Operation

Operation: Ranma Relief

By Ice Queen

Disclaimer: Any character used in this fic is the property of Ms. Takahashi. I do not in any way claim them, nor desire to make money off of them. This is written purely for entertainment.

Prologue

Ryoga Habiki, Martial arts expert and a man that could shatter boulders with a single finger, was lost. It wasn't a new experience by any means, but it was rather irritating. All he really wished for was a nice warm bed and to see his precious Akane Tendo, the woman that he loved. How ironic that the only time she hugged him was when he was a pig. What torment. Well... Not the holding part... The pig part was what really irritated him. Was it any wonder that the only time he got a girl was when he was a piglet? Charlotte... He shudders, shoving the thought to the back area of his mind. He much preferred P-chan, merely because his precious Akane had named him that. She would never know how much that meant to him.

"RAMPAGING PIG!! WATCH OUT MISTER! BEFORE HE GORES YOU!!" Ryoga scoffed, stopping the overly large pig with his umbrella and knocking it miles away. Why must they always pull that routine with me? He thought. One would think that it would be old by this time.

"Quack! Quack!" He glanced down to see a large duck wearing a pair of glasses at his feet. "Quack! Quack!" The mallard shouted angrily. Pulling a teakettle out of hammer space Ryoga poured the hot water on top of the duck, tossing down a cloak.

"Mousse! What are you doing in this neck of the woods?" He asked wonderingly. Mousse gave him a befuddled look.

"What do you mean? We're right outside the Cat Cafe, and that stupid boar you just sent flying knocked me into the water bucket over there." Ryoga looked over, confused again

"What's a water bucket doing out here?" He asked, causing Mousse to raise his hands in despair. "Never mind... So this means that I'm ever closer to my darling Akane! Oh what joy!"

"That pervert girl?" Mousse asked, causing Ryoga to glare menacingly at him. "I was just quoting my Shampoo!" He said. "She says that Akane only likes Ranma for the girl side... Although I don't think that's true... If she were that way surely she would go after Shampoo..." Mousse blushed bright red at the look on Ryoga's face.

"What?? Shampoo is much better looking then Ranma could ever be! Even when he's a girl!" His announcements turned into mere quacks as Ryoga poured a bucket of water on him.

"Akane does not like either the male or the female version of Ranma, so stop talking like that or else I'll make you dinner." He said, causing the duck to walk away mumbling to himself.

By the time Mousse had changed back into a human, cleaned the Cat Cafe floor and written extensively in his memoirs, Ryoga had walked a hundred miles, and ended up right back in front of the Cat Cafe. He had done some thinking, but that wasn't why he was there. He was there because he was lost... Again.

"Ryoga? What you do here?" he heard a high pitched voice ask behind him. He turned, seeing a confused Shampoo staring at him with the 'Closed' sign in her hand. "Why you no sleeping with pervert girl as pig?"

"Is it any of your business?" He asked rudely, causing her to nod.

"Shampoo see, Pig boy lost again." She walked away, leaving him to wonder what Mousse saw in such a girl. Just than Mousse rounded the corner with a red rose in his hand. He presented it to Ryoga with a flourish

"Shampoo, my darling, would you go out with me?" He asked, staring blindly into Ryoga's face.

"Wrong guy, duck boy." Ryoga stated dryly, than dragged Mousse around the corner. "Listen, I've been thinking. You want Shampoo, and I want Akane, right?

"Certainly, but why you would want a pervert-" Ryoga cut off Mousse's statement quickly.

"It doesn't matter what you think, we still have the same problem." Mousse blinked. "Ranma? The name does strike a bell, doesn't it? Or are you stupid as well as blind?"

"Well... I understand what you mean, but what are we going to do about him?" Mousse said, starting to get in the spirit of things. "It isn't as though we could kill him off... Shampoo wouldn't appreciate that."

"No... But we could do something else, and much more entertaining as well." Ryoga said, his fangs flashing in a wicked smile.

"I... I see." Mousse said, lying through his teeth. Ryoga laughed loudly.

"That'll be the day, blind boy." He threw his arm around the slightly taller boy and walked off, explaining his little plan.

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Chapter I

Operation: Pretty Piggy

"Squee!!! SQUEEE!!!!" The small black pig jumped wildly into Akane's arms. He gazed up at her with tears falling from his big eyes. There was a smear of bright red lipstick across his snout and thickly brushed eye shadow above his eyes. Akane pulled him back to give him a better look.

"Hey! Stupid pig! Where' d you get off to??" She looked up to see Ranma-chan with a half used tube of lipstick in her hand and automatically pulled out the mallet of justice.

"RANMA!!!!! How could you do such a thing to P-chan? Don't you realize how stupid he looks?" She asked, slamming the mallet over Ranma's head. She didn't even notice when P-chan ran around the corner of the building.

Soon a half-dressed Ryoga stood where P-chan had just been. He smirked at the boy holding the empty teakettle, and scrubbed wildly at the makeup still on his face.

"Your turn man, my job here is done." He grinned, enjoying the sounds of Ranma's bellowing in the background.

"Just stay right here. We don't need them seeing either you, or P-chan. With your sense of direction you would end up right where they are." Mousse said, shoving past the fanged boy towards the still fighting couple.

"Would you just listen to me for once, Akane? I was taking a bath and somehow something must have knocked me out... Next thing I knew I woke up... and..."

"Yeah right, Ranma! The next thing You're going to say is that a harmless little pig put on make-up and set you up to take the fall!" Akane shouted, hitting her again.

"Ho'dyouu ghess??" Ranma-chan slurred.

"I hate to interrupt this touching scene, but I felt that Akane Tendo would like to know something about her... Pig..." Mousse came from out of the shadows, playing the mysterious role to the hilt.

"P-chan?? What's happened to him? Is he all right?" Akane asked anxiously.

"I suppose he must be... Although he did appear to be crying the last time I saw him. He was heading towards a short blond girl in roller skates."

"....."

"The strangest thing was... She was calling your 'P-chan' by a different name... What was it? Oh yes! Charlotte!"

Akane fainted into Ranma's arms.

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