"KRISTEN!"
"Huh? What? Denniz what's wrong hunny?"
"Nothing," I knew it wouldn't please her, but I couldn't tell her the truth.
"Nothing? Denniz, you had that dream again didn't you?"
"Yeah"
"Baby why don't you just tell me about it, it might help."
"Naw, baby I'll be fine. I'm going to go work on my music for a while."
I kissed her on the cheek and made my way downstairs to the studio. I love my job, being a song writer and all. I can pretty much work when ever I want and have plenty of time with Kristen. She is a choreographer; she makes up the dance routines for my songs. So it all works out, Jive records is so lucky to have us. We are the perfect team, I don't know what I would do without her, she is my life.
Right now I'm working on a song called 'My Beautiful Woman'. The song is to be recorded in three weeks, but I can't seem to finish it. I'm stuck on this one. All I've got so far is the chorus,
Show me the meaning of being lonely
Is this the feeling I need to walk with
(Tell me why)
Tell me why, I can't be there where you are
There's something missing in my heart
I have no idea where I got the idea, but I think it has something to do with my nightmare. I hope not.
5 am Kristen is getting up and showering, mmm, smells good. I love spending time with her; I think I might go join her. I really enjoy that, I love holding her in my arms and not caring about the rest of the world.
Kristen is leaving today for Orlando, she's meeting up with *NSYNC to teach them the choreography for 'Want you Back". As we leave for the airport I can't stop thinking that I don't want her to go. I know she'll be back later tonight, but I just don't want her to go. I have the perfect night planned for when she gets back. Her favorite dinner and dancing, Max is coming over later to help me make the perfect mix tape. Max is my other half when it comes to writing and producing, he's amazing.
I watch her plane take off and I'm not sure why, but my heart always sinks. I think it has something to do with that nightmare. But for now her plane is safely in the air and I need to get going myself now. It'll be an hour and a half drive to the meeting. Its 7:15, I should make it in time, unless I hit traffic.
Ah, Jive records, my home away from home. As I walk through the security scanners I am greeted by Johnny and Max. Max hands me a rough copy of a song titled 'Set it off', to look at later. I take it and roll it up, stick it in my hoodie, grabbing my mug and head for the coffee pot. After getting my fix I head for the board room where I am greeted by hugs and smiling faces. I've watched the Backstreet Boys grow up. Kristen and I think of them as our kids in some aspects. I can't wait until we have kids of our own though. The meeting is about the upcoming CD and what songs are possibilities, their excitement is infectious and the meeting flies by. Before I know it, it's time to get things ready for tonight before heading to the airport and pick up my girl.
5:15 PM; Max and I make a run for the parking lot, Kristen is due to land at 8.
Max and I make real good time to my house; he goes downstairs to work on the mix tape as I head for the kitchen. Max and I work non-stop till 7:30, and as Max is heading for the door I put the finishing touches on the table. 'Perfect' I thought to myself running out the door and heading for the airport. I flip on the radio to see if her plane is delayed as I played though the nights events in my head.
"We interrupt your regular clear channel broadcast for this important update: 'I REPEAT FLIGHT 409 FROM ORLANDO HAS CRASHED during it's descend, emergency services are on the scene, traffic is backed up for a couple miles, please we ask you all to remain calm and ….,'"
My heart sank, that's Kristen's flight!
My dream can not come true, not now, NO.
I pull in to the airport I see her plane, nothing but a ball of fire. I skid on to the runway where all the ambulances are. I see Lawny standing next to one of the ambulances; Lawny is Kristen's body guard.
I leap out of my jeep and run over to him, "LAWNY, LAWNY," he sees me running and meets me half way. The look in his eyes, I've seen that look in my dream.
"No, Lawny, tell me she's not-" he cuts me off
"She is over there," I try to push past him.
"Denniz, she's pretty banged up."
"I don't care, Lawny I don't care!"
He runs with me to the ambulance, there is blood everywhere.
'Kristen?' I gently pick up her hand. She has tubes and wires running everywhere.
"I love you baby, I love you" gently I kiss her forehead.
She's trying to say something, I move her face mask.
"We're pregnant Denniz."
My heart sinks, I am so happy, but at the same time I am scared out of my mind. This is the part in my dream that always had me waking up in a cold sweat.
Gently I kiss her on the forehead as I move the facemask back. Every breath suddenly becomes a struggle for her, the heart monitor is going nuts, she takes a deep breath and –
Kristen died that day, at the airport, in my arms. My dream came true and the chorus to that song finally made sense. It took me almost 6 months to finish it, but Max helped me a lot. This is how it finally turned out,
Show me the meaning of being lonely
So Many words for the broken heart
It's hard to see in a crimson love
So hard to breathe
Walk with me, and maybe
Nights of light so soon become
Wild and free I can feel the sun
Your every wish will be done
They tell me...
Show me the meaning of being lonely
Is this the feeling I need to walk with
Tell me why, I can't be there where you are
There's something missing in my heart
Life goes on as it never ends
Eyes of stone observe the trends
They never say forever gaze if only...
Guilty roads to an endless love
(Endless love)
There's no control
Are you with me now
Your every wish will be done
They tell me...
Show me the meaning of being lonely
Is this the feeling I need to walk with
(Tell me why)
Tell me why, I can't be there where you are
There's something missing in my heart
There's nowhere to run
I have no place to go
Surrender my heart, body, and soul
How can it be you're asking me to feel the things you never show
You are missing in my heart
Tell me why I can't be there where you are
Show me the meaning of being lonely
Is this the feeling I need to walk with
(Tell me why)
Tell me why, I can't be there where you are
There's something missing in my heart
Show me the meaning of being lonely
(Being lonely)
Is this the feeling I need to walk with
Tell me why, I can't be there where you are
There's something missing in my heart