I'm not the owner of twilight, that's clear, it's Stephanie Meyer. I only borrow their characters and their history to create another one. If you have not read the novels you will not understand anything, and I will be telling you the plot from the beginning of New Moon, so you will see if you follow
Attention: in this story the shield of Bella is phisic and tangible. I have never finished having it clear of the novels, because although it can repel the contact of Kate, apparently it can not avoid to Jasper ...
This is a translation of my fic in Spanish. I do it with the help of google. I regret the hundreds of errors
As if it were going out of a dense fog my consciousness seems to be coming back to me. For a few moments I wonder where I am, what happened?
The next second is like a train of merchandise overwhelmed me, and I am aware of a lifetime, my life! Well, or not, or I don´t know, what day is today?
It's still dark, but as I get used to the darkness I can see the contours of my room in Charlie's house ... however, I'm here alone ... and I'm still human, that's clear, which makes me think or Edward has gone home or is hunting, or ... we have not even come out together and everything that happened since I arrived in Forks is a dream ... after all I just witnessed my life until I left unharmed from a confrontation with the Volturi, who may or may not exist ...,I should go running for ibuprofen before the headache that is unmanageable is unmanageable
Well, let's see, if I'm back in my room at Charlie's house, the easiest thing is to reach out and yes! here is my phone, and ... oh! A couple of weeks have passed since my fateful birthday ...
Well, okay, Bella, do not panic! ... breathe, well, easy, inside and out ... but ... where is all the information that bombarded my brain the last time I was conscious of breathing ? How is it possible that it was only a dream when I remember perfectly how the dust felt as it passed through my throat? in my stupefaction I must have made some noise because although it is a thousand in the morning suddenly my father's head pokes out the door
-Bella! How are you? Are you awake? - to the head has followed the rest of the body that has advanced to be sitting on the bed in front of me. Maybe if I had tried I could have hidden my surprise but I can not help but take my hand to his cheek- papa! What happened to you? you look horrible ...
And there, in front of me, I see how Charlie has a smile on his face: what happened to me? Bella, you've been in a catatonic state for a week, with a very high fever after discovering you in the middle of the forest, we were desperate, I was beginning to think you were not going to react ... - while Charlie continues to vent, I recover an image of how I was the months after Edward's departure, as I barely survived and as I almost ended up driving my poor father crazy. Even though I have not lived it, it really feels so real, that without realizing it, I throw myself over a very surprised Charlie whom I embrace with all my soul: I'm so sorry, Dad, you can not imagine how much, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry ... I'm sorry to have worried you in such a way, I have no excuse ...
My father silences me as he cradles me: Bella small, you have nothing to regret, I understand that the departure of the Cullens has been hard for you, it's just that I felt so helpless watching you there unable to do anything for you ..
I hug him again trying to convey how much I love him, how grateful I am knowing everything that is going to happen or would have happened, and that even so he has always been by my side: I feel good dad ... it's already done - he looks at me without being able to avoid raising the eyebrow- I promise you, everything will be better, I felt terrible when Edward left me, I felt that the world was falling and I was not aware of getting into the forest so much - I think that if someone understands what I am saying, it is precisely my father - but I'm going to keep going. They are going to be hard days, but I will bear it
-I know you'll do it, you're a strong girl, I wish I could do something else -he takes a second to think- if you want I could go to California to kick a couple of asses if it's going to make you feel better- although the idea is actually it's hilarious, to imagine my father trying to kick any of the Cullens, who are far away from California, I cannot stand the laughter before interrupting him: thanks dad, it's quite tempting, but it wont be necessary ... - without knowing much more to say, and knowing the time it is-... and now, dad, it would be better if you go to rest, I think we would both be fine with a couple of hours of sleep
with a brief nod, and after embracing us again, what I think is more to make sure that I am here and for his own comfort, which I do not mind, he gets up and goes back to his bedroom leaving me at ease so that he tries to put order in my uncontrolled brain
Let's see, for this moment, I imagine that anyone would think that he has simply awakened from a dream, but I have in mind that I have been living for half a year in a world that in theory doesn´t exit, there is something telling me that in reality what I have experienced it has more of reality than of dream. The expert in the subject visions of course is Alice, but,for now I will have to make do without her help.
With that in mind ... what should I do? Because if the things had to happen ina a certain way, I am just destroying everything, or maybe, I have back in time just to fix everyting...let´s see, now we are at the end of September. I shouldn´t be operatint for a few months, when Jake helped me a lot to get out of my lethargy, then, there would be the confrontation with Laurent, the disastrous cliff jump, the funeral, Edward's call, Alicia's visit, a trip to Volterra to meet the fanatics, Isla Esme, pregnancy, reconciliation with Rose, childbirth, death, Renesme, Irina, time trial against the imminent attack ...
How am I supposed to live that madness again? in reality, the only logical way to believe that we survive to all that is that it is only a dream of my incredible imagination!
Come on Bella ... it would be better to focus, to start assuming that the love of your life has let you, I am not enough for him, it does not matter that he was gone for love if the vision is true, think at the here and now, The best thing that can be done for you and for Charlie is to overcome it.
But ... but ... it feels so real, that dream seems wrong in many ways, but so real and felt in others, what if I can prove something of all that? Think, there must be something to prove that it can be true ...
the easiest thing would be to face the Cullens, but I really do not know where to find them, if I remember right from here they fled at first with the Clan Delani and then they went to the East, but I'm not sure, maybe even they were direct towards the east ..
And although I think I remember the path to Tania's clan, let's face it, I do not have the means to get there ... besides, I'll have to study it more closely, but in spite of how things might turn out, a part of my mind is fully aware that not only Edward, but the whole family has left me ... it was supposed to mean something more to them, right?
I can understand Jasper perfectly, and I suppose that from Rose's point of view it was the perfect opportunity to lose sight of me, but what about the rest ... so little meant I am to anyone, so much effort it meant to say goodbye ...?
Bella, stop, stop! You have to clarify things, then we'll go back to it. I can go to the reserve. Not now, I can wait until dawn at least, and I can go see if the wolves exist. Jake is not yet one of them, in fact, at this moment I think that the only one who could be sure that he is already a wolf would be Sam, but that may be enough. Also, if I'm right, and although I can not remember him from this timeline, it would be nice to thank him for finding me in the middle of the forest.
And now ... to prepare myself for the day ... what happens if nothing I've seen is true? or worse yet ... what happens if what I have seen is true? then, I have to go back to being a vampire, that certainly felt right, and I also have to recover my shield to protect everyone ... That's it! My shield, as I have not fallen before in order to prove things, Although I do not feel it like when I was a vampire, I suppose that being human makes everything feel weaker, I can feel it now that I know what to look for and I notice its presence in the back of my mind, I push it little by little... and YES! it moves, I get to take it until I feel that I wrapped completely like a second skin, I remember perfectly the tests with Kate and Zafrina ... but ... I try to force it ... a little more ... come on, you have to go out...
I try during what for me are several hours even if it is not so much, but there is no way ... the same is that without the transformation is limited to my body, there is no way to project it beyond myself ... what a pity ... and so without even realizing I just fell asleep what it feels like just a few minutes before I felt Charlie in my room
I still feel asleep, I turn to him and I greet him while I stretch: good morning dad ... -I look more closely and I see that it looks better than a while ago-is everything okay?
He looks me, I belive he tries to convince himself that I got over the zombie stage: yes yes, everything is in order, just ... I was going to prepare to go pick up something for breakfast, I wondering if you feel like ...
-of course- I start moving and I'm surprised at how much I really want the food, the last thing I remember what I've eaten was the blood of a deer, which I don´t kike as much as a good breakfast- if it seems good while you go I will take a shower - what I can apreciate that I really need
During breakfast there are many times that Charlie looks at me as if he were going to disappear from one moment to another or something, until in the end he seems to be armed with courage: then ... could you give a thought about what you are going to do today? - I suppose I should translate it to what you intend to do with your life now that the center of your universe has left you parked on the side and you have come down ...
-If you agree, today I will go catching up with myself, I will call Angela to get an idea of what has happened in the institute, I can put the laundry ..
-I can do that if you do not feel like it
I can not help smiling at him as I reach out to take his: quiet dad, I'll be fine ...
A silence is installed between us while each one seems to lose himself in his reflections.
mine have really started in the shower, I have continued making tests seeing how my shield repelled the water successfully, and then move to something a little more risky with the blade for the legs, and when it has not cut, I went to the main course, I have put the iron and it has not been able to transfer the shield. With that put to the test my thoughts have gone ahead ... the most pressing thing is that Victoria is out there stalking, and while I can protect myself there is nothing I can do for my father, or for my mother if she keeps looking for her. And if that was not enough, there are the Volturi ... yes, let's not forget those nice evil lords, that as soon as they get to lend a hand to any of the Cullens it will take zero seconds to come after me if I'm still alive , and if or if for the quiloutes, regardless if they are werewolves or shifters ...
Another doubt is that it will happen with Jake. What if, in some way, she could stop Victoria, her transformation would be slowed down? And if it changes, do I have to worry about my daughter being its imprintee? That is a point where I do not know how much I want to deepen. I've never wanted to have children, but I can not help remembering how happy I was with Renesme, but ... Is she possible again? because I sincerely believe that right now my logic through all this illogical situation, tells me that I would not be able to recover that special girl ... I think all this surpasses me ...
Without even realizing where my reflections take me, I am looking at my father ... I think that from everything that happened if something I have an opportunity to correct is the treatment I have given to my poor dad. I made him suffer with everything about James, he had to endure a zombie for several months, my escape to Italy, the fateful pregnancy ... and let's be honest, I'm not a vampire so I'm not subject to its laws, I'm not a member of the tribe so obviously little has the advice to say about me, and as for the Cullen ... well, at this precise moment none of them has bet for me ... I do not feel guilty for revealing their secrets
-Papa! - We had been so quiet for so long that the poor man hits a small boat- what plans do you have for today? - ironic yes, that you end up asking the same question that he does just a little
- I really do not ..
-you will see, if you have free time I think there is something I have to tell you - after receiving a nod- I promise that what I am going to tell you is true, incredible as it may seem, I think probably what the most worrying is that sure you're going to wish that everything is a delirium of my fever, even if I can show the truth of some parts
-Bella, really, are you okay? you have gone through a strong fever and a traumatic experience, the same would be better if you are examined
-no papa, it's not that simple. I wish it was just a problem with the high temperature ... we'd better go to the living room, and we'll be comfortable, I think it's going to be a little long
when we are settled in the sofa and after a long inspiration: you will see dad, it all started the first day I went to school and met the Cullens ...- and so begins my account of the last months including the attack of James which sounds almost unlikely if it was not because even Charlie can appreciate the half-moon marks on my wrist, to finish with the attack on my birthday that led to Edward decided to leave me, which I can now be more convinced that it was only for my safety, but I I fear that the part of my brain that remains anchored in the present time away from my vision continues to contemplate it as a great rejection of the insignificant human, so that is why, besides hurting in the chest like a tight knot, it also makes me rage with impotence.
Returning to reality, when I finish telling this part to my father I think he is seriously considering the possibility of having me checked by a psychiatrist ... but on the other hand he has not released my wrist in which he has been drawing the scar for a while, and in based on what i know thanks to the vision, it is likely that he is only trying to assimilate it or integrate all this information into his system.
In the end, it is his stomach that ends up breaking the silence and the tension that was accumulating, so after a short smile we get up to move our talk to the kitchen where I do what I can with what little there is the fridge, definitely going to the supermarket has just climbed up the priority list.
We eat in a nice silence which I am the one who ends up ending: Dad ... I know you have a lot to assimilate, but there is more ... -I should just take a little pity on him, but I think it's better than after started and has not fainted,to finish with everything ... -this last week while I've been out of combat, I've been stuck in a kind of vision or premonition about the future, and I think you have to listen about it, because if there's things that can be changed, I fear that others have to happen or solve them ...
Charlie gets up, for a moment I doubt if it is to leave but he's just going to prepare a couple of coffees that he puts in front of us at the table while he takes a seat again and asks me to continue. The second round begins like this!
I try to be as precise as possible without boring him with the details, it is clear that if the past sounded strange to him, everything I tell him now makes him freak out in colors. When I have told him everything I remember and before giving him time to recover, I go ahead: see, Victoria and the other vampires would be difficult to prove it, and the wolves would be something to discuss with Billy - in fact I think we should keep an eye on Harry's case if it can be avoided, even though I may be annoyed that Charlie has to give up how happy he was with Sue- but I can prove my shield without any problems - and after the tests in the shower I do not hesitate to take a knife and try to nail it into my hand, under my father's stupefied look
-BELLA! - We both see how the knife bounces on my hand as if nothing. Charlie takes my hand and examines it in equal parts of curiosity and apprehension, until a moment later, taking a deep inhalation, he turns to me: okay! so, what can we do now?
While my mind cries out: that is my father! My body without even realizing it jumps for the second time in the day about my father in a mortal embrace ... or well, it's not so much far, but you understand me! and Charlie also for how he gives me back the hug.
When we have recovered and after having ordered a couple of pizzas for dinner, it is time to organize and plan. We both agree that while Victoria is a more than imminent threat on which action must be taken, the Volturi are there and we must not lose sight of them.
If we prevent Edward from getting his attention early, we can postpone that problem maybe a few years, or maybe until the next life ... but the time will come when Aro makes contact with some of them, more knowing the interest he already has for Edward and Alice, and then, and after explaining my theories to my father, we are sure that if I still live I will be his target, and in any case, the quiloutes will be, because I do not see Aro or Cayo respecting any agreement signed by Carlise
We both agree that tomorrow will not be the day I go back to school, after all, if we are jumping together to this madness, we will believe that I will be able to recover a couple of weeks, when I was with a few months . so tomorrow we have to go visit Billy, get the best of Sam, and if my accounts do not fail a lot, Paul and Jared, which probably ends in fireworks. When we overcome the first storm, we will have to see how we face Victoria, who this time we will take her ahead whitout given her time to know where the cakes have rained. After that ... uff, who knows. My father is not particularly happy with my decision, but I believe that my future is really being a vampire ... the problem that I pose is not whether to be it or not, it is the how, the when, and with whom? and yes, the who is the question that is corroding me inside ... whether or not it is real, since I arrived in Forks I have lived more than some live in 80 years, I have discovered that the world of nightmares is actually real, I have known love, I have been about to die for lack of love, I have been in the menu to be eaten several times,people try to kill me for revenge, hatred and jealousy, I almost drove my best friend crazy with my indecisions, until he imprinted with my daughter ... And yes, let's not forget, there's my daughter's topic ...: Papa?
Charlie who had left me a little with my thoughts gives me back his full attention. Maybe because of all that we are sharing, or because I know everything that is able to keep me in your life, or because today I am seeing everything with new eyes, but suddenly I am aware of all the warmth and affection in your eyes towards me, that's why I do not hesitate to confess to him: I do not know what to do with Renesme's subject ... no matter how I slice, no matter what I suggest ... since I'm not in my room completely gone I've changed the future , and I feel like I'm betraying her. Even if things had been otherwise would be almost a year for her to be part of this world .. But I can not help thinking that I have failed, either by not trying to make it real, or because although I tried, even if I returned with Edward - and because of the small shudder that the two of us walk through, I understand that I'm not the only one who is considering the possibilities of that reality - and I succeeded in getting pregnant and surviving all that ... how probably would be that the resulting baby was that precise girl? ... and therefore, in addition to failing her, I'm failing Jake ...
While talking, my father has taken my hands in his: Honey, I'm not going to lie to you and say I understand what you're feeling, because from everything we've discussed that is by far the most unsettling point - I guess I'm looking at you with some surprise for what follows: no, I do not mean not to believe you, and in fact, if at some point I have to imagine surpassing the fact that you are no longer my sweet little girl, to face the amazing milestone of Knowing my grandchildren, I do not doubt that the reaction you have described as an unconditional fan of Renesme fits me completely ... but ... with sincerity, I do not know what I can say or do to comfort you or to guide you. If after having held you in my arms someone will change me to a dimension where you did not exist I think I would go crazy without remedy - we squeeze our hands to make him feel how much I love him, and he gives it back to me without interrupting - that's why I do not know what to advise you . From the subject of convertirte to which I prefer not to devote a lot of my thoughts right now, until I try again to have it ... I think the only thing I can tell you is that whatever happens, whether you choose to keep her memory, or you give him a chance, and I end up having another gorgeous granddaughter or an adorable grandson, we're going to be together to face it. To overcome your loss and honor her memory or to love her unconditionally
I feel the tears accumulate in my eyes. There is my father to put the finishing touch to a crazy day. Surprisingly, a man of a few words, and with more difficulties than myself to explain how he feels has managed not only to explain himself but to lighten my spirit. He is right, if I decide to leave my little girl as a memory, I will always honor her in my thoughts, and if in the end I decide to play her to be a mother, it does not matter what, I will be there for my little one hundred percent.