Spottedfire's Comedy Warriors

Part One

"Ooooo, he is SO dead!" growled Squirrelflight as she stomped through the undergrowth so loudly that the Riverclan warriors were probably bothered by it. She was SEETHING. "How can that idiot GREYSTRIPE bring that...that..that STUFF into the clans? Idiot, mousebrain, imbo-" she crashed headlong into Ashfur. Ashfur casually gazed upward, only for his eyes to light up. "Heeeeyyyyyy, baby!" "Go away!" Squirrelflight screamed at him. She swept past him with a flourish and raced onward to camp.

All of the sudden, Squirrelflight's phone started to scream "TEXT MESSAGE. TEXT MESSAGE." "I knew that one day would be annoying," Squirrelflight muttered as she paused to check her text messages. Leafpool!

luvly LP: WHER TH CRP R U

sxy SF: IS GREYSTRIPE THER

luvly LP: no...wait, ya! whats he carrying?

sxy SF: CRP! B ther in a mo

Squirrelflight picked up the pace and was at camp just in time to see...Graystripe putting something on the ground! Dark deliciousness! But evil to cats just the same! "NO GRAYSTRIPE! PUT. THE CHOCOLATE. DOWN!" she screeched. Greystripe looked up in sincere surprise. All of the sudden, there was a flash of white-grey, and Greystripe's body went down with a thud. "MY CHOCOLATE!" Dovewing yowled. "NEVER!" It led to an intense slap fight.

All of the sudden, Firestar raced to the middle of the slap fight, jerking them apart, pumped his paw up and down in victory, and screeched,"150 LIKES ON TWITTER AND FACEBOOK! SCORE!" He ran off again into the forest, giggling madly as Sandstorm chased him down, calling,"I KNEW I shouldn't have gotten you that new laptop, Firestar!"

...

Lionblaze, Mousewhisker, and Jayfeather were in a corner of the medicne cat den, snickering. Greystripe passed them suspiciously, eyes darting back and forth. "Hey guys...what's up?" he halfheartedly called. Lionblaze fell into a laughing fit, and Mousewhisker mewed,"You know that video that Firestar got all those likes on?" "Yeah...?" "Well, it's you-" he said this between wholehearted laughs-"You...-" tears flowed freely from his eyes now-"You..."

"WHAT?"

"YOU SINGING I'M SEXY AND I KNOW IT...TO MILLIE!"

Greystripe's eyes widened. "'How'd she get-" A look of understanding crossed his face. "Starcams! I should've known! When I get to Starclan, Silverstream, I'm going to KILL you!" He ran off.

...

That night, Dovewing was checking her gmail account. She had 5 emails remaining. One was from Starclan, alerting her that her account/membership was almost up for .com. "Yeah, yeah." She muttered as she clicked the trash button.

Another was from th (the heavily guarded dark forest account.) Tigerheart! It read:

hey babee wanna meet a brdr 2nite?

Only 5 minutes ago! She emailed back:

Sure. C U ther, hotty

Another was a video from .com. She Starcams captured all the embarrassing .

moments of the warriors, and posted them. She got ALL the gossip from the other clans.

This one was a video of Onestar...singing Fireworks by Katie Perry! At the dirtplace! Ivypool almsot choked up a hairball she was laughing so hard! Next was her sister Dovewing (df ). It read:

heeeeeyyy anythin new at the df? not that i wanna know or anythin, but hey! did u hear about greystripe and im sexy and i know-"

Dovewing sighed and deleted her email. Nothing new there!

The final one was from Jayfeather.(jf ) It was pictures. All of them were labeled 'Me and Babee's 1st anniversity'. "What the crap?" Dovewing thought to herself. He probably sent it to the wrong person. AGAIN. But she viewed it anyway. The pictures were of him and...his stick? One was of just his stick, another one was of him lovingly hugging his stick, another of him making out with his stick-

Dovewing could view no more. She clicked the trash button. When would he ever learn?

...

Ashfur stared at the ground, miserable and deathly lonely. He was a failure at life! No life, no Squirrelflight, no life, no Squirrelflight, no Squirrelflight...

Suddenly, he looked straight up. To a marshmallow gun cocked and loaded at his face. Brambleclaw growled, "The chick's mine, Ashfur. Squirrelflight will never be yours!" A toasted marshmallow practically threw itself out of his gun and into Ashfur's face. "AHHHH! I CAN'T SEE!" Leafpool shot out of the medicine cat den. "Who's injured?" Jayfeather followed, bumping into the cave walls and muttering "Ow" to himself each time. "Marshmallows! Not again, Brambleclaw! Remember Brightheart?" "Didn't dogs attack her?" the innocent passing Daisy asked. "That's what you think..." Brambleclaw evily grinned. "Just get inside, Ashfur!"

...

Jayfeather decided to take his stick out on a walk for his 1st anniversity. He took the stick tenderly beneath his jaws and felt the familiar path beneath his paws as he set out for the lake. Soon, he could hear the waves crashing gently against the well-worn, perfect sand. He perched comfortably in the grass, stick beside him.

"Oh, isn't this sooo relaxing, baby?" he whispered to his stick. "So great...oh stick, I love you! This is the best evening of my life!"

"Uh. Jayfeather...what are you doing?"

Oh, crap! It's Mousewhisker!

He could feel waves of confusion rolling off him. "Soo...what ARE you doing?"

"Nothing!"

He hastily buried his beloved stick in the sand. "Uh...ok. See you." He only trotted a few steps before calling over his shoulder ,"Oh, and by the way, it's morning."