Living My Life In A Slow Hell
I sat on my throne, legs slung over one of the arms with an unreadable expression on my face. On each side of me stood one if my advisors, Raüm and Mastiphal. Even now, after all the Hell we've been through— All the Hell I've been through—, I kept them close.
I could truly say my life was like Hell...
I couldn't look my daughter in the eye, not since I had Mastiphal purge every memory of him from her mind...
My heart couldn't take the questions anymore...The memories that fucking name always brought back...
Everything has been broken...destroyed beyond repair...
And I blamed myself...
It was a typical day, I was simply pacing around my throne room, mentally preparing myself to deal with another irritating prisoner. "Honestly, I try to bring some order to this place and people oppose me at every turn..."
"Sir! He's right outside...Do you need any more time to think over what you're going to do?" Questioned a guard, his head poking through the door to look at his king with a raised brow.
"I already know what I'm going to do...Bring him in."
With a nod, the guard threw the doors open...And there he was...
The holder of my heart...
The one who knew me better than anyone else...
"Cold as ice...That's how I treated him...He didn't deserve that..." I whispered to myself, gazing at my reflection in my bedroom mirror.
I loathed myself...
Sure, I wore a crown and was at the top of the food chain now but I was truly the lowest of the low...
"It's all your fault!" I shrieked as I punched the mirror.
Glass shattered all around and I fell on the floor, feeling it digging into my knees but I didn't care.
The door creaked open, revealing my beloved little girl, Sonia.
"It's okay, Mommy...Don't cry..." She whispered, after running to my side, brushing my tears away with her little thumb.
"I'm fine...I promise," I whispered as I pulled her into a tight embrace, burying my face in her hair as soundless sobs wracked my body.
I walked around him, my crimson-colored eyes examining him closely. "You really are an idiot aren't you? Couldn't you have just done the smart thing and stayed away?" I hissed, trying to seem as if I didn't care.
"Why...?" Claude whispered, refusing to even gaze in my direction. That was all he said, and it had managed to set me off.
"Why what? Why did I leave? Why am I treating you like this?" I asked in a mocking tone, wanting some reaction. A flinch, sigh, a sudden intake of breath, yet I received nothing...So, I continued. "I'm making this easier in the both of us! What I want no longer matters anymore!"
He just knelt there, his beautiful golden-eyes looking all around the room. "...I'm happy with anything.. As long as I get to feel your presence," Claude whispered in response.
He was happy...? I should have been using this time to prove that I still cared, but I was just getting upset instead. "Such an idiot..." I growled in frustration. I wanted to cry, I wanted to sit down and laugh until I lost my mind...I wanted to destroy the one who meant most.
"I suppose you are right... But then again, were our opinions ever the same? We always thought differently, and yet we were always right at the same time. Why would I be wrong right now, just because I want to see you? Or... Are you not the one I used to know anymore? Oh, I almost forgot... I am talking to the King, not to..." He said, only bothering to glance at my feet instead of my face.
"What? Not your fiancé? The Phantomhive's oh-so-perfect butler? Not Ciel's dog?" I thrusted my arm out, pushing the sleeve up to reveal the ring he had made for me, feeling the tears stinging at the corners of my eyes. "It's never been off my finger..."
It was official, I was losing my mind...
I sat in the corner of my throne room, hugging my knees to my chest. All the color had practically faded from me, even my eyes- one of my most striking features- had become pale and lifeless.
I had my arms wrapped around an urn, hugging it protectively...The urn I had put Claude's ashes in.
"I miss you..." I whispered softly, feeling tears streaming down endlessly from my eyes. No one knew what was wrong, but when they weren't around, I let it all out. "...If I only could turn back time..."
I nuzzled the urn in my arms, the wheels beginning to turn in my mind. I knew what to do...
I just needed the demon sword and this nightmare would be over. For good.
I leaned down, pressing a soft kiss to his forehead. "I will always love you, Claude...Until all life has drained from my body and beyond that..." I whispered as the guards scurried in, holding the demon sword in.
The spider demon just bowed his head, a tear rolling down his cheek. "I love you too, Sebastian...With all my heart," He whispered, accepting what was coming next.
I took the sword from the guards, raising it high above my head. "Forgive me..." I whispered before bringing it down, blood spraying everywhere as his head tumbled to the floor.
I...I killed him. He wasn't going to come back...Not now.
"No..."
I fell to the floor in a heap, tossing the demon sword aside. Tears streamed down my cheeks, mixing with the blood on my face.
I crawled over to grab Claude's head, cradling it in my arms as I let out an agonized scream...
My heart literally felt like it was exploding in my chest...What have I done...?
I couldn't feel anything anymore...Love, compassion, caring...Those were all foreign to me now.
I wasn't myself, I felt like I was someone else.
A part of me was dead, and I needed to live again...Be he was dead, just like I was going to be.
I was withering away, dying of heartbreak. I hadn't moved from my bed for days, my skin was sickly pale, all signs of life had drained from my face, and I felt hollow...So hollow and faceless.
"Why...Why did this have to happen?" I whispered as a sob wracked my body, causing me to cough up a nice amount of blood.
Maybe I should cry for help...
Maybe I should kill myself...
Those were the thoughts that plagued me every day, until I finally picked one of the two.
I got out of bed, stumbled down the hall and grabbed the demon sword.
It was over faster than expected and I was perfectly fine...Until Sonia came out of her bedroom and found me on the ground in a pool of my own blood.
"Don't fret, precious...I'm fine," I whispered as I stood up, grinding my teeth together to hold back a hiss of pain.
"...Are you sure, Momma?" Sonia whispered, looking up at her "Mother" with her big golden eyes with tears welled up inside them.
I nodded my head and gave her the best reassuring smile I could, leading her back to her room. "Go back to sleep," I whispered as I tucked her in, wiping the blood from my mouth before kissing her forehead. "I love you..."
She smiled sweetly, hugging a little stuffed bear I made for her to her chest. "I love you too, Momma."
After that...It all went down hill.
I was walking down the hall when I fell over, the blood gushing from my mouth and chest, spewing onto the floor.
"I failed them..." Those were my last words before everything went dark, finding myself being lulled to my eternal rest.
I find it kind of funny, I find it kind of sad...The moment in which I'm dying is the best I've ever had.