You knock on the door. The rational part of your brain hopes that he doesn't answer.
If he doesn't answer, you can go home and pretend that this never happened. That you never felt like he was meant to come back here, right now, right when you'd been feeling more trapped than you ever thought was possible and he was like a breath fresh air in the room full of dust you'd been living in for the last year.
You could pretend that entire night never happened. You could pretend that he never kissed you, that you never looked at him and silently begged him to kiss you because you were scared out of your fucking mind at how real your feelings for him were.
You could pretend that he hadn't looked at your drawings and known instantly, understood everything you'd been saying, everything you'd been feeling, when you drew them. You could pretend like he hadn't, because that's what made you do it. He looked at that picture of Cody and his room and just got it, and your heart fucking ached with the want for him that had built up over the last few days.
If he doesn't answer the door, you could pretend that none of this ever happened.
But the irrational part of your brain, the part that knows there's something there between the two of you, hopes that he will answer.
If he answers, you have no idea what's going to happen, what you're going to say, what you're going to do. How you're going to apologize for being such a jerk. How you're going to tell him that you're pretty sure you're in love with him and you can't hold it in anymore because you're just so sick of holding everything in. You're not sure of anything except that you've been waiting all your life to feel this way about someone, and you're not just going to let that go.
You're not just going to let him go.
You knock on the door and these two parts of you, the rational and the irrational, are raging over whether or not you want him to answer.
You can't handle this. You can't handle him not opening the door because then this all would have been for nothing.
But you can't handle him actually answering either because then...then this would have been for everything. Every fucking thing in your life up until now because you know that if he answers, this will mark the first day of the rest of your life.
You're staring at your shoes when suddenly the door opens and he's there.
You kiss him, and you're so fucking glad that he answered.