Lakeside

A Warriors Fanfiction

I know I was supposed to be there. But I wasn't…

There's something about Leaf-bare. You think a bit more slowly and the cold freezes to your paws-

Weighing you down, and waiting for you to admit defeat.

But ThunderClan cats don't admit defeat. And I am not an exception.

I am Antfoot.

I am strong.

She came to see me again. She forgave me; you could never explain why. She showed me the kits; each of them were different shades of her and I: all three of them.

She said she forgave me, but her eyes were drifting. I wondered what she was thinking about.

I wondered if she was thinking at all.

Greenleaf comes again, and so comes the prey. Lilykit and Aloekit could eat; Spiderkit could not.

But I am Antfoot, and my family will survive.

We are strong.

Featherbreeze… what kind of prey does she like? As it was Leaf-Fall, and the prey had already begun to dwindle as the cold set upon the woods, I wanted to make sure she, Lilypaw, and Aloepaw could eat.

She said she couldn't remember her favorite prey, but I figured it was fine. It was such a trivial thing to remember- I couldn't blame her for forgetting.

But I knew it was squirrel.

Because I am Antfoot.

And I remember.

The frost sticks to your whiskers in a way that even your senses are frozen hard. Is it just me, or is it that every shadow cast by the trees is trying to grab at my pelt? I always feel uneasy in Leaf-Bare.

But maybe next year will be better than this.

Because I am Antfoot.

I look to the future.

I had to remind Featherbreeze who Lilypaw was. She remembered Aloetail, though. Why not Lilypaw?

The prey was normal, but her own daughter? A bit strange.

But we all have our tough days.

I'm Antfoot…

And I have those too, sometimes…

Aloetail is shaping up. Lilyrain is too. Featherbreeze is acting normal… or at least the same as the last few moons. She sometimes has to be reminded of certain things.

That's a mouse, not a vole.

Greencough is dangerous, but Whitecough isn't as bad.

Our leader's on three lives, not two.

Then again, I think only I know that.

After all, I'm Antfoot.

I remember when I first saw Featherbreeze. I was a kit just beginning to explore, and I got lost.

Everyone gets lost sometimes. Even ThunderClan cats.

She wasn't lost; she was collecting water for her mother, who was having another litter. She was an apprentice at the time, and the way the sun caught her fur was only the second thing that I noticed about her.

The first thing I noticed was the sharp look in her eyes.

She doesn't have that anymore.

Now it's Leaf-Bare again. I'm not happy- no one is. The camp is slow as the sun begins to set lower into its sleep. And Featherbreeze asked to see Spiderkit, and if he had completed his warrior training yet.

I should've responded.

She and I loved the lake, and the mix of mud and sand that surrounded it. The warriors told us not to get our paws muddy, but they were ones to talk.

Every Clan cat has mud on their paws. I guess we both were the only ones who enjoyed it.

But we didn't just like the mud.

We loved the sunset on the lake, and the stars hidden in still water.

I don't really see the lake anymore.

ShadowClan is always hostile, with eyes glinting and claws clicking, but today their leader threatened us directly. All of our pelts were bristling, and the RiverClan leader of all cats had to defend us.

Featherbreeze was the only one who wasn't angry.

I don't think she realized what he had said.

She didn't need to.

Leaf-Fall is my favorite, and it's Aloetail and Lilyrain's favorite too. Featherbreeze doesn't have favorites anymore.

But I know, deep down, she likes Leaf-Fall, too.

Maybe when I see her in the medicine den, I can tell her about the leaves.

The pretty, orange leaves.

I didn't get a chance to see her until the third day of Leaf-bare. The medicine den is so sad and small… she isn't sick, so why does she need to be in there?

Turtlesplash told me it was for her own good, but the lack of air and the hard stone floor can't be good, right?

I entered the medicine den, and Turtlesplash let me use some moss to clean my paws and whiskers of the melting ice. Featherbreeze must have seen me, but all I saw were dull eyes staring back at me. They were alive, and watching, but with no emotion until a choked noise escaped her throat and she cried out.

"Hello? Can you find Antfoot and the kits? It's been a long while..."

Lilyrain told me I should see the lake again. That the camp isn't healthy for me.

It isn't, and I know it.

So why did I need Lilyrain to tell me?

She told me to see the lake.

Maybe I should.

The lake is a special place for me. Every time I sit there, watching the waves gently lap at the sand, I instinctively try to rest my head.

But Featherbreeze isn't there.

So I fell into the ground, and slept to the waves.

I'm Antfoot.

And I remembered it for her.

Now all I have to do is remember her.

But for who she was.

And not what she became.

Because I'm Antfoot.

And I am strong.