Special Report - Japanese Gymnastics Team recruits Persacon
Ah, Japan; what have they given us? Giant robots beating the ever-loving crap out of giant monsters to "protect the planet", yet levelling entire cities in the process? Check. Said giant monsters taking roles in bizarre porn films? Check. Making the West obsessed with the aforementioned giant robots and equally giant monsters? Hell yes.
But now, after Sony have invented the Persacon (a humanoid computer and sex doll in one), they have released the latest model: The "Persacon X2300 Beta STGi: Sports Version". A press release was issued by Sony's Robotics Division. An except from a planned advertisement follows:
"Tired of beating off to the same Chinese gymnasts winning the same competitions over and over again every four years? The new Persacon X2300 Beta STGi: Sports Version with interchangeable faces, clothes and busts is available in two weeks! […] The new Persacon X2300 Beta STGi: Sports Version: For the lolicon in you!"
The Japanese Gymnastics coach Hitsugaya Izumi (don't ask us how to pronounce this) has recruited a prototype of this model, and is expecting a clean sweep of the 2012 Olympics, saying "Our plan is the awesome! Judges will be having so much super happy fun time with magic wand they will give 10s all around, desu!"
An English translation of the above quote is expected in a few days.