Akihiko
Akihiko stares at the laptop screen where a single sentence adorns the top of an otherwise blank document. Writer's block is unusual for him. His problems come later in the process; sorting out, ordering and making sense of the rivers of words. Words are flowing out like endless rain into a paper cup, they slither while they pass… No, he needs to get a grip.
He goes downstairs to get some coffee, and when he pours it the glass shatters and there are shards and coffee all over the counter, dripping on the floor. If Misaki had been here, he'd be jumping up and down shouting "I've told you a million times where the heat-proof glasses are!". But Misaki isn't here, and that's where Akihiko's problems begin and end.
Aikawa has taken Misaki to a book fair, and even though it's in Tokyo they've opted to stay at a nearby hotel to save travelling time. Akihiko tries to tell himself it's ridiculous; his world can't fall apart because Misaki is away for three days, but the truth is it does.
He inspects the mess on the counter and gets tired just looking at it, so he sits down on the floor, getting coffee on his trousers. Whenever he closes his eyes he sees them together, Aikawa and Misaki, in a hotel room, chatting and drinking and laughing into each other's eyes. Misaki adores Aikawa and it's mutual, but up to now Akihiko has never been bothered by it – on the contrary, he's been pleased. Now he's suddenly consumed by base, embarrassing jealousy. Misaki is so young and Akihiko is his only sexual experience – what if he gets it into his head to see what it's like with a woman? Trust me, Misaki has said a hundred times, but Aikawa is so beautiful. And what about her – is she above getting into bed with Misaki even though she knows that they... even though she knows?
Akihiko lies down on the floor, getting coffee on his shirt as well. It scares him, the way his entire existence revolves around Misaki. It's not sane being so dependent on another human being. He has never, ever loved anyone like this – his love for Takahiro seems like a childish crush in comparison, despite the pain it caused him for years. What he feels for Misaki goes beyond anything he's ever imagined.
And he has a vivid imagination, which is part of what makes him a good writer, but right now he'd like to exchange it for complete dusty dullness of mind. Aikawa's eyes closing as Misaki's hand comes up under her hair at the back of her neck and he kisses her… his fingers trembling as they unbutton her blouse and find her breasts… Aikawa throwing her head back as she straddles him, Misaki's mouth half open and his face flushed with pleasure…
It's undignified to be eaten alive by his emotions like this, and Akihiko can't stand it another second. He changes into clean clothes and rushes out to rescue Misaki from Aikawa's claws, or at least his own mind from the demon of jealousy.
Misaki
As always in the morning, Misaki is on auto-pilot – shower, breakfast, a load of laundry if needed... Yawning, he moves clothes from the laundry basket to the washing machine. When he mechanically empties pockets (he once washed a white shirt of Usagi's that had a scrap of red paper in the breast pocket and the whole load came out a sickly pink), he finds a note in Usagi's trouser pocket saying The usual café at 2.
Misaki stares at the note between his fingers, realising he has no idea what Usagi does with his days when Misaki is at university or at work. He has just assumed that Usagi either writes or sleeps, but of course he may be doing anything when Misaki isn't there – like meeting someone special at the usual café.
Misaki's vision blurs with tears as he quickly stuffs the rest of the clothes into the washing machine without bothering to empty any more pockets. If there are more notes of this kind, he prefers them to be washed into pulp.
He avoids Usagi's eyes over breakfast and slips away from his kiss, leaving Usagi with that helplessly hurt look on his face that really truly breaks Misaki's heart, but what can he do?
He hears nothing of the lectures, just sits through them; the professor's voice providing a backdrop of white noise for his own whirling thoughts.
When he slouches into Aikawa's office in the afternoon his misery must be written all over him, for she gives him one look and asks: "What's the matter? You look like a drenched kitten."
Misaki waves it aside with a lame joke but he can see she's not deceived. Neither is Usagi, when Misaki returns home in the evening. Misaki quietly takes out vegetables from the fridge to start cooking when Usagi's arms come round him from behind, his lips moving down the back of Misaki's neck. Misaki's body responds like it always does to Usagi's warm touch, but his mind is filled with a nasty, dull ache and he only wants to cry. He doesn't have the energy to pull away, so in the end he just stands there listlessly, arms hanging. Usagi notices, of course.
"Misaki? What's wrong?"
"Nothing," Misaki mutters. "Go away, I'm trying to cook. I'm sure you have better things to do than talking to me."
Usagi turns him around and lifts his chin.
"I can think of a few better things to do than talking to you, perhaps," he says and kisses Misaki's ear to demonstrate. "But no better things to do without you."
Tears sting Misaki's eyes and he pulls away violently, the knife falling to the floor two millimetres from his toes. "Are you seeing someone?" he hears himself say.
Usagi's arms are warm and hard, pulling him in and not letting go. "I'm seeing you. What's going on? Why are you asking?"
Misaki takes a deep breath, turns around and meets Usagi's gaze defiantly. "I found a note in your pocket this morning. It said to meet someone at the usual café."
Usagi blinks, and then relaxes visibly. A smile appears at the corners of his mouth. "If you ask Aikawa," he says, "she'll tell you how I threw her out – literally; I carried her to the door – so she'd let me sleep. Sometimes we meet at the coffee shop around the corner, when I need to get out of the house. She slipped a note through the letterbox before she left. Really, Misaki, you ought to recognise her handwriting by now."
Weak with relief, Misaki leans his head on Usagi's shoulder. When Usagi notices his shirt is getting soaked he takes Misaki's face in his hands, and the kiss lasts so long it feels like being under water.