I made a lot of mistakes in life. I could make many excuses why I ruined the lives of others as well as my own, but I won't. It's too late to go back in time and change them, and soon I'll have to face up to what I have done in the afterlife. If I'm lucky, I'll get to see Frigga again. She was a woman who treated me as her own, the one that I've probably wounded the most. Before she died, I told her that she wasn't my mother out of a fit of rage. She died shortly after that. Being imprisoned at the time, I wasn't even allowed to attend her funeral. Replaying those last moments of her life that we shared together over and over in my mind drove me to the brink of insanity. Frigga now rests in peace in a place where the brave souls dwell in happiness for all eternity. It's a place where someone like me doesn't belong.
Even Thor mourned over my body. I'm not sure if he was in distress that I died in front of him, or if he was simply in shock from the whole situation. I've done a lot of terrible things to him. And, through it all, he still insisted on calling me his brother. I've betrayed the stupid gentle oaf more times than I can count, but he always found a place in his heart to trust me again. I'd never admit it to him, but it was hard to look hi in the eye (hee…eye) after all of the things that I had done to him. Even in death, it's hard for me to look upon his face and not feel an ounce of shame. However, he seems to have already made new friends. He was always good at that. Perhaps that little triangle – faced rabbit will take better care of him than I ever did.
Another thing I would never tell Thor is that even all this time, I still love him like a brother. As children, when Thor's stupid friends Lady Sif and the god damned warriors three always bullied me, Thor would put them in their place and tell them that I was his brother, and that I would accompany him anywhere he went. Sure, he was very arrogant from time to time, but even when he found out I was not his biological brother, he still treated me as his own. I remember one particular incident about my childhood.
It was after one of father's birthdays. There was a huge ceremony, a grand feast, and plenty of entertainment. Obviously, the commotion was too much for me to handle as a small child and I needed some time alone in one of the empty hallways in the palace of Asgard.
"Look who we have here, boys." Taunted Volstagg as he lightly pushed me to try to get a rouse out of me. He may have been the largest out of the three, but I swear his intelligence was lowest of the bunch. Even with the three of them together, you could not come up with a three-digit IQ.
"Leave me alone, I don't want to argue today." I defended. I quickly turned away from them to head back to my chambers, but I was stopped in my tracks by Fandral, idiot number two.
"He's so skinny." Laughed Hogun. "He looks nothing like Thor. Nor his mother, nor his father. Perhaps he is adopted?"
Volstagg agreed. "Right! You can just poke him and toss him around, and he can't do anything about it!" The stupid giant did just that. He poked me in the ribs until I laughed hysterically, and then threw me onto the ground until he was hovering over top of me, his elbow against my chest.
"Enough of this!" Shouted my brother, coming to my rescue yet again. "Volstagg, if you are going to accompany in war and adventures, you must learn how to treat my brother respect."
The red – headed giant rolled his eyes but did comply to Thor's wishes. "I'm sorry, Loki." He apologized, albeit sarcastically.
"It's been a long day, please leave us." My brother ordered.
As usual, I struggled within Thor's grasp. Always trying to prove that I did not need him, but in face he needed me. "Let me go! I don't need thi-" Before I could call him a stupid oaf, said idiot started to rub circles on my back, and rock me back and forth. He knew that had always been my major weakness, that dumb idiot.
It was the same in death. I could see my brother from the afterlife, picking up my dead body from the ground and rubbing circles on my back, and rocking me back and forth just as he had done when we were children.
I think I'll stay here for a while longer. I will confess that I am afraid of what is going to happen to me as my soul moves on. I am uncertain if I will get to rest in eternal peace or be tortured forever in the underworld. Perhaps it is better if I never find out. Sure, call me a coward, I know that I am one. I may have sacrificed my life for Thor, but it still doesn't make up for all of those people I killed, the lies I've told, and the loved ones I have betrayed.
Limbo is peaceful. It isn't terrible, but it isn't heaven, either. It makes me wonder how many hundreds of thousands of souls have felt this way when their bodies have died. I can feel someone beckoning me to follow them. I can't see who it is. I have my knees pulled against my chest, and my face buried in them. I'm shaking, and I refuse to look up.
Maybe this really is the fate that I deserve. Some would argue that eternal torture still is too good of a fate for me, and peace is not something that I deserve. I can still hear the muffled voice, but maybe if I ignore it, it will go away. I think I will stay here forever.