We are not friends. We never will or can. We're enemies, and that is a
stronger bond than friendship will ever be.
It's not about the girl, though we fight over her as much as anything else.
It's not even about cat and mouse. Have and have not. Though I've never
been entirely sure who had anything.
He's stupid; bad tempered and thoughtless. And sometimes I want that fire
so much I burn. But it always freezes over.
Maybe I should give him what he wants. Let him win. See how much he likes
the cage I spent my whole life in.
He would burn himself out.
So every time we fight, I defeat him. No matter how tired I am and how
tired I am of his stupid yelling. He always loses. I have already lost.
And no matter how she tries, she can never change that. I smile at her,
for her, and somehow through her. But she's solid. It's me who's
transparent. I hold onto her for dear life. An anchor. And maybe I do
lover her, and maybe she thinks she loves me, but she'll go with him.
Drawn to his fire.
They all respect me, but they like him.
And I want him, and I want her. And maybe just once I want something
that's mine. I'm the mouse; I should be clever, right? Special.
Everyone has always told me that I'm special. Akito wouldn't want me if I
weren't. Isn't it funny?
I think I understand him now. What he wants. Maybe it's because he thinks
I'm strong, because we're so similar. But I can leave, even if it's only
to run on the same cursed wheel. So he caged me in.
If I locked him up would I gain his power? Would whipping him make me that
much stronger? If I could just steal his warmth.
Would you love me then?
No you'd hate me. Like I hate him. And I hate and I want and no one ever
notices.
I am not Akito.
I love Tohru.
And let him burn.
