You Are Nothing Without me'

by delos13

This is my take on the in famous ‘You are nothing without me’ phrase. Some things said become known to everybody, other things said remain private.

A/N: This is my take on the (in)famous 'You are nothing without me' phrase.

Readers' comments are welcomed and really appreciated.

Disclaimer:None of the characters belong to me and I think one would describe it as AU story; but then again, who knows how it all happened in reality?

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'Alexander, you have to come, you have to come right now and put a stop to it' , Ptolemy burst into Alexander's place, and urgency in the general's voice made king stand up quickly.

'What's going on, Ptolemy, I have to put stop to what?

'Come', Ptolemy grabbed Alexander's wrist and started to drag him along, 'Hephaistion and Krateros, they are quarreling, it's really serious this time, they hurling insults at each other, I am afraid it may came to blows by now, half of the army is there, that's ridiculous, we tried to stop them, nothing helped.'

'What?!' Alexander almost broke into the run after the general, 'are you delirious, or you are joking? How can they? Of all the people?' Alexander couldn't believe his ears. Yes, he heard some rumors that Hephaistion and Krateros were rude to each other lately, though never in his presence, but it was inconceivable that they would actually put their dislikes on the public display, in front of the army, in front of the solders and other generals? India was hard on them all, but of all the other commanders they should know better, how could they put their own petty grievances above the unity of the whole army?

In a short time that it took Alexander and Ptolemy to get to the place of the commotion, Alexander managed to whip himself into the state of a raging fury. Ptolemy was right, the crowd was enormous, he could hear cheers and boos, people were pushing each other trying to get a better look of what was going on. Alexander's bodyguards, who were following them from the beginning, suddenly jumped up ahead, clearing the path for the king.

And there he saw them, two of his finest generals, hurling some meaningless insults on each other, and most of the other king's companions from his inner circle standing helplessly around, not even trying by now to stop the quarrel.

'What is all this?!' yelled Alexander, grabbing both generals by the top of their chitons and shoving them apart, 'are you mad? I explicitly forbade any quarrels inside the army and this is an example you choose to set? Do both of you want to be tried for treason?

Krateros, how can I trust you with my army, how can I trust you to follow my orders, if you completely unable to restrain yourself? How can I trust you to impose discipline in the army if you get into public altercations with one of your equals? How can I trust your better judgment in front of the enemy when you are constantly picking up quarrels with the person you know very well I hold dearest to my heart? And you, Hephaistion, how can you claim to be my best friend and betray my trust so openly, how can you say that you want to help me with bringing all the people of my new empire together when you unable to sort in private your differences with somebody you know for so long? How can you help me with anything when your behavior makes me to drop important things and run here to pacify your opponent? It makes you look like good for nothing immature brat who hangs around adults and thinks that by imitating their behavior he can do things independently! But you can't! You can't do nothing yourself! You are nothing without me! Nothing!'

There was a complete, deafening silence. Alexander could hear his own heart madly beating inside his body, blood rushing to his head, his nails grating against his palms in a vain attempt to calm himself. No one dared to move or say anything. Both culprits stood quietly, their heads down, not daring to look at Alexander.

'You are both under house arrest until I decree otherwise,' said Alexander at last. 'If it happens one more time, I will personally execute both of you, and all those who stood sheepishly around and did nothing. Ptolemy, you are to come with me, all others – disperse immediately and do something useful.'

Alexander turned around and without even looking in Hephaistion and Krateros direction started going back towards his tent. Ptolemy hurried after him. Upon reaching his tent, the king motioned to the general to go inside with him. At the entrance to the Alexander's private chamber Ptolemy saw unusually nervously looking Bagoas to whom Alexander dismissively fired, 'Get lost and take everybody else with you'. Bagoas quickly bowed and disappeared.

'Get me some wine,' said Alexander.

'Ah, you just dismissed Bagoas,' hesitantly started Ptolemy.

'So, you go and get me wine, or it's too low a task for you now?' Alexander tone was harsh, rude and uncaringly cold. Ptolemy signed and turned towards the exit. After he made a few steps he saw Bagoas silently entering and caring a tray with wine and sweets. Ptolemy was about to take it from eunuch hands when Alexander, silently appearing from behind Ptolemy's back, forcefully smashed the tray from Bagoas hands sending all things to the floor.

'I told you to get lost and not to eavesdrop at the walls,' raged Alexander. He pushed Bagoas against the supporting pole of the tent, 'Why everybody suddenly started to think they can disobey me with perfect impunity and do as they please? Next time I catch you hanging around when I explicitly forbade it, you'll find yourself hanging around on a cross. Now, get really lost. Ptolemy, follow his example.'

Ptolemy didn't wait to be asked twice. He quickly retreated, happy to be out of Alexander sight at his current mood. In the corridor he saw Chares, king's usher, discussing something with Leonnatus in hushed tones.

'How is he?' they asked both at the same time. Ptolemy shook his head.

'Chares, send some slave to Alexander with wine, make sure it is well watered and choose someone you don't really care whether he is alive or dead. Leonnatus, can you leave somebody else in charge here and come with me, I need to fetch Hephaistion.'

'I thought Alexander put him under house arrest until He says otherwise?'

'Yes, that he did,' irritatingly answered Ptolemy, 'however it is a nigh time that the most dearest to King's heart friend do something for those who weren't born that lucky and beat some sense, either figuratively or literary speaking, into his beloved King head before that very King starts to execute the rest of his army, beginning with top generals and ending with eunuchs.'

'Ptolemy, you talk treason,' gasped Leonnatus.

'So, go and report me. I bet I will have time to attend your funeral before my own execution!'

'That bad, ah?, Leonnatus signed and briefly stepped aside to give orders to the guards.

Ptolemy was fuming. He knew that he ought to control himself better and today was the perfect example why he should try his uttermost to do so. And yet, it was always easier to give such an advice than to follow it. He remembered being in a quite nice mood this morning. The rains stopped a couple of days ago and Alexander benevolently granted his army some rest at the same place instead of sending them on a never-ending march. The sky was blue, the scenery green and lush, the sun shining and somebody organized tent-pegging game this afternoon. Ptolemy's team was considered one of the best and he was bent on winning the day.

Instead of this he was first called by general Coennus to help him to smooth over some silly bickering that started between Krateros and Hephaistion, which despite all his efforts escalated to an open brawl, and when he realized his utter helplessness in the matter he found himself rushing to Alexander's tent hoping that the King would somehow appease the opponents. Instead, Alexander flew into one of his sudden furious rages and the only man who could always magically calm the King was at the receiving end of it.

'Why do you want me with you?' asked Leonnatus as they were nearing Hephaistion tent, 'Do you think he will refuse to come?'

'No, not really,' answered Ptolemy. 'I just don't want to waste any time on the guards around Hephaistion tent if they decide to take Alexander's order too literary and won't let Hephaistion out. You can tell them it is King's order that the general has to be brought into his presence, and it would look naturally if he conveys his order through you.'

'And if they don't believe me? What if they ask for a written scroll or something?'

'Don't be absurd, you are the Head of King's bodyguards! How they can question your words? Besides, I am quite certain that Hephaistion own people make sure that their master wishes are obeyed, King's order or not, and we all know that Hephaistion wishes always include him being with his King."

'Even after what he said to him earlier?'

'Let Hephaistion deal with it.'

'Alexander publicly humiliated him.'

'Now it is you who is talking treason. And the things he told Krateros were equally unpleasant. I don't understand why Krateros wants to challenge Hephaistion. As a general, he must know that fort is unassailable. He must know that from long time ago.'

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Hephaistion silently entered Alexander private chamber. The King was pacing back and forth, with each step forcefully kicking some item on the floor. Many of the hangings that were covering the walls before lay in disarray around the chamber, other, shredded to strips loosely hung in ribbons and swayed from side to side when the King passed them in a whirlwind.

'It wasn't the best choice of words, you know,' quietly started Hephaistion.

Alexander span around and froze for a moment. He quickly sucked the middle of his upper lip inside and then slowly pushed it out. He then bit his lower lip with his front teeth until it really hurt, and then exhaled.

'I don't remember asking for you to be brought here,' emotionlessly said Alexander. He watched silently as Hephaistion moved closer to him and felt his body suddenly tensed as tightly drawn bowstring when his lover tenderly put his fly away lock of hairs behind his ear. After that small intimate gesture Hephaistion stepped back and wickedly smiled, 'Oh, Ptolemy probably misunderstood you. But you have to forgive him, he was virtually running for his life.'

'I didn't threatened him,' rebutted Alexander sounding almost offended but far more relaxed, 'I just couldn't deal with him. Or anybody else for that matter. You really made me angry. You and Krateros. Why can't you keep your animosity private? And there shouldn't be any bad blood between you to begin with. You are both dear and precious to me, for two completely different reasons; both of you should be smart enough to know that and in any case not to start a quarrel in public. Is it too much to ask?'

'No, it is not too much to ask. But we are both human, and have our temperaments, and besides, everybody knows that we are not on the best terms, and….'

'I forbade any open confrontations between the solders of my army; as generals of the said army, you have to set example, not to trample my orders.'

'Yes, yes, I know all that Alexander. But everybody can loose his temper and patience from time to time, I guess it was one of those times; it's a pity you chose to berate me so harshly and let Krateros off the hook.'

'I didn't let Krateros off the hook. I made it publicly known that if any of you start a quarrel again, I will execute the instigator myself.'

'You would really do that?'

'I sincerely hope that both of you can manage to restrain yourselves in future.'

'And if we can't?'

'What are you getting at?'

'I am afraid that we won't be able to restrain ourselves, even despite your very real threats. Anyway, even if we promise to behave, how can you ever be sure that we won't break that promise? And what would you do then?'

'I don't know. Do you have a solution?'

'As a matter of fact, I do.'

'I am listening.'

'You have to make sure that we never cross our ways again. You have to assign us duties that take us as far from each other as possible. Preferably, I stay with you, you send Krateros home to Macedon. That's as far as it can get.'

'I can't send my best general home in disgrace just to placate you, or even to save both of your lives. I simply can't do that. That will divide the army.'

'Well, it won't. There are a lot of veterans who are dying to go home, they will come gladly with Krateros. But I agree with you, you can't send him home in disgrace just to placate me, at least officially. So, you make him a new regent of Macedon, instead of Antipater, whom you invite here. It will give you an opportunity to watch that old fox really close and give your mother something new to complain about. I bet she is bored to death accusing Antipater of the same trespassings.'

Alexander suddenly started to laugh hysterically, 'That's an ingenious idea. I sent Krateros home to keep him away from you and at the same time invite Antipater here to make sure he won't to plot behind my back.' Alexander suddenly became serious. 'Do you really think Antipater will plot against me. Now? Why?'

'Not because he wants to plot. Because you left him no choice. First you executed Philotas, then Parmenio. Granted, Philotas was stupid enough not to report assassination attempt, and I am sure Antipater can really get why you have to kill Parmenio. But then there was Kleitos. He may consider himself next.'

'It was more than a year ago.'

'Some people take time to mull things over before they act.'

'Some people?'

'Yes, like Pausanias.'

'And you thought about all this, when? While arguing with Krateros, while under house arrest, or just now?'

'I am smart, Alexander, but not that smart.'

'What are you saying?'

Hephaistion raised one brow.

Alexander gasped, 'It was your plan all along? To pick up quarrel with Krateros so that I can have an excuse to send him home and call Antipater here? So that Antipater won't suspect anything? So he will think that's all to placate you?'

'More or less.'

'You are crazy!'

'I love you that much!'

'Krateros could have killed you!'

'He promised not to.'

'What?!'

'He promised not to.'

'I don't believe it! You were both on it?! You both have conspired against me?! Now I really want to execute you both for treason!'

'Don't be ridiculous, Alexander. We did it for your own good. Krateros also thinks that Antipater is dangerous now. And he doesn't mind to be Macedon regent for a while. Besides, did you really think that we couldn't restrain ourselves in front of everybody? So little trust in your best friend and your best general,' and Hephaistion clicked his tongue in a mock disapproval.