-1Destinies Collide.
He sat alone in the dark, cradling the baby, drowning in his own thoughts. The baby hardly stirred. And if he awoke and began his crying, he wouldn't be able to hear because his own troubled mind obscured any other noises that occurred. He only heard his inner thoughts. He only saw what he had feared for months.
Her death.
A light was turned on. He winced, finally being torn from the nightmare of having to see the disturbing images in his brain, having to hear the blood curdling screams. Her terror filled up inside of him. He felt her fear. Felt her pain. And even though she was long gone by now, he heard her thoughts.
At this disturbance, he glanced down at the baby who had already began sniffling and blubbering at the harsh light that burned his eyes. He tried to comfort the little infant he had firmly grasped in his arms, but no words could leave his lips.
"Mr. Pace?"
Charlie Pace looked up at another man who had just walked in, dressed in a dark suit. His hair was neatly combed back and his face was clean shaven. Compared to him, Charlie looked like a common vagrant. A nobody. A mess. He nodded for confirmation.
"Is this your child?" the man asked, sitting opposite him and the baby. He stared at Charlie who shifted uncomfortably in his chair.
"Why? What's that got to do with anything?" Charlie questioned quietly, holding the baby closer to him.
"Because if he isn't, I'm afraid I'm going to have to take him from you." the man answered, lowering his eyes to see the baby beginning to cry.
Charlie looked around the small room. There was no escape it seemed. Just constant grey all over; the desks, the walls, the chairs, the (guarded) doors. He avoided the other man's gaze and just tightened his grip on the little boy. There was no way he was losing him. Ever. The only part of the woman he loved left. And he was not going to lose him. He closed his eyes, thinking of the island and the time he had spent there. His eyes tightened shut to stop the tears from falling.
It just wasn't fair.
The other man sighed, sympathetically, "Look," he began, linking his hands together across his lap, "We know you've been through a terrible trauma. You've survived a plane crash. You have a baby. God knows what you've been through but the sooner we get this over with the sooner we can-"
"Aaron," Charlie interjected hoarsely, "The baby's name is Aaron. And he's my son."
"Right," the man nodded, scribbling something in a notepad, "And, if you don't mind me asking, where is the mother now?"
His heart squeezed inside his chest. She's dead. He thought. She's gone! He looked away, forehead wrinkling with distress. Aaron let out a cry and he wriggled uncomfortably, probably crying for his mum.
"We'll take a break, shall we?" the man suggested, noting Charlie's grief, "You should go back to your room."
Charlie sniffed and began to stand, the chubby child still gripped in his arms.
"Oh, and Mr. Pace? We're going to have to take the baby for now."
Charlie looked up at him with wide, pleading eyes, "No. Please." He can't take Aaron away from him, not now.
"I'm sorry. It won't be for long."
Charlie held the baby tightly. Aaron nuzzled in to his shoulder, unaware what was going on.
"Mr. Pace," the man warned, his arms outstretched for the child.
Hesitantly, Charlie loosened his hold on the baby, knowing he hadn't a choice. Before Aaron was taken from him, he kissed his fluffy blonde head. "Don't worry," he whispered to him, "I'll see you soon. Daddy will see you soon, Aaron."
--
It was lonely in his temporary bedroom. He lay on his bed, day dreaming. The ceiling replaced with images of that devastating day. That day they were supposed to be rescued. It just turned in to another disaster. Another tragedy. Another life lost…
He heard a knock at the door. Sluggishly, he rolled off the king-sized bed and shuffled towards the wooden door. Opening it, he wasn't sure whether to be pleased or distressed to see Kate Austen in front of him, her wrists locked in handcuffs and her arm linked threateningly with a tall, frowning man, dressed smartly in a navy blue striped suit.
"Hey Charlie," she forced a brief smile, before looking down awkwardly and glancing at the tall man beside her, "Can we have some privacy?" she asked him, "Please?"
The tall man thought for a moment before nodding and beginning to leave.
"Wait, can you take these off?" Kate requested, indicating to her stinging wrists where the cold metal pressed against her delicate skin, "Please, would you take these off?" her voice was soft and weak, as if she was begging. Maybe she was sick of handcuffs.
But to her chagrin, he refused. Kate frowned and turned back to Charlie as he walked away.
"Sorry. He's been…watching me. Making sure I don't run away or shoot someone, that sort of thing," she muttered, a hint of spite in her voice now.
Charlie shrugged, frowning, "What do you want, Kate?"
She opened her mouth to explain, then dropped her eyes before continuing, "Can…can I come in first?"
He sighed, staring at her as he decided whether he should let her in or not. He didn't even know if he cared what Kate had to say. He didn't care about much anymore. His only concern was Aaron, and the life they had to build together. By themselves…the thought saddened and scared him. How was he ever going to raise a child by himself? He'd give anything to be a family again with he, Claire and Aaron together. Things could've been perfect. Now they're anything but perfect. Now, things were dreadful.
After a few moments of debating with himself, he had realised he'd left Kate standing without a proper response. Giving in, he opened the door for her slowly and she walked past him in to the blackened room.
The dark blurred her eyes, "Don't your lights work?"
He ignored her question and closed the door, "What're you doing here?"
Kate breathed a sigh and tilted her head slightly, "I'm, uh, I'm having my trial soon. And I just wanted to say goodbye. You know, in case I never see you again. I could get put away for a long time."
Charlie frowned, running a hand through his greasy hair as he turned away from Kate as if he wasn't interested in what she had to say.
There was a short awkward silence before Kate managed to speak up again, "You have every right to not want to see me again…but I just wanted to see you one last time. I don't want things to end badly between us and…." she looked down to the floorboards. Charlie gazed at her as she began to choke up, tears forming, "I should go…."
She began to head for the door.
"No, wait," Charlie held out a hand, before sighing, unsure whether he should let her stay or not, "Don't go." He didn't know what it was. Maybe he felt guilty for letting her go like this.
Kate wiped her eyes and smiled briefly, "You're gonna be alright, you know. You don't have to raise Aaron on the island anymore. That's a good thing, right?"
Charlie shot her a disparaging glare, "A good thing? What about the others? We just left them. There is nothing good about this situation."
She stared at him, speechless. She knew what they had done wasn't anyone's preferred choice. Kate still missed Sawyer…and he was not all she missed. She wanted to leave though. She needed to leave, Even if she was sent to jail. Maybe she deserved it, she didn't think about consequences anymore.
"Not to mention I shouldn't even have this kid in the first place," Charlie stated, beginning to pace the room anxiously, "I love Aaron. I love him like he was my own but…I..I just can't. I can't do this on my own. What am I going to do, Kate? What can I do? I don't know what to do anymore!"
To her surprise, Charlie broke down right in front of her, his eyes clenched fiercely shut as tears forced their way though his closed eyelids. He rested his arm over his face and swiped at his sore blue eyes.
To worsen things further, Kate found herself tearing up again too. Her lips curled and pouted. She glanced downwards, letting her curls drop over her face to hide herself from the world. Swallowing, she brought herself to look Charlie in the eyes, tears still falling, and she whispered.
"Charlie, I'm so sorry."
He looked over at her for a moment, frustration replacing the pain, "Don't, Kate."
She continued, crying and stammering, "It..It's all my fault."
"I said, don't!" Charlie almost yelled, sniffing and wiping the last of the moisture from his face.
"It is though," she took a step further, "I shouldn't have…I wish I'd never…"
"Nothing would've stopped us getting in that helicopter, Kate," he told her, voice low as he stared at her from the corner of his eye, "What were you supposed to do? Not let us on?"
She shut her eyes, letting the tears stream down her pale cheeks, "Oh God, I've messed everything up."
She trembled, shaking and rattling the metal around her wrists, "You could've died too. As well as Aaron. And it would have all been my fault. It's my fault."
"We've been through this," he muttered walking over to her, "It's not your fault!"
She didn't realise how close he was to her until she finally looked up again, eyes brimming with unwanted tears, "I killed her," she almost mouthed, "I'm so sorry, Charlie."
His throat tightened and he felt hot liquid drip down his cheeks again. He put a hand on her cuffed wrists, a comfort. When would she realise this was never her fault? She'd been beating herself up about it since it happened. But what Charlie hadn't realised was he had been doing the same thing to himself. Blaming himself, loathing himself for what happened. He never once blamed Kate. He just hated her for blaming herself, reminding him day after day that she was sorry and she wanted to help him.
Her skin was soft against his. How could they lock her away? She seemed so gentle at times. Granted, she was a tough woman. Strong, powerful. But still, here she was-A trembling, crying mess in his hotel room. How was she capable of the things she was guilty of?
She sniffed and glanced up at him, still quivering with the guilt she had kept inside her for so long. She made herself sick. She was a bad person. She had left the people she cared about, her friends on the island. She had gotten three innocent people involved in a horrific accident. Now one was dead. The other was a mess, standing in front of her, trying to comfort her when he clearly needed comfort himself.
She could still see the helicopter plummet in to the ocean. Screams and cries echoing across the beach. She could still see the struggling and battling through the waves, yells, rescue attempts. Then only two resurfaced.
She gazed at the man in front of her. She was weighed down with guilt whenever she looked in to that face. Ever since Claire passed, she would see him and his heartbroken face sitting vacantly and alone with the baby on the beach. He would sit and stare and never answer the child when it cried. Kate, after time, managed to come over and offer her help. Five times she was rejected, until he didn't have the energy to refuse anymore. He couldn't refuse help he needed.
"If I could change things," she whispered, eyes fixed to his, "If I could change what I did…" her lips trembled in mid sentence. What would she change? What was she able to change?
He watched her intently, engaged in her and her alone, "You know you can't change anything," he said just as quietly as her, "We all have a destiny, right? Well, I guess we were a little late when they were handing out the good ones."
It was supposed to be a little light humour, but it just made Kate more distraught. She would have hugged him, but she couldn't because of the handcuffs. So she leant in to him and rest her head on his shoulder,
"Goodbye, Charlie."
He was a little confused by the gesture at first, but it didn't take him long to realise and wrap his arms around her, "Goodbye, Kate."
After a few moments, she let go, preparing to leave but she found herself just standing in the silence, Charlie standing so close to her she could hardly breathe without him feeling it. She felt his hand on hers, softly brushing her sore wrists with his thumb. More comfort. Maybe too much. She glanced down at his hand and she thought for a moment that maybe something was about to happen between them. She caught her breath this time. Waiting.
Neither of them had ever been able to decide who made the first move. But it was quick, sudden. He barely noticed that they had somehow made their way over to the bed. Perhaps he didn't want to be in charge of the situation, he just let their destinies collide. Whether it was for the best or not. He tried to ignore the fact that tears were still attempting to fight their way down his cheeks. He was distracting himself for now. He wasn't sure what this meant, and neither did she. It was one of those things that just happened, intended or not. Kate felt so small in his arms, she wasn't supposed to feel this weak. It wasn't how he imagined her. Her skin was satisfyingly smooth, you wouldn't have guessed she'd spent many months on an island prone to scrapes and bruises. Her stomach was so flat, it was hard to tell that she'd just had a baby herself. But none of them talked about that anymore. Charlie had tried so hard not to talk about Claire. But it was just too hard. It was hard when he thought about her every living moment of the day. It was hard when the memories kept catching up to him and showing him over and over again how he had lost her and how he was never getting her back. It was hard when he kept feeling and hearing her, even though she wasn't here. He could sense her behind closed eyes, lighting his soul. And if he kept his eyes closed long enough, perhaps he could imagine it was Claire he was kissing and holding and making love to. Deep down, he knew the truth though. It was Kate who had ended up here on his bed, it was her lips touching his and it was her handcuffs knocking against his stinging skin. Maybe she was trying to do the same thing, pretending Charlie was someone else. But no, neither of them were who they wanted to be with. They were both heartbroken, desperate and scared. And this was what it lead to.
It was still dark when they had finished. Kate sat up, watching Charlie gaze up at the ceiling. He was still in deep thought. And there was no doubt who he was thinking about. He dreamt about Claire even when he was awake. It was too bad the dreams were never pleasant ones.
"Charlie?" Kate mumbled, propping herself up on her pillow, she frowned, pushing back her hair.
Charlie didn't say anything, he bit his bottom lip worriedly. During his muddled brooding, he almost didn't notice Kate had already gotten up and started getting dressed.
"What're you doing?" he asked softly, "Don't leave."
He just needed to feel another body next to him, hear another voice, somebody that wasn't just in his head.
"Charlie, you didn't even look at me. I can't deal with this right now, I have to get ready for the trial.."
He dropped his eyes to the space she had been lying, feeling at fault. He had only made things worse. Kate sat on the edge of the bed, hitching up her skirt.
"I didn't mean for…"
"It's okay. Just..,where are my shoes? He'll be back any minute."
"Wait, Kate…" he crawled towards the spot where she was sitting. The cold formed sharp goose pimples across his arms as he held them out to stop her. Kate froze and stared at him, "I need your help. Please?"
Kate turned to him, "That's all I've wanted to do since all this happened, Charlie! Help you. But now I'm out of time, I'm sorry. I have to go."
He frowned, "There's a twelve month old baby in this building and later today, I'm expected to go down there and take him home. But that's the problem, where is home? How can I make a home?"
Kate sighed, "You don't have to do this, you know. You can tell them he's not really yours."
"I can't do that to Aaron," he admitted, "And I love him, I can't just give him away and hope for the best. He's..he's the only part of Claire I have left."
A flicker of guilt appeared on both of their faces for a moment as there was a short silence between them.
"I told you before," Charlie added, interrupting the silence, "I told you I can't do this on my own. I need Claire, I need someone. Aaron needs a mum..I wish you could help me."
"I wish I could help you too…" she said quietly, "But I can't…"
Kate stood and began to walk towards the door as Charlie sat, defeated. Was it really time for their destinies to part? Charlie just needed help. And he and Kate had grown so close. Although it was a complex relationship, sometimes attraction other times just simple friendship, he had known Kate to be supportive towards him. Especially after Claire's death. And even though most of the time he was emotionally drained, if not physically, he had done his best to help her through her pregnancy on the island. During their emotional struggles, they had connected and shared a brief kiss before Kate gave birth. Sawyer never knew, and he never would. And he certainly wouldn't know about this. But how could he now anyway? Charlie was scared and Kate could see that. But what could she do? As she reached the door, she closed her eyes, thinking quickly. Then she sighed. She had a plan. But it would involve one of the biggest lies she had ever told. And that's when they came up with the idea that Kate should be Aaron's surrogate mother. It was simple really. Charlie would make a claim that Kate was the one that gave birth to Aaron on the island, that she was the mother. And the fact that she had a child should help her case. They would live together and raise Aaron, it was the least Kate could do. They'd buy a house, nothing too expensive. They didn't have the money. But they would, at least that's what they told themselves.
With the plan, Kate managed to get probation. Charlie was happy enough with the situation. At least that's what he said. He finally would have a family again. And Aaron would have a father and a mother to love and care for him. It was only supposed to be temporary, just until Charlie was strong enough to handle the situation for himself. But there were times he'd just plummet in to a self depression and become the man he was when Claire had first died. He'd still close his eyes and imagine his life was with Claire. He'd still get in to bed next to Kate and imagine it was Claire lying and breathing next to him. But it wasn't something they discussed. It was Aaron they both cared for now and as long as he was happy, so were they. Or so they pretended to be. Aaron would never be Kate's baby, but she, like Charlie, had grown to love him as her own. They would get by. Sometimes it was a struggle. Other days it was easier. But for now, they just had to keep on Keeping On….