Twilight Gag Reel

A/n: Hey, all! I got the idea for this while reading GorimJr.'s "Underland Gag Reel", which you can find on my favorites list (READ GREGOR THE OVERLANDER FIRST, THOUGH!). It will make a lot more sense. If you like it, let me know if I should do New Moon, and possibly the rest of the books! Enjoy! BTW, this is on the book, not movie.

Disclaimer: I do not own Twilight. *sobs *

Bella: Hey guys, I'm Bella Swan.
Edward: And I'm Edward Cullen. If you think everything went perfectly while making Twilight…
Bella: …You're sadly mistaken. Sometimes, it takes multiple takes to get a scene right! So here it is, the gag reel.
Edward: You sound so…dramatic.
Bella: Oh, hush.

Pg. 4
(Scene: Bella leaving Phoenix)
Renée: Bella…You don't have to do this.
Bella: I want—
Renée: MY BABY!! (breaks down crying)

Pg. 8
Scene: Bella and Charlie discussing weather
Charlie: Sooo……it's raining.
Bella: Yeah. I heard it does that sometimes.
Charlie: Yeah. (sighs)

Pg. 16
Scene: Eric and Bella Compare Forks' and Phoenix's Weather
Eric: Wow, what must that be like?
Bella: Sunny.
Eric: You don't look very tan.
Bella: My mother is part vampire.
Eric: Wait, what?
Director: (angrily) Cut!

Pg. 22
Scene: Cafeteria
Bella: ("After a few more minutes, the four of them left the table together. They were all noticeably graceful—" Emmett and Rosalie, preoccupied by staring at one another, both walk into the closed cafeteria door. "Oh, um…never mind…")

Pg. 39
Scene: Parking Lot
Mike: Haven't you seen snow fall before?
Bella: (patronizingly) I just moved here from Arizona, for God's sakes, you moron. What do you think?
Mike: (lip quivers)

Pg. 259-260
Scene: Edward in the sunlight
(Edward takes a deep breath, and steps into the meadow. "We are Family" begins blasting, and the entire cast and crew rush in to meadow and begin dancing, Edward acting as the disco ball)

Pg. 274
Scene: Lion and Lamb
Edward: And so the glutton fell in love with the pot roast…
Bella: What a stupid pot roast.
Edward: What a greedy, ravenous glutton.
Random camera guy: (whining) Guysss! You're making us hungryyy!
(Bella and Edward continue staring adoringly at each other)

Pg. 280
Scene: Running through the forest
Edward: (begins running strongly, but after a few minutes, begins to flag a bit. Bella and Edward reach the truck, and by this time, Edward is gasping for breath) OUT OF… SHAPE! NEED…BLOOD! *gasps*

Pg. 314
Scene: "I love you"
Edward: You said you loved me.
Bella: You knew that already.
Edward: It was nice to hear, just the same.
Bella: (buries head in Edward's shoulder) I…wait…. Line please!
All: …..

Pg. 319
Scene: Pre "Meet the Cullens"
Bella: Tempting how? I can change…
Edward: You are so absurd. (kisses Bella)
Bella: *thuds onto staircase*
Edward: …Oops…
Director: Lets try that again. SMELLING SALTS, PLEASE!

(Take Two)
Bella: Tempting how? I can change…
Edward: You are so absurd. (Kisses Bella again)
Edward: *thuds onto staircase*
All: …

Scene: Bella's Lullaby
Pg. 326/329
Edward: (sighs, looks at Bella for a moment, and takes a dramatic pause…and then begins banging his hands on the piano) You inspired this one. (Continues banging hands)
Bella: (bursts into tears)

Pg. 353
Scene: Billy and Bella discuss Bella and Edward
Billy: It's not my business. But it may be Charlie's.
Bella: Though it would be my business, again, whether or not I think it's Charlie's business, because business is business. But then again, neither of us are business people, and most business people like to get in other business. If business people do, in fact like to get into other people's business, then wouldn't that make them busy bodied business people?
All: …Huh …?

Pg: 368
Scene: Esme and Bella talk at Baseball Scene
Esme: No, I prefer to referee.
Bella: Do they like to cheat, then?
(Emmett and Rosalie are clearly visible, *ahem*, canoodling in the background)
All of the Cullens and Bella: GET A ROOM!

Pg: 450
Scene: Ballet Studio
Bella: ("He was over me at once, his foot stepping down on my leg")
James: (smiles evilly)
Random Camera Guy: (loudly) Uh…guys?
Director: CUT! What?!
Random camera Guy: We forgot to bring in the stunt double…
Director: Crap…stupid intern…
Bella: (croaks, writhing in pain) …Help?

A/n: What do you think? It's sort of crappy, I know, but I wanted to get another story out for you guys! If you like it enough, I'll do New Moon. If you want to see any of the characters mess something up leave it in a review or P.M. me.

Love and hugs from the U.S.,

Jane