A Day in The Life of a Goon, er, I mean, "Bodyguard"
By The Vamp in White (or Yellow, depending on the lighting), Persephone's personal bodyguard/man- (woman? Vamp?) servant/confidant/enabler who respects Persephone but not The Merovingian and who in Kitsune-Chan's little universe is a female until further notice. Got it? Good! Thank you! Standard Apology, I don't know the exact timeline of "Enter the Matrix," and except for Club Hel (It has just one L, apparently) I made up the names of the nightclubs. =^_^=
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3 AM: (Yawn...) On Milady's (Persephone's) orders I have been following the Merovingian all night to check if he's doing anything suspicious - that is, more suspicious then usual. So far he and the Twins have been to the top five nightclubs in the City and The Mero's been doing his "Cake Thing" on every attractive woman in sight... nope, nothing unusual here.
5:00 AM: They've finally left Club #5 (that's not a tally, it's the actual name of the club) and appears to be headed back to the Châteaux. They head into a subway station... Hmmm... As a rule we NEVER use public transportation; ew, the stickiness! Most unusual... This could be something interesting...
5:25 AM: The Mero and the Twins are now talking to some homeless guy; clearly this dude isn't a human, he keeps saying stuff about Zion and the Matrix. Brrrr, he gives me the creeps even more then the Twins when they get rejected by a hot chick and they don't know why. Personally I think it has something to do with the fact that in the wrong lighting they look like corpses, but I digress...
6 AM: Finally get back home. Using the Backdoor keys I sneak in through Milady's closet and wake her up for her morning "Putting on her Face" ritual; she literally needs to have her face put on, she's "koannashi" (faceless). I've never asked what she used to look like- I've only been in their employ for this version of the Matrix... I inform her about her husband's meeting with the "Train Man;" the womanizing is unimportant but I tell her anyway and show her today's schedule, which includes lunch at Café La Vrai with-- I do a double take: Morpheus, Neo, and Trinity?! Why do I get the feeling that this is somehow going to involve much physical pain on my part?
9 AM: Having gotten Milady's face on, we go downstairs for breakfast. Yes, I know we don't really need to eat, but really, why not? Milady confronts her husband about last night's escapades while the Twins and I take some food down to the dungeons for the Keymaker (he probably doesn't need to eat either, but it's the thought that counts). The Twins and I exchange rumors regarding The One we're going to be having lunch with: Fact: Neo can fly. Fiction: He's immortal. Fact: The One can stop bullets. Unconfirmed: When inside the Matrix, Neo wears silk boxers. Er... I heard that from a friend of The Twins' hairdresser's cousin... really...
9:10 AM: Twins and I return to the dining room, which is now littered with shards of broken porcelain and bits of eggs, bacon, and watermelon. I find Milady in the sixth level drawing room, sulking. I suggest we go shopping and this seems to cheer her up a bit. I also suggest some serious marriage counseling, but not out loud.
9:30-11:00 AM: Milady and I go on a shopping spree in the fashion district of the City. Persephone makes out ten Ultra- Black Platinum-Eleventh Level credit cards in the Mero's name and we max all of them out by 11 o'clock. Milady purchases mostly shoes, while I go shopping for some new furnishings for my quarters as well as some new clothes. At 11:00 we head back home and prepare for lunch.
11:00 - 11:30 AM: Milady is trying on some of her most seductively pale outfits for her lunch date and finally chooses a nice latex ivory dress. I know she's a program just like I am, but I sure as heck know that I could NEVER pull off an outfit like THAT. I check her schedule and it seems we have time for two quick meetings before lunch.
11:30 AM: Milady goes into the video room while I wait outside. She's meeting her first guest, a woman named Niobe whom we know to be a Rebel hovership Captain. I distinctly hear the human say "Excuse me?" and wonder what the heck they're talking about. I hear the hidden door to the dungeons open and shut, but I obey my orders and wait...
11:45 AM: The next meeting is with a man called Ghost, evidently Niobe's first mate. Oh boy is he hot, even for a human...! Too bad he's in love with woman who's in love with another and regards him like a brother - OUCH. (Hey, that rhymed! Go me!) Once again I hear the secret door opening. Milady comes back out a few minutes later. We head out to Café La Vrai and leave Cain and Able in charge of guarding the Keymaker. As we leave I hear them snickering about "Mero's secret stash"... of cooking shows!
12 PM: Lunchtime. Me, the Twins and some other henchpersons sit intimidatingly around Milady and The Mero. The "Indian Guy" arrives for his appointment. He meets with the Masters and then we escort him out just as Morpheus, Neo, and Trinity enter the dining area. As the Mero taunts the three, I am grateful that my shades so dark that they can't see that I'm half asleep. I snap out of my stupor as the Mero finishes up and tells us to escort them to the elevator. I manage to sneak a peek at Neo's code: Yup, he IS wearing silk boxers! As the elevator closes, I think "Trinity, God smite you, you lucky B!+(#!!"
12:30 PM: Milady has vanished. While we were at the elevator and The Mero went to his liaison with that woman in the pale pink dress (gag me with an Agent wire), Milady went... somewhere. I try to find her, but I think she's gone to pay her husband back for "Cake Thing #65" (I've been keeping track since last night) and I do believe she's just had a "meeting" with Neo.
12:35 PM: The Mero is most upset. Cain has just told us that his brother Able was shot by Milady (Go her; Able was a jerk, always getting into the Twins' suits) and that she's helped Morpheus, Neo and Trinity free the Keymaker. Personally I could care less, but we go to the Château to confront the humans. The Twins go after Morpheus, Trinity, and the Keymaker while I and some Dobermen have to deal with Neo. Oh Joy, just what I've always wanted: a fight with the One who can beat about a hundred armed programs single-handedly...
12:35-12:50 PM: We fight Neo. I do not want to talk about it. It hurts to breathe. I don't blame Milady for bringing them to the Château, but I do want to know how we're going to survive another Reloading. We watch The Twins' Car Chase from the living room; Vlad makes popcorn (That human thought she killed him! A human kill *him*?! Ha ha ha!) while the painkillers cause me to have random thoughts such as "Neo is a Jedi! But with cooler clothes!"
1:30 PM: The Twins return. It seems they succeeded only slightly more then we did. We make "That *human* barbequed your pale @$$es!" jokes for a long time. I laugh till I can't feel my body ache. HA HA HA OWIE... The Twins go somewhere to sulk. I ask them where they're going and they mutter something about "fangirls." What the...?
1:30-4:00 PM: The Mero and Milady fighting in another room interrupt my suspicions about what the Twins are doing. Those of us who can still walk listen in; it seems they don't care if we hear, mainly because they are shouting in every language known to Europe, including some very obscure dialects and a few dead ones. Now they're trading insults in Russian....
4 PM: The fight ends and Milady and I leave the Château. I don't know where we're going, but it's far away from the Mero. The sky is dark, really dark. I ask her what's going on; she says this is not going to be like the last Reloading. When I ask her why; she mentions something vague about a virus.
5-8 PM: We wander about the City, get VIP treatment, and drink. A lot. I think about the humans I've encountered today: Niobe, Ghost, Morpheus, Trinity, and especially Neo. I know he's a One, and that he'll cause the world to reboot; at least, that's what I've been told. Some guy keeps staring at us. He looks like an Agent, so I'm not even going to bother with him. I start to notice that he's staring at us from different angles. Horrifying realization: He's no Agent, he's a Virus! THE Virus! We leave, thoroughly creeped out. He doesn't follow us (as far as I can tell). Seems he has bigger fish to fry... fish that fly and wear priestly trench coats and comfy silk boxers... Sorry, I've drunk too much Christal...
9PM-1AM: Still wandering about the City. It is now a ridiculously dark and scary night. While we are on our way to Club Hel (Hell? Whatever) thinking up ways to annoy the Mero, the power cuts out; the whole City is blacked out. A few minutes later power is restored, only to go out again. This is really annoying... About 20 minutes while we are driving around, later the massive CORE building explodes in spectacular fashion and a huge whirlwind blows through the streets, shattering all the glass. I quickly scan the code and see that the cause of the wind is Neo! He's flying like a madman, pulling cars, mailboxes and a few homeless people (none of them is the creepy "Train Man," unfortunately) in his wake. Milady and I trail him and spy on him from a rooftop. He's gone to save Trinity -- and he does! Go him! Yay!
1AM: Wait a minute... Isn't he supposed to be at the Source now? I look at Milady. She has this really odd look on her face; I can't read it. I think her mind just went *FZZZT!*
1:15 AM: Neo and Trinity exit the Matrix. It is now ludicrously dark; the lights seem to be trapped by the darkness. This is so not good... I get the feeling the darkness has begun to spread and that this is not how a Reloading should go... Taking all things into consideration I decide to make peace with myself and I encourage Milady to make peace with herself as well as her husband. She likes the idea until I correct her: "I said 'make peace', not 'make into pieces'."
3 AM: Milady finally agrees with me and we arrive back at the Hel Club (or is it Club Hel? I hardly ever go there, it's just too freaky... and what's with the missing L, anyway?), which is now dimly lit and apparently empty. I've got a bad feeling about this. We hear footsteps echoing in the ruined dance hall. I think I see the Mero... Wait a sec, why is he wearing sunglasses? And why are there four of him?
3:01 AM: Why oh why didn't I choose deletion? Oh well, as Milady and The Mero would've said, "C'est La Vie"... and as I will say for perhaps the last time: HIIIIIII-YAAAAAAA YIPPIE-KAI-YAY MUTHAF---ERS TASTE SOME OF MY CODE OF DEATH YOU CANCER OF THIS SYSTEM DIE DIE DIE ALL OF YOU DIE!!! I take it back; I'd rather go out like this, fighting a good fight then passively melting into nothing. DIIIIIIIEEEE YOU SCUMMY LITTLE #$^*&@*#^#$&$^*@!!!!
By The Vamp in White (or Yellow, depending on the lighting), Persephone's personal bodyguard/man- (woman? Vamp?) servant/confidant/enabler who respects Persephone but not The Merovingian and who in Kitsune-Chan's little universe is a female until further notice. Got it? Good! Thank you! Standard Apology, I don't know the exact timeline of "Enter the Matrix," and except for Club Hel (It has just one L, apparently) I made up the names of the nightclubs. =^_^=
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3 AM: (Yawn...) On Milady's (Persephone's) orders I have been following the Merovingian all night to check if he's doing anything suspicious - that is, more suspicious then usual. So far he and the Twins have been to the top five nightclubs in the City and The Mero's been doing his "Cake Thing" on every attractive woman in sight... nope, nothing unusual here.
5:00 AM: They've finally left Club #5 (that's not a tally, it's the actual name of the club) and appears to be headed back to the Châteaux. They head into a subway station... Hmmm... As a rule we NEVER use public transportation; ew, the stickiness! Most unusual... This could be something interesting...
5:25 AM: The Mero and the Twins are now talking to some homeless guy; clearly this dude isn't a human, he keeps saying stuff about Zion and the Matrix. Brrrr, he gives me the creeps even more then the Twins when they get rejected by a hot chick and they don't know why. Personally I think it has something to do with the fact that in the wrong lighting they look like corpses, but I digress...
6 AM: Finally get back home. Using the Backdoor keys I sneak in through Milady's closet and wake her up for her morning "Putting on her Face" ritual; she literally needs to have her face put on, she's "koannashi" (faceless). I've never asked what she used to look like- I've only been in their employ for this version of the Matrix... I inform her about her husband's meeting with the "Train Man;" the womanizing is unimportant but I tell her anyway and show her today's schedule, which includes lunch at Café La Vrai with-- I do a double take: Morpheus, Neo, and Trinity?! Why do I get the feeling that this is somehow going to involve much physical pain on my part?
9 AM: Having gotten Milady's face on, we go downstairs for breakfast. Yes, I know we don't really need to eat, but really, why not? Milady confronts her husband about last night's escapades while the Twins and I take some food down to the dungeons for the Keymaker (he probably doesn't need to eat either, but it's the thought that counts). The Twins and I exchange rumors regarding The One we're going to be having lunch with: Fact: Neo can fly. Fiction: He's immortal. Fact: The One can stop bullets. Unconfirmed: When inside the Matrix, Neo wears silk boxers. Er... I heard that from a friend of The Twins' hairdresser's cousin... really...
9:10 AM: Twins and I return to the dining room, which is now littered with shards of broken porcelain and bits of eggs, bacon, and watermelon. I find Milady in the sixth level drawing room, sulking. I suggest we go shopping and this seems to cheer her up a bit. I also suggest some serious marriage counseling, but not out loud.
9:30-11:00 AM: Milady and I go on a shopping spree in the fashion district of the City. Persephone makes out ten Ultra- Black Platinum-Eleventh Level credit cards in the Mero's name and we max all of them out by 11 o'clock. Milady purchases mostly shoes, while I go shopping for some new furnishings for my quarters as well as some new clothes. At 11:00 we head back home and prepare for lunch.
11:00 - 11:30 AM: Milady is trying on some of her most seductively pale outfits for her lunch date and finally chooses a nice latex ivory dress. I know she's a program just like I am, but I sure as heck know that I could NEVER pull off an outfit like THAT. I check her schedule and it seems we have time for two quick meetings before lunch.
11:30 AM: Milady goes into the video room while I wait outside. She's meeting her first guest, a woman named Niobe whom we know to be a Rebel hovership Captain. I distinctly hear the human say "Excuse me?" and wonder what the heck they're talking about. I hear the hidden door to the dungeons open and shut, but I obey my orders and wait...
11:45 AM: The next meeting is with a man called Ghost, evidently Niobe's first mate. Oh boy is he hot, even for a human...! Too bad he's in love with woman who's in love with another and regards him like a brother - OUCH. (Hey, that rhymed! Go me!) Once again I hear the secret door opening. Milady comes back out a few minutes later. We head out to Café La Vrai and leave Cain and Able in charge of guarding the Keymaker. As we leave I hear them snickering about "Mero's secret stash"... of cooking shows!
12 PM: Lunchtime. Me, the Twins and some other henchpersons sit intimidatingly around Milady and The Mero. The "Indian Guy" arrives for his appointment. He meets with the Masters and then we escort him out just as Morpheus, Neo, and Trinity enter the dining area. As the Mero taunts the three, I am grateful that my shades so dark that they can't see that I'm half asleep. I snap out of my stupor as the Mero finishes up and tells us to escort them to the elevator. I manage to sneak a peek at Neo's code: Yup, he IS wearing silk boxers! As the elevator closes, I think "Trinity, God smite you, you lucky B!+(#!!"
12:30 PM: Milady has vanished. While we were at the elevator and The Mero went to his liaison with that woman in the pale pink dress (gag me with an Agent wire), Milady went... somewhere. I try to find her, but I think she's gone to pay her husband back for "Cake Thing #65" (I've been keeping track since last night) and I do believe she's just had a "meeting" with Neo.
12:35 PM: The Mero is most upset. Cain has just told us that his brother Able was shot by Milady (Go her; Able was a jerk, always getting into the Twins' suits) and that she's helped Morpheus, Neo and Trinity free the Keymaker. Personally I could care less, but we go to the Château to confront the humans. The Twins go after Morpheus, Trinity, and the Keymaker while I and some Dobermen have to deal with Neo. Oh Joy, just what I've always wanted: a fight with the One who can beat about a hundred armed programs single-handedly...
12:35-12:50 PM: We fight Neo. I do not want to talk about it. It hurts to breathe. I don't blame Milady for bringing them to the Château, but I do want to know how we're going to survive another Reloading. We watch The Twins' Car Chase from the living room; Vlad makes popcorn (That human thought she killed him! A human kill *him*?! Ha ha ha!) while the painkillers cause me to have random thoughts such as "Neo is a Jedi! But with cooler clothes!"
1:30 PM: The Twins return. It seems they succeeded only slightly more then we did. We make "That *human* barbequed your pale @$$es!" jokes for a long time. I laugh till I can't feel my body ache. HA HA HA OWIE... The Twins go somewhere to sulk. I ask them where they're going and they mutter something about "fangirls." What the...?
1:30-4:00 PM: The Mero and Milady fighting in another room interrupt my suspicions about what the Twins are doing. Those of us who can still walk listen in; it seems they don't care if we hear, mainly because they are shouting in every language known to Europe, including some very obscure dialects and a few dead ones. Now they're trading insults in Russian....
4 PM: The fight ends and Milady and I leave the Château. I don't know where we're going, but it's far away from the Mero. The sky is dark, really dark. I ask her what's going on; she says this is not going to be like the last Reloading. When I ask her why; she mentions something vague about a virus.
5-8 PM: We wander about the City, get VIP treatment, and drink. A lot. I think about the humans I've encountered today: Niobe, Ghost, Morpheus, Trinity, and especially Neo. I know he's a One, and that he'll cause the world to reboot; at least, that's what I've been told. Some guy keeps staring at us. He looks like an Agent, so I'm not even going to bother with him. I start to notice that he's staring at us from different angles. Horrifying realization: He's no Agent, he's a Virus! THE Virus! We leave, thoroughly creeped out. He doesn't follow us (as far as I can tell). Seems he has bigger fish to fry... fish that fly and wear priestly trench coats and comfy silk boxers... Sorry, I've drunk too much Christal...
9PM-1AM: Still wandering about the City. It is now a ridiculously dark and scary night. While we are on our way to Club Hel (Hell? Whatever) thinking up ways to annoy the Mero, the power cuts out; the whole City is blacked out. A few minutes later power is restored, only to go out again. This is really annoying... About 20 minutes while we are driving around, later the massive CORE building explodes in spectacular fashion and a huge whirlwind blows through the streets, shattering all the glass. I quickly scan the code and see that the cause of the wind is Neo! He's flying like a madman, pulling cars, mailboxes and a few homeless people (none of them is the creepy "Train Man," unfortunately) in his wake. Milady and I trail him and spy on him from a rooftop. He's gone to save Trinity -- and he does! Go him! Yay!
1AM: Wait a minute... Isn't he supposed to be at the Source now? I look at Milady. She has this really odd look on her face; I can't read it. I think her mind just went *FZZZT!*
1:15 AM: Neo and Trinity exit the Matrix. It is now ludicrously dark; the lights seem to be trapped by the darkness. This is so not good... I get the feeling the darkness has begun to spread and that this is not how a Reloading should go... Taking all things into consideration I decide to make peace with myself and I encourage Milady to make peace with herself as well as her husband. She likes the idea until I correct her: "I said 'make peace', not 'make into pieces'."
3 AM: Milady finally agrees with me and we arrive back at the Hel Club (or is it Club Hel? I hardly ever go there, it's just too freaky... and what's with the missing L, anyway?), which is now dimly lit and apparently empty. I've got a bad feeling about this. We hear footsteps echoing in the ruined dance hall. I think I see the Mero... Wait a sec, why is he wearing sunglasses? And why are there four of him?
3:01 AM: Why oh why didn't I choose deletion? Oh well, as Milady and The Mero would've said, "C'est La Vie"... and as I will say for perhaps the last time: HIIIIIII-YAAAAAAA YIPPIE-KAI-YAY MUTHAF---ERS TASTE SOME OF MY CODE OF DEATH YOU CANCER OF THIS SYSTEM DIE DIE DIE ALL OF YOU DIE!!! I take it back; I'd rather go out like this, fighting a good fight then passively melting into nothing. DIIIIIIIEEEE YOU SCUMMY LITTLE #$^*&@*#^#$&$^*@!!!!