Stephanie tries to cope with everything going wrong in her life: Ranger ignoring her and "not wanting her the way she wants him to", or so she thinks Joe cheating on her, her mother nagging her to work at the button factory. She decides to turn to the most unlikely person to help her become the "Stephanie" everyone wants her to be. Who will she turn to?
You know when you're younger and you do something stupid, like jump off your garage roof and break your leg, and your mom looks at you like you're not her child, and you're just the biggest disappointment? Yeah, that is exactly how my mother is looking at me and exactly how I feel right now. Isn't life grand?
If you're just now tuning in to the Stephanie Plum show, let me give you the rundown of what has happened up to this point in my life.
It all started about a month ago when everything that I thought was part of an okay life went to hell in a hand basket. I had just got back to Morelli's place after spending the entire afternoon chasing skips and getting ridiculed by TPD. I just wanted to crawl into the bath and soak until I shriveled up into nothing. I opened the door only to be greeted with God-awful moaning and other noises I did not even want to begin to decipher.
I bounded up the stairs and stopped outside of the bedroom doors and listened to Morelli moan and groan and he banged some other chick into oblivion. I listened closer and heard him scream, "Fuck, yeah Joyce. You want it harder?". And that was all the incentive I needed to go back to my truck, issued by Rangeman, and grab my gun. Lately, I've had it loaded for some odd reason, but I never thought I would actually use it. I took myself back up the stairs and opened the door, hiding the gun in the waist band of my jeans. I promise you, I stood there for a good five minutes before he noticed me standing there.
"Holy shit, Steph! What the fuck are you doing here?"
"You know, I could ask you the same thing, but I can see it. So I'm just gonna grab my stuff and leave you to fucking the whore of city. Oh, and Morelli, I think we should break up. And I hope you have a nice life with a bullet in your ass."
"Cupcake? What are you talking about?"
I pulled the gun from my jeans, aimed, and fired, hitting my intended target. Morelli's ass. I grabbed what little clothes I had in his closet and left.
I walked back out to my truck, holding back my tears, while dialing 911 for his sake before he bled all over Joyce. What I didn't notice was the tall dark figure leaning against my truck.
"Babe."
I looked up and saw Ranger standing there, the epitome of sex on legs, looking at me like he knew what was going on.
"What the hell do you want Ranger?" I was about to walk around him when he grabbed to back of my shirt and wrapped his arms around, tightly. As if to tell me something he just couldn't say. The minute his arms encased around me, I lost it. I cried my eyes out until I was just whimpering. But these weren't tears of sadness. God no, these were tears of me being pissed off for years, finally spilling and taking over.
"Babe, come on. Let's get you home." He pulled me to his truck when reality hit me hard and just pissed me off even more.
"Fuck! I can't go home because I have no home to go to. I sold my apartment last week. I sure as hell don't want to go and stay with my parents. I'd shoot myself in the ass before I went to live with my parents again."
"Don't shoot yourself in the ass. I like your ass. And you can come stay with me in my apartment." I thought about it and realized I had no other choice.
"Fine. But the minute you get tired of me, I'll find another place to stay."
"Babe, trust me. That'll never happen."
So off we went to Haywood. I never once looked at Ranger on the ride there. I just reveled in the silence the enveloped the car. I never noticed when we pulled into the garage, or when Ranger carried me up to the apartment. When he set me down on the couch I stepped out of my little world only to see Ranger looking at me with concern in his eyes.
"Don't worry about me, Batman. I'll start looking for a place tomorrow so I can be out of your hair sooner."
"That won't be necessary. You are to stay here. For as long as you need to." His phone started going off before he could continue.
"Go save the world Batman. I'm just going to go to bed for the night. Go do what you need to do." I started looking around for extra pillows and covers when Ranger said,
"You're sleeping in my bed, Babe. Nowhere else." I felt heat rush everywhere in my body at once. Only Ranger can be so nice and sexual at the same time and actually pull it off.
He answered his phone and walked into the other room for privacy. I shrugged my shoulders and walked into the bedroom. It was then that I realized that I left most of my stuff at Morelli's. I had no clothes, make up, hair products. Nothing. I didn't want to ask Ranger for money so I was just going to borrow one of his shirts till I can go shopping tomorrow.
I walked in the closet and stopped dead in my tracks when I flipped the lights on. All of Ranger's clothes had been moved to one side of the closet, only to be replaced by female's clothes that just happened to be my size, on the other side.
"I had Ella go shopping for you about a week ago. All of this was supposed to be for your birthday, but you need it now. I called for her to bring it up on our way here."
I was astonished at the amount of clothes that were here. This must have cost a lot of money.
"Nothing could ever cost too much when it comes to you Babe."
I must've said that out loud. Ranger gave me one of his famous 200-watt smiles only to confirm my suspicion.
"I'm going to be on the couch tonight. Tomorrow I leave for a mission and I don't know how long I'll be gone. If you need something, call Tank and he'll help you." With his blank face on, he walked out of the room and to the living room, not speaking to me the rest of the night. I knew I was never good enough for Ranger to ever sleep with me again.
Damn. I was really hoping to sleep next that man tonight without Joe on my mind. The Gods must not like me very much right now.
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The next morning I woke up in an unfamiliar bed with really soft sheets and soft pillows… that's when everything came back quick fast in a heartbeat. I remembered catching Joe with Joyce, Ranger being there, coming back to the apartment, getting an early birthday present, and Ranger telling me he won't be here when I wake up the next morning. Maybe I was dreaming this part, but I could've sworn I heard him say "Be safe please, Babe." Maybe I was delusional and going crazy.
I finally crawled out of bed thirty minutes later and got into the shower. I noticed a big bottle of Bulgari and knew that God left this here for a reason.
I finished my shower and stepped out of the stall. I looked at the clock and saw that it was… ELEVEN!!! God only knew when my mom heard about me and Joe, but who knew how many times she's called. I ran out of the bedroom only to find the living room filled with Merry Men. Tank, Bobby, Lester, Hal, Ram and Cal were all sitting around Ranger's living room, apparently waiting on something.
"Damn Bombshell. Never knew you had quite a pair of legs on you. I mean, I've seen them before, but not quite so… bear… and wet." Lester was openly gawking at my legs while the rest of the guys were looking in other direction to give me privacy. I wrapped the towel around me tighter. Such nice guys, but what the hell were they doing here?
"Uh, guys, what are you doing here?"
"Ranger wanted us to check up on you. We've been here since ten thirty. That's when we heard the shower turn on. We didn't expect you to come out in just a towel." Tank said.
"Well, you know I'm alive and well. Now go before I shoot you. That means you too Lester." I watched all the guys leave and Lester walk out with his hung low. He turned and looked at me with hopeful eyes; I shook my head no and pointed at the door.
As soon as his sulking form turned the corner and closed the door, I ran to the kitchen and looked through my purse in search of my phone. I found it, only to see that my phone had died. Fuck.
I ran back to the bedroom and walked into the closet. Looking for something to wear was going to be difficult with all of these great clothes to choose from. I grabbed a t-shirt, a pair of jeans, panties and a bra and I got dressed for the day. I made a mental list of all the things I had to do today and made sure to add "TALK TO TANK" in there somewhere. Yesterday made me realize that I need to make some changes in my life. First being the lifestyle I had.
First stop on my list of things to do was go by the bonds office and pick up any flies that were there for me. I made a quick detour to the donut shop and picked up a dozen tasty cakes for Connie, Lula and me. When I pulled up to the office, I noticed Lula's red firebird was already here. That means she most likely already knows, along with Connie, about what happened yesterday. Time to face the music.
I heaved myself out of truck and into the office, only to be immediately assaulted with bombardment.
"Skinny white, what the hell were you thinkin' shootin' Supercop in the ass? That was a fine ass and you had to go and ruin it for the man. What the hell is wrong with you?" I looked at Connie, waiting for her to start in on me along with Lula.
"I'm not saying a damn thing. I know what happened and I commend you for not shooting Joyce right in head along with Morelli. That's the second time that shit has happened to you."
"Wait! You didn't tell me that part. Joyce was the one he was bangin' behind your back?! No! I wish that bitch would walk up in here again and I'll bust a cap right in her ass just for you white girl."
"Thanks Lula. That won't be necessary though. I really don't care anymore. I hope they're happy together." We all heard loud music coming down the street and turned to see the devil park their car in the lot.
Joyce angled her leather clad legs out of her car and ambled her way up the walk and into the office.
"Why, hello there Stephanie. I'm sorry you had to find out about me and Joe like that yesterday. It's for the best though. I suggest you move on with your life." She smiled at me thinking that she had finally won the ever long war between us.
"Trust me Joyce, I have moved on. And I have a life to live, but not before I say thank you for giving me the wakeup call I've needed for a while now. Hope you and Joe are happy with your lives."
"Don't worry Stephanie, we will be." I looked at her and gave her my best Burg eye roll. She scoffed at me and turned on her heel to walk into Vinnie's office. I turned to Connie, took my files, said goodbye and headed back to my car. I looked through my files before I left the lot and saw that it was only Mooner and Dougie and my grandmother in the pile. I made my first stop at my parent's house to pick up grandma and then went through a drive-thru to get food for Mooner.
We pulled up to Monner's place at ten and promptly knocked on his door. I heard shuffling around, but no one ever came to the door.
"Mooner? It's Steph. Open up the door. I brought lunch and maybe hoping to catch some Gilligan's Island. I heard there was a twelve hour marathon." I yelled through the door but still no one ever came. My spidey senses were telling me something was wrong and that I should leave, but I couldn't just leave Mooner in there helpless.
"Grandma, I want you to go back to the truck and wait there for me. And please, for the love of all that is good, don't shoot anything!"
"Fine. Steal all my fun for the day. Hey, do you smell something burning?"
I waited for my grandma to get back in the car before I opened the door. I saw the smoke before I called out and heard the guys in the kitchen, mumbling about satanic stoves. I rounded the corner and saw flames licking up the sides of the walls.
"Mooner! Dougie! Get out of there! Leave the fire alone and come on!" They turned and saw me and ran my way. Right as we made it out of the door, the whole place blew to pieces.
The force of the explosion threw me across the driveway and into the street along with Mooner and Dougie. I felt my head hit the concrete before I could process anything. After that, God only knows what happened, before everything went black.
I woke up to this annoying beeping, thinking I was still asleep; only to remember what the hell just happened. I was in the freaking hospital! Thanks to Mooner!
"Where the hell is he? As soon as I get my hands on him, he is so dead." I listened to myself talk, my voice parched from the lack of water. As I listened closer, I could hear snickering in the background. I really didn't want to open my eyes, tired of being ridiculed for my failed attempts to correct society. But I had to see at least who it was.
I cracked open an eye to see Lester sitting in on chair, Tank standing next to him, and the one person I did not want to see; Morelli.
"Cupcake, what the hell were you thinking? You could have gotten yourself killed! Don't you think you could have at least thought of someone besides yourself before you go into a burning building! I don't see why you don't just quit…" He went on and on over his usual "Steph can't do anything right" rant. I didn't listen; I never did. I turned to Lester and nodded my head in Joe's direction. He got the point and stood up next to Joe, towering over him by a good two inches and at least fifty pounds.
Tank got the hint and took the opposite side of Joe and they both just stared at him till he shut up.
"I don't think she wants you here anymore. You need to leave."
"Steph can talk for herself. And I'll leave whenever I feel like it, dammit."
"I don't think you get it. Steph wants you gone. We want you gone. Leave her alone. You've hurt her enough. Go." In the three years I've known Tank, I have never seen him this mad or heard him say so much in one sentence.
"Listen, I really don't want to get physical with a cop, but right now you're really pushing it. I will hit a cop."
Joe turned to look at me. "Do you want me to leave, Cupcake?"
"No Joe. I want you to leave me alone. That means don't talk to me, don't call me, and don't even think about me. I'm tired of you berating me for my fuck-ups. I already feel bad enough as it is. You and everyone else: mom, you, TPD, the newspaper, everyone, are always either telling me how much of a failure I am, cracking jokes on me, or betting on when I'll mess up again. But you know what; it's all about to change. I'm gonna make all of you regret ever doubting me again. I've already talked to Tank about it, haven't I?" I looked to him, hoping he would catch my drift and pick up on the charade.
"We start training on Monday. Everything is set up for you Bombshell." He gave me a wink, letting me know he caught on. But what he didn't get was that I was serious.
"Fine. So who are you gonna crawl to next? Your parents? Manoso? His thugs? Nobody is gonna want to take care of you."
I sat up in bed for the first time to really look Joe in the eyes. "I dare you to say something else about my friends. I swear Morelli, not only will I come after you, but I'll send every one of these wonderful people, who I happen to love, that you keep talking about, after you. Leave and never talk to me again." We stared at each other, neither of us wanting to back down, until Morelli caved in and stormed out of the room.
As the door opened, Bobby came in with a huge smile on his face. The minute he saw Morelli in the room, the smile left him and turned into a scowl. He stepped to the side and let him through, eyes never leaving his retreating back until he got into the elevator.
I sank back down into the bed, my head in my hands. I lifted my head, pushing my unruly hair out of my face only to see Lester with a shit eating grin on his face.
"What are you smiling at Lester?" I asked.
"You said you loved us."
"Okay… and? Of course I love you guys. You do so much for me, how could I not love you?"
"Bomber, you have no idea how good it feels to know that you're willing to share your love with us. You're the only one who won't look at us for what we are, but who we are. We love you, too. All of us." Bobby said.
I turned to Tank, and saw that he was smiling at me too.
"You know, I was serious about me changing my life around."
"I know. I was serious too. Your training starts on Monday. Be there at 5:30 sharp."
"Is that the reason why you're smiling so much?"
"I just can't wait to see what Ranger was talking about you being a grouch in the morning. I heard it was really funny." He started laughing, along with Bobby and Lester.
I gave him by best Burg glare and they just laughed it even harder. That's okay though. This jus gave me even more incentive to make everything better. When I was finished, they wouldn't be able to laugh at me anymore.
I would make sure of that. For me. For my family. Most of all… for Ranger.
Okay, so this is my first attempt at a fanfic. Reviews would greatly be helpful so I know where I could definitely improve. That I would greatly appreciate it if someone volunteer the kick ass Beta abilities for my horrid writing.