Crush
I hung up the phone tonight
Something happened for the first time
Deep inside
It was a rush
What a rush
"Bonasera," Stella answers her phone, still half asleep.
"We need you at a scene, Stel. Triple homicide," Mac informs her, sounding wide awake. "Your place is on my way if you want me to pick you up."
"A good morning would be nice," she grumbles, opening her eyes to check the time.
"I thought I'd give you that when I showed up with your coffee," he smiles to himself.
"What are you doing up at five o'clock, Mac?"
"Couldn't sleep so I went jogging. Flack called as soon as I walked in my door."
"How long do I have to get ready?" she rolls out of bed.
"I'll pick you up in… half an hour. Or do you need more time?" he teases.
"I'll be ready."
'Cause the possibility
That you would ever feel the same way
About me
It's just too much
Just too much
Mac knocks on her door quietly. It takes a few moments for her to answer. "Hey," she lets him in before going back to her bedroom to put her other earring in and find a pair of shoes.
"Good morning," he follows her, carrying two cups of coffee. "You might need this."
"I'm going to need about ten of them before we even get done processing."
He chuckles, "Well, I am not going to fund your caffeine addiction."
She smiles, "And why not? If you're going to wake me up this early, you have to pay for it."
"Actually… I believe this was in the contract you signed when you took the job."
Stella rolls her eyes at him and takes one cup from him. She lifts the lid to look inside.
"What are you doing? Checking it for poison?"
"No, eyeballs actually."
"That day has scarred you for life."
She nods, "It was so gross."
Why do I keep running from the truth
All I ever think about is you
You got me hypnotized
So mesmerized
And I've just got to know
"What do we have, Flack?" Mac asks as he and his partner walk up to the detective.
He holds up the crime scene tape for the couple, "Triple homicide. We believe that they are the family that lives here; there's a family photo inside. But… there are four of them in the picture and only three here."
"Who's missing?" they simultaneously ask.
Flack smiles at them; they definitely had been working together too long. "The daughter. I was about to call in an APB on her."
"Who found them?" Mac inquires, leading the way into the house.
"Neighbor heard what she thought was a gunshot when she got up to use the bathroom in the middle of the night. A unit came to check it out and entered when no one answered the door."
Stella stops at the foot of the stairs, looking at the family photo that Don had referred to. "She can't be more than seven," she studies the girl.
Mac rests a hand on her shoulder, "We'll find her, Stel. If she was killed, why take her and leave the others?"
"It doesn't mean she'll still be alive when we get to her," she turns away and heads up the stairs.
Don and Mac look at each other. "Call Danny. Tell him to get here as soon as he can. And tell Adam and Sheldon to be ready at the lab."
Do you ever think
When you're all alone
All that we could be
Where this thing could go
Am I crazy or falling in love
Is it real or just another crush
"Why?"
"That's what we're going to find out."
"Where do you want me to start?" she doesn't take her eyes of the boy lying in bed.
"I'll have Danny do the outside of the house when he gets here and then work on the downstairs. You and I will start with the parents."
She picks her kit up and follows him into the master bedroom. "It doesn't make sense; why kill them all differently?"
"Maybe the dad was the target. And then the mother woke up when her husband was killed, and he killed her too to avoid being caught."
"Why kill the boy then? And where did the girl go? He had to have a gun to kill the father; why not just use it on her too? He had to know he was going to kill both of them in order to have the knife too."
Mac walks around the room, looking for possible evidence of the killer. She pulls her camera out and begins to take pictures of the bodies. He glances at her to see how she is doing, and he finds that he can't look away from her.
"Am I doing something wrong?" she asks. Unable to find his voice, he shakes his head. "Do you have evaluations to do?"
"No," his blue eyes lock with her green ones.
"Then why are you watching me so closely?" she frowns.
He shakes his head at himself. "No reason. I just… like watching you… work," he mumbles.
"Well, I'm done photographing now so you can examine the bodies for evidence."
"Okay." Mac doesn't move.
She sets her camera down and gets out her fingerprint powder and brush. "Are you going to stand there and watch or help me?"
Do you catch your breath
When I look at you
Are you holding back
Like the way you do
'Cause I'm trying, trying to walk away
But I know this crush ain't going away
Going away
"Do you want to get breakfast when we're done?" he asks as they finish up in the boy's room.
She looks at her watch, "It's ten o'clock already, Mac. We probably won't get done before eleven."
"Lunch then."
"Okay."
"I'll go help Danny downstairs. Do you want to check the girl's room?"
She nods, "Yeah, I'll see if I can find anything. Has Flack heard anything yet on her whereabouts?"
"He hasn't said anything… I don't think so. Maybe the mother had the daughter in a previous relationship, and her father came to get revenge because he couldn't have custody or something. That would explain why she is gone." Mac watches her walk into the girl's room before heading down the stairs. "Find anything interesting?"
"Couple fingerprints on the door but they're probably from the family. I got one footprint that could be from our killer."
"I'll check out the living room while you continue in here." About ten minutes later Mac hears a thud come from above him. He cautiously pulls out his weapon and heads up the stairs. "Stella?"
"I'm okay," she calls out.
Mac enters the room, finding Stella lying on the floor. "What happened?" he offers her a hand.
"I heard something above me and remembered seeing the attic door in her closet. So I went to check it out. I put my hands on the edge to keep my balance as I stood on the chair, but something hit my hands," she studies her fingers.
"Are you okay?" he helps her up, his hand lingering on hers.
"I'll be fine." A creak comes from above them, causing them both to look up. Stella turns to him, "That's what I heard before."
"The killer?"
"Or the daughter."
Danny enters the bedroom, "What's going on up here?"
They immediately let go of each other's hands. "There is someone up there."
Has it ever crossed your mind
When we're hanging,
Spending time, girl, are we just friends
Is there more
Is there more
"Do you want me to do it?"
"No, I'll go up there," she says, digging her flashlight out of her case.
Mac watches her pull her shoes off, "Are you sure?"
"Yes," she looks up at him. "I think I can take care of myself."
"I just don't want you to get hurt. Whoever is up there obviously doesn't want you to come up. It's dark up there; they could easily surprise you and…"
"Mac, if it is the killer, I think he would have jumped out by now and attacked us. And the killer must still have the knife since we didn't find it; why hit my fingers instead of… cutting them off or something?"
After a few moments, he nods, "I guess you have a point. Do you want some help getting up there?"
She takes her jacket off and hands it to him before climbing up onto the chair. "I… think I can manage," she says, not wanting the situation between them to be awkward.
"I'll be down here if you need anything."
She puts the flashlight in her mouth and pushes herself up into the attic. Placing one hand on her weapon, she turns on the flashlight, looking around the dusty attic. "I don't see much… just more junk…"
He hears the click as she pulls a string to turn on the attic light. "No one's up there?"
She carefully walks around the attic, looking around. "No, I'm not seeing…" she stops. A pink blanket is lying on the ground between two boxes, the lump underneath clearly human shaped.
She sits down on the floor next to the blanket. "I know you're under there. I don't want to hurt you; I work with the police." The blanket shifts a little, but no one comes out. "My name is Stella. What's yours?"
"Abigail."
"Stella?" Mac calls.
She ignores him, "Are you hurt?"
"No."
"Why don't you come out from under there?"
"Stel, is everything okay?" he asks, worried.
"Who is that?" the girl asks, lifting the blanket off of her face.
"My partner," she says, smiling encouragingly at Abigail. "I'm fine, Mac. I found her."
See it's a chance we've got to take
'Cause I believe that we can make this
Into something that'll last
Last forever
Forever
"Why don't we go downstairs into your room?" Stella suggests.
Abigail shakes her head. "I'm not supposed to talk to strangers."
She smiles to herself, "Well… I introduced myself to you; we're not strangers anymore."
"Yes, we are. My teacher said not to talk to people unless your parents know who they are. And… I don't think they know you."
"And she was right. But," she pauses, pulling her badge off of her belt and handing it to the girl, "if the person is a police officer, you can trust them."
Abigail takes the badge and studies it before eventually giving it back. "But there's strangers down there."
"Mac isn't a stranger; he's a police officer too. I trust him, and you can too."
"No, other strangers. I heard them. That's why I came up here."
"They're gone now."
"Is that why you're here? To get rid of the strangers?"
"Stella, what is taking so long?" Mac says impatiently; he had already searched the girl's room and found no evidence of their murderer.
"Mac… doesn't remember what it's like to be a kid. He doesn't like having fun," Stella whispers, and they smile.
"Are you sure the other strangers are gone?"
She nods, "There are only more police officers here."
"What about my mommy and daddy? Where are they?"
"They're… not here right now. We… took them away for a little while," she says, not sure how to explain that they were dead. But that's what child services is for, and she is glad she didn't have to tell the girl.
"That's okay; I have you right now."
The detective remains silent, not sure what to say. Hopefully a relative would take her so that she wouldn't have to go into foster care. Suddenly her cell phone rings, surprising both of them. "Bonasera," she answers.
"What is taking you so long?" Mac asks.
"You have to be patient, Mac. I can't just force her to go downstairs. We're in the attic, and there's a big hole in the floor; do you want someone to fall through it?"
"You're not telling her about her parents, are you? That's not your job, Stella," he tells her firmly.
"No, I haven't. We'll be down in… five minutes," she hangs up.
"He's annoying like my little brother," Abigail smiles.
"I'm sure your brother just bothered you because he loved you."
"Then does Mac love you?" she asks innocently.
Stella hesitates, surprised by the question. "I… don't know. I'm sure he loves me like your brother loves you… Why don't we go downstairs now? I promise there aren't any strangers."
"Okay."
The two head to the attic door and look down into her room. "So… how exactly did you get up here?"
Do you ever think
When you're all alone
All that we could be
Where this thing could go
Am I crazy or falling in love
Is it real or just another crush
Abigail points to a rope curled up on the attic floor. "I climbed on the chair and pulled the rope down," she shows Stella the thin string attached to the end of it so that she could reach it. "I climbed the rope up here and shut the door so they couldn't find me. I forgot to have my mommy shut it last night when I was done playing."
Stella frowns, What parent would let their child play in the attic? She looks down at Mac, and he shrugs. She lets the rope fall down into the bedroom. "Okay… why don't you climb down?"
Abigail grabs onto the rope and heads down. Mac moves closer to the rope to make sure she doesn't fall. As she climbs down, Stella becomes aware of a scraping noise. She looks over to where the rope is attached; the desk the rope is attached to is inching forward under the girl's weight. Luckily Abigail gets down safely.
Mac crouches down to her height, "You're quite a climber."
She nods, "I play with my doll house up there every day."
Mac and Stella exchange a glance. "Well… are you going to come down, Stel?"
"First, I can't climb ropes. And even if I could, this thing isn't going to be able to support me. The desk it's attached to was moving forward when she was climbing it; it's going to fall on top of me if I try to climb it."
"Guess you have to jump then," he smiles, amused.
"And you're going to catch me? I don't think so," she shakes her head.
Flack enters the room. "I see you got her to come down. Child services is downstairs waiting," he frowns. "Where's Stella? I thought she was up here with you."
"I'm up here, Don," Stella says. Abigail laughs.
"Are you afraid of heights or something? There's a rope right there; why don't you climb down?"
She shakes her head, "And I thought we were supposed to be good problem solvers."
"I'll take her down with me while you guys figure this out," Flack holds his hand out to Abigail. She looks up at Stella, who nods, telling her it's okay to go with him, and takes his hand before walking down the hall with him.
Mac turns his attention back to his partner. "Stella, you can't weigh fifty pounds more than her. Just climb down the rope; I'm right here if anything goes wrong."
She frowns at him. "I'll make you a deal: if you hold onto the rope for a minute without your feet on the floor, I'll climb down it."
"Stella…"
"Mac."
"Fine, what do you want me to do to get you down?"
"You're the one who… Well, I guess it was my choice to come up here," she sighs. "Why don't you go look for a ladder or something?"
Do you catch your breath
When I look at you
Are you holding back
Like the way you do
'Cause I'm trying, trying to walk away
But I know this crush ain't going away
Going away
"Is that good?" he asks, positioning the ladder underneath her.
"How am I supposed to reach that? They didn't have anything bigger?"
"No."
"I guess it's as good as it will get. Hopefully I don't kill myself trying to get down."
"It was your choice to go up there," he points out.
"Well, how else were we going to get her to come down?" Stella argues.
"Just come down, Stel, so we can get back to work," he puts his hands on the ladder to keep it still as she climbs down.
"I don't know; maybe you should go find something taller."
Getting frustrated with her, he glares up at her, warning her to get moving.
"All right, I'm coming," she turns around and starts to lower herself from the attic. Finally only her arms and head remain in the attic. "Am I close?"
"Not really. You've got at least six more inches to go," he tries to keep himself from staring at her.
"Mac?" she calls down, sounding panicked.
"What now?"
"There's an enormous spider up here. And it's getting closer to me."
He chuckles to himself; enormous to her was probably the size of a fly. "Just lower yourself down some more."
She slowly does so, leaving only her hands holding onto the attic floor. "I can't feel anything," she looks down.
"Lift your feet a moment," he says, and when she does so, he moves the ladder under her.
"Finally," Stella says, putting her feet down. She looks up at the attic as she takes her hands down, "Mac, it's on me."
"Calm down, Stel," he tells her, reaching up to keep her steady.
"Get it off," she shakes her hand, but the spider keeps crawling up her arm. In trying to get it off of her, she loses her balance.
Mac reaches out to catches her; the force of her fall pushes both of them to the ground.
He lifts his head up to look down at her, "You okay?"
"Is it gone?"
He smiles, "I'm sure the spider was either squished or has crawled away."
Stella opens her eyes and lifts her head up. "I'm fine," she finds herself lying on top of him. "I… Are you alright?"
He nods, "I'll be fine."
"Are you sure I didn't hurt you?" she looks at him, concerned.
Danny and Flack come running into the room. "Are you guys okay?" Once they see the two lying together on the floor they freeze and look at each other.
"We're fine. She just fell while trying to get down," Mac explains.
"Okay… we'll just… leave you two alone then," Flack says, and he and Danny slowly back out of the room.
"No, Stel, you didn't hurt me; I'm okay. Or I will be in a few days," he assures her.
"I guess we should get up," she says but makes no move to do so.
"Probably," he agrees. Realizing he has he hands on her waist, he removes them.
She slowly rolls off of him and stands up. "I'm starving. Are we still going out for lunch?"
Why do I keep running from the truth
All I ever think about is you
You got me hypnotized
So mesmerized
And I've just got to know
"Anything new?" Stella asks, entering the layout room.
"We found some hairs that do not match any of the family's DNA; Adam is running them through CODIS now. Hopefully we'll get a lead from that. Where's your new best friend?" Mac smiles.
"We've talked to her; she doesn't know anything about the killer. When she heard funny noises in the house, she decided to climb up into the attic; she closed the door, and it was like she wasn't there. She said she did hear noises right below her; where I found her would have been above the boy's room, so he was killed last."
"Her room was farthest from her parents; that's probably why he went for the boy first. Could she tell if the killer went in her room?"
She shakes her head, "But she did say she heard noises for a few more minutes. And then it got quite, and she fell asleep. When she woke up, she heard more noises and voices she didn't know so she stayed hidden."
"So what's happening to her?"
"She's staying with an aunt and uncle temporarily until the family can decide what to do with her."
"That doesn't rule out foster care, does it?" he asks, knowing it was on her mind.
Stella shrugs, "They didn't seem to mind keeping her for a few days until the funeral when the rest of the family was there. But I don't think they really want to keep her for another ten years. Hopefully someone else will offer so she doesn't have to go through foster care, especially since she knows what family should be like."
"She seemed attached to you; you could offer to take her if they don't," he suggests.
"Adoption isn't that simple, Mac."
"But you grew up in the system."
"Which probably makes it less likely they'd let me take her, especially without months going by. They know about some of the things that go on… but there's no one else that wants to do it. Of course, they don't know about… the really awful things that happen or at least I'd like to think they don't or they'd refuse to give these people kids they don't even care about."
"Why does that make it less likely?"
"We're not the only ones who've found that children who are abused grow up to abuse their own kids."
"Oh. I take it the guy from the case in Philadelphia a few years ago wasn't the only one that… abused you."
"Actually, thanks to… a friend he didn't have a chance to hurt me. But… there were plenty of others."
Mac takes a deep breath, wanting to hug her as tight as he could and tell that she was safe now. "I'm sorry."
Adam knocks on the door frame, having been standing in the doorway, unnoticed, for the past few minutes, "I've got a match."
He takes the printout and reads over it, Stella looking over his shoulder. "Thanks, Adam. I'll call Flack and have him bring the guy in."
The lab tech looks at his bosses one last time before quickly leaving.
"You're not going?" she asks.
"No, I'll see if I can find anything else here to put him at the scene and give us motive."
"Do you have the bullet from the father yet?" He hands it to her. "I'll run it and see if we can get a match on the striations."
Do you ever think
When you're all alone
All that we could be
Where this thing could go
Am I crazy or falling in love
Is it real or just another crush
Stella puts her jacket on and locks up her office. On the way to the elevator, she passes by Mac's office. He looks up as she walks by, and she waves to him. He gives her a small smile before returning to his thoughts. She pauses, wondering what he is up to, and decides to enter the office. "Hey, Mac. It's getting late. What are you still doing here?"
"I could ask you the same thing," he points out.
She sits down on the couch in his office. "I asked you first," she smiles childishly before turning serious. "What's on your mind?"
"I was just thinking about why he did it. I mean, killing the man over messing up his taxes, costing him hundreds of thousands of dollars, maybe. But killing the whole family?"
"I guess he'd figured he'd end up in jail anyway when he couldn't pay all of the money so why not get revenge?" she suggests. "That's not what's really bothering you, is it? You should know better than to try to hide things from me."
Mac hesitates, "Danny came to talk to me earlier; he said he's afraid… that he's going to let Lindsay and the baby down."
"They'll be good parents, Mac," she assures. "But that's not the whole story, is it?"
He sighs, knowing that he couldn't hide anything from her. "Have you eaten lately?"
"No, but you're not going to get away with changing the topic," she looks at him sternly.
"Let me take you to dinner, and then… I'll explain."
Twenty minutes later they are seated in their favorite restaurant, waiting for their food. Stella looks expectantly at him.
"Have you thought about having kids?" Mac asks slowly.
"Not recently. I mean, I'm not really having any luck with men and I'm thirty-eight now so… I don't really have much time," she answers, looking away from him. Suddenly her eyes focus back on his, "But we came to talk about you, not me."
"Claire really wanted to have kids. We… had an argument about it… a couple nights before she died. We'd been married for four years, and she thought I didn't really love her because I refused to… not use protection of some kind. She told me… she'd wait another year and if she wasn't pregnant by that time, she'd file for a divorce."
Stella reaches across the table to place her hand over his, "Mac, you don't have to tell me if you don't want to. I didn't mean to pressure you into it."
"I didn't want to have kids because… I was afraid I'd let her down, that I'd be a bad father. And now… I regret that decision," he continues to tell her, ignoring her comment. "I just want to… leave my mark on the world and be remembered by someone."
"You still have plenty of time to have kids. Besides, I'll remember you and I'm sure everyone else will too. And you've made your mark on New York; who knows how many criminals you've gotten off the streets?" she smiles encouragingly at him.
"I… I don't think I'm ever going to meet someone I love as much as Claire," he whispers, lying in a way because he doesn't want to let her know how much she really means to him.
"I'm sure any woman that loves you would understand that you can't give her your whole heart."
He goes on as if she hadn't said anything because he knows the only other woman he'll ever love is right in front of him, but he also knows that there is no way he'll ever tell her this. "And I can't exactly get a surrogate. I don't want to pick some random woman who probably is only doing it for the money and doesn't care about the baby. Plus, I don't want just any woman's egg to become my child."
"And adoption just wouldn't be the same as having your own kid," she adds.
He nods, "No offense to you. So I guess I'm out of options. I shouldn't have taken for granted that Claire and I would have time later on to have a family."
Do you catch your breath
When I look at you
Are you holding back
Like the way you do
'Cause I'm trying, trying to walk away
But I know this crush ain't going away
Going away
Stella lays awake in her bed, debating whether she should call Mac or not; she has a proposition for him. The ring of her phone breaks her thoughts. "Bonasera," she answers like that morning, hoping it wasn't another scene.
"Stel, did I wake you?" Mac timidly asks.
"No, I can't fall asleep."
"Do you mind if I come over? I need to talk to you."
"No, I have something I have to tell you too."
"Okay, I'll be up in a few minutes," he hangs up.
She gets out of bed and heads to the door; apparently he hadn't gone home after dropping her off. When she hears him outside, she opens the door. "Hi."
"I'm sorry, Stel; I should let you sleep, but I… I need to do this, or I'll never tell you."
"What is it, Mac?" she takes his hand, suddenly worried.
"You first," he chickens out.
She gently pulls him into her apartment, and they sit down on the couch. "Mac… I care about you a lot. And I know what you said this evening about using some random woman's egg so… I want to offer… donate some of my eggs if you really want to have children."
He sits still for a moment, her words still sinking in. "Stella… I…" Mac puts his arms around her, pulling her as close to him as possible. "I don't know how to thank you for this."
"Really, it's nothing, Mac. I just want you to be happy."
He loosens his arms and kisses her cheek timidly as he pulls back from her. "I really don't deserve to have someone like you in my life."
"So… what did you want to tell me?" she looks at him curiously.
"I… don't know how to tell you so… I'm just going to say it and hope that you'll still be my friend even if you don't share my feelings." Mac takes a deep breath, "Stel, you're the most important person in my life. And I've never felt this way about anyone before, even Claire. I don't know what's changed in me, but I suddenly realized how much I need you in my life. I love you, Stella."
She continues to look into his eyes. "I don't know what's changed either," she whispers, wrapping her arms around him and resting her head on his shoulder.
"You're not mad at me?" he cautiously asks.
"Why would I be?"
"So you do… feel the same?"
Stella kisses the corner of his mouth, "Yes, I do love you, Mac."
"Wow… I thought you'd hate me and never want to see me after I told you."
"I've always felt something between us, but… I just thought we had good chemistry as friends, which is why we have such a strong team. But lately something feels different between us… We've gotten a lot closer over the years. And it just feels… natural to be with you."
Mac kisses her forehead. "So… you are interested in starting a relationship?"
"If you want to."
"Good, because I don't think I can handle being a dad on my own," he smiles.
She laughs. "Just… if we're actually going to be together, can we wait before having kids? I don't want something to mess this up because I don't want to lose you."
He nods, understanding. "We won't rush things; we'll let things happen at their own pace."
"Mac?" she rests against him.
"Yes, Stel?"
"Do you want to stay tonight?"
"I don't exactly think that's letting things happen at their own pace," he chuckles.
"It's not like we're going to do anything. Besides, we've slept in the same bed before… after Claire passed away."
"Alright, I'll stay. But you better stay on your side of the bed."
Going away
Going away
A/N: I hope you liked it. I have one other short story written; it's how I wish Grounds of Deception had ended. I just added on to the end because I did like it, but... they could have done more. And I'm still writing another one that's... sixteen chapters now. I have to figure out what I can do for eight more chapters so the song I want to use fits. I'll try to get those posted soon. Anyway... please review. Thanks.