Barley Breathing
Blaine dragged his feet toward his bed, plopping himself down on the covers where he let the water escape from his eyes, the tears landing on his bedding. His stomach felt as though it were getting pulled together, and he was gasping for air, barley being able to breathe.
Kurt hadn't answered his phone calls and texts for weeks. He wanted so badly to fix this; to make it right again. Blaine knew that he deserved this pain for what he had done to Kurt. He deserved all the pain in the world. He deserved nothing but hate.
Blaine couldn't erase the memory of his boyfriend's painful tears when he confessed to cheating. He never saw Kurt that hurt; that close to falling apart. And what made it worse was that Blaine was the cause of that pain.
That was the worst mistake that Blaine had ever made in his entire life. He knew that their relationship was troubled, and endangered of falling apart, but they could have talked about it and fixed it, opposed to not be loyal. Blaine was lonely and longing for someone to hold him, and his bad side took over him, causing him to do the worst thing possible.
If someone asked him just a few weeks ago to imagine his life without Kurt, Blaine would have said that it would give him goosebumbs just thinking about it. Now it was more than a thought - it was reality. Blaine had a chance to live his entire life with Kurt, holding him and loving him like they had always planned, but now he had screwed everything up. He let someone else in. He groaned as he flashed back to sleeping with Eli.
He didn't even know this Eli guy that well, so why had he done it? Everyone kept asking him that, and he always replied with, "I don't know." How would he ever be able to look Finn in the eye, knowing what he did to his brother?
Kurt and Blaine were the love of each other's lives. Was. It killed Blaine knowing that was past tense. Blaine refused to think about loving anyone else. He never wanted anyone else. Kurt was the only guy for him in the world. They were meant to be.
Blaine, puffy eyes and stomach churning, marking the the regret and guilt consuming him, picked up his phone on his bedside table, making another attempt to text Kurt:
Blaine: Please forgive me. I love you. I need you. xoxoxo - Blaine
Blaine's heart beat rapidly once he got a reply from his ex-boyfriend.
Kurt: Why did you do this? Do you even know how much pain this has caused me? I feel like I'm going to die.
Blaine: I'm so, so, so sorry. You are the love of my life. I promise I'll never hurt you like that again. I've never made that big of a mistake in my life. If I could go around and change it I would. Guilt and regret is all that consumes me now. I promise to always be loyal to you from now on.
Kurt: I can't trust you right now. Or ever. A co-worker asked me out. I said yes. You screwed up everything. I loved you, but I can't live in this pain anymore. So I said yes to him. Goodbye, Blaine.
Blaine closed his phone, feeling even worse, although it was hard to feel any worse than he already felt. Blaine cried out. He was so mad at himself, and so much drowned in sorrow, that he was at the tip of iceberg. Blaine desperately wanted to jump off that iceberg, ending this heart-aching pain.
He couldn't live without Kurt. If Kurt wouldn't accept his apology now, then he would wait. He would go to New York next year, and if Kurt were to turn him away then, then he wait again. He would wait for Kurt to forgive him until the day he died. Blaine believed that a person only had one soul mate, and that was what Kurt was to Blaine. And the line in which one should stop waiting to be with their soul mate was eternity. As for now, though, Blaine was barely breathing, but he would continue to wait for Kurt for eternity.