A/N: The moment when Merlin told Arthur to say no to the Disir was one of the most frustrating moments in the whole series for me, I was almost literally screaming at my screen all through it. So I just had to write up an alternative way the scene could have gone. However, aside from writing out the initial plot bunny (which means, at most, another chapter after the prologue), I make no promises about whether or not I will continue this story further. I just had an idea, and then wrote it out for myself. Then, I decided I might as well post it. So please, if you like it, tell me and that might convince me to continue. But don't get your expectations too high up either.
Also, please keep in mind that even if I do continue, any pairings, plot and so on are yet to be decided. But it would, most likely, end up being a reveal fic.
Prologue"What would you do? In my place?"
The question hung in the air more heavily than any words that Merlin had ever heard uttered before, the shock of hearing his king ask for his opinion causing blood to rush into his brain, making all his senses light up ablaze even more strongly than this sacred place had made them before. The sound of the fire cackling between them turned almost painfully loud, each crack of the embers making something inside the secretive warlock twinge in response. He hadn't been ready for such a question, and his heart was beating wildly in his chest from the surprise and knowledge of how important this was.
"Me?" he asked, his mind in an overdrive as he tried to think of the right answer to give, "I'm just a lackey, a maker of beds."
He was quite obviously trying to get more time to think or, if he was lucky, even deflect Arthur's question to the side so he wouldn't need to respond. How could he give an answer when inside his own head were swirling millions of questions? He knew, without a doubt, that Mordred had to die. And he knew, without a doubt, that this was the perfect opportunity to make that happen. But was he prepared to do it at the cost of ruining the one opportunity he had to convince Arthur to accept sorcery? To finally take that one, most important step there was towards the world that he was fated to create?
On the other hand, did it even truly matter what he said? Merlin knew that by now Arthur had accepted that his manservant's opinion was important to him, even if he would never really admit. But would he truly agree to lift the ban on magic only because Merlin had advised him so? Was the trust that deep between them?
Or did he only ask because he expected Merlin to scoff at the mere idea of agreeing to the condition the Disir had raised? Maybe he just wanted validation for the truths he had been taught since childhood? Because he was desperate for confirmation that he was leaning towards the right choice, and because he couldn't actually imagine that Merlin could have a different view than that?
"Lackeys can be wise," was the blond knight's answer to the servant's words, and Merlin's breath hitched for a moment. No. Arthur was asking him this for real. His eyes showed that the king was truly at a loss of what to do, they sparkled in the campfire's light with the need to hear his friend's true thoughts.
The warlock looked away from the other man and shook his head slightly, deep in thought. Kilgarrah had warned him not to miss the next opportunity he had to get rid of the young druid that was fated to play an important role in Arthur's demise. And it was Merlin's duty, above all else, to protect his king. But it was also his destiny to guide Arthur into acceptance of magic, so why... why was he being made to make a choice that would doom either one of his goals or the other? Was fate really so cruel as to play such a terrible trick to him? Was there truly no way to get both? How could such a conflicting choice even exist, or was he not seeing something? Some hidden meaning behind the words of the Disir, some small niche where salvation hid?
But he could not find anything like that and his silence was becoming too long; Merlin could see his king getting impatient. There was, however, one thought in the servant's mind that rung louder than the rest. He was being forced to make an impossible choice between two things, both of which he knew should come true. The once and future king had to be protected, but the battle in which Mordred could strike him down was still some time in the future. There might be other opportunities, better ones, to get rid of the druid boy. But if he said now (as he knew he would have to if he wanted Arthur to abandon a man who had saved his life) that he shouldn't let magic return to the land, no matter what the cost... If he told him as strictly as he needed that magic was evil, that it could not ever be redeemed... Then he would close off that path forever. For how could he expect Arthur to take him seriously in the future, once he thought it was time to "change his mind"? How could he ever hope to make his King believe that his opinion wasn't just fickle and untrustworthy, and convince him to change his view after sacrificing someone for it before?
"It's not like you to be silent," Arthur urged him further, sounding almost honestly confused at his normally chatty manservant's lack of response by this point, and Merlin knew he could hesitate no longer. He had to make the decision. And so he did.
"The Kingdom's future is at stake," he started reluctantly.
"And a man's life," the King wasted no time reminding him, and Merlin nodded.
"You must protect Camelot, you must protect the world you've spent your life building: a just and fair kingdom for all," the warlock continued, little by little gaining strength in his conviction that he was doing the right thing. After all, he had decided to speak as honestly to his royal friend as it was possible, and there was no better decision than that, ever.
"You'd have me sacrifice a friend," Arthur stated somberly, not really a question, but to his surprise Merlin disagreed.
"I would have you become the king you are destined to be," he said, knowing fully well just how two-fold his words could still be taken. The man before him was now getting a little confused, frowning his displeasure at the riddles his servant was speaking in.
"If I do save Mordred," he spoke again, sitting up straighter now to look Merlin in the eyes better, "All my father's work will be for nothing. Sorcery will reign once more in Camelot. Is that what you'd want?"
This time Merlin stayed quiet on purpose, waiting for Arthur to continue himself, to think further on his own.
"Perhaps my father was wrong, perhaps the old ways aren't as evil as we thought," the king did, indeed, continue after a second's break, making Merlin's heart tremble at just how open to the idea he sounded, maybe for the first time in his life, "So what should we do? Accept magic? Or let Mordred die?"
Here it was - once again, the ball was in Merlin's court and it was finally time to give a direct answer. The warlock swallowed, and took a deep breath, exhaling it again to try and calm himself before he talked further. He still struggled with the decision and his eyes even started to water slightly as he was overwhelmed by the knowledge what kind of future he might be dooming them all to. This time Arthur didn't push him, however, waiting for his answer patiently, seemingly all too aware of how strongly Merlin was struggling, even if the reasons for it were the opposite of what he assumed them to be.
"There is no black and white," the warlock said in the end, his voice trembling just a little as he looked up again and met his king's eyes, "About anything. You should know that better than anyone by now, Sire. I do not think magic is any exception. However, I do think it can be only you who decides what your "just for all" Kingdom should encompass, only you who should decide if "all" includes those with magic as well... but you can hear how ironic that sounds yourself, can you not?" he asked, blinking his tears away now that he finally made his opinion clear. Arthur leaned back and furrowed his brows as he took in what he heard. Merlin, however, wavered a little as he wondered if he should truly add the next bit.
"I do not trust Mordred," he did say, in the end, witnessing Arthur's eyes widen at the unexpected statement, the king's face snapping upwards again, mouth half-open with an obvious question. But Merlin didn't let him voice it, "I cannot tell you why, just as I cannot tell you whether he, of all people, is worth you going against your father's will," he continued almost wistfully, glancing at the fire while he spoke, "What I can tell you is that you are destined to become a great king and perhaps, that does mean making some changes. Or maybe it means making some sacrifices," he added almost as an afterthought, but by now it was no secret between them which he actually believed, "It is your decision, Arthur."
Here it was. He had revealed as much of his honest thoughts as he could and now it was out of his hands again. Maybe he was making a mistake by gently pushing Arthur towards accepting magic and, in the process, saving Mordred's life. Perhaps Kilgarrah would be disappointed in him, but Merlin also knew that the Great Dragon wished for magic's return perhaps as much as he wanted the druid boy to be out of the way. At least, by voicing his doubts about Mordred, he was, hopefully, also making sure that solving that problem would be easier in the future as well. At the very least, it didn't seem that Arthur was in a hurry to question that statement currently, far more urgent matters taking priority at least for now.
"Idiot," came an unexpected insult from the other man, and it was Merlin who widened his eyes this time in surprise. He looked at the King, thinking that perhaps Arthur simply chose to dismiss his words as foolish after all, not taking advice from a mere servant seriously. But the look on the royal's face revealed he was just desperately trying to lighten the mood by slipping back into his old habits for a second, "Only you would think that telling me to decide myself could be called proper advice," Arthur finished his thought, and Merlin snorted, brushing the insult away as easily as ever. They both knew the truth, after all.
Arthur stared at his servant for a few moments more, as if considering him, before looking away and lying back without another word. It seemed that the king was about to have a sleepless night, and Merlin knew that his would not be any different as he waited for the other to think it through and come to his own, final decision.