New Moon

"Just let me get her upstairs, then I'll leave," I inwardly cringed at the idea of leaving her if only for a short while. The idea of being that far away from my love, my life, my reason for existing, my Bella was excruciating. Especially after the endless months I spent away from her.

"No," I heard the panic and near hysteric edge in Bella's voice. Could she still want this monster who had broken her so badly? Maybe she was just terrified still from the ordeal. That would most likely be it, I had hurt her too much. I was more a monster than I had ever been in my long life. The angel I cradled in my arms was dead on her feet, exhausted physically, emotionally, and mentally. She needed to rest, she needed reassurance for now.

"I won't be far" I gently whispered in her ear. I wouldn't be far, and I wouldn't be gone for long. I would be close until the moment she uttered the command for me to leave, even then, I would never be far from Bella. I would never be strong enough to leave her completely again. I would hope against hope that the beautiful selfless creature in my arms would still want me, even after I had put her through so much.

"You're damn right you will leave, and you will never come back here again. Do you understand me?" Charlie's rage was clear and evident in his voice. Even without my ability to hear his broken thoughts, his face was enough to let me know he hated me. He hated me for breaking Bella, he hated me for the sleepless nights, the endless pain she had gone through. He hated me for killing the life in Bella and leaving her an empty vessel to roam the earth. Even without hearing it in his head, I could see it in his face.. And he was right and I knew it. I took his thoughts and words in silence.

I entered Bella's room, still the same as it those nights we had spent together. However, it felt sad. This room knew of all the pain that I was finally beginning to see. In Charlie's head were broken memories. Memories I couldn't focus on now. I had to play this part. The sooner I got this part over with the sooner I would return and watch my angel sleep.

I laid Bella on her bed, my beautiful angel was asleep, hopefully peacefully. I pried Bella's hands off my shirt. Her grip was strong, at least, strong for Bella. It felt as if she was holding on for dear life, holding on to something, I just couldn't be sure. I looked at her closely, and then pried myself away from her side.

I walked out of her room quietly and shut the door. I made my way down stairs.

However, I could not quickly escape Charlie.

Rage filled his face, anger, concern, contempt, and love, love for Bella, the other emotions for me. I was ready for whatever he had coming, the broken memories filled my mind as they began to crush my heart. I saw her, I saw her being carried in to the house, cold and wet. Broken. I saw her on the floor of her bedroom staring at nothing. I saw the endless days of Bella, only it wasn't Bella, it was like she had died, she was laying in a bed she wouldn't eat, she wasn't sleeping, she just laid there. She looked so hurt. My Bella, in such pain all of it caused by me. I saw flashes of her crying, sobs painful sobs. I watched in Charlie's memories the one person, the one thing in this world I would do anything to protect slowly lose everything. She went to school, she studied, she did everything she was supposed to do. But it wasn't Bella, her beautiful eyes were dead, her skin was pale, even for Bella, she was more frail then I could ever imagine. She looked like the slightest word might break her. I heard her screams in the middle of the night, in the middle of night after night after night. Painful.

I saw these memories, and I endured them knowing that they would haunt me forever. Knowing that I had broken something so beautiful, I had crushed my angel.

"Do you know what you put her through? Do you know what hell she has been living in for months?" his anger was direct in his voice, for anyone else it would have been deathly frightening. His love and concern for Bella ran almost as deep as mine did. Alice had once said to me, that to kill Bella was to kill Charlie. In this whole world, only Charlie could somehow relate to how deeply I loved Bella. He lived for his daughter and loved her more than his own life. Just as I did.

"Don't you even for a minute think that you can just come back to her life to just hurt her again. You can't. She has finally started feeling some hint of happiness. Some shred of life again. I will not have you hurt her like that ever again. You are never going to hurt her again, do you understand me?"

"I understand Chief Swan." I said it easily. It was easily said. He was right, I would never hurt Bella so horribly ever again. I would do everything in my power to make sure that Bella was happy. Even if I was no longer what she wanted. If Bella had moved on I would accept that. I would accept that without fight, however, I would not leave her again. Not until she ordered me away even then, never to be too far away.

"You are NEVER to step through this door way again" he stared at me with contempt as he held the door open for me. I saw Emmett and Rosalie waiting in the car. I had to put on a show for Charlie. I had to make him think I had left the angel sleeping upstairs."I understand you Chief Swan."

I emphasized the "you," if Bella wanted me, I would be here. He would find some way to cope with what his daughter wanted. He would, for her.

He watched me walk to the car as I slid in the backseat. My head raced with his words. My mind was filled with images of Bella, broken Bella.

"Drive down the street and turn the corner then let me out Emmett. I have to be close to Bella."

"Sure will man, how is she?"She looked dead, like she had been through the worse torture imaginable, yet peaceful.

Emmett's thoughts broke into my mind. They were filled with concern.

Same old' Bella though, I've missed her human quirks.

Same old Emmett, cheerful, happy to have his brother and his sister back.

"She's exhausted Emmett, I left her asleep, I'll need to get back to her as I can" even the short time I'd been away from her was killing me. I needed to see my angel, I needed to explain and hope for forgiveness. Hope that somehow the beautiful girl that I loved, would forgive me for hurting her so badly.

Rosalie's mind was oddly different, the car ride over they had been filled with constant "sorry" and "forgive me please." Now, they were no vain thoughts of her beauty, no obscenities directed at me or at Bella, her thoughts were that of grateful remorse.

I'm sorry Edward. I truly am. I just.. I just wanted my family back. I understand now that she is your family. She is your life just as Emmett is mine. I'm sorry Edward.

Emmett slowed down and pulled to the side, I quickly jumped out.

"Thanks Em, tell Esme and Carlisle I'll be around later." as soon as Bella orders me away from her. Away from hurting her ever again.

"Sure man, I'll let them know." You better bring Bella, was his one thought. He had truly missed her as well as me. For him, it would be as it was, Edward and Bella. I wished I had his optimistic outlook.

"Rose," she looked up at me, her remorse truly there in her perfect beauty, "thank you for finally understanding. I forgive you."

"Thank you Edward, I truly am sorry," she hesitated for a moment but her thoughts told me anyways she loves you Edward, she does, still.

I turned around and took off running back to Bella, back to the angel I loved most hoping for once, that Rosalie was right.

I was back to her house and outside her window quickly. Charlie was in there with her. I waited patiently. His anger was lessened by the sight of his daughter, asleep and safe. He wasn't as angry with her as he wanted to be, as he felt he should be. She had a beautiful heart, and he knew it. He brushed the hair from her face, kissed her forehead and left. His thoughts told me he would check on her later. As soon as he left I was in her room, again I was filled with the sense that it was sad. I looked around it quickly. It looked the same, yet I realized it was different. Her CD's were missing and her books looked like some had disappeared in the past months. I realized her Jane Austen books and her Shakespeare volumes were missing. I quickly located them, shoved and hidden deep in her closet. The one thing that hadn't changed was her smell. It smelt like Bella so deeply and beautifully. I couldn't breath enough of it in.

There she was, beautiful Bella. I had rememorized her features again and again in Italy and on the plane ride home. Even after all those hours I still felt as if I couldn't look at her enough. I was still afraid that she would disappear or that I would discover that I had in fact missed something. I laid on the bed next to her tracing her face, he beautiful face, again with my fingers. She felt so warm. I breathed in the scent of her. The strong scent of freesia hit me. It was the greatest smell in the world to me. It meant she was near me. It meant that she was real. She was alive.

That was the greatest thing, was knowing that she was alive. No matter what the outcome in the coming hours, at this moment, she was next to me and alive.

She slept peacefully. Her breathing even.

I thought of the last time I had watched her sleep. It was right after the disaster that was her eighteenth birthday. It was the night I had decided that I had to leave her. It was the night I made the stupidest decision in my long life. My fingers traced her lips. Soft and warm, the last time I had kissed them had been that night. I so longed to kiss her again.

I thought of the plane ride home, every time I had touched her reactions were, hesitant. She was scared for it, yet wanted it. I was so frustrated. Had she moved on? Is that why she was hesitant to my touches? My kisses to her forehead? Her wrists?

Did she love someone else? This.. Jacob Black? The thought pained me, but it was no less than I deserved. That had been my intention. To leave Bella, so that she could move on.

Yet, Bella, still looked so frail. Emmett's thought had been right. She looked as if she had just been released from some horrible torture. She looked weak, tired, and so much more fragile, even for Bella. Even as she slept I could find the harsh traces of the past months. She was thinner. Her cheeks looked slightly sunken in and hollow. Her hair was long, too long. It was in desperate need of a trim. Her nails were bitten way down, she had a few old bruises from who knows how many countless trips and stumbles. Trips and stumbles I wasn't there to catch her from. And again, I looked at the dark circles under her eyes. They were amplified from the past days I was sure, but they looked as if they had been there for months. The looked as if they had become a part of her.

"Mmmm Edward," the angel next to me softly mumbled. She still dreams about me, I smiled. I breathed her in. I hoped it was a happy dream. I could be wrong. She had been through so much the past few days. Saying my name could just be a mark from dreaming about the terrors she had just witnessed. Terrors I had helped put in motion. I was prepared for the worse. I was prepared for Bella to want me gone. It was just what I deserved. I had wanted her to move on, to live, it would only be fitting that that be my final punishment for leaving her.

I looked at the sleeping beauty next to me, beautiful even with the evident marks of the past few months in front of me. She was the most beautiful sight my eyes had ever seen. I stroked her cheek.

"Bella, I promise to never leave or hurt you again. I love you and I can only hope that you can still love me too." I kissed her cheek and watched her sleep. Every couple of hours Charlie would check on her and I would disappear only to return to her. I was content to watch her sleep.

Romeo watching Juliet, a prince watching his princess sleep, Edward watching his Bella, my beautiful Bella.

The hours passed, the sun set, and night filled the air. Still she slept, I selfishly wished for time to slow, because for now I could toy with the idea that she was still my Bella. I thought about how she would still be mine if I never left. That then, she still would be mine. I knew when she woke, I would find my answers. The answers of whether she had moved on. Whether or not she could forgive me, and love me still. Or, if she just wanted me to leave her so that I couldn't hurt her anymore. I would hear her speak. I would hear Bella's beautiful voice, a sound I longed to hear for months and they would say the words that would banish me from her.

Irony.

The hours passed and finally, my angel stirred.