Disclaimer: Anything or anyone you recognise belongs to JK Rowling.
A/N: Written for the Chocolate Frogs category of owluvr's Honeydukes Competition at HPFC – 'write about any character(s) from the past'. Also for the 100 Characters Competition using prompt#47, dream. Also, I'm very grateful to littlemissreadaholic who did a brilliant job beta-reading this piece for me! Thank you.
twinkle, twinkle little star
Once upon a time (she remembered that this was how all stories began), there had been a pretty young child who might have been called Alice. Alice had curly blonde hair which someone used to tie ribbons in, a big house to live in and lots of toys and books to play with. There hadn't been any other children in Alice's house, but Alice hadn't been lonely because there were lots of adults who always wanted to talk to her, and lots of animals, too.
The kittens had always been Alice's favourite, especially ones that grew into fluffy white cats. The cats loved Alice, and Alice loved them back. Once, maybe, when she was very young, Alice had toddled to her feet, grabbed hold of the cat's white tail and let it guide her around the house. All the adults and clapped and clapped her cleverness, and she had glowed with pride – she could remember that even now.
(Or maybe she was just imagining that, too.)
Outside the window of Alice's bedroom, there had been a big oak tree with branches that pressed right up against the glass. She had liked watching the leaves change with the seasons, or so she thought. She'd liked other things, too – trips to the seaside in the summer; falling asleep by the fireside in the winter; birthdays and Christmases and Hallowe'ens and Bonfire Nights. She couldn't remember what any of those were, now, but she remembered that she had loved them.
When she was a bit older, Alice remembered long train journeys to castles on mountain tops, Great Lakes and enchanted ceilings, cozy rooms filled with laughter and overstuffed armchairs and the feeling of staying up too late eating chocolates with the girls she shared a room with.
She could remember these girls more clearly than anything. There had been Marlene, who was tall and beautiful and fierce and wonderful, whose life was perfect (until it had been snuffed out like a candle flame). Sarah she mostly remembered in a white dress with a veil, marrying someone called Bones. She remembered Sarah in white again, this time a nightgown, lying as though she were asleep with the man they called Bones next to her, also sleeping (but they weren't asleep, no they weren't, they weren't). And she remembered Paramita, who had to flee to a faraway land because someone evil was chasing her.
Alice wondered what the evil thing was. She knew that it connected her three friends, but she didn't think she had been hurt by it. But then again, maybe she had. If only she could remember properly.
how I wonder what you are
The one thing she did know was him, though she couldn't quite remember who he was, exactly. This bothered her, because she knew he was important, but she didn't know how he was important. She remembered that he soothed her, though.
Once, there had been a young girl who might have been her who was scared of putting on an old hat, though she didn't know why this should be. In her dreams, a young boy with a cheeky grin and messy brown hair would give her a smile and a quick wink as she waited in a crowd to put the hat on, and she'd feel better.
She remembered lying in a hospital type bed, a little later, feeling feverish and covered in green spots. One of her clearest memories is the mysterious boy appearing in the doorway, asking to see her. "No Frank," replied a faceless woman, "she's got the Dragon Pox – she's highly contagious. You can't come in."
She remembered the mysterious boy being disappointed by this, trying to argue, but the woman who called him Frank was adamant, and he wasn't allowed in. Alice didn't know why the woman had called him Frank. Maybe that was his name? It was a nice name, Alice thought. She'd call him that, regardless of whether it really was his name. It suited him.
Her memories were vague and blurry, and seeing into her own mind was like trying to look at a bright light in a dense fog – impossible to see anything beyond the broadest outlines. But every time she thought she might remember something that made her happy – pieces of parchment covered with ticks and 'O's; people clad in red and gold cheering as a cup was raised; being handed a badge with the letters 'HG' on it (whatever that meant) – the Frank boy seemed to be there, too.
Sometimes, she'd look across the room and see someone who looked sort of like an older version of the Frank boy there and feel happy again. She didn't understand it, but this time she didn't mind not understanding.
up above the world so high
Alice knew about flying, and that she was able to do it if you gave her a big stick of wood. She remembered soaring through the air once, with the Frank boy, high above the world. She remembered laughing as she looked down, marvelling at how tiny everything seemed, and hearing him laugh too.
They had been older, then, than in her previous memories, and there was something inside her that thought what they had been doing might have been called a date. She wasn't sure why this should be, as dates were what the sad looking old woman and the shy little boy who always accepted her sweet wrappers with a smile, rather than an exasperated sigh, always brought with them. She didn't like their dates – they were chewy and sickly sweet and made her feel ill. But she liked this sort of date, the sort of date she had with the Frank boy.
She wondered why that should be.
like a diamond in the sky
There was a diamond on her finger, a big, sparkly, expensive one. She didn't know why it was expensive (or quite what expensive meant) but everyone always told her it was with admiration in their tone so she thought that this was a good thing. Probably.
Sometimes she sees the man who looks like Frank staring at the finger with it one when it catches the light, a frown on his face and his head cocked to one side. Once, he reached out and touched it, stroking her fingers as he did so. The motion had a strange familiarity to it, though once again she couldn't quite place why.
Sometimes, Alice becomes so angry at not being able to understand anything that she wants to scream and cry. Occasionally, she does cry, though she tries not to do it around the man who looks like Frank or the shy boy because they both look like they might cry, too, and that makes her sad. The shy boy is even more of a mystery to her than the man who looks like Frank. He wouldn't show up for months at a time, then for a few weeks at Christmas or in the summertime, he would come every day.
It confused her, but confusion had become so familiar, it was almost comforting by that point.
One day, the shy boy (who had become less shy, then, but still just as eager to accept the sweet wrappers) brought a girl with him, with pretty blue eyes and freckles. "This is Hannah," he said slowly, clearly. Alice nodded and smiled and wished she knew what a Hannah was, because she seemed to be making the shy boy very happy.
A little while later, the person they called Hannah started showing up with a diamond on her finger like the one Alice had. Sometime after that, Hannah grew very fat, then suddenly very thin again, and then there was a tiny little person wrapped in a pink blanket being brought to see her, too.
The tiny little person made Alice feel so happy, in such a familiar way, that tears began to roll down her cheeks. And once again, she wished she knew why.
twinkle, twinkle little star
The man who looked like Frank had developed a nasty cough. People in starched white robes passed by his bed more often, frowning as they did so. The shy boy – who was really a man now, with wrinkles round his eyes and greying hair – starting coming more often, something he hadn't done since the little people had arrived. The air was filled with dread, and Alice found herself unable to eat.
Something was going to happen, something bad, she knew. And there wasn't much that Alice knew, these days.
She woke up one morning to find the bed next to her stripped, the blankets folded neatly and left in a pile in the centre of the bed. "He's gone, dearie," a woman with a kindly face said, as she stopped by Alice's bed to get her dressed. "He passed on last night, but he'll be at peace now, don't you worry. And your Neville will be along to see you later, won't that be nice, hmm?"
Alice wondered what a Neville was, and what she was supposed to do with one now that she seemed to have acquired it. And most of all, she wondered where the man who looked like Frank had gotten to. A few days later, they put her in the special moving chair and she went with the shy boy and the Hannah person to another building. The building contained lots of people dressed in black, and a shiny wooden box with flowers on it. Alice was more confused than ever.
The people dressed in black kept saying that it was a terrible business, but at least he was resting soundly now, so you needn't worry yourself, Mrs. Longbottom – not that she understood what they meant by all that. Instead, she looked around for the man who looked like Frank, but he didn't appear. The Hannah lady kept stroking the shy boy's back, muttering soothing sounds, and the little pink baby, who was really quite big now, kept tucking Alice's blanket more securely around her and glancing at her worriedly. Alice wanted to ask her if she knew where the Frank man had got to, but she didn't know how to, and she also couldn't remember what the girl was called.
They took her back to her bed, in the strange little place she spent all of her time soon enough, but she didn't like it without the man there. It was strange – she never used to pay him that much attention, but now she felt as though she might be missing some vital limb. Night time was the worst – she couldn't sleep, so she just stared into the inky blackness. The dark brought back different memories; scary ones, painful ones.
Those memories hurt.
They gave her potions which made her sleep, and that was all she ate. They started frowning in concern in her direction, and the shy boy visited more and more frequently – or maybe she was just sleeping more in between his trips to see her.
Alice liked sleeping. It meant she didn't have to think.
how I wonder what you are
"Alice? Alice!"
When she woke up, she felt...softer than she had for a long time. It was a strange sensation, but the only way she could think of to describe the feeling of suddenly having plumper, smoother skin; of her bed feeling like it was made of feathers and her nightgown's silkiness next to her skin. She sat up easily, her joints having stopped aching, and even her eyes seemed sharper.
"Alice!" She turned, and saw Frank – and she knew it was him, for once she was sure – smiling at her. He looked slightly ethereal, and much younger – like he did in her memories. But she recognised him nonetheless, and reached out to him. Her hand passed straight through his, and she frowned.
"You've got to come with me, Alice," he said. "You've got to let go and come with me!"
She felt suddenly scared. "You will...definitely...be there?" she croaked out, and her voice sounded strange to her own ears.
"I will be there," he said, "I will wait for you, and then we'll have all the time in the world together. You and me, Allie darling, just think!" His happiness was infectious, and his wink and smile soothed her nerves, just like it had all those years ago.
Alice knew that this was it, this was her "the end", but she also knew that she would finally get to be with Frank. And so, happier than she had been in years, Alice slipped away, ready to spend an eternity with her Frank.
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