Guilt never sat well with Peter Pevensie. Especially the kind of guilt he couldn't tell his siblings about.
After the attack, he knew he had said too much to the Prince-to-be. His father had nothing to do with the terror of the Narnians. And the death of so many laid upon him, not the boy.
But still, which was easier to do? Blame himself or yell at Caspian?
He couldn't tell the others. Suse and Lucy would tell him - In Susan's case, force him - to apologize and Edmund would just call him pig-headed; something he didn't want to hear right now.
"Peter?" His head jumped up as Lucy approached him. "Have you seen Caspian?"
Fake anger cloaked itself and he managed a scoff. "Of course not."
Lucy sneered and sighed. She grabbed Peter's arm and dragged him inside the temple. "Would you drop your stupid pride and just apologize already?" Lucy groaned, biting back a few words Peter probably didn't think she knew.
Somewhere along the walk, Lucy suddenly let go and stopped, wrapping her arms around herself. Peter would've turned back if they weren't so deep in. Instead, he turned his attention to his baby sister. He placed his hands on her shoulders, but then around himself. It was getting cold.
"Peter?" Lucy looked up at him with innocent eyes. Peter bit his lip, suggesting they move forward.
"This isn't what I wanted." Caspian's, dare Peter say, scared voice floated on the air. He rose an eyebrow, leaving Lucy behind and drawing closer.
"Just one drop of Adam's blood..." Peter's blood ran as cold as the owner of the voice: The White Witch.
He turned and realized Susan and Edmund had found them. Slowly, he and his brother drew their swords and Susan, just as slowly, pulled out an arrow.
They sprung into action, Peter trying his best to get to Caspian. The one holding the Prince-to-be, a crone, turned to him and squawked. She let go of Caspian - who did not scatter away as she thought he would - and charged at the High King.
Peter waved his sword like a madman, for it seemed that was the only way to fight against her. She lunged forward, nails as sharp as the dagger in his belt, slicing at his had no pattern, no style to fight. She was a madman.
She slashed across his face and Peter just barely ducked. He was off balance and he fell. His eyes were given front row seats as the ex-queen of Narnia drew closer and closer to the hypnotized Caspian. A lucky gash to the Crone's stomach, Peter rushed and pushed Caspian out the circle and away from the spell. "Get away from him!"
The witch withdrew in shock, quickly morphed to a warm - well, as warm as she could manage- smile. "Peter, dear. I've missed you." And once again, the hand inched forward. Peter found himself lost in those icy eyes and that 'warm' smile. "Come on. One drop of Adam's blood."She winked at him. "You know you can't do this alone."
Peter looked to the ground, sword lowered and his siblings chiding in his head. Slowly, he raised his own hand and stared. Stared at the intricate traces of the palm. Stared at the deep creases of the thumb. Stared at the whimsical curls of the fingers. Just...maybe...
"Pete!" Edmund yelled as his brother's sword clattered to the dirt. He surged forward, stopped by the bear. He raised his sword high in warning and the bear howled, swiping him across the face. He flew against the concrete and before pain could break in, he gratefully blacked out.
Peter's other hand, in a daze, reached for the dagger in his belt. He stared at the reflection of the fire, ignoring the pain as he slit it across his palm. He stared at the reflection of the witch, ignoring the racing of his blood as it dragged. As his dagger joined his sword, a red 'X' sat in his palm.
He rose both his hand and eyes to the witch, believing in his own mind his expression reflected Lucy's. The witch smiled brighter, reaching and reaching closer.
Peter drew in a breath and sucked up his courage, surging forward and grabbing the Witch's wrist.
The blinding light all were expecting pulsed. What no one expected was the witch's scream deafening all. Peter skewered his eyes shut and bit his lip, but held tighter and tighter.
A knock of air thre hum back till he sat on the crack of time.
The witch was gone, leaving only chunks of ice.
Peter let out a breath he didn't know he held. Susan rushed forward to give him help which he refused. He walked back to where the witch had been, dazed.
"Peter?" His head jumped up as Lucy approached him.
He raised his injured hand for all to see. "Neither Adam, nor Eve, but both." As he spoke, the Pevensies and Caspian all believe they saw the blood glisten.
Narnians were down-right gossipers. As they approached the campsite once more, it wasn't long until the soldiers were walking warily around their king, trying to spot how he could be not Adam, not Eve, but both.
"Peter..." He pulled away from glaring to turn to his sister. Behind Susan were Edmund and Lucy, all sharing a looke between confusion and concern.
"What did you mean?" Lucy asked, innocent once more.
"I'm not a boy or a girl. I'm both." He said, simply. He sat and leaned against a tree.
"We get that, Pete. What do you mean?" Edmund snapped.
Peter rolled his eyes. "I'm a hermaphrodite." That shut his brother up quick.
"What's that?" Lucy looked up at a blubbering Susan.
"Remember those pull-apart dolls you use to have, Lu?" The little one nodded. "It's like that. Up here - "He pointed to his chest. "I'm a boy. Down there -" He patted his leg. "I'm a girl." Lucy nodded in a daze, letting it stick in.
Edmund coughed awkwardly and Peter huffed angrily, addressing his little brother. "Yes, Ed, I have slept with people." Edmund took the chance to look anywhere else. Peter rolled his eyes, head doing the same as his hand snuck up to rub his neck. "That's why we had to leave for school."
His siblings all quirked their heads at this. "But...the school year had started." Lucy voice dragged.
"We could've stayed with the Professor." Peter said plainly, voice now gruff with annoyance.
"He was busy. And he didn't have the money." Susan urged.
Peter scoffed, voice still heavy with annoyance. "Yea, 'cause all that money was spent on me."
"Peter..." Susan's voice was testy.
"I had an abortion, Suse!" Peter snapped, body tense.
The camp seemed to go silent, though no one was paying them any heed Peter closed his eyes, trying to calm his trembling insides. He stood from the ground, delving deeper into the forest for some time alone.
Said 'time alone' mainly consisted of his bottled up tears slowly silently leaving his bright blue eyes, him weeping for the unborn child he had put to death.
All this was cut, interrupted, by the snap of a twig.
Peter quickly wiped away the tears and their rivers, standing and turning to face his threat as High King Peter. "Who's there?" Apparently, his voice didn't follow through.
Caspian slowly revealed from behind an oak.
The Prince-to-be's name slipped from Peter's lips in a breath. Knowing not what to say and too tired to play angry, he only turned back to look at the river he sat beside. Caspian kneeled beside his king. Just as they were in ranking, now was portrayed here. Beside the river.
Peter flinched and reeled back when Caspian took his injured hand with his own, calloused and bandaged. Caspian looked at him with concern and hurt. "Your hand...I was...I won't hurt you." It took a moment, but Peter relaxed and Caspian gingerly took his hand again.
The wound was reopened swiftly, releasing blood from crusted-over infection. This he didn't mind. The sting from the herbs truly entered his mind as faint numb. The bandaging was skillful and quick and as Caspian's injured hand let his own go, Peter's wrist and knuckled were wrapped, a pasty white 'X' decorating his palm.
Caspian looked at his king, who hadn't looked from the other side of the river for some time. There were some things Peter could hide - his being, his child, his blame - but tears weren't one of them. The drops of salty water gently flowed down his cheeks. Without through, Caspian moved around the king, hugging him from behind to his chest. Yes, Peter gasped, but did not move. Caspian placed his chin on the other's shoulder, falling quite asleep to the sound of deep breaths.
At least, he tried.
"Does this change anything?" Peter asked aloud. "Does this change what I've done? All those years ago, I was High King Peter. I am High King Peter now. Nothing's different between the two. So why am I so scared? I should be relieved. They all know and I-"
Caspian jumped from Peter's shoulder, cutting off his king's ramblings with a kiss. It was swift and he pulled away. He looked at him in the eyes. "I believe in you."
Peter bit his lip. In Caspian's light hold, he turned and laid on the Prince-to-be's chest, now noticing he wore not his armor. He curled in and Caspian held fast. He closed his eyes, his tiredness suddenly turned to exhaustion. "Thank you."