I Shit You Not

Disclaimer ~ I do not own Star Trek

*The one where Jim needs help on his mission report*

Jim sat cross legged in his chair furiously typing away on a PADD. He's been trying to catch up on the paperwork he missed thanks to getting stuck in Med Bay after the last mission. Stupid over protective Bones. Stupid alien plant that bit him and caused an allergic reaction. Stupid allergies. Jim sighed, looking up from the PADD to observe his crew. All of them were working diligently at their stations.

"Can you use the term 'I shit you not' in a mission report?" Jim asked, causing his crew to look at him in confusion. Only Chekov, Sulu, Uhura, and Spock continued to look at him. The rest just went back to their work. They were afraid of getting involved with their captain's craziness.

"You shouldn't use 'I' statements Captain. One shits you not," Uhura suggested smirking.

"Also acceptable is 'this author shits you not' Keptin," Chekov continued happily. Next to him, Sulu was grinning evilly.

"It is best to avoid the 'general you'. One would not be considered shitted is the best way you could word it formally," Spock told him. Although his expression didn't change, Jim could see a glint of amusement in his eyes.

"Thank you guys. That really helps!" Jim exclaimed cheerfully, returning to the report he was writing and finishing it off quickly. The enterprise crew was only slightly bitter at the admirals for sending them on that last mission. Well, Pike was safe from their bitterness as he would find the report of thinly veiled insults hiding behind formal language. Spock looked over the report before Jim sent it in and was highly impressed.

"This is the best report you have written Captain," Spock told them.

"And I spent most of it insulting the admirals. Minus Pike," Jim mused.

"That is precisely why it is your best report," Spock replied, causing laughter from everyone. Jim made sure to share it with Bones and Scotty later.

Guys. I've been hit with the writer's curse! Procrastination! I have every intention to work on "Skull Centered Ideas" or "The Red Paladin" but I wrote myself into the writer's block wall. I've made like 4 sentences of progress before I can't figure out what I want to do next. I will get them finished soon! I promise!
Okay, so this was actually based off of a picture I saw on iFunny. I just thought it would be fun for it to be used in Star Trek.

PLEASE REVIEW! I love reviews! Oh, requests are welcomed as well!