So I'm trying an OTH story. It's been haunting me since I've seen some old eps and some great Youtube videos.

Just Breathe

Chapter 1: An Anniversary Better Forgotten

Do you ever wonder about the paths that our lies take? The hows and whys to it? How we affect each other?

There's a song that saids people come into our lives for a reason and change us. We might not know the reason--- the why--- but we'll have been changed for good.

Only sometimes it's not the coming that changes us so much as the leaving--- and if we're lucky—the return. . .

Karen Roe wiped down the counter of Karen's Café with a tired but contented sigh. She was out of practice, but knew that it would all come back to her with time. . . Well not all, she thought sadly, just enough to make the return to Tree Hill worth while.

At the sound of the closed café's door opening she looked up and then smiled as her son came in, her daughter perched on his shoulders as he was followed in by his half-brother who was swinging his own son upside down. Shaking her head, Karen couldn't help but laugh. "Well you four certainly look like you had a good time," she remarked as Lucas lowered his sister to the floor and Nathan swung Jamie right side up.

"We had the bestest time in the whole world!" Lily exclaimed as she ran to her mother and clung to her leg.

"Yeah Auntie Karen, we had fun. But we're hungry now," Jamie put in as Nathan lowered him to the ground.

"James Lucas Scott!" Nathan started to admonish as Karen laughed at the young boy. "Its ok, Nathan. Come on you two, I'll get you something to eat," she said as she started to lead them out of the dining area.

"What about us, Mom?" Lucas teased.

Looking over her shoulder, Karen replied easily: "you're a big boy now, Lucas," she started to her daughter's delight. "And you certainly know your way around here. Get it yourself."

Shaking his head, Lucas stifled a laugh as his mother led the chattering children into the kitchen area. "Hales will kill me for not correcting him," Nathan remarked as he took a seat at the counter.

"Let my mom get her amusement where she can, especially today of all days," Lucas answered as he grabbed two cups and started to pour coffee for the two of them.

"Why? What's today?" Nathan asked as he accepted one of the cups, causing Lucas to stop short.

"Well, Dan Jr. strikes again," Lucas muttered over the rim of his own cup.

Nathan frowned at his older brother's words and tone, especially since it had been years since he had last referred to him in such a light. "Ok, what'd I do--- or not do--- to have you referring to our father?"

"Your father, Nathan."

"Lucas. . ."

"My father's dead, Nathan, remember? Oh, wait, you apparently don't."

"What the hell is that supposed to mean?" Nathan asked, his back going up even more at his brother's words.

"I really think the extreme sports has damaged what little brain function you had," Lucas snarked as he put his cup down on the counter. "You really don't remember what today is, do you?"

"I don't know, man," Nathan admitted, surprised as pain flashed across Lucas's face, as he rubbed at his forehead. "But it's not just your mom, is it? I mean, Haley was out of sorts this morning. Clingy with Jamie. Warned me that they'd probably call a code red at the schools today. That was why she wanted me to pick Jamie up from school as soon as the day counted for attendance.

Guess she must have said something to Karen since you picked Lils up too."

"She didn't have to," Lucas corrected his brother, then clarified: "The rumors of copycats had me planning to before my mom even asked. It's also why Skillz and I canceled practices for the day."

"A copy. . ." Nathan started then cursed as realization sunk in: "shit. Today's. . ."

"Eight years," Lucas filled in, his voice lowering so that his mother wouldn't hear the discussion: "Eight years ago today, Jimmy walked into One Three High and started shooting. Shot Peyton. Killed himself. . ."

"And dear old dad killed Keith," Nathan finished for him in a solemn voice.

"Yeah."

"I can't believe that I didn't realize," Nathan admitted in self disgust shaking his head, then continued in concern: "look, let me grab Jamie. Your mom. . ."

"Needs the distraction," Lucas admitted to him, then softened his tone: "Nathan, today hasn't been easy for her. I went with her to the cemetery this morning. That in itself was tough on her, but what followed. . ."

"Don't me Dan had the nerve to show up."

"No, even he isn't that stupid. Cemetery or not I would've kicked his ass."

"Kick our father's ass on our Uncle's grave, classy."

"I would've pulled him to the road before I laid the smack down on him," Lucas corrected with slight amusement at the thought of taking his frustration out on his biological father. "Besides, that's not it," he continued as Nathan rolled his eyes. "When I got her home her divorce papers were there."

"Nice," Nathan muttered. "What? Andy couldn't have his lawyers hold off the papers for one day?"

Lucas shrugged: "he feels cheated. Mom didn't love him enough. Try enough."

"So, you, me, Skillz, and Mouth are taking him down when?" Nathan asked simply.

Lucas snorted in response. "If only we could."

"And we can't why"

"We're old, married men. Settled," Lucas reminded with a laugh.

"Married and settled I'll take. Old?" Nathan shook his head, "speak for yourself older brother."

"One, its not even a year. Two, just who beat who on those courts last night?"

"I let you win."

"Yeah. Right."

"What? You want a rematch?" Nathan challenged, knowing his brother was usually up for a game or two.

"Do you two ever grow up?" Karen asked as she walked back into the dining area with Jamie and Lily.

At her words, Lucas and Nathan shared a look and shrugged: "Older, yeah," Lucas started.

"Up? Never," Nathan finished.

Shaking her head, Karen couldn't help but laugh: "well, it's good to know some things never change she remarked as she bent down: "so Lily, Jamie, you want to go watch these two take each other on?"

"My Dad's going to win!" Jamie announced confidently.

"Nah unnn. Lucas will win!" Lily shot back.

"Great, our own cheering sections," Lucas remarked easily as Jamie ran over to his dad and Lily looked up at him in total confidence.

"I'll call Skillz and Mouth after Haley."

"I'll call Peyton and Brooke," Lucas conceded.

"And I'll pack some food for the group," Karen interjected. "That is if I can find a couple of helpers about. . . yay high," she said indicating Lily's height with her hand.

"I'll help Mommy!" Lily yelled, bouncing up and down in excitement.

"Me too, Aunt Karen," Jamie chirped.

"Come on then. Lets get ready," she smiled as she headed towards the kitchen the two kids in tow.

"She puts on a good act, Lucas," Nathan said watching her go.

"Don't we all?" Lucas sighed tiredly as he rubbed his shoulder absently.

"Hey you ok?" he asked he took in the movement.

"Yeah. Sure. Just dandy."

Nathan frowned slightly, but brushed off his brother's reaction as being due to the day: "think Haley and I should offer to take Lily for tonight?"

"Yeah. Mom's feeling Keith's loss keenly today so take her connection to him," Lucas said with a shake of his head, "Peyton and I will be home with them tonight. But, that's not saying that one night next week she might not need the extra sets of hands."

Nathan let his brother's dig go as he nodded: "you're going out of town, right?"

"Yeah. Book junket," Lucas said unenthusiastically.

"Well then, I'll talk to Hales, but we could probably do Friday night. And don't worry," Nathan added moving to clap his brother on his shoulder: "I'll look after all three of your girls while you're gone."

Lucas laughed: "I don't think you should let my Mom hearing you say that."

"Whatever. Let's just make these calls so I can whip your ass."

"Keep dreaming, Nathan. Keep dreaming. . ."

The man stood in the driveway of a house that wasn't truly his, staring at the basketball hoop in the encroaching darkness, a sadness weighing him down. Dribbling a basketball, he lost himself in the rythmatic cadence it made against the blacktop; the fact that it was the only move he was confident he could make with it annoying him.

Only, he had to admit, that that wasn't the only thing bothering him. He knew what today was.
What it represented, even if he couldn't remember the entirety of its aftermath.

Eight years ago he had tried to save a life.
He had failed.

Eight years ago he had promised her he'd be ok.
He had lied.

Eight years ago he had everything--- the life he had dreamt of for more years than he cared to admit to--- within reach.
He had lost it.

Not because of his actions, but rather because of his inactions.

And for all intents and purposes eight years ago he had died. Only thing was it wasn't the bullet fired into his chest by his younger brother that had killed him, it was finding out just a few months later that losing him had led to her death.

So here he was--- alone.
Unknown.
A walking dead man with only dreams of what might have been to keep him warm at night, and more often, nightmares of what never was waking him up in a cold sweat. . .

Slowing his movements, he listened to the quietness of the night, turning slightly at the sound of the heels clicking on the pavement.

Bending, he picked up the ball and stood, an unreadable expression on his once open face as he took in the house's owner and his former sister-in-law: "Deb, what are you doing here?" he asked unemotionally.

"Well, that's a fine welcome," the blonde chided gently as she threw back her hair. "I figured you wouldn't want to be alone tonight."

"This is one of the main nights of the year that I choose to be alone," he reminded her. "That's why I'm not at work," he added as he turned and started towards the house, his gait slightly off due to a slight limp.

"So you're not even going to invite me in?" she pouted.

Pausing, he looked over his shoulder: "it's your house. Do what you want, but don't expect me to be hospitable."

"After all the years I was married to Dan I can deal with an inhospitable man," she remarked trailing after him, disappointed that she couldn't get a rise out of him. Skillz must be making me soft. I can usually get something out of him to block the case and keep anyone from finding out the truth. "Keith?"

"I'm tired, Deb. Make yourself a drink. Watch a movie. Take the guest room for all I care. I'm going to bed," he told her, his voice thick with annoyance, then added for good measure knowing how she could be: "alone."

"I'm married now."

"And since when has that ever stopped you?" he shot back.

"Keith!"

Sighing he turned and looked at her, letting her see how haunted his eyes were and how truly tired he was: "I'm sorry, Deb. I shouldn't have said that, but as much as I've forgiven, I can't forget. . ." he apologized softly.

"What happened wasn't. . ." Deb started to protest automatically.

"It never is, is it?" Keith interrupted. "Dan shot me because of something you did.

No amount of house, businesses, cars, or money will change that," he continued, his voice dripping with anger. "It won't bring my family back.

Won't give me the change to see Karen again.
To explain what happened.

Won't give me the chance to get married to her.
To hold our child.
Watch it grow up.

It won't make up for the fact that I wasn't there when she died.
Wasn't there to say goodbye to her.
To bury our child.
Not to help Lucas get through it or make Dan pay for what he did to us!" he railed. "I didn't die eight years ago tonight, Deb.

I survived because I could hear her--- somehow I heard her telling me to just breathe.
That if I were to breathe it would all be ok.

And I did.
And I fought.
I fought to get back to them--- to her.
But I stopped breathing the minute you told me that they died."

"Keith," Deb gasped, a mixture of warning emotions streaming across her face in the face of the cost of her deception.

"I died that day, Deb. Only my body--- well most of it--- hasn't figured that out yet," he finished as he deflated noticeably "now if you'll excuse me I'm going to bed. If I'm lucky I'll dream of being with them in a garden where we're all healthy and happy.

And if I'm not--- well, I'll still dream of them, only I'll hear her begging Dan for their lives the way I couldn't and didn't. . ."