I don't really know what to say other than I think I may be in love. Not just love someone, but I might be IN love with someone. I've only felt like this with one other person and that situation didn't really turn out too well.. but who knows, maybe this time it will. Besides, he's different. Granted he may be a jerk at times, but his words are always sincere and truthful. I love that about him, I really do. What I love most about him though is the fact that he listens to what I have to say and tries to get me, and he does get me.. which is weird.
There is never silence between us unless it's intentional, so nothing is ever awkward. I don't know what to do though.. last time I felt this way about someone it was easy, being with them I mean. With this guy.. it's hard. It's hard because he knows I love him and he's stated he loves me too but I don't know how to actually ask him out. I mean, should I wait and see if he asks me out..? I'm scared of being rejected by him.. again.
He's the first person I think about when I wake up and the last person I think about when I go to bed; he's like a drug.. a drug that I can't ever see leaving. I don't know what I'd do if I lost him, hell, him saying he will probably die when he's 21 scares me. He already has a few health issues and it really sucks being away from him because I want to help him through all his troubles. I want to be by his side not only as his best friend, but as his lover and his caretaker as well. Life with him is just so much easier, he's my inspiration and my motivation, the reason I want to graduate high school.
I can talk to him about anything and even though he may come off as a jerk sometimes, he's only speaking his mind. He doesn't sugar-coat things unless he knows that it will hurt that person and cares enough for that person to do so. I don't know.. all I know is that I love him and that I want to be with him through everything. I want to be his reason to wake up in the morning as he is mine. It sounds greedy now that I think about it..