The Conversations Lost in the Rush
Rating: T
Disclaimer: I disclaim. OTH belongs to a whole bunch of people other than me. I'm writing this just for fun and to get some of my frustrations out.
Season Seven One Parter carried over from the last couple of episodes. It has spoilers if you haven't seen the last episode.
You will notice two heading breaks in this story: The Now, and The Then. The Now is what is happening right at the moment. I will feel kind of foggy at the beginning, but it'll make more sense by the end. The Then is memories of what has happened the past day or days.
Dear Show: You missed the most crucial moments. You get that right? You have to. Moments of silence and troubled looks are not enough. Half conversations that materialize into cut through eye stares really don't raise the emotions. These are the conversations you somehow rushed through. These are what you epically left out. A sad shame that a stripper/prostitute and a man who once had potential, but now is a murderer and inspirational talk show host, were given the moments of explanation.
This is what we missed. This is the one solidly married couple/family on the show, relating to each other with words and pained affection. Oh dear show this is what you missed.
What a shame.
"You say I'm a dreamer, we're two of a kind…
We fuss and we fight and delight in the tears that we cry until dawn…
But you know that there's no where that I'd rather be than with you here
today…
You ask if I love you, well what can I say?
So I'll sing you a new song, please don't cry anymore...
Hold me now, warm my heart
stay with me, let loving start…
~~Lyrics: Thompson Twins: Hold Me Now~~
~~The Now~~
It hadn't been the best past days. The off season should be a time to enjoy with family. It wasn't turning out to be that though. Instead of enjoying the days with his wife and son, he was making crazy commercials and ridiculous shirtless ad campaigns, and dealing with a woman who just happened to be the mother of his unborn son.
That was her claim anyway, for money, for popularity, to just cause him hell. And so far…she'd succeeded pretty well.
He was where he should be now, in the home he shared with his wife.
And yet…
He was alone. He was outside. Apart from them. Lost in a haze of resentment and confusing guilt.
The woman's insidious lying claim couldn't stay quiet, so a day or two ago, he found her outside and told her. Not the woman. Of course not. His wife. The one who he loved.
~~The Then~~
He said those words, that what he was going to tell her could make things worse and he saw now how she stilled and looked at him curiously. He couldn't keep this in forever. He had to tell her it all. It would be a nightmare for her to find out any other way. He had to tell her how much of a sham this was. The chair felt too comfortable though. Her face was too beautiful. And the night was too peaceful.
"Nathan."
That firm but affectionate voicing of his name returned him to his purpose. Seeing her deep brown eyes that shined in ambers and golds when they were excited and alive, he started to confess. They were not so lively this night. She told him she had a bad day. Leave it to him to make it worse. "Before I say it Haley, you need to know. It's not true. I didn't do anything. I love you. I love Jamie. I wouldn't ever betray that. You have to believe me Haley."
His confession made her still now. This sounded very sobering. He was too serious. She didn't know if she was going to like this announcement, not when his brow was so furrowed, his forehead lines deeply apparent. Always when they came, the news would be burdened with heaviness. "Okay."
Nathan could tell she wanted to say more, but he was thankful she wasn't insisting on it from him. This was hard enough as it was. "Clay showed me some…pictures he got from a…well a woman who was at one of the after-game parties one night. I didn't remember her, honestly. Not really, but uh…anyway…"
Haley closed her eyes, holding a shaking hand to her heart now. "Oh God…you…" He couldn't do that to her though, could he? He could never hurt her like that, right? Please say right.
Nathan picked up on the misunderstanding right away. He moved forward on the lounge chair that was too comfortable at this moment and grabbed onto his wife's hand, needing her eyes to open to see the truth. "No. No…nothing. I did nothing Haley. We…her…this woman and I…nothing happened. Haley."
She opened her eyes now at the pointed urgency he used with just saying her name. Now she too sat up all the way, far from the comfortable chair's backing. She turned to be right in front of her husband, on the grassy ground their feet touching. "Then…what? How can she have pictures if nothing happened?"
There was doubt in her voice and though he wanted to yell at that, he knew in ways it was merited too. He had hurt her in the past. He had let her down. "I…" Nathan sighed with shaky breaths and then finally just took it from where he had held it behind. "I should just show you, but look, listen to me first. Okay Hales? Nothing in here is real. I love you and I love Jamie and…"
Haley looked sharply at her husband as his reaffirmation stopped. Usually it tenderly touched her. Now it nearly grated on her nerves that were too loosely put together at the moment. Ready to break any second. It was such a shame all this bad news on such a lovely nature filled night. In front of their big new beautiful house. Nature didn't always nurture happiness though. And riches of money did little to bring true joy. "What are the pictures of Nathan?"
This was the kind of confession meant to be hated, and yet it was a false one too because this woman was blatantly lying about it all. He never did anything with her. He wasn't an imbecile. He was a married man who believed in family because the one he had was golden. To have them was a miracle after all the shit his own mother and father had put him through the years of growing up. Especially his father. A man who murdered his own brother.
He put an end to that kind of legacy by marrying the girl who made him crush out badly in school, and who brought his heart back to some kind of life. He learned tenderness with her and how to be honest.
To be honest now though about this façade was a nightmare. "We're just standing at the party and uh…we're close together, but it's nothing bad. There are people around of course. And…"
His voice drifted off there as she felt a tiny sigh of relief. Standing…that was good. At least they weren't picture of him and her in…
Oh she trusted her husband. She loved him. This marriage had never been easy and if he seriously looked back on it and knew what was to come, maybe he would have put off marrying her so soon, she had to wonder. Maybe she would have. It didn't mean she wanted to be with anyone else. Of course she would never want that. It just meant maybe if they had waited they would have been a little more ready. Of course, then maybe it would have never happened either, and that she couldn't bear. Nathan was her rock, her passion, her protector, and her beautiful man of a lover. He was everything she could ever want, and never before realized she needed. That she was unwhole without. She'd never regret this marriage, but to marry so young, had meant so many struggles along the way that maybe they would have still had to go through…or maybe not. At the time though of his asking they had both been giddy in love. They were kids only and being apart seemed torturous.
Now, they were still young, and yet somewhere along the way they had both been forced to grow up fast. She wasn't complaining about it, just sometimes wondering, if maybe they had…
"I can't tell you this Haley, but I know I have to. Just realize it's not real. It's fake. It's not…"
Oh God. She didn't want to hear this. If only this moment in time could be shut off and this ugly conversation silenced.
She didn't want the words that were to come. They would spoil the beauty of this night.
And yet she still insisted the truth. Not ever liking surprises.
"What…Nathan? Just tell me what the picture is of."
Nathan closed his eyes before looking deeply into hers. "It's not real Haley. A sonogram. A picture of one. Of a…you know…baby. She's saying I'm the father, but I'm not Haley. I'm not. I didn't do anything with her. Nothing Haley. It's fake."
"Oh God."
Nathan wanted to say more, but Haley took the envelope from him now. With shaking hasty hands she pulled out what was in it. There it was, the picture, his arm around her, holding a drink like it was just…hey…fun time together. She had to wonder, where was she and her son at that moment? Where was Jamie? Was he in his bedroom sleeping peacefully? Was he dreaming about his Dad? Was she?
It took all her willpower to push that picture away and bring her hands to the next. There it was in the customary gray black grainy print. There was the image of a baby who she hadn't…
Haley dropped the photo and moved quickly over the grass, further to the part where it met the riverfront that their yard beautifully shared, ignoring his calling out voice.
"Haley! Haley wait!"
Nathan ran now with the speed that basketball and all those training runs his dad forced on him from the time he could walk without wobbling, abled him to do. He ran fast until he caught at his wife's waist. "Haley!"
She didn't move, didn't turn to be next to him, just stared out at the water, clutching her stomach now. Years ago, in high school, senior year, it had been bigger, rounder, fuller, carrying their son. He had been reluctant at first, not sure if he could handle being a dad. It wasn't long though before he came around, and started all those silly sweet things. He wouldn't let her carry anything heavy, he held onto her arm and waist when walking their apartment steps, he massaged her sometimes sore back, and some nights, he would fall asleep holding onto her growing belly, his fingers possessively, but ever so gently pressed against her there. It was all that, all that beautiful intimacy, that made the tears escape her eyes now. Made them start to fall down her face.
He was her husband. He was her baby's father. He was Nathan Scott, the man whose ring she wore, the one he gave her.
This was her life…not some…
Slut's.
"Haley…"
Nathan whispered now, realizing with horror that she was crying, seeing it falling down her cheeks and hating that he could be anywhere near the reason. "Haley…come here…" He whispered with trembles all through his throat. This hurt. It ached so much to cause pain to his wife. This wasn't right.
She tried to push away from him, but he was too strong, too intent now on making her listen. She felt the roughness of his fingers pull at her cheeks, even with that man hardness they had, still they became like soft cushions of cotton when they tendered at her skin. This was the man she adored. This was the man who…
Holding at her as strongly as he could without bringing anymore harm, Nathan whispered in fervent tremors. "Haley…it's not real. I told you. Okay. It's not real. It's FAKE Haley. We didn't do anything. I don't even remember her Haley. It was just some stupid party, but nothing happened. I didn't touch her. I didn-
"You had your arm around her. I'd call that touching." It was supposed to be hard, her voice, but still it was too weak to sound any real strength. She was faltering and wanted him to hold her and yet…she wanted to push away too. "How do you know, that nothing happened? You said you didn't even remember being there at the party with her. So how do you know Nathan?"
His eyes widened with incredulity. He got ready to shout how she could think such a thing, but then he rethought of where he'd take this to if he did. It wasn't her coming to him with a group of hurtful pictures. It was him. And he was in one. He couldn't deny that. One of these pictures was real, but the other was entirely fake. A horrific trap. "Because you're my wife, and no matter how crazy any of those NBA parties get I always pull back from doing anything stupid. I never want to! You don't think some of those guys enjoy it all? I'm sure they do, but I always get away from it because I know in this house…"
He pointed to the back of them now with firm meaning.
"I have a family who means EVERYTHING to me. And I would never EVER ruin that Haley. Half the time I'm on the phone to you. You know that Haley. I'm with this team and want to stay with them for the number one reason that it's closest to home. When it's a game in Charlotte you guys can come see me and I don't have to be away from you. You know when I'm on the road I rush to call home. I miss you guys so much. You think I'd risk that? God Haley! This, you, Jamie, is my world Haley! I can't live without this and I don't want to. I hate I had to show you these pictures, but I'm going to say it again. She's making it all up. I don't know this woman and I don't care about this woman. Even if I've been at those parties, if I'm in that picture, it means nothing. I'm always rushing to come back home. I love to play my game on the court. You know that. You've always supported that. You helped me get my dream Haley. But I'll never take this for granted. My family. You and Jamie."
Seeing her holding stoic, but her tears still falling, Nathan whispered with emotion. "Baby…come on…
Haley please…"
She started to turn away, but he held at her cheeks. "I love you. Only you Haley. Always and forever. Haley, it's just you and Jamie. You're all that matter to me. Haley, you have to bel-
"Oh shut up."
"What-
Nathan started to ask, but then felt his wife's lips part into his. All of her up and against him. Letting go of her cheeks, he moved his hands around her waist and lifted her up into his arms hard against his own body. He kissed her with equaled passion, feeling the wetness of want and desire and…hurt. Pain from what he had to show her and yet hopefully…
Somewhere inside…
"Always and forever." Haley whispered breathlessly, pulling away for a second, looking down into his eyes as now he held her around him. "I believe you."
Nathan shuddered and held her tighter. Haley held at the back of his raven thick but silky locks that she loved so much. All of him. "I believe you because you do call home every time you can, and you…you're my husband and I'd know if you didn't mean it. I would feel it."
Nathan pulled back more, finally smiled a little into his wife's eyes. "So…we're okay?"
It was a dumb question. She pulled away from his arms and he set her back down. Quietly she whispered,
"No."
Nathan frowned.
Haley continued. "How can we be Nathan? These pictures are here and this woman is here and…how can you just expect me to be okay with that? How can you be?" She pointed backward. "We have a son in that house who is barely of an understanding age, but he will get it enough to know it's not good. How do we tell him about this? Because you know the press is going to have a love fest with it, right? Nathan, why would you be so irresponsible? Why didn't you think?"
He looked at her now with hurt and shocked eyes, mouth wide open. "Haley, I told you, nothing happened."
She waved her hand with dismissal. "That's not what I mean and you know it. Don't you see it's all about the appearance? You wanted this Nathan. I have wanted this for you. The NBA. It has a price though. You knew that and I knew it. Fame never is in secret, Nathan. Remember, I used to go out on the road. I've been approached about taking my singing out there again, you know that. But Nathan…" She pointed at her heart with conviction. "I am a MOTHER first. A wife first. I have a family and even if I was out on the road, I would not condone this for myself. I learned my lesson the first time. Now it's you with all the glory, but it's not just the two of us anymore Nathan. There is a little boy in the mix now who idolizes his dad. How are we going to tell Jamie about this, huh? Have you thought of that? My God, have you thought of that little boy in there?"
"YES!"
He screamed out at her now, feeling tears backed in the corners of his eyes. It always hurt the most when she lost faith in him, when he disappointed her. A long time ago they married so young, so innocent, and so foolish. They thought it would be perfect then with pretty little stupid rainbows. It had been faulted though with broken bridges all along the way. And yet, he didn't regret a moment of it. He'd probably do it again. Call him foolish. One day he walked into that tutoring center and he felt a spark. One day he sat on a park bench across from her and he wondered how her lips would taste. One night he fell on a court and he woke in a bed, fallen into love. He would never pass this by, but damn sometimes it wasn't easy. It was never just them. If it was the three of them in a world alone, he knew they'd be in perfect harmony. Life was with an outside world though and every time it interfered and tried to cut through their fantasy bliss, it somehow evilly snuck in. It lanced through each heart.
"What kind of Dad do you think I am? Of course I thought of Jamie. You know how it felt Haley to see those stupid pictures the first time? To hear this? Do you know how much it killed me to tell you? I know I've screwed up, okay? I know I've done a lot of stupid crap ass things. But THIS Haley I didn't do. I did nothing with her Haley. I don't want this. I want you and Ja…"
His voice faltered. Her own heart tearing, she reached out and held his head down to her shoulder, feeling him shake. She whispered resolutely. Marriage was beautiful. Marriage was pain. Marriage was forgiveness, understanding. And trust.
"Shhhh…I know. I know. I don't think you did anything. I just…I need you to consider what this can do. I need you to think before being a part of those…parties. Think of us Nathan. We can't be the kids we once were. We have to protect him."
He pulled away now, looked down into her face, her eyes filled with support, but let swim the disappointment. "I know." He whispered and brought his mouth down to hers. Holding at her back, grasping to where the bra strap began under the material, he clung. Passionately he tasted and drank. Until she pulled away with a tight smile.
"I need to check on Jamie."
He was asleep. They both knew. And yet…
Even though he wanted to.
He didn't protest.
"Okay."
She smiled one more time and started to back away. It was hiding so much. He kept his eyes on her face, that tight smile, until finally she turned. He stayed though, watching her back, the sway of her sexy hips. The woman who he shared passionate aching nights with. Who carried their son. Who intimately knew him better than any person living on this planet. As he knew her better than anyone else. He watched until she disappeared from view.
And then he sank down to his knees.
She held onto the patio door. She stood up on one of their outdoor chairs and saw him down on the ground. The tear passed her cheek. Yet she did not go back. With a sigh of broken agonies she walked inside the house.
Left him to the warm cold of night.
He looked down to the river with half hopelessness. She believed him and yet the damage was done. It would come.
This was only beginning.
~~The Now~~
He pulled at his hair now. That night was too soon ago. Too hard to face. Even the kisses couldn't appeal it. Then this day. She accused him once again of being irresponsible, of not paying attention that the moment could look bad for his reputation, for their future. The picture was false and yet it had some eerie real sense of causing havoc. She made certain that she didn't want him to give in, to give money, and yet…
Earlier this day he told her his decision. He made it for all of them.
~~The Then~~
She was outside again, watching their son playing with such carefree joy. He moved behind her. "Haley."
She turned to face him. Those beautiful blue green eyes of his were still troubled, so unhappy. She wished she could whisk it all away, but it was in her wearied eyes too. "Yes…"
"I decided."
She turned back to watch their son, running back and forth with abandon in their yard for some silly made up game, before he raced to his own little playground. "And?"
He moved up behind her slowly, wrapped his arms around her waist, hearing her answering sigh, feeling all her sweet resistance. "I'm not paying her. I'm not giving in. I did nothing. She gets nothing from me."
The answer partly surprised her, and partly thrilled. Reassured. And scared. It was their fight now. It would not be easy now. Maybe she'd let it go.
The smart tutor in her knew she wouldn't.
"Are you sure about this Nathan?"
He felt her tiny finger touch at his cheek, making his eyes involuntarily close. Need. Ache. "Yes." He opened his eyes again slowly. "I'm not shaming my family. I'm not saying yes to something I didn't do. I'm not going to give her the satisfaction that she won. I'm not admitting something that never happened by giving her money. She's not getting a single cent from me."
Haley smiled. This was the strong man she married, deep in his convictions, and solid in his beliefs. This was the Nathan who she adored so much none that it made this hardly bearable. Yes, she hurt, but he had to know. She hurt for him as much as herself. As much as Jamie. She knew this was his nightmare, that he was fighting it his best. She knew he often stumbled. And though sometimes he stubbornly put her up on that pedestal of perfection, she knew she faulted the same. Love could never be perfect.
Its beauty was all its imperfection, when you looked so deep into a person you saw beyond, loved their facial flaws and scars of life. Saw their growing older as true magnificence. As you grew the same alongside them.
She reached up now and whispered those words once more. "Are you sure Nathan? If this hurts your dream, your chances of playing with them again. You know it could. I would hate for that to happen. I know how much you have worked for this."
He tightened his top lip, spoke firmly. "I know. I have to take the chance."
She reached up and kissed his cheek, held still for a moment before leaving. "Okay."
He wanted to hold onto her.
And yet he let go.
As he made the call.
As she wandered down to the playfulness of their son.
~~The Now~~
It was night and yet like that night he was not ready to go inside yet. He felt alone after what had come next. Clay called and gave the bad news. She wasn't going away. The fight would soon begin. The press would make its choice. Even his friend Mouth. It would be in papers and magazines, on the internet and TV, where his son would see.
His son.
Their son.
He had to tell him.
He did and that moment was the most painful. It hurt the deepest. As innocent Jamie asked his dad if they were going to be okay. He still loved Mama, right? Mama…Jamie had stopped youthfully calling her that a little less than a year ago. Haley lamented it sometimes. But in that moment Nathan heard it again. Mama. And his heart stilled. He realized his son was going back to his deepest innocence. Retreating with fear. He had to hold him then and whisper over and over again. Affirm that Mama was all who he loved. Everything this woman was saying was not true. He hadn't betrayed Mama. He hadn't…
"Oh God…" Nathan whispered in front of the moonlight touched river she had ran to the night he told her. He put this burden on his son, his wife. Telling him had hurt so deeply. The responsibilities of being a man and father were ones he rarely shirked and yet that moment he wanted to run and hide in a tunnel of fantasy. He didn't want to see his son's questioning eyes. He didn't want to hurt his boy because his own dad hurt him so much for so many years. He didn't' want Jamie to ever feel about him the way he felt for…
Dan Scott.
He didn't want his son to fear or be ashamed of him.
His head fell. Down to his knees. His body shook. Telling his son. Telling his precious amazing silly kind son. Hurting him.
"Nathan…"
He stilled at the voice, at the fingers that rubbed over his hunched back. It took him a long moment to finally raise his eyes, to see hers look at him with emotion.
He was crying. Her strong husband was crying.
She hadn't moved forward until he was done. She had let him tell their son it all by himself. It was too hard for her to add anything in at the moment. Then as the night came and their son fell asleep in his bed, she didn't call him in for dinner as he stayed outside and walked away to the riverside park part of their yard. She let him go and watched her son sleep.
Before she fell to the bed she usually shared and closed her own eyes.
Now though, as she woke and still his presence was not creasing their mattress, bringing that deep pressure from a man so tall and solid, she had made her way outside.
Saw him still down there. Alone and sitting. When she came to right beside him she realized his back was folded, that his body was shaking and that he…
"Nathan…" She whispered again, starting to touch painfully at the wetness soiling his face.
He felt it all fall apart then. Reaching out haphazardly he fell down into her lap. Sobbed. Like a baby. But a man should never have to tell his baby that some false baby was lurking around. That some woman who wasn't Mama was telling horrible lies.
She held at his back, brought her cheek down against it, and rubbed and soothed as much she could. "It's okay…it's okay…"
He finally lifted his face. He wiped at his tears furiously. He rarely ever cried. He wasn't one to show much emotion. He was taught it was weak and stupid. He was taught it never was answered. Until he met her. She was his intimacy. She was his conscience that never judged too harshly. Who supported. Who held him deep in her heart.
"I'm sorry Haley. You were right. I should have been more responsible. But whatever she does, whatever happens, I'm going to take responsibility for all this now. I'm going to tell whoever needs to know that I love my wife, my son, and that nothing happened. If she wants to exploit me, then I'll make sure the truth is known. That she's a liar. Just some…"
"Bitch." Haley filled in solidly.
Nathan half laughed at it now through the last of his shaking and unsettled voice. "Yeah, okay. And that everything she's saying isn't true. That I love you and Jamie. Because I do Haley." He clasped at her cheeks firmly, most of his strength returned now because as much as she could take care of him, he watched over her. He protected her always. "You're all that matters to me Haley. You and Jamie. I'm going to make this right. I promise you." He pulled her in against him, grabbed at her legs so they came over his and kissed her with all that was inside.
They had talked so much, so long in days where it often felt life was so rushed. You confessed something though and the conversation poured out. It pained through the rushed days and slowed them down for just a fraction of a moment.
And yet when the night came, you let it flow. You blamed and comforted. You screamed and whispered. You held and pushed away.
When the night came and its beauty glowed over you, in came the conversations you left for this time. In came the words you could never say during the day. In came the emotions you feared would be too much for the sun.
And with it all…
Came the love.
She touched at his chin, told him in words plainly affectionate. "I know you're sorry Nathan. And I want you to know that whatever happens, we deal with this together, as a family, because that's what you have. That's what we are. Nothing is ever alone. You're never alone Nathan."
His eyes stayed deep on hers. All the feeling of happiness of what he had overlapped into all the pain of these horrible false revelations. This stupid lie that this stupid woman wanted to inflict. Forget it for now though. He was with his wife.
He looked down and linked them. His ring finger with hers. Years ago he placed that ring on her finger. Years ago he made a vow a first time with a much simpler one, and then a second time with…this one. "I love you Haley James Scott. Through better…through worse. I love you always."
Oh the worse…it could never eclipse the better. Ask her if she regretted marrying her husband so young. Ask her and you be the fool. What a stupid question. Life began with him.
Life began with her.
Throw all these roadblocks in the way. Keep forcing them to walk these broken bridges. Make them dodge the bombs of liars and fakes. Push them into the threateners that wanted them to fear. Bring it all to them. They always somehow found the rain of newness. They always some way, some day, enthralled in the beautiful storm.
And each barrier only made them stronger. Only made this love more vital. So throw it all at them.
They'd come out the winners.
They'd come out together. With these intimate conversation that broke through the rush. With these physical affections that pierced the invasion.
"I love you too Nathan Scott. For better…for worse. Always. For eternity.
Their mouths found each others again. His hands guided her with him down to the ground. She didn't protest as the clothes started to fall away. All the while their mouths never touched the air. Their lips never parted to the winds around them. Sealed within each other and over one another, they only felt heat. Naked they vibrated over the grassy bank. Wet they pressed and pushed against…into each other. Rocking they moaned and whispered deepest secrets couples only new. Reaching tremoring highs they cried and screamed out before having it shut by each other's mouths. They loved and ached.
They conversed in the most unrushed deepest most private way.
Let the day rush away the talk. Let the night hold it in.
They felt all until the exhaustion and natures grasses wrapped them in.
Then they lay silently finally. Their intimately affected skin each other's blankets.
The conversation passed away for the next time.
Finally fulfilled.
The End.
Thanks for reading. Feedback always adored. Feel free to let me know what you think of the show too right now. I'm curious if anyone can make sense of the lesser scenes that seem to be going on for NH lately, the really bad editing sometimes.
Anyway, thanks.