Title: You Did Your Best
Author: Keir
Rating: M for swearing and sexual acts
The Gist of Things: Kyou can't stop thinking of Haru, even though he doesn't want to.
A/N: Just a short little (semi-angsty?) thing. I don't know what I'm doing~ I didn't put the flashback scenes in italics because sometimes blocks of italics are hard for me to read. I don't know. Let me know if you think italicizing those parts would help you when reading the transitions? Yeah.
/blah/ = flashback
Kyou was masturbating. His hand moved at a frantic pace, or it tried to but the spit he was using to ease the way had already dissipated from the friction. It was like this every day now. Sure, he did it once in a while before, but now it felt like there was constant pressure to release.
It had started when Haru had asked him to talk to Kisa.
/"What? No!"
"Just say a few things to her."
"What the hell would I have to say to Kisa?" Kyou slammed his locker shut. It wasn't that he had anything against his younger cousin, he just never really saw her that often. There wasn't any connection between them but distant blood and the Curse.
"Some of the kids in her school still tease her about the colour of her hair. I figured you had that in common. You could tell her about how you deal with it."
Kyou huffed. Trust the ox to be so pragmatic. And there was no way he could tell Kisa how he dealt with it because he was sure he couldn't tell her to just kick everyone in the balls. The truth was he had been teased about the same thing all his life, but hair colour was just the tip of the iceberg; what people said to him and about him was much more vicious than that. "People say the same shit to you. They all think you dye your hair. Why don't you talk to Kisa? Why does it have to be me?"
"Because sometimes people need to hear things from an outside source. You're not that close to her; she might listen to you where she doubts me."
That had stung, but he couldn't deny the truth of it. Nevertheless, he wasn't about to give in until the ox grabbed his hand. He was expecting it to be cold, but it was very, very warm.
"Please, Kyou."
He acquiesced because he was still in shock. He liked the feel of that warmth./
And he had talked to Kisa, not that it had done any good. He had only succeeded at bringing her to tears and frightening her as he railed about standing up for yourself and growing a spine and that, barring her being able to do that, he could always come kick the shit out of whoever was bullying her.
What the fuck did he know about comfort anyway? The fucking cat trying to comfort someone. What a joke.
Still, Haru had sought him out later.
/"You did your best. Thank you."
Kyou didn't know what the hell that dumbass was thanking him for since he had only fucked it up. Kisa couldn't even look at him by the time he left. Haru was so damn stupid about—
Kyou's eyes went wide when Haru hugged him. It almost made him feel claustrophobic; he just wasn't used to this kind of thing. Not that most of the Cursed weren't, but him moreso than the others.
It confused him. He didn't hug back. Was it some sort of trick or prank? Who the hell gave hugs to a guy who made a girl cry?
But Haru was way more used to showing affection this way, Kyou reasoned, especially being around Momiji so much. They were getting too touchy-feely all the time. Kyou convinced himself that this was the case and the ox was just doing something that was more natural to him. He didn't really mean anything by it.
Kyou kind of wished he did./
He still remembered the way that hug felt, or at least he thought he did. Something about it just made his dick go hard. Maybe it was how warm it had been. That was fucked up.
He wasn't a homo! Every porn stashed in his room was of women. It had just felt nice, was all. He still loved a great set of tits.
So why was he so damn obsessed?
/He watched them intently. The lot of them were having a picnic, pretending to be normal people on a normal sunny day. He saw how they shared little touches, like the way he would push her hair back from her face or how her fingers would alight gently on his thigh. Simple little things.
He kind of wanted those little things.
Kyou studied Hatsuharu. He wasn't bad looking—for a guy. Plenty of girls liked him, obviously. But what the hell did he know?
Since that hug he couldn't get the ox out of his mind. It seriously pissed him off. The younger boy was always spaced out, and he couldn't even find his way around the school half the time. Why should that dumbass occupy so many of his thoughts, barging in unasked for?
Hatsuharu turned to look at him then, catching him staring. The ox tilted his head, face neutral and grey eyes piercing. "What is it, Kyou?"
His hands clenched into fists. "Just looking at your face pisses me off!" The circle of faces around him showed various states of shock and animosity at his rudeness. He stood and walked away./
His hand tightened at the thought of that face, breath huffing out. He tried to think of one of the girls in his magazines but grey eyes just kept popping up.
He had tried to keep his distance but it just hadn't worked out that way.
/Kyou had found the directionally hopeless boy wandering in the woods, trying to find Shigure's house. He hated it, but there was nothing to do but allow Haru to follow in tow as he headed home. But that was when he thought of something brilliant.
Obviously the only way to get the ox out of his mind was to pick a fight with him. That would fix whatever sort of crazy had taken him over.
"Hey, you like guys, right?"
"Yes," the ox answered without hesitation, which only irked Kyou further. Haru was too damn honest.
"How the hell do you even know? Have you kissed a guy?"
"Of course." Haru tilted his head. "Why wouldn't I?"
Kyou jolted at the admission then tensed. "How does Rin feel about that?"
"I don't understand. What does Rin have to do with anything?"
Kyou stopped suddenly and turned on his heel to face the other boy. "It doesn't gross her out? You've probably had your tongue in another guy's mouth. Something like that..." He turned his head and spat. "It's obviously disgusting!"
The ox stopped walking and the cat stopped too. "Little virgin Kyou telling me about kissing. Now that's a laugh! Have you ever even kissed a girl, pussy cat?"
Kyou scowled as he faced his familiar opponent: Black Haru. Their eyes locked as the younger boy stalked closer and closer, until their faces were inches apart.
"I guess that's a 'no'. What's the matter, kitty? Nobody wants to kiss you?" Black Haru sneered. "No, of course not. Little prude Kyoukichi doesn't want to get dirty? Or maybe that's not it at all." The ox tilted his head, dark eyes glittering as his lips came closer to the cat's. "Maybe little kitty likes dicks instead, huh?"
Kyou flinched but didn't back down. "You don't know shit!"
"Something tells me I know plenty." A pale hand suddenly wandered up the front of the cat's shirt, fingers spread wide. Kyou's cheeks flushed; the hand was just as warm as he remembered it. "Do you want me to do a little of this and a little of that to you, pussy?"
Kyou growled under his breath and meant to push the ox away when the other boy took him by surprise and tackled him to the ground. He stared up wide-eyed at the crazy side of his cousin, who was straddling his thighs, a wild grin on his face. "I wonder, would you be the pitcher...or the catcher?" The ox laughed at his own joke, but the comment only confused Kyou.
"What the hell does baseball have to do with anything?" he spat.
Black Haru laughed long and deep. "I just want to eat you up, naïve little kitty." The ox leaned down and Kyou panicked but it was too late and the other boy had too much leverage. Black Haru curled his fingers in the collar of Kyou's t-shirt and yanked it aside, baring where neck met shoulder. His mouth opened and he bit down on the exposed flesh.
Kyou gasped and arched, pupils dilating. He meant to pummel the other boy with his fists but somehow he ended up with his fingers tightly curled in a long white trench coat instead. Lips and teeth tugged at his skin, sucking and nipping, creating feelings previously unknown.
The ox released him and sat up, saliva wetting his lips. A hand went to the front of khaki cargo pants. "Already hard? Little slut. I guess you want me to give it to you." The hand clenched, fingernails digging in. Black Haru sneered. "I wish everyone could see that the cat is this pathetic!" Black Haru bit down again, but this time it was vicious, his teeth digging into tender flesh, worrying at it.
For a moment Kyou considered laying there, just letting Haru do what he wanted. Would that fix him? Would that make these stupid thoughts go away?
But soon all thoughts of giving up were erased and Black Haru began to really hurt him. The cat felt like he was being gnawed on by a zombie, pain radiating through him as it felt like blunt teeth were trying to rip chunks out of him. Kyou beat a fist against the ox's side, trying to be gentle about it, but he wouldn't let go.
Without a word he struck the preoccupied ox in the jaw and the younger boy slumped over, knocked out cold.
Kyou kicked his way out from beneath the deadweight and sat up. Gingerly he fingered his shoulder, fingertips coming away with a small smear of blood. He couldn't see it yet but he knew it didn't look any good and he knew a giant bruise would blossom overnight.
He looked down at the prone form of the ox, sneaking a peek at the front of his pants. Haru wasn't even hard.
Kyou felt his cheeks burn with shame at his own disappointment. He would have allowed Haru to go all the way—not that he knew what that meant between two guys—but the ox's body didn't seem the least bit interested.
Was what the ox said the truth of it? Was what Black Haru said how he really felt? It was so hard to tell what Haru really thought about him. Kyou turned his face away. It hurt more than he thought it would.
He stood and nudged the ox with his foot. It took a few minutes for Haru to come around. When he did, he was White and remembered nothing of what he had said or done.
And that stung too./
Kyou bit down on his tongue as his hips rolled toward his hand, shoving his erection through his fingers. He spared a moment to spit in his palm and switch hands.
He had hoped his nagging feelings about Haru would stop there, but they didn't. Every time he saw Haru with Rin, he wondered what the ox looked like fucking her. He probably looked like a wriggling glowworm, he tried to tell himself; the ox was too damn pale. Yet despite that thought, Kyou still imagined the way Haru's abs would flex as his hips rutted.
He really couldn't be around those two any more. The boners were hard to hide.
But that fight did give him a different revelation.
That was the way to go about touching Haru, to brush skin against skin and push body against body: to fight him. Kyou accepted every challenge his cousin threw his way and even made some of his own. Sometimes he would allow Haru to land a hit because it made the ox so happy to brag about getting better to the others. Kyou would act grumpy but he would find some way to show off the latest injury, like turning his face away so they all could clearly see a bruise on his cheek.
Besides, it was like having a little bit of Haru there when he jacked off.
He was really fucked up.
He sucked his bottom lip into his mouth and bit down, opening the split Haru gave him, tongue poking and prodding at it. He sucked harder at it when the tang of blood blossomed, trying to draw more out.
He thought about what Haru's dick looked like, how it would feel in his hand. He didn't know if he would have the concentration to jerk both of them off at the same time. Maybe they would touch each other's? Yeah, that nice warm hand beating him off, the wet, slick sounds it would make because they would use lotion.
Kyou bit harder. He bowed his head, eyes squeezing shut as he pictured the completely ridiculous, unsexy, manly, erotic patch of hair between the ox's legs and gods, that pale, veiny dick. His hand rolled over the head of his cock until...
He let his voice loose just once, cried out into the twilight as he came, hand never stopping. Crimson eyes watched sticky white ropes of cum spurt from his dick onto the roof tiles.
He sagged in exhaustion as some of the tension drained from him, eyes going unfocused. His cheek rested against the tiles now, the cold soothing his heated skin. His heart beat a hectic rhythm as he came down.
Afterward the guilt and the shame set in as they always did. Why did he always have to do this? What the hell was he thinking? Haru was with Rin, not that he wanted to be with that idiot. He just liked to watch him, to see how sweet he could be. Kyou thought about a warm, pale hand brushing hair out of his face.
His heart clenched.
He sat up, stared down at the remnants of his pleasure laid out in stripes across the roof. Normally he would have pulled out some tissue he would have stuffed in his pocket before coming up here, caught his cum in it so there would be no mess, but it was going to rain tonight so he didn't give a damn.
Even as he thought it, it began to sprinkle, which turned into a drizzle, and then a downpour. He sat with his arms wrapped around his legs and watched as the proof of his depraved actions washed away, wiped clean like it had never happened.
He was soaked to the bone by the time he heard Tohru calling to him from a window, no doubt worried that he would catch a cold. He stood and walked to the roof edge, preparing to swing back down into his room. He took once last glance over his shoulder.
He would be back up here tomorrow night because he just couldn't stop thinking about grey eyes.
He was so fucked up.