I know, I have any number of other things I should be writing, but it's almost finals week and I am dying under the weight of my responsibilities, so here I am procrastinating by writing a ridiculous vampire AU. This is loosely inspired by that tumblr post about stockpiling blood, but mostly by the realization that I have yet to write any Ikuzono and that is a shame.

(Also, I would like to apologize for the ridiculous delays between when I upload things to AO3 and when I upload them here. I still love all of you.)

Mukuro had just wanted some groceries. It should have been a fifteen-minute walk to the corner store at most. She hadn't even bothered to bring her headphones.

In retrospect, that was what did her in. If she'd had headphones on, she wouldn't have heard the humming as she'd passed the parking garage. She wouldn't have recognized the tune, and she wouldn't have made the questionable decision to investigate. And she definitely wouldn't have someone lunging for her throat at that moment.

She managed to jump back out of reach on pure reflex. She looked around wildly for something she could use to defend herself, but the parking garage seemed empty, and she had to keep an eye out for the next attack.

It didn't come. Her attacker had stopped in their tracks. "Really?"

Mukuro paused. If she'd thought she'd recognized what they were humming, she definitely recognized that voice. It just didn't make any sense. She looked at her attacker's face for the first time, intending to prove herself wrong.

But no, she really was being mugged by legendary idol Sayaka Maizono. Because she hadn't been having enough of a day.

Maizono noticed Mukuro's hesitation and smiled prettily. "I'm sorry about this," she said. "Would you please just hold still for me? If I don't get any blood soon, I'm going to die."

She took a step toward Mukuro, who took a step back. She didn't want Maizono to die, but she would also prefer to keep her blood inside her body whenever possible. She lost enough of it as it was.

She blinked as a thought occurred to her. "I'm not going to let you bite me," she said. Maizono glared for a moment before her face crumbled into a perfect pout. Mukuro reminded herself to focus on the fact that this was still a combat situation, and not the fact that there was an impossibly gorgeous idol right in front of her. "But my house is just a block away. If you come with me, I can get you some blood."

Saying it out loud, it sounded ridiculously shady. The entire situation did, really. But she lived with Junko, so she had experience adjusting to weird situations on the fly.

Besides, seeing Maizono's responding smile was enough to convince Mukuro that she'd made the right choice. "Okay," Maizono said. "But I'm not convinced I have the strength to walk there…"

"I can carry you," Mukuro said without thinking. It was the logical course of action, after all. This would get them there with a minimum amount of fuss. Her face was still bright red.

But Maizono was nodding in agreement, so it was too late to take it back. Mukuro picked Maizono up in a bridal carry, trying not to think about how close their faces were, and began the walk back to her house.

Neither of them said anything on the way. Mukuro couldn't say what Maizono was thinking about, but her own thoughts were mostly attempts to stay calm even though she was currently carrying Sayaka Maizono in her arms. She did find the time to be grateful that Junko was still out of the country. Mukuro had only been introduced to Maizono's music because Junko enjoyed mocking it, and the last thing either she or Maizono needed was Junko's cheerful insults making things even more awkward.

The nice thing about her internal freakout was that it made the trip feel much faster. It seemed like no time had passed before Mukuro was setting Maizono down on her living room couch. The idol curled up against the armrest, and Mukuro looked at the ceiling to gather her thoughts into a semblance of coherence. "I'll be right back," she said.

She didn't wait for a response before running down to the basement. She grabbed a bag from the blood fridge and rushed back, all but throwing it at Maizono when she returned. "I don't know if this will work, but…"

By the time she trailed off, Maizono had already bitten into it and begun to drain the bag. Mukuro took that as acceptance. She hovered by the couch, not quite sure what to do next.

Maizono was halfway through the bag when she suddenly paused and locked eyes with Mukuro. The world seemed to blur. "Why do you have this just lying around?" Maizono asked. "Have you brought me into a vampire's territory?"

Mukuro couldn't look away. "No?" she said. A distant part of her was captivated by the confirmation that this was a vampire thing, and apparently vampires were real, what the hell. It didn't seem particularly important at that moment, though. "My sister just insists that we be able to fake our deaths at a moment's notice." Maizono made a face, and Mukuro rushed to explain, "You'd understand if you met her."

Maizono looked at the bag in her hands thoughtfully. "I must be weaker than I thought," she said. "I don't suppose you're madly in love with me right now?"

"I feel the same as always," Mukuro said honestly.

"Hmm." Maizono stared at the bag more intently. The world came back into focus, but Maizono didn't seem particularly pleased. She went back to her drink.

Mukuro wondered if she should sit down, or if Maizono would want some space. It turned out not to matter, as she spent so long trying to decide that Maizono drained the rest of the bag. "I guess I owe you an explanation," she said. Under her breath, she added, "Since apparently I can't brainwash you into forgetting this."

Mukuro started to say something, then stopped. There really wasn't a good way to react to that. She decided to draw on her long-dormant hosting skills instead. "First, would you like another…" She couldn't quite bring herself to ask if Maizono wanted more blood, in case that brought the reality of the situation crashing back down on them.

Maizono cocked her head thoughtfully. "That would be nice, thank you."

Mukuro used the trip back to the basement as an opportunity to try to pull herself together. It sounded like Maizono was about to reveal something important, which meant Mukuro should probably pay attention and not spend the whole time worrying about what a terrible impression she was making.

She thought she had achieved a reasonable approximation of neutrality by the time she got back. Maizono promptly ruined it by biting daintily into the bag as if it was a juice box. It was just another reminder of how pretty she was, which brought Mukuro back to the fact that there was an idol in her living room. There was a reason Junko always had her fancy parties somewhere else, and that was that Mukuro had no idea how to handle things like this. She hoped she was managing to keep her face blank.

Maizono didn't comment, at least. She just held up the bag of blood. "So, as you've probably guessed by now, I'm a vampire. Surprise?"

Mukuro blinked. Right, time to focus.

"The thing is, vampires don't necessarily drink blood." Mukuro couldn't help but glance at the empty bag on the coffee table. "I mean, we can, obviously, but what we really need is emotion. So if you have, say, a crowd full of excited people all screaming your name…"

Mukuro could see it. Junko had always enjoyed calling idols parasites.

"But in an emergency," Maizono continued, "blood works too. It contains the potential for every emotion, according to whatever weird magical symbolism determines these things." She shrugged. "So if, for instance, your energy has been drained and you don't have a concert planned that evening, you might want to go looking for a source of blood."

"Makes sense," Mukuro said. "I'm glad I could help." She meant it, too. Sure, none of this made any sense, but she found herself happy to be able to support Maizono like this. It would have been even nicer if she could do so while holding a conversation like a normal person, but she knew better than to expect that from herself by now.

She liked to think that the silence as Maizono finished her drink was a companionable one, though.

Maizono stood up and brushed off her skirt decisively. "Thank you again," she said. "I'm glad I have such supportive fans!" She flashed the smile that had graced the cover of every entertainment magazine at one time or another.

"Of course," Mukuro said. "Before you go…"

Irritation flashed across Maizono's face, so quickly Mukuro might have thought she'd imagined it if she hadn't had so much practice reading mercurial emotions. Then it smoothed back into that perfect smile. "Do you want an autograph? I'd be happy to."

"Oh, no, nothing like that." Taking advantage of this sort of situation would just feel weird. "I just wanted to give you my number. You know, in case something like this happens again. I'm not going to run out of blood anytime soon."

"You're sure your sister isn't secretly working for a vampire?" Maizono shook her head. "I mean, that's very kind of you."

"It's no big deal." Mukuro grabbed a scrap of paper and scribbled her phone number on it. "Here you go."

"Thank you, but I hope I never have to use this." Maizono looked at the door. "I should probably get going. If someone notices me leaving your house in the middle of the night, it won't be fun for either of us."

Mukuro kind of wished she would stay, but she did have a point, and it wasn't like there was a way to suggest it that wouldn't seem creepy coming from someone she'd only known for half an hour. "It was nice meeting you," she said instead. "Good night."

"Good night!" Maizono walked out the door, and Mukuro was left to stare into space and wonder, yet again, just what her life was.

Eventually she realized that she'd never actually managed to get those groceries. She was about to head back out when her phone went off. A text from an unknown number read, "Thank you for your hospitality! I always enjoy talking to my fans."

Mukuro smiled all the way to the store.