Lennie hadn't fallen off the wagon since the night Claire Kincaid died, but he knew it had happened again before he was fully awake and could truly appreciate the sickening, wasteful feelings of a hangover.
He quickly realized that the hangover wasn't his only malady. The pain rang out like a bell, as if to remind him of what had happened the night before.
But he hadn't forgotten.
It was late, but the bar was dark and practically abandoned - just the kind of place Lennie was looking for. A place where he could enjoy the solitude and nurse his wounds. He had planned to do it sober, but to hell with it. He'd deal with the guilt later.
Only a woman could make him throw away his vow of sobriety. The stupid part was that the woman in question was not Cathy, now four years in the cold, unforgiving ground. He hadn't fallen off the wagon when she was killed.
But here he was, drinking away thoughts of Anita Van Buren.
A woman who he deeply cared for, but could not have - at least for the time being. Also a woman who was deeply hurting because she had simply been tossed aside - like a piece of garbage - by a man who she had faithfully devoted most of her adult life to.
And there was not a damned thing Lennie could do about it except stand by and watch her try to hold herself together, to remain professional despite the fact that her entire world was being ripped to shreds. She was doing a pretty good job of it, too - except that with Lennie, she had let her guard down. He knew the depth of her pain.
More than anything, he wished that he could make it go away - by replacing Don's betrayal with the promise of his own faithful love. But that was impossible. Anita had accepted his offer of a shoulder to cry on, but that was as far as it would go. He realized that to her, he was not much better than Don. His own adulterous behaviour might have happened years ago, but that fact was not an exoneration.
Guilt. Frustration. Love.
What better things to do with those feelings than drown them in booze?
What was it that Jack McCoy had said that fateful night?
"Of all the gin joints in all the world..."
Six years later, it was still true. Because just as the alcohol was beginning to erase Lennie's troubles from memory - which was the thing about drinking that he truly missed - more revelers came in from the night. Including Don Van Buren and a few of his buddies.
He didn't see Lennie sitting at the bar, and Lennie wasn't about to make his presence known. He was, however, going to stay put and finish his job of getting thoroughly wasted. The fact that Anita's soon to be ex-husband was also in this bar only made the task that much easier.
Don & Co. had seated themselves at a booth not far from where Lennie was sitting. And as the hours wore on and their drinking got louder, they became quite difficult to ignore.
Especially when their conversation turned to Don's love life.
"You old dog! Way to get Marci pregnant..." one of his friends cajoled.
"Yeah, but I love her," Don retorted. "She's the best damned woman in the entire world. Much better than that old bitch I'm married to."
That was it. Lennie got up from his seat, staggering to Don's table.
"Van Buren!" he shouted.
Don looked up, shocked to find his wife's colleague standing in front of him.
"You low-down son of a bitch," Lennie sneered.
He hadn't intended for it to happen, but his fist came squarely into contact with Don Van Buren's jaw.
Now here he was - locked in a holding cell in the 61st Precinct. In addition to his hangover, he was sporting a black eye and a few missing teeth for his efforts thanks to Don's friends, who went into action after Lennie socked him. The fight had to be broken up by several other patrons, and the combatants kept apart until the police arrived.
This was going to be a fine mess. He was probably going to be charged with public drunkenness and assault, and Internal Affairs was bound to get involved...
But right now he had to deal with his lieutenant, who had come to bail him out.
"Just what in the hell do you think you're doing?" Anita demanded.
"I'm sorry," Lennie said. "But I couldn't stand by and watch him talk about you like that. I love you."
finis