Author's note: Hey, I started a new story! Actually, I've been planning this for a long while, but I could never really decide if it's any good or not. I'm still not too sure to be honest, but I'll let you say what you think. It's gonna be angsty more than fluffy, but it's also a lot about getting better and finding real love, so don't be too afraid.

I've built the story on the lyrics of Maria Mena's song Habits. (It's a great song and you should definitely listen to it to know what this is about!... And even if you're not going to read this.) It's going to consist of short chapters, each of which are based on one line of the song, although not necessarily in the order of song, but more in the order of what works for this story.

I don't know yet how long this is going to be or how long it's going to take for me to finish it, as I have some other stuff in real life that I really should focus on right now. I mostly decided to post this, because 1gleefan pleaded me to write more klaine, and how could I say no to such a nice request. :) I'm not making any promises about posting schedule, but do know, that I'm usually most motivated to write more and faster by reviews from my readers telling me that they want to read more. ;)

Disclaimer: I do not own Glee or it's characters, nor do I own Maria Mena's song lyrics.

I am a creature of habit

"Hey, jerk! You almost made me spill coffee on my hundred-dollar shirt!" Kurt shouts after the receding back of the man, who pushed past him in his hurry to reach the trains. The man turns back enough to shrug but then continues without saying anything.

Typical. It fits the day Kurt's having, and it definitely isn't Kurt Hummel's day. He's returning from the Vogue offices after a difficult day, after his idea being deemed too risky and not doable, and after overhearing some people gossip about him and the guy he met at work, who he has been dating. It wasn't really bad gossip, but it irks him to no end, because he knows, knows that this guy isn't good for him and the guy has to go. He's been lying to himself long enough, but it's coming to him now, in an annoyingly (depressingly) familiar way. In that particular way that Kurt knows he can't push the feeling back any longer. The guy is just a mistake in a long line of mistakes.

He looks at the line in front of him, waiting to get on the metro, and it's not hard at all to change that image of strangers into the mental image of all the guys he's dated only to realise that it was once again just his mind giving him false hope and trying to hold back the loneliness that threatens to cripple his heart every single day, somewhere deep down. And if he's brutally honest to himself (which he tries to avoid as much as possible on a normal day), he probably picked all those guys for one reason only: they are people he would never end up with permanently. They are safe, boring and not at all his type, kind and unthreatening- perfectly replaceable, nothing to miss after it's all over.

Kurt sits in the artificially lit car, looking around at the people, most of them probably returning from work, and thinks of how many times he's done this. How many days he has returned from work, at this exact same hour, on this exact same train, only to return to his apartment he shares with his only real friend Santana. And more than that, how many times he's travelled the way home, knowing he will have a date that night, on which he is going to break up with his hopelessly infatuated boyfriend that he can't pretend to like anymore. It scares him, how normal this feels, how he doesn't even feel the guilt and disappointment anymore, because there's nothing new for him in this. He knows the script, has gone through it more times than he cares to remember. Like a habit: meet a guy, make him like you, pretend you like them back, lie to yourself that you're content as long as you can, until you can't anymore, and then break up because there's no other way out if it.

Kurt doesn't think he's hurting these guys on purpose. He's an extremely good liar, and especially when it comes to lying to himself. He picks these guys on purpose, and deep down he always knows it, but on the surface he can convince himself that it's not like that this time, that this guy could be the right one, that this guy is different and special. And he believes it, he works his hardest to believe it, even defends them and himself to the scoffing, bored Santana. Until that one day, when it all rises from the dark corners of his head back to the surface and he can't keep up the lie, because it feels like he's suffocating under it.

He reaches the right station and steps out, climbs the stairs and looks at the scenery he has looked at so many times it's almost forgotten, like the feeling of your clothes against your skin. For some strange reason he notices it today, more than before. Like when a grain of sand gets under your clothes and suddenly it itches and you can't forget the feeling of it or your clothes. Then he notices that there's some sort of minor roadwork in process. Maybe that's his grain of sand.

He stops at the right building, another piece of clothing, presses the elevator to the right floor and gets in. Santana isn't home, which just means she's been held up at work. In a sense they're a really good pair of friends for each other, they both are so predictable in their own fiercely proud and independent, yet self-destructive ways, that they have no problem knowing what the other is doing or thinking or planning at any given time.

He sits down on the sofa, and only has time to watch a few minutes of the not at all interesting (and also in that sense, safe) late afternoon shows, when he hears the door slide open and sees Santana entering. She sits down with a sigh and crosses her booted legs in a way that tells Kurt she hasn't had such a great day either. It seems neither of them do, very often.

"Not a great day?" Kurt asks, as a substitute for a greeting, more than a real question.

"Not really, no."

"Me neither." Kurt let's out a breath, and Santana turns to look at him with a knowing look.

"You finally got your head out of your figurative ass -again- and realised the blonde puppy terrier is not good for you -again?" she sneers, but Kurt can hear the undertone of sympathy, even if it comes with a strong sense of exasperation. In these moments, when he's seeing things clearly and admitting things to himself, he can totally understand it - not that Santana has any podium to stand on, as she's just as fucked up as he is, when it comes to relationships. The only difference is, that she doesn't even pretend the girls she brings home are the right ones for her, she just fucks, then sends them home without her number or any promises, and does her best to pretend it doesn't hurt her just a little inside, every time. It doesn't make her comments about the long line of Kurt's so called mister Rights any less true, though. It does seem like they both see each other's mistakes much clearer than their own.

"Yes. I'm gonna meet him today," Kurt sighs. Santana rises up to go to the bathroom, with a smirk and a "good luck with that." But when she passes Kurt on the sofa, she rubs his shoulder and promises to have the ice cream ready. And that's really what makes them so good friends, in the end, because they never leave each other to suffer of their own mistakes alone, even if they know the history is just going to repeat itself again and again.

/

"It's not working."

"What? Why? I thought we were having a nice time together, I thought we had something-"

"No we didn't. I pretended we did, but we really didn't."

"How can you say that?"

"Because it's true. I'm sorry. I'm sorry, feel free to dislike me or whatever makes it easier for you. You're not a bad guy, you're just not the kind of guy I would ever feel anything for."

"You told me the opposite just yesterday!"

"Well.. I lied. To myself as well, but it was a lie anyway."

"Is there anything I could do to-"

"No, there really isn't."

"Fuck you."

/

Afterwards, he doesn't even use the name of the guy in his head. He's just another guy in the long line waiting for the metro, going back to where ever he came from. He just takes the train home and finds Santana waiting with their usual brand of post-breakup ice cream and watch bad tv-shows to feel better about themselves.

Yes, Kurt Hummel has all kinds of habits.

A/N: So! Tell me if I should continue with this, or if I should just dump the whole idea and move on.. :) (Blaine is going to appear in the next part, I promise!)