So, I've never done a songfic before. I didn't even know what a songfic was until Lolly Dream challenged me to do one. The song is ridiculous, but I think I managed to make something of it. I'm on a little bit of an Ace/Sanji kick right now. Not sure why, probably just because they're kind of hot together—(and what other reason do we need really?) This is AU, because well, this wouldn't work in canon. Anyway, hope you all enjoy! Unbeta'd so all mistakes are mine! :)

If you want to listen to the song, you can find it on the you tube. Just type in "sex over the phone". I suggest you watch at least part of it so you understand the difficulty I had writing this. xD

Sex Over the Phone

Ace stepped out of the shower toweling his black, shaggy hair dry. He swept a hand through the steam that clung to the mirror and checked his teeth. He gave his shoulders and back a cursory brush with the thick terrycloth, and rubbed hard to dry his legs and between his thighs. He tossed the towel in the dirty clothes bin and pulled on a pair of boxers.

He glanced at his cell phone sitting forlornly on the edge of the sink. He picked it up and checked the time. 10:03p.m. He had said he would call around ten… So any minute right? What time was too late? Should he wait around until 10:15? 10:30?

Padding down the hall, Ace entered the apartment's small living room, and hoisted himself over the back of the couch. He rested his head on one of the throw pillows and propped his feet on the opposite armrest. His excitement mounted as he checked the time again. He could see the clock hanging on the wall in the kitchen. 10:01, a few minutes behind.

He put one hand behind his head and closed his eyes. No harm in working himself up first, get himself in the mood. He was late calling anyway.

Ace pictured blond hair and long, muscled limbs. He imagined what those muscles looked like when they flexed under him. How that skin flushed, deceptively delicate. He pictured that skin slick and glistening under soft lamplight, flickering candles, or the occasional streetlight through a car window…

Keeping one hand, the one with his phone, resting on his chest, Ace sighed and slid the other down his stomach and teased the waistband of his boxers. He slipped his hand underneath the fabric and ran his fingers over the taut flesh that waited there. He sighed again, wishing the touch was not his own.

His cell phone rang, startling him. His eyes flew opened and he willed his heart to slow its beating before it exploded from his chest.

He checked the caller id, and grinned before he pressed "answer" and placed the phone to his ear.

"You're late."

Sanji's voice, smooth as honey and soft as smoke, answered with a chuckle. "Does that mean you started without me?"

"No," Ace scoffed.

"You're a liar," Sanji hummed, "but that's fine. It turns me on knowing you were jerking off thinking about me."

Ace laughed softly as a shiver ran up his spine. "I was not jerk-"

"Seriously, babe, don't lie. You're the worst liar in the universe."

Ace's grin almost split his face in two. "That's a good thing though, right?"

There was a soft puff and a long exhale. Ace could see Sanji blowing smoke in a long, slow stream as clearly as if the blond was sitting there right in front of him.

"What're you wearing?" Sanji asked.

"Boxers," Ace answered, wiping at his brow as sweat began to bead on his skin.

"Take them off."

Ace almost moaned into the phone. Sanji's voice was a deep baritone, and his smoker's rasp was thick when he spoke in low tones. Ace was fairly sure that if the blond really put his mind to it, he could make someone come just by talking to them. It wasn't just what he said, it was how he said it.

Scrambling out of his boxers, Ace spread his legs, resting one ankle on the back of the couch, and the other on the floor.

"Okay," he said softly, trying not to pant into the receiver, "now what?"

"Jesus," Sanji chuckled, "Impatient, aren't we?"

"You were late," Ace whined. "Come on baby, I'm dying here."

"Fine," Sanji's smile was obvious in his voice. He took another second, probably to take another drag, and returned to that deep, sex voice that drove Ace so crazy.

"Put your hand on your cock," Sanji commanded.

Ace did as he was told, letting out a long breath as his flingers slid over the smooth skin. He palmed his erection, imagining it was Sanji's skilled hand that was touching him.

"Wrap your hand around it," Sanji coaxed, "squeeze it like I do."

Ace clenched his jaw as his hand worked. He liked it when Sanji got a little rough. As he squeezed himself he thought about the look on Sanji's face when the blond teased his cock.

Sanji made a low noise. "I know you're not doing it hard enough. Squeeze it. Twist it a little."

Ace obeyed, and the sensation of his arousal balancing on a fine line between pleasure and pain, tore a moan from his throat. "Ah… hell yeah…"

"That's right," Sanji growled, "you like it when it hurts a little, don't you?"

Ace whimpered.

"Don't you." Sanji repeated in a much firmer tone. It was not a question.

Ace closed his eyes, and ran his tongue over his lips. "Yes…"

"God, you're such a slut."

Ace's hand started to move. His palm slid over the ridged length, the soft sound of skin against skin echoing in the small room. "Yeah, and you like it."

"Oh, fuck yeah, I do."

Ace loved that almost-breathless tone coming from the other man. It fueled his already out of control libido and made his erection twitch in his hand. He was feeling it in his back and lower stomach now. If Sanji would just keep talking to him, he'd come hard and fast.

"Ah… Sanji," Ace whispered, "tell me what you're doing right now."

Sanji made a noise that was something between a sigh and a laugh. "I'm lying on my bed. I've got on those jeans that you like…"

"Oh, shit, the ones with the holes in the knees?"

Sanji made that noise again. "Yeah, those. They're open and I got my cock in my hand. I'm thinking about how sexy you look when I shove it in your mouth."

"God…" Ace smiled, arching his back, loving Sanji's ragged tone. "You wanna shove it in my mouth right now?"

Sanji moaned. "Fuck yeah. I wanna fuck your face 'till you cry."

"Shit…" Ace's hand moved faster. He felt his balls tightening slowly. He was close.

"Ah… ah… Ace…" Sanji panted.

Ace's eyes slid open. He looked down at himself, at his hand sliding over himself. He watched precum slip from his slit and down over his thumb. "What is it, baby?"

Sanji made another low noise, and Ace heard him shifting around on the bed.

"I got something for you…"

Ace waited, closing his eyes again, slowing his strokes, wondering what Sanji had for him that he could give to him over the phone.

Suddenly, and eighties baseline pumped through the phone. Ace's eyes snapped open and his hand stilled.

"Sex over the phone, (you know I like it)

Sex over the phone, (you know I need it)

Sex over the phone, (come on and give it to me ba-"

Ace sat up laughing, but trying desperately to sound indignant.

"Sanji!" he growled into the phone. "You're dead!"

He heard laughter over the music, and jumped up from the couch. He stormed down the hall and threw open the bedroom door. He was greeted by Sanji, dancing on the unmade bed in nothing but those jeans he loved.

"You're such an ass!" Ace couldn't stop the laughter now, and he grinned up at his lover who was smiling shamelessly down at him.

The blond's skin was flushed and glistening, so at least he had been participating before he decided to kill the mood with the horrid song.

Sanji blew him a kiss and turned around to shake his ass in Ace's face. "This is for a few weeks ago when you got me all riled up in the car and then walked home."

"But that was funny!" Ace whined.

"Well," Sanji made a face at him over his shoulder, "this is too."

Ace scoffed and set his phone down on the nightstand.

"I'll show you funny."

Sanji yelped and then howled with laughter as one hundred and ninety-five pounds of Ace Portgus tackled him to the bed and tickled him within an inch of his life.

END