I am not accustomed to writing down my thoughts. Albus Dumbledore told me that it might have a soothing effect on my grief. I did wait, however, until I could charm my journal for privacy.
I shall begin by admitting that I regret much of what I've done. I made many mistakes. I joined with the Dark Lord out of anger, of resentment, of revenge. The Swine and his miscreants made my life miserable at every turn and I did not do well under the stress. Given the choice to join the Dark Lord and learn more about the "Dark" Arts or attempting to ignore his rise to power… The choice was obvious.
Now that Lily is gone and her son is hidden, I'm stuck with apprenticing under Horace Slughorn. The man loved Lily as well and is helping me become an official Potions Master as he is set to retire at the end of the year.
I wanted to take over the Defense Against the Dark Arts position, but D⃫u⃫m⃫b⃫l⃫e⃫d⃫o⃫r⃫e⃫ Albus informed me that I should avoid suicidal actions until my grief passed. I find it difficult to imagine that the post is truly cursed, but I'm not the Headmaster and I'm lucky to have a job. Other Death Eaters were not so lucky.
Lucius, of course, turned himself in immediately after news of the Dark Lord's defeat circulated. I had thought him an opportunist, but clearly he prefers self-preservation. Nobody has tried to take up as the new Dark Lord. Not even that fanatic Lestrange is that mad. I hear she was caught recently, if the reports of Aurors at Saint Mungo's are at all accurate.
I do not look forward to teaching, but perhaps having something to do will be better.