A/N: Hi everyone! Here's another one-shot. (I know, I REALLY should update my other stories.) Anyways, I have no idea how I came up with this, and it's kind of weird. (But hey, at least this is original!)
Disclaimer: I don't own Naruto, nor Maslow's Hierarchy of Needs.
Enjoy!
Sasuke's Hierarchy of Needs
"Sasuke, revenge is not the way to achieve happiness," the said boy's sensei lectured.
"Oh yeah?! Then what is?!"
"Well, by fulfilling every aspect of Maslow's Hierarchy of Needs, you theoretically can achieve true happiness."
"What the hell is Maslow's Hierarchy of Needs?"
"Go look it up, lazy ass."
After looking up on Wikipedia Maslow's Hierarchy of Needs, he discovered that first he needed to satisfy physiological needs.
"Let's see, breathing, check. Food, check. Water, check. Sleep, check. Excretion…"
-3 minutes later-
"…check.. Homeostasis, what the hell is that?"
He proceeded to click on the link. Internal stability. "Umm… I guess, check?"
"Hmm… sex. Jesus, I'm only 12! Whatever…" He then proceeded to go down to the local Sasuke fangirls' headquarters.
"Help yourselves, ladies."
-2 hours later-
"Huh… check..."
"Okay, let's see. Next level, safety. Check."
"Now, the next level. Love/belonging. Oh, FUCK YOU Kakashi! Ugh, friendship. Great, I'm going to have to endure bonding with the pink-haired bimbo and the dumb blonde."
The Uchiha headed over to Ichiraku ramen where the blonde was sure to be. Anything's better than Sakura. "…hey, dobe," he said through gritted teeth, "want to hang out?"
Naruto reluctantly agreed.
After a grueling amount of time (even a minute with Naruto was considered grueling by Sasuke) they were finally done. On the plus side, they began to tolerate each other slightly more.
"Grr… friendship, check. Let's see, next, family. Grr… I guess Kakashi is kind of family. Check. Now, sexual intimacy. You know what? I am NOT going through that again," he said remembering not to long ago, with all the fangirls, "I'm just going to count last time. Check."
"Okay, next is esteem. Self-esteem, well, I am better than everyone. Check. Confidence, check. Achievement, check. Respect by others, check. Respect for others, DAMMIT!"
He groaned knowing this meant he would have to start respecting people. He was so much better than everyone else, though! He shouldn't have to respect them!
-The next day-
"Ugh, you know what, I guess I'm just going to say check."
"Okay, next is self-actualization. Morality, spontaneity, problem solving, creativity, check. Lack of prejudice, check. Acceptance of facts, I accept the fact that I'm awesome. Check."
-A few minutes later-
"Wow… you know what, if anything, I feel even worse…" He then went over to Kakashi's and punched him straight in the face.
"What the hell was that for?"
"FOR WASTING MY TIME!!" Sasuke screamed.
A/N: Yeah, I kind of had a little writers' block when writing this. Either way, I hope you enjoyed it! Or at least didn't despise it. Please R&R!
That's all for now!