Title: Sweet Madness
Author: Mia V. Aduren
Pairing: KaixHiromi
Type: One-shot/AU
Summary: His muse became his destruction as he created a fictional woman.
He drew…sketched…painted…
Watercolors…tempera…acrylic…charcoal…oils…ink…
It didn't matter what medium he had to use as long as he was able to create her. He liked her better in color rather than black and white with shades of grey. He loved her in browns, reds, and everything that lay in between. He didn't know when it began. His muse had somehow created a woman. A woman with shoulder length brown hair, eyes a dark shade of red and porcelain skin.
Hair he wished to run his fingers through. Eyes he wished to look upon. For the eyes he drew, as much as he tried, were devoid of life. Skin he wished to touch and learn its texture. He let out a frustrated growl as he threw the painting aside. She was not real.
She would never be real.
She was just something his muse had conjured up. Something he wished was real. Something that would never be real and he hated it.
He looked around his small apartment and saw it littered with sketches of her. He didn't know her name and he wished for it to remain like that. He knew that if he gave her a name he would be saying goodbye to the sanity he still had left.
He had wondered many times what his muse aspired by making him create her. It only drove him over the edge every time he looked upon his paintings. He had to remind himself constantly that she was nonexistent. Yet there was a part of him that wished for her to be someone he had met in his past. That his muse had somehow remembered her from some past life, but he also knew that perhaps his muse had taken different qualities from other people to create her.
He wished to name her.
He wished to kiss her.
He wished to touch her.
But he knew it was impossible.
Illogical.
This fictional woman with no name was his destruction, making him lose himself each day as he stared at dark eyes and brown hair.
He was not Pygmalion however and there was no goddess to grant him his wish. So he sighed as he always did when he looked upon one of his paintings. He touched the texture with carefulness afraid to ruin her. It was then that he decided and so in a whisper a word escaped his lips. Hiromi
He had named her and his muse mocked him. It mocked his failure as an artist and his weakness. He was a fool for falling in love with his own creation. He had already left the Art Institute for he could not bear to draw someone that was not her. His apartment was the detritus of ripped papers, abandoned half-way canvases of landscapes from his past and paintbrushes that were never cleaned.
His muse mocked him once more for he wished to meet that which did not exist. She was merely the design of his overworked mind and physical traits of those he had randomly seen. He basked in his own glory at creating such a character.
She was the escape from the world around him. The escape he had searched and had not found in his past. There was no other thought in his mind but her and he knew that he would soon be lost with no hope of returning. The Fates were cruel to him. He had decided that when he was a child. When he lost his parents and was sent to his grandfather. Those were the years that plagued him and left him screaming deep in the night as he fought monsters that threatened to drive him back into hell.
He hated his grandfather, Hated his childhood years that were full of pain and silence. His grandfather had been a dreadful man with no regards towards others. They were blood relatives and nothing more for his grandfather had made it clear that he was nothing but a nuisance. So he, Kai, had remained there. Growing bitter after each year and growing colder with the passing winters.
Therefore when the first chance at escape came to be, he took it without looking back. He had not measured the consequences of his acts and at that moment he could have cared less. He was nothing to his grandfather and although the man had searched for him he eventually gave up, not wanting to waste too much on someone he had no care for.
He had been forgotten and he had loved it that way. But now as he looked upon a setting sun he felt the loneliness of his years catch up with him. He knew that his friends worried about his mental health but he didn't care. He had given up on life and then he had found her. So there was nothing else that mattered to him. Not even the earthly pleasures that had been part of his cast away years as a teenager.
He didn't need anything else as long as he was able to see her and create her over until she was not just some fixation of his imagination but someone real, someone that he could fade into. His muse laughed at his wishes and at his torn life. He, who had such a wonderful future ahead of him…was nothing more but a shadow that was barely living all because of a simple creation that had been overdone.
He who had once been praised for his work now received nothing but silence. He was an outcast living in the shadow of the world. He ran his hand over the rough surface of the painting, where ruby eyes stared back at him. He sighed as he let the canvas drop from his hands and began searching frantically for any medium to draw.
He had no money…nothing…and his desperation grew as he realized that no more would he be able to paint her. Yet he did not cry and instead calmly sat down and began thinking about the situation. There was nothing left for him.
There was nothing left except for one thing and a smirk came upon his face. His last masterpiece would be painted in his blood.
Author's Note: This was something that came out of thinking about Kai as an artist gone crazy. The idea at the beginning was to try and create a twisted KaixHiromi relationship. However, it did not exactly worked and this was the end product. I am still trying to work on my multi-chapter stories with no success at the moment. I hope I can at least bring forth one-shots for the time being.
Thank you for reading.
-Mia