It was a morning like any other morning in the Uchiha Manor.
Uchiha Sasuke was hunched over the dining table, pouring over scrolls his bitch of a friend-kage gave him. On both sides of the table, there were a total of five children: two boys and three girls. Looks like someone jumped onto the 'rebuilding the clan' train a little too eagerly. Across from him stood his weary wife Uchiha Hinata. She was currently scolding her four-year-old son for a prank he had just pulled.
"Itachi! No, no sweetie!" Hinata fumbled with the pot of water. "How many times has kaa-san told you not to catch your Rin-nee-san's blanket on fire?" She quickly doused the fire, somehow managing to not wet anything on the table or her daughter.
...I swear it's normal. I found them like this another morning too.
Grey-eyed Itachi looked at his six-year-old sister Irina through bored eyes. "It's her fault. Rin-nee is in her first year of the Academy and is still a bed wetter. That was to pre-pre...ee-get her ready."
"Sh-shut up...You're meaner than the b-boys in my class 'Tachi." Tears formed around the girl's glossy white eyes. Gee, we know which gene pool she drowned in.
Without bothering to look up, Sasuke drawled, "Irina, if it was that Inuzuka kid, don't worry. With his last name, I guarantee you he'll end up with a-"
Hinata threw the empty pot at her husband blushing bright red, "Sasuke, don't say things like that in front of them! You know Hiro-kun is going through 'that phase' of maturity. Besides, Rin dear, he has the same sense of humor his otou-san does. In fact, that's how your Kiba-oji and I became best friends."
Irina's twin, Mikoto, poked the pot her dad had caught and set down away from his papers with her chopstick. "You meanth when Kiba-oji-san called you a fweek and pwushed you offa thef swing?" Mikoto fumbled with a few syllables because of her missing front teeth, "Shino-senthsei told us that aftwer we sparredth because I kickedth Hirwo-baka between thef legs fwor laughfing at Rwin and he saidth that's what he did to oji-san."
While their father was muttering about what he'd do to the Aburame clan, Irina turned to Hinata, who was now coaxing baby Hikari to eat some mashed tomatoes. (...Yeah, she got her dad's screwed up taste buds.)
"Ano...K-kaa-san, w-why did oji-san c-call you n-names e-even though y-rou're friends n-now?" Irina poked her fingers shyly, a light blush appearing on her face. Hinata's face flared up like her daughter's, dropping the food and utensil. Kari-chan giggled.
"Kaa-san red! Kaa-san fire!"
The embarrassed woman quickly picked up the chopsticks and wiped them off to have something to do. Her husband looked up, a cross between a smug smirk and irritated scowl appearing on his face, "Yes, tell us why, Hina."
"Ehto...I m-mean-! Maa...h-he-"
Itachi (being the little momma's boy he was –cough- got that from his papa –cough-) piped up an answer that he though might help his struggling mother the best:
"You mean he had the hots for you?"
Hinata turned a thousand shades redder and promptly returned to feeding the baby, ignoring the twin's unison calls of, "Kaa-san, what does that mean?" Sasuke, after thinking about how he was currently married to his wife, not that flee-bitten mongrel, returned to his papers, smirking in victory.
The eldest child, Fugaku, whipped out a scroll and thumped his sibling on the head. "If you get to hit Rin for being a so-called coward, then I get to hit you for being a little pervert," the nine-year-old stated simply.
That is when Tachi-kun lost his 'cool image'. Tears formed around his eyes, similarly to how his sister's did. "Kaa-san! Fugaku-nii is being a teme!"
Snap!
Sasuke's pen snapped in half, the end flying into the goldfish bowl. He should have seen the signs. The pranks, the fake cool attitude, blind over-confidence, irritating competitiveness, and now this 'teme' thing! So that's why Itachi looked so pleased every time Inoue babysat. That blue-eyed blonde was passing off her father's stupidity as teachings!
(A.N.: Ahem, let me interrupt Sasuke's rant briefly to point out he shares the similar 'signs' of Naruto, minus the pranks part –possibly- and replacing 'teme' with 'dobe'.)
Hinata looked slightly concerned as her husband slowly stood up. What he said concerned her even more, though not as much as his silent anger. (By now, she knew if he could talk even somewhat he was aware and in control of his actions)
"Hinata, love, please put dinner in the refrigerator for me. I'll heat it up when I get home later tonight. I have an urgent message for the Hokage and afterwards I have some unfinished business with the Head of the Inuzuka Clan," Sasuke added emphasis the soon-to-be-dead men's titles.
"S-Sasuke! Don't rush into this!" Hinata called after her husband as she tried to take the apron off of her as fast as she could. She muttered a little, "Damn!" when she remembered she had let Itachi practice his knot-tieing skills on her apron this morning.
Sasuke methodically opened the closet near the front door and took out a light coat. Shutting the closet and turning his back the kitchen hallway as he put on the coat, he stated flatly, "But if I think about it, it would be consider premeditated murder rather than voluntary manslau-."
Splat!
The raven haired man blinked once and lifted his hand to the back of his head for verification. Yep, Hinata definitely threw a tomato at him.
He turned his head to the kitchen, opened his mouth the kiddingly scold his wife only to be met with another tomato, which hit a pressure point on his forehead and knocked him out.
The remainder of the conscious Uchiha family turned and stared at little Hikari, who was giggling in the high chair, her hand covered in tomato gunk. "Tou-san down! Tou-san sleepy!"
Fugaku sweatdropped, took a cloth, and wiped the dirty toddler clean.
"Well, we know who the prodigy child of the family is now at least," he murmured to his youngest sister as his other siblings gathered around his father trying to awaken him. So far, the twin's usual wails of help didn't work (after the act, Mikoto blamed the missing teeth). Itachi shoved his way past the females of his family stating proudly as he re-preformed the hand signs from earlier:
"Don't worry! I'll take care of this! Goukakyuu no Jutsu! Fire Style: Great Fire Ball Technique!"