'Oh hello there, Douglas,' said Martin as he entered the flight deck. It was early morning and the young captain had expected to be alone. He had obviously just rolled out of bed, as his hair was peeking out mischievously from beneath his captain's hat, which, unless Douglas was wrong (which was rarely), Martin had worn on his journey to the airfield. No-one could say it was a surprise, and Douglas could easily imagine Martin waking up in the morning, and, whilst some people might grope blindly for their glasses, reaching out and find his Captain's hat on the bedside table next to him. 'Hello Martin, a bit early aren't you?' remarked Douglas as he marked his page in 'Import Laws For Dummies' with a copy of the safety card, and placed it down. It was no Tolkein, but it was informative, and had previously helped Douglas to escape a few sticky situations. He looked at Martin expectantly.
'Yes, well, I often come in a bit early, check out the flight plans, work on my logbook, you know the sort of thing...'
'Logbook? Extra work? I'm afraid I don't. But don't let me bother you,' Douglas began to turn back to his book. This conversation wasn't likely to go anywhere he wanted it to, after all.
'Wait, what about you? Why are you, of all people, here so early?' asked Martin. Clearly, he wasn't just going to let the subject drop, He probably wanted to find out another of his first officer's 'secrets' thought Douglas, a bitter anger rising in him, why did Martin always want to know everything?
Douglas stood up.
'Just been having a read.' And with that, the first officer walked out into the Galley, swiftly, (and with an attempt at subtlety) ducking down to pick up his bag on the way out. Unfortunatley, Martin was now all eyes.
'Douglas,' called Martin, 'Douglas!'
'Yes, Captain?' asked Douglas' head, appearing around the side of the door, eager to seem himself, 'Are you in need of some stimulation? A coffee perhaps? It is very earl-'
'Let me see that bag.' That was a command. Not very friendly for first thing in the morning.
'What bag?'
'You know very well what bag.'
Douglas' head disappeared back into the Galley in stubborn defiance. He'd be damned if Martin would know everything that went on in his life. As if the stupid, proud idiot hadn't messed enough up for him already.
'Douglas, as your senior officer' began Martin. 'No, you cannot search my bag. I don't care if you are the 'senior officer', you don't usually search my bag, and it's not Birling day!'
'Yes, well, you don't usually appear on the plane at 6am and hide things from me. Doulgas, are you smuggling again?' Douglas was quite sure that Martin had been aiming to sound authoritative. It sounded more like a Smugglers Anonymous meeting. At least he was on the wrong track. Douglas' eyes appeared again.
'Last time I smuggled, did I even bother to hide it from you?'
'I will seize that bag.' Could he not just stop interfering? Why did he have to go and ruin it all in the first place? It didn't even matter, this was going too far.
'And how exactly, will you do that? Oh mighty Seize-ar?' demanded the First Officer, advancing on the younger man, and glaring down on him in his Captain's seat.
Martin rose from his chair and stared straight (up) into Douglas' eyes. So close, Doulgas could feel Martin's angry breath on his neck. If only circumstances had been different...
'I will get Carolyn to seize it then,'
'Oh, fine, come on then' Douglas led Martin into the Galley and thrust the rucksack into his arms, then turned away to raid the fridge. This was mortifying. Of course Martin would judge him for it, it wasn't often that Martin won anything against him, and now he had it all. He just didn't know the extent.
'Pyjamas? A toothbrush? Douglas, are you sleeping on Gerti?'
'Yes.' His voice echoed hollowly from the empty fridge,
'Why?'
'Helena's still at home. Her new fella's trying to find a place for them, and it's just easier, it's quieter here.' Hopefully his indifference was audible, but the fridge distorted his voice. He stood up, still not brave enough to face the younger man.
'Oh,' said Martin, folding the clothes up and placing them carefully back into the bag.
'It's not so bad once you get used to the occasional blast of chicken smell from the air vent, and Herc's constant calls- trying to reach Carolyn.'
'He calls a lot, then?' asked Martin, and Douglas was grateful for the change in topic.
'Yes, the great hero of the sky has two different numbers saved for Carolyn apparently, and he keeps calling the wrong one.'
'Either that or she hasn't given him her own number yet' They both smile a little at this idea.
That was Douglas' running theory too. At least the two of them were on the same page about something.
'Yes, after all, that would explain why Herc would admit to making a mistake' he sniggered.
'Because, he didn't actually make one at all?'
'Yes Martin, you have kept up, well done.' The two were now settling down in the flight deck, more comfortable in each other's presence now that they were gossiping. Douglas loved a good gossip actually, but there wasn't usually much to talk about on G-ERTI. It certainly wasn't like Air England in that respect.
'How often does he call, anyway?' enquired Martin.
'Oh, at least twice a week,' replied Douglas disapprovingly, 'but the last two weeks, it's been more like four times. Heaven knows why he's so desperate. Surely he has some tasks to be busy with.' Douglas had no idea why, out of all the staff on this plane, Herc would want then, his own taste had been surprising him recently.
'Why do you disapprove of him and Carolyn so much, anyway? I think she looks quite happy when she's talking at him.' Ah, Martin's naive mind. Douglas could never get over that. In some ways Martin was so, pure. He didn't realise, as the triple divorcee did, that love was always doomed to fail. If you like someone, they're almost always unobtainable, and if you do get them, you lose them soon after.
'I don't really know,' Douglas pondered, 'I mean, I'd love to say I thought Carolyn deserved better. Perhaps they're just too similar.' He did think she deserved better, but he wasn;t going to confess that he had human feelings to Martin, he had spent a long time building up this reputation.
'And that's a bad thing?'
'Yes, I mean, two Carolyns would irritate each other to distraction, two Hercs would drive each other demented.'
'But two Arthurs – who could be happier?'
'Good point.' It wasn't often that Douglas conceded, but he was feeling generous today. After all, he was worried about which way this was going, and didn't want to get into too heated a debate.
'What about two of me? Would that work?' That took a bit of thinking about. There had only ever been one obvious match for Martin in Douglas' head, and he wasn't too keen on thinking about others. 'No, definitely not. You need someone... different.'
'Really?' Martin was surprised, 'because I always thought I'd be a great match for me.'
'Oh no, Martin.' Douglas assured him 'you need someone who compliments you, like, Yin and Yang. Someone you can make a team with. Anyway, Carolyn certainly doesn't need Herc.'
Back on to Carolyn. Close one, Douglas.
'Douglas, you don't-I mean- you're not jealous are you?' This was not just the wrong end of the stick. This was the wrong stick entirely.
'Jealous?' he guffawed, 'Of Herc and Carolyn? Oh no, I'm not. It's fair to say I'm preoccupied with someone else.' That had slipped out. Maybe it would go unnoticed? I mean, Martin probably wouldn't be too interested in his love life.
'Oh.' Sighed Martin, 'That was quick.' A long pause. Neither pilot knew what to say, until Martin said, 'Does the lucky lady know that you're living in an aeroplane?'
'As of quite recently, yes. But luckily, they quite like planes.' This was getting ridiculous.
'Well, hey, you should have fixed me up with her' smiled Martin feebly, 'Because, you know, I like planes too!' Actually, this had passed ridiculous a while back, but at current, Douglas had nothing to lose.
'I know you do,' sighed Douglas 'but as we were just saying, you would be useless in a relationship with you.'
As it slowly dawned on Martin, his eyes widened, and his heart juddered more than an MJN landing, and he leaned forward for the kiss.
It was just as Douglas had imagined. When the two finally broke their embrace, Douglas rose and headed towards the galley.
'Sorry Captain, did you say you wanted some stimulation?' he asked.
'No thanks,' replied Martin dreamily, 'that box has already been ticked.'