Author's Note: I am working on writing Leila's story, going back to perhaps slightly before she is Christian's sub. I started with the scene where Ana walks in on Leila in her apartment. I know this is towards the end of her story, but it seemed like a nice, solid place for me to start getting inside her head. You all basically know what happens here anyway. I really enjoyed writing this scene! I hope you enjoy reading it. All feedback (good or bad!) is welcome and appreciated.

The door buzzes, and I head upstairs to the apartment. It occurs to me that I have not been here since Saturday morning. That seems so long ago. Ethan has kindly left the front door open. I step into the apartment, and I don't know why, but I freeze instinctively as soon as I step inside. I take a moment to realize it's because the pale, wan figure standing by the kitchen island and holding a small revolver is Leila, and she's gazing impassively at me.

James, E L (2011-09-13). Fifty Shades Darker: Book Two of the Fifty Shades Trilogy (p. 221). Random House, Inc.. Kindle Edition.

She is afraid. I understand afraid. I tilt my head from side to side, taking her in. She looks like me. And like all the others. But she is different. Why is she different? She is staring at me. I chuckle at myself. Of course she is, idiot. You look like shit, and you're holding a gun.

"Hi. Leila, isn't it?"

I am surprised by her words. She is trying to not be afraid, but her voice betrays her. I know she is. She should not be afraid. "She speaks."

"Yes, I speak. Are you here alone?"

Alone. Yes, if there is anything that I am, that I have been, that's it. So very, very alone. This one word sums up my existence, and pushes me towards the edge. "Alone. Alone," I mutter, my tone showing more of what I am feeling than I want it to.

"What are you doing here? Can I help you?"

Can she help me? No. This girl-like-me-but-not cannot help me. Why would she ask? My gun, my own, I let it go a little. I don't need it right now.

"Would you like some tea?" she asks. Tea? No, I don't want tea. I shake my head. I don't like tea. She starts moving around the kitchen, turns on a kettle for hot water. She's making tea. With a crazy girl holding a gun in her apartment. Yes, she is different. I move so I can see her. I do not know what she will do. I need to be able to watch her. I still have a gun, she should remember that. Although it isn't for her. Not her fault she's different.

Not for Mr. Grey either. No, Mr. Grey is happy. Master should be happy.

I could not make Master happy. I did try.

"Is there anyone else in the apartment?"

I catch myself twisting my hair. I stop. New Master did not let me twist my hair. New Master is not here. "Alone," I mutter, answering her question and sharing my feelings. "All alone."

"Are you sure you don't want tea or coffee?"

"Not thirsty," I answer. I step closer. I need to know. She is good enough. I never was. Why was I never good enough? She takes out cups for tea. She is brave, but afraid. I can tell. How is she brave? "What do you have that I don't?"

"What do you mean, Leila?" An honest question.

"Master-Mr. Grey-he lets you call him by his given name." An honest answer.

"I'm not his submissive, Leila. Er… Master understands that I am unable, inadequate to fulfill that role."

I tilt my head to the side. I do not understand what she has said. She is inadequate? "In-ad-e-quate," I hear the word coming out of my mouth. This word does not match the girl-who-is-different. "But Master is happy. I have seen him. He laughs and smiles. These reactions are rare…" I pause, thinking of the reactions I normally see. "Very rare for him."

She looks like this surprises her. You do not know the Master I know, then? This is…strange. "You look like me. Master likes obedient ones who look like you and me. The others, all the same…" I have seen pictures. The others, they are like us. "All the same… and yet you sleep in his bed. I saw you."

"You saw me in his bed?" she whispers. This has shocked her. Or scared her.

"I never slept in Master's bed." He did not allow it. I toy with my gun. It is time… no it is not. Not now. Not alone. I need Him to come. I make myself think of something else. "Why does Master like us like this? It makes me think something … something … Master is dark … Master is a dark man, but I love him." Why am I telling her all this? Words keep falling out of my mouth before I give them permission.

"Leila, do you want to give me the gun?"

I hug my gun. No. "This is mine. It's all I have left." I pet my gun. It will let me go back to my Master-who-is-gone. "So she can join her love."

A moment passes. She must not know what I mean, because she is now afraid but not brave. Before I can tell her that my gun is not for her, the door bursts open. Master is here! He looks first at her. Of course he does. She makes him happy. He looks at me next. And oh…that look! I know this look. He was like this after my accident. So angry with me for driving so carelessly, and so afraid I was hurt. He did not punish me for being careless. I deserved it, I knew that, but Master said I was already hurt and he would not hurt me more. That was when I knew he cared for me. Not like I cared for him, though.

But he did care. Maybe he still does, even just a little bit. Maybe that is why he has that same look in his eyes. Maybe this was wrong. I did not want to hurt him. I just did not want to be alone in the end. My body sags. Master holds his hand up, signaling to Taylor. I did not see Taylor there. He is as invisible as always. I watch Master watching me. Anger is gone from his face. I do not know what to do anymore. This was supposed to be easy. He wasn't supposed to care for me… He cares for her. But he does care, and that changes everything. I am frozen. Please, tell me what to do. I am lost.

Slowly, he changes into the man I knew. Tall, strong, in charge. My body responds automatically to its Master, breathing faster, my cheeks burning.

His lips form the word "kneel" and I do so immediately, the way I am supposed to. I still remember how to kneel the way that pleases him…legs spread, arms on my thighs. I hear my gun clatter across the floor, out of my reach. I want to cry. That was mine. A tear escapes my eye, blurring what I see somewhat. I see Master's feet as he walks towards where I heard my gun, and I think I hear him pick it up, but he is out of my line of sight.

"Anastasia, go with Taylor," he commands.

She whispers something that I do not understand.

"Downstairs."

A moment passes, and nothing happens. She doesn't obey him?

"Anastasia," he warns.

Still, nothing is happening. Master is standing in front of me, so close… I must stay still, I must stay still…

"For the love of God, Anastasia, will you do as you're told for once in your life and go!" His voice is cold and very angry. I know to obey him well when he speaks in that tone. Do I ever know…

"Taylor. Take Miss Steele downstairs. Now," I hear him say. I wonder how he will punish her for not obeying him. I am surprised he hasn't already. He could easily drag her to her knees by her hair. "Go. Back to the apartment." He pauses. "I need to be alone with Leila."

Oh. I feel a smile play on my lips. He wants to be alone with me. He wants me. And he is sending her away. He has no power over her, and he needs power. See how much power you have over me, Mr. Grey? Maybe…just maybe I can remind him of this, and maybe he'll want me instead. I will my smile away. I feel different than I have for the last few weeks. More like, myself? Less lost? Yes. I have a different purpose now. I can get my Master back. He still cares for me. He is angry with her, and she cannot be what he needs. She said it herself. Inadequate.

I hear Taylor speak to Miss Steele, and then Master speaks to Taylor. That girl still hasn't obeyed Master! How can she say she loves him?

I feel hands in my hair, stroking my head. Before I know I've done it, I nuzzle my head into his hand. Softly, gently, he reminds me to be still. I do. "Good girl," he says quietly. Oh, how I've missed this. Being at the feet of my Master, knowing he is pleased with me, feeling how he cherishes me. I surrender myself to the joy of the moment, loving his gentle touch and being still.

After a time, I don't know how long, his fingers reach under my chin and tip my head up. I gaze impassively through my lashes up at him. "Have you eaten?"

I shake my head no. I see his anger in his eyes for a moment. I know that I must eat. I had forgotten. When was the last time I ate? I don't know. I hope he isn't too angry with me.

"Stay there." His voice is gentle, but no-nonsense. I turn my head back to the floor while I hear him rustle around in the kitchen. "Hmm. Seems someone was going to make a cup of tea." He sounds amused, like he's enjoying a private joke. "Leila, did you know that tea is the answer to everything?"

"No, Sir."

"Hmm."

I hear the refrigerator open, some jars clanking against each other, and the door closes. He continues in silence as I watch his feet move around on the wood floor. Before too long, he is before me again. "Look at me, Leila."

I do.

"How many times do I have to tell you to take care of yourself?" There is no anger in his voice, annoyance maybe, but more than anything, I hear concern. "Eat this." He hands me a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. I almost want to laugh. I mean, I know he doesn't cook, but peanut butter and jelly? Ridiculously rich Mr. Grey makes peanut butter jelly sandwiches? It is a bit ludicrous. "Eat, Leila."

The sandwich is utterly unappetizing. I don't want it. I'm not hungry. I know how important it is to him that I eat, and I do so want him to be pleased with me, but I just don't think I can manage it. But I try. I do try. I manage three small bites before I let out a sob and I can eat no more. I let the sandwich fall from my hands. Master catches it before it hits the floor and sighs. He is displeased with me, I know, but I can't help it. I cast my face downward.

Master gently lifts my chin up to look at him. I watch as he tears off a bit of the sandwich and places it before my lips. He doesn't have to say anything, I know he is telling me to eat it. Reluctantly, I open my mouth, and he places the sandwich on my tongue without touching me. I chew, and swallow. A tear falls down my cheek. He brushes it away. Another bite, another tear. We make it almost halfway through the sandwich this way before I am crying too much to eat any more.

I don't know what's wrong with me! Just moments ago I knew what I was doing. Getting back my man, any way I could get him. And now, I'm a weeping, useless mess! Get it together! But my sobbing continues. Mr. Grey begins to rub my head again. And it feels so good! My sobs quiet and my tears slow.

"Come." He stands and holds his hand out to me. Obediently, I place my hand in his, and he pulls me to my feet. I am a bit unsteady; I hadn't noticed until just now that my feet fell asleep while I was kneeling. He leads me to the bathroom, points to a vanity stool, and commands me to sit. I do. It is so much easier to have someone tell me what to do. I don't have to think or make myself to decide on my next move, all I have to do is obey. Master starts the water in the tub. Yes, this is so much simpler. I don't have to worry if what I am doing is right; I trust Master and know he will never hurt me. Well, being punished doesn't count. That is painful, but it never truly hurts, and it is always what I need.

I relax myself into our familiar routine. He commands, I obey. I lift my arms, He removes my shirt. I turn around, He unhooks my bra. Shoes, pants, panties. I step into the tub and sink into the water. Ahhhh. It feels so good. When was the last time I did this? I move as he tells me, and he washes me. His touch is gentle, careful even. I know he is taking care of me in the way that I need. I know he would not hurt me. He cares for me. I relish in this knowledge. I feel at peace for the first time in I don't know how long.

"All clean, Leila. Good girl," he purrs. Those words make me float on clouds of joy! "Water feel good still?"

"Yes, Sir."

"Good. Stay here. Wait for me."

"Yes, Sir." He leaves me alone in the bathroom. Outside, I vaguely hear him speaking to someone, on his phone I assume. He returns shortly, with a towel and clean clothes. I briefly wonder if those are her clothes. But it doesn't really matter.

"Leila, come. I'm going to dress you, and then a friend of mine whom you will speak with is coming to meet us."

I wonder who it could be? I don't want anyone to intrude upon my happiness, here, alone with my Master. But, Master knows best, and if this pleases him… I do so want to please him!

He dresses me and leads me to the living room, where he indicates I should sit on the floor by the couch. He sits on the couch, near me, and idly dries my hair with a towel, braids it… oooh…now that brings back memories… unbraids it, and pulls it back into a simple ponytail.

There is a knock on the door. Mr. Grey rises to admit his friend. "Leila, this is Mr. Flynn. Say hello, Mr. Flynn."

"Hello, Mr. Flynn."