." "So why get into a relationship with Megan then if you didn't love her?" I snap back. "I thought I would never see you again Tanya, you made it quite clear you never wanted to see me again and it just happened it was never the way we were together but I cared for Megan I will be truthfull with you." He whispers the last part. I cant help but see him cringe when he says her name like it hurts him to mention her. "So why aren't you together now?" I ask. He clears his throat and says "she did a terrible thing and it hurt me deeply, looks like we both have had a tough year. Megan and me had been trying to start a family I wasn't eager at first as you know I work a lot, but she insisted and so we tried. She got pregnant after a few months everything was so well we were actually happy till I found out she was having an affair and the baby wasn't mine." He said with sadness showing in his eyes. "Ohh Blake im so sorry that is terrible" I reach across for his hand. Are eyes meet. He tells me he is ok he doesn't like speaking about it its in the past dead and buried then he asks me what happened with Matt. At first I think I will just tell him it was a woman but then I think he has just told me his awful problem that happened and this man once meant something to me so I tell him the truth. "A man?" he shrieks people from the restaurant glare our way at his raised voice. I hang my head in shame "what must people think of me, I cant even keep my own man happy this is why I left and ran" I tell him. "Tanya this is not your fault sweetheart this is his fault, ive never liked him always knew he wasn't right for you!" he says. "It isn't his fault, its me I wasn't good enough for him!" I whimper. Blake breatheing changes "wasn't good enough after what he has done you are still sticking up for him,this is him all him not you!" he whispers. Are dinner arrives and we eat talking about the old days. We finish are food the waiter takes are plate, I can tell from Blake's body language something is rattleing him. "Do you still love him?" blake blurts out. I sit there ignoring his question, he stares waiting for my answer. "Do you still love me?" he demands. I look up and into his eyes and simple tell him I cannot do this I get my purse put some money on the table to cover my half of the bill pick my bag up and leave. As I get to the door I hear him shouting my name I look back and he has tears in his eyes part of me thinks I should go back and apoligize. But I simply walk out the door running from my problems as I always seem to do.