I do not own Megamind, any of the characters, or any copyrights at all actually. I am not making any money, this is just for my own sanity.
The first time, it was a hair dryer.
Roxanne would never have even thought to ask. She was aware that her ineffective kidnapper was, in fact, a genius. She knew that Megamind regularly conceived, designed, and created technological marvels the likes of which most people would never have been able to dream. More than once she had, privately, of course, been impressed by the sheer amount of planning and thought that had gone into an invention which he knew (he had to know by this point didn't he?) was, more likely than not, going to be destroyed before it had a chance to finish its assigned task.
The contraptions that were not a part of his "diabolical plans", and thus were allowed to remain intact and functioning were testaments to the power of his mind. When you sat down to actually consider the amount of effort and planning that must have gone into Minion's suit or the De-Gun it was obvious that they had been thought up by someone who was not only good at what he did but sincerely enjoyed the creation process.
So, no, she had not intended to own a beauty implement devised by a supervillain.
She had stepped out of the shower that morning and called to her uninvited, but not completely unexpected, houseguest that there was coffee in the pot, to make himself at home, and that she would be out in a moment. Minion really was a sweetheart and he had announced himself the moment the water turned off. Probably to ensure that she wouldn't walk out of the bathroom without her robe, but also so that he wouldn't frighten her. He was always very accommodating about allowing her to finish whatever she was working on when he dropped in for a kidnapping. In some ways, it was very much like what she imagined having an older brother would be like.
She heard the pots and pans in the kitchen and knew that if she took too long getting ready Minion would finish cleaning up the dishes she hadn't gotten to yet and start making her breakfast. He never did like to abduct her on an empty stomach. She finished toweling off and flipped the switch on her hairdryer. Nothing. She tried a different outlet. Still nothing. She grumbled as she wrapped her robe around herself and headed from the bathroom to her bedroom.
Minion called from the kitchen, "Dangling over the alligators today, Miss Ritchie."
Oh, haven't done that for a while, better wear pants today; and out loud, "Thank you, Minion."
It only took her a few minutes to change, her wardrobe had a lot fewer options for pants than the dresses she favored while on the air. She paused at the full-length mirror and tried without effect to flatten her already messy hair. One of the drawbacks of the manageable short style was that it always poked up like this when left to air dry. She was glad that it was her day off. Although Megamind didn't always broadcast his and Metro Man's battles, he sometimes would hijack the airwaves if he thought his plan-du-jour was especially devious. Wouldn't that just be perfect… stupid hairdryer.
Nevertheless, she found she couldn't hold onto her bad mood when she entered the kitchen and found that, from the look of the vast number of takeout boxes in the trash bag at his feet, Minion had cleaned out her refrigerator.
"I hope you don't mind something a little more portable this morning, Miss Ritchie, we are on a bit of a tight schedule today." The fish smiled apologetically at her and handed her a breakfast burrito with one hand and a blindfold with the other.
"Ooh, I get to be conscious today? We must not be going to the Evil Lair." She tied the blindfold on and ignored the little voice that asked her what it said about her that she didn't even consider leaving a gap to peek through.
Minion ignored her attempt at information gathering. She heard the rustle as he lifted the trash bag to his shoulder. Of course, he couldn't just leave it for her to deal with. She took his other arm and allowed him to lead her down the hall, into the elevator, and out of the building.
"Alright, Miss Ritchie?" Her doorman asked without any noticeable concern in his inflection. Another thing the little voice in her head took issue with.
"Yes, thank you, Carlos." She answered. Minion helped her into the car and they were off. She ate her burrito in relative silence as Minion hummed along with the radio.
The car came to a stop and Minion came around to help her out of the car. Soon she was indeed suspended in midair by cables connected to a special harness Megamind had designed to allow her to hang for long periods without the discomfort that would usually come from such a precarious position. She heard the rustle of a cape and the blindfold was removed to reveal the face of the Master of All Villainy himself.
"Well, well, well, Miss Ritchie, we meet again." He looked at her for a moment and then added. "Your hair, it looks exciting!"
She wrinkled her nose, knowing how she must look and couldn't resist grumbling, "Yeah well my hair dryer broke this morning. Stupid thing cost me a small fortune and didn't even last 3 months."
He tilted his head to the side like he always did when he was processing new information. He looked a lot like an adorable puppy dog when he did tha- Shut UP Roxanne. "Your hairdryer you say." he mused, and she could practically see the gears spinning in that gigantic skull of his, but then the proximity alarm sounded signaling that Metro Man was on his way and just like that he was back in supervillain mode and she was back to acting bored and unimpressed.
The plan failed, Megamind was arrested, Metro Man flew her home. Just another day in the life of a damsel. The hero never even commented on her bad hair day. That man was so wrapped up in himself she was honestly surprised that he even continued in his assigned role as the city's protector. He seemed to just do it for the attention and lately it seemed that even that was wearing thin. Had they been better friends she might have asked him about it but aside from the rescuing thing they really had no contact and nothing in common.
The rest of her day was pretty standard and by the time she lay her head down that evening she had put the entire episode of the hairdryer out of her mind, It wasn't until she woke up that she realized not everyone had done the same.
The package on her bathroom sink couldn't have been from anyone except Megamind. It was wrapped in black paper that was textured to look like leather and tied with a light blue ribbon. The card attached said simply "For my favorite victim." More like his only victim, she chuckled. It was signed with this lightning bolt insignia and the initials M.M. She opened the package carefully and stared flabbergasted at the item inside.
It was barely recognizable as a hair dryer. It was thin and sleek, black with silver accents. He had thankfully decided to forgo the spikes but apparently hadn't been able to resist the lightning bolts etched into the handle. It seemed to be made of a harder type of plastic than she was used to and it was so light that she knew her arm would thank her for the reprieve. She flipped the switch and was delighted when instead of an earsplitting roar she was met with a soft whooshing sound and a current of warm but not burning air.
It was amazing, and it dried her hair in record time. She stood for a long time admiring it and then, it hit her. Megamind doesn't have any hair! He somehow solved all the issues inherent in a piece of equipment he has little to no actual experience with… in one night… after breaking out of jail! I wonder what else he could make...
She smiled to herself and finished getting ready for work.
A/N - This is my second fanfiction ever published and the other one was nearly a decade ago now. I never finished it and I am very aware of what kind of person that makes me. This pairing has me reading every single story that comes out and I am amazed that people are still writing this long after the movie came out. That being said, I haven't seen this particular plot before, I already have the ending planned out, and I hope that I can do justice on paper what I see in my head. If you find any mistakes please let me know. Thanks for reading!