Over the Years
By: Crusher1701
Word Count: 3818
Summary: Five kisses Han and Leia shared over the years that Leia considers to be the most special. Light spoilers for The Force Awakens. You have been warned.
Han and I loved each other more than words could ever describe. I certainly hadn't found the words. Nothing, not even our son leaving us for the First Order and our subsequent separation, could truly tear us apart from one another. Since we had met, we'd had many ups and downs, embraces and arguments. We shared countless kisses which were all very special in their own way, but there were still kisses that we would never ever forget.
Remembering Han brings tears to my eyes ever since he was killed at the hands of our son; but no matter how much the thoughts upset me, I won't let myself or the people around me forget all that Han Solo had done to enrich our lives and help the rebellion. And as the woman who loved him more than anything, I will always remember everything about the time that we shared together.
There was so much to remember, but there were still five kisses that were the most special to me that I would think about until it hurt me, but I wouldn't share them with anyone.
I: First Kiss
I was working on the Falcon when I felt Han's arms around me. Even though I knew he was only trying to help me, I knocked him back with my elbow, all bitterness and satisfaction. If he hadn't been so cocky back in the cockpit earlier when I had fallen back into his arms, I wouldn't be so upset with him. Oh, he infuriated me more than anyone else ever could. I wasn't sure at times if I wanted to kiss him or kill him. Not that I'd ever kissed him at that point.
"Hey, Your Worship, I'm only trying to help," he said defensively.
"Would you stop calling me that?" I half-snapped at him. It really bothered me when he did that, insulting me because of my status and title.
"Sure Leia," he said, nodding lightly. I wanted to slap him at that point. I really did.
"You make it so difficult sometimes," I said.
"I know I do, I really do," he replied. "You could be a little nicer though. Come on, admit it, sometimes you think I'm alright."
"Occasionally, maybe. When you aren't acting like a scoundrel." Which in my mind at that point, he was always acting like a scoundrel. Oh, I wanted to slap him so hard at this point, but I didn't.
Then he took my hand and started stroking it. "Scoundrel? Scoundrel! I like the sound of that," he said with a smile. Well of course he liked the sound of scoundrel. He liked anything that sounded like Han Solo. Except for scruffy, which he was.
"Stop that," I requested.
"Stop what?" he asked, obviously forgetting that he was holding my hands.
"Stop that. My hands are dirty," I answered. My hands were dirty from the work I had been doing, but I found Han holding my hands to be enjoyable. My hands were warmer than they had been in a long time. Curse him!
"My hands are dirty too. What are you afraid of?"
"Afraid? I'm afraid of getting my hands dirty," I replied. Remembering that, I wanted to shake my head at myself. Could I be behaving any more like a princess than I was when I said that?
"That's why you're trembling?" he suggested.
I couldn't believe he could feel that I was trembling. What could I say but, "I'm not trembling."
"You like me because I'm a scoundrel. There aren't enough scoundrels in your life." What? A princess and a scoundrel? Was he insane? Well, he probably was.
I had to defend myself, I couldn't let my guard down, not around him. "I happen to like nice men."
"I'm a nice man," he half-whispered. I wanted to laugh, but it occurred to me that he did do some nice things. He had saved my life from the Empire the day that we met.
I still said, "No you're not, you're-"
He cut me off and pressed his lips to mine. I wasn't an expert on passionate kisses, but I was sure that the kiss I was currently embraced in was passionate. He pulled back, and I smiled, because what else could I do. "Okay hotshot," I whispered, and our lips met again.
It was then that we heard Threepio calling out, "Sir! Sir! I've isolated the reverse power flux coupling!"
Pulling away, Han turned to the protocol droid and sarcastically said to the poor droid, "Thank you. Thank you very much."
After Threepio interrupted, I ran away from the situation. I decided to hide in the cockpit, knowing that eventually Han would find me. I wanted to kiss him again, and I wouldn't rest until we kissed again.
Thankfully for me, after the excitement of escaping from the space worm in the asteroid we had been hiding in, he and I were alone in the cockpit for a little while without Threepio and Chewie. He kissed me again, and even though this one wasn't interrupted by a protocol droid (that obviously was never programmed with what not to do when two people are embracing like Han and I were), it wasn't as perfect as our first kiss. Maybe because first kisses are always special.
II: Pre-Carbonite
On Bespin, Han and I were very happy. We had a lot of alone time, but still spent time with Chewie and Han's 'friend' Lando (who is still a very good friend). But if it had been up to me, Han and I would have spent all of our time alone with one another. From the first time I met him, I'd had strong feelings about him, and knew there was something about him. I didn't want to fall in love with him, I fought it and fought it for so long; but ever since Hoth, I found that I didn't want to fight him or what I was feeling all the time. I wanted to run with it, and with Han. That's what I did, but that's a different story, isn't it?
I enjoyed my time on Bespin with Han. It was beautiful, relaxing, and it was nice to spend some time with him in an environment like this. The last beautiful place we had stayed was Yavin IV, and that hadn't been for very long.
We shared many kisses on Bespin, but the most important kiss, in my mind, was the kiss we shared right before he was frozen in carbonite and sent to Jabba the Hutt on Tattooine with Boba Fett.
I had thought in the beginning that it would be a normal day, even Lando inviting us all to a meal with him seemed normal enough (it had happened before); however, all that was ruined when the door slid open and revealed the man I now know to be my biological father and the 'hero' of my son, Darth Vader.
That day, I listened to Han being tortured and it occurred to me that I wouldn't be able to live without him.
When he was returned to our cell, weakened by torture, I felt helplessness because of it. I did what I could, which was nothing more than whispering softly, stroking his hair, and dropping light kisses to his forehead.
When we were all brought to the carbon chamber where he was ultimately frozen, I couldn't help but feel extreme anger. They were using Han as a test, and it disgusted me. All he was to them was a dirty smuggler! To me, he was everything I ever wanted. I managed to remain calm, but Chewie didn't. He lashed out and only Han was able to calm him down. He reminded Chewie that he had to ensure nothing happened to me, knowing that I could take care of myself, but needing to find a way to keep Chewie safe.
Right before he went in to be frozen, the kiss he pressed to my lips said so much. It said that he loved me, was happy for the time we had together even though we wasted so much of that one precious resource, and most of all it said that even if he died and we never saw one another ever again, he would be happy as long as he had been staring into my eyes.
It hurt my heart when Han was pulled away from me. In our last moment, I wanted to say so much, but all I could say was, "I love you."
And when his reply of, "I know," come out, I would have smiled at his cockiness if I hadn't been so scared of losing him. But if I did, I couldn't let him die without telling him that I loved him.
Even as the platform he was forced onto lowered, we maintained eye contact for as long as we could. When I lost sight of him, I wanted to cry; but I couldn't. When the frozen carbon block came up, things became worse because Han was frozen inside it. I wanted to scream and go save him, but Chewie was holding me back, protecting me from myself and potentially, Darth Vader. I couldn't feel anything but sadness and pain, even when it was confirmed that my love was still alive.
The thing that broke me the most though was Threepio's comment. For a protocol and etiquette droid, he did not know how to shut his mouth.
Kissing Han that time is something I could never forget, even though I wish the whole situation had never happened. It wasn't an ideal kiss, with everyone around and the circumstances under which it happened, but for a long time I feared that would be the last kiss I ever shared with Han Solo, my one chance at true happiness and love.
III: Post-Carbonite
Several months following our kiss before he was frozen in carbonite; Artoo, Luke, Lando, Chewie, and I finally had a plan on how to get Han back.
And though I didn't trust Lando for his part in Han's problem (and I would certainly never forgive him for it either, no matter what he had to do to protect his people), I knew he felt bad for his role in the whole situation, and I was still glad for his help with the plan. After all, we needed an inside man who could lay low.
When I finally came into the plan, it was with Chewie, and thinking back, it really made sense. Chewie and I had always been closest to Han (even when he and I didn't like each other), and it only seemed fair that our parts in saving him were connected, and he wouldn't really be saved until we arrived.
After Chewie and I completed our dual part of the mission, it was my turn to complete the job, and I couldn't have been happier that this part was completely mine.
Sneaking back into the chamber, I lowered the carbon block and heated it so it would release Han. Of course, I was still in disguise when all of this happened.
He fell from the block and I didn't catch him, but I cradled him afterwards. "Just relax for a moment. You're free of the carbonite," I said, my voice different from the mask. He reached up shakily and touched his face. "You have hibernation sickness."
"I can't see," he said.
"Your eyesight will return in time," I assured him.
"Where am I?" he asked. He obviously didn't remember what happened before he had been frozen. I hoped that he still remembered that I loved him.
Pushing that thought from my mind, I replied, "Jabba's palace."
He reached up and touched the mask, "Who are you?"
I removed the mask and smiled lightly. "Someone who loves you," I replied.
"Leia!" he said happily, but still confused. I took his face in my gloved hands and kissed him. Pulling back, I helped him stand up.
"I gotta get you out of here," I said, hoping he would be able to walk.
And then, just as soon as I got Han back, I lost him again. Jabba's palace guards dragged Han away and brought me to Jabba where I endured horrible treatment. Honestly, I think I'd rather have taken the Death Star and Darth Vader over what Jabba did to me.
Before I had rescued Han, I had been worried that I'd never see him again. Saving and kissing him got rid of those worries. Kissing him again was proof to us both that we were together again, and everything would be alright, and it was. Unlike how it is now.
IV: Wedding Kiss
The wedding kiss I shared with Han was extremely special, and not just in the regular ways that a woman's wedding kiss is important.
My biological family is strong with the Force, including me. My brother Luke approached me soon after Han asked me to marry him and asked me to help him rebuild the Jedi Order. I was going to accept him, until he told me that in order to become a Jedi, I would need to give up my future with Han. A Jedi cannot be attached to another in matrimony.
I declined, telling him that I loved Han and had no intention of calling off our engagement and leaving him for any reason. I loved him, and I still do. Luke understood and told me that if I changed my mind, he would love to have my help.
I still offered what I could, I just didn't become a true Jedi.
My wedding kiss solidified my decision in this matter. Luke still taught me a lot about the Force, since he was positive the children (or child) Han and I would have would be as strong with the Force as I was. Ben was strong, but he was impatient, which ended up being Luke's downfall, and ultimately Han's as well.
I know that Luke respected my decision, but I also know he would have preferred for me to make the choice he wanted me to make. He knows how much I loved Han, I know he does, and he knows I love him too.
Of course I informed Han of Luke's offer before we married, which would naturally explain Han's nervousness leading up to the wedding. I knew he was worried that I would choose Luke's offer over his own; but I know that if I had chosen to become a true Jedi, Han would have respected my choice even though he wouldn't have been too happy about it.
The day of our wedding, I already knew that I would choose Han, but I know that there was nervousness from everyone else at the ceremony.
Our wedding day was so beautiful: sunshine, warmth, and a light breeze. It was small, mostly friends, since Han and I had little more than our friends, with no living family (beyond Luke in my case).
Han didn't take his eyes off me the entire time, and I found it extremely difficult to look away from him as well. My scruffy nerfherder had really cleaned up for our wedding. I knew he would, but it still pleasantly surprised me when I saw it.
When we finally kissed, it was very much like our second kiss in the cockpit of the Falcon, but with clapping and cheering. Even Luke had been clapping when it happened, which made me very happy. I didn't want Luke to feel upset because of my choices. He's my brother and no matter what happens, I will always love him. I don't even blame him for what happened with Ben. There was obviously no way to stop my son on his path to the Dark Side.
The most special thing about my wedding kiss was that it wasn't just Han and I pledging our lives to one another. It was a decision between love and family, the man I loved and my brother. How many women have to choose between the two people they love most in the world on their wedding day?
V: Last Kiss
The very last kiss I ever shared with Han Solo was very special. I hadn't kissed him in a long time at that point, and had I known that it would be the last kiss and the last time we ever saw one another, I would have fixed things properly and made it last. Hindsight is so heartless. What ifs are the enemy.
Even still, there isn't much that I would ever change about my relationship with Han, except for when everything went wrong.
I still have the feeling that it was all my fault. Luke told me that fear was the first step in someone's path to the dark side. Fear was ever present during my pregnancy with Ben. I can't help but think that my fear was what started his path to the dark side and I condemned him, and all those innocent people that he has killed, including his father, to death because I feared my son would turn out like my father.
Nevertheless, when I saw Han for the first time in years, I couldn't have been happier given the circumstances. I hated that he had left, but what else could he have done when I threw myself into my work as if it were the only thing that truly mattered to me. He returned to his work, just like I did. The eye contact we made was relaying so many emotions and so much love, more than either of us had received, or given, in a long time.
I would have loved to have spent more time with him, but once again, there was work to be done.
We did manage to have some time alone together before he had to leave. And thankfully, we managed to fix somethings between us, which I was grateful for, and I knew he was too.
We stood in my quarters on the base, holding each other quietly for a little while. It took a while for us to speak, since neither of us wanted to break the contented silence in the room.
"Leia," Han finally said in a hushed tone. "I've missed you so much."
"I've missed you too Han. How have you been?" I asked, legitimately wanting to know. I needed our relationship to be at least partially fixed before he left again.
"I was missing you, looking for the Falcon, and missing you," he responded. "I miss you whenever you and I aren't together.
I smiled sadly at my estranged husband. "I miss you all the time," I whispered. "I need you here with me. I can't bear to lose you again. I love you."
"I know," he said. "I love you too. And I'm glad you've asked me to stay, cause I've really been thinking about it. I don't want to lose you again either. We've lost Ben, and nearly lost each other. We need to work together and fix this. We've lost too much already."
"WE really do," I agreed. "But Ben is family too."
"Leia, I loved our son, part of me still does, but I fear that there's no light left in him," Han said. "Not after all he's done, all the innocent people he's killed."
"My father returned to the light," I reminded him, looking up into his eyes.
"In the end he did, but I don't think that will happen to Ben. Luke tried," he said. "I would love for Ben to come back home, it would make you happy, but I don't think it'll happen any time soon."
I nodded sadly. "You need to rest. You look so tired," I said, touching his face.
"So do you. I'll rest if you rest. I haven't been able to sleep properly without you by my side," he said, raising an eyebrow at me.
"I haven't been able to sleep either since you've been away from me," I replied.
Han took my hand and led me to my bed. I sat down before patting the bed beside me. Han sat down, "so what would you do when you couldn't sleep? Or shouldn't I ask?"
I looked at him and raised an eyebrow. "Yu already know the answer. It's what I always do, work."
Han smiled lightly and put his arms around me. "Lay down Leia," he told me, and I complied with his demand.
The two of us drifted off to sleep in each other's arms, awaking a few hours later. Smiling as I woke was something I hadn't done in a long time, but seeing Han beside me when I woke up was enough to make me smile.
"Well, hello handsome," I said when his eyes opened. He smiled lightly and pressed a kiss to my forehead.
"Hello to you too beautiful," he replied. "I really have missed this. Sleeping by your side, holding you in my arms, waking up with you, and I really miss your kisses as well."
"Well maybe we can fix that," I said, snuggling into him again. Han nodded and smiled, wrapping his arms around me again, tightly.
A few moments passed before he smiled lightly. "We should go and get that horrid base destroyed," he said. "WE can't fix anything, and we won't have a chance of being safe until that's done."
I nodded sadly and sighed in response. I knew (or thought) that he would come back to me afterwards, especially since we both wanted to fix things between us.
Before we left my quarters, I stopped him and wrapped my arms around him. Han reciprocated my actions, even when I reached up and cupped his face, drawing his lips to mine.
Kissing him delicately, I felt pure joy for the first time in a long time. He still loved me, and I still loved him. We would always love one another, until the universe ceased to exist. Breaking the kiss hurt, as it always did, but we were both looking forward to the future.
Of course, we had no future after that, my last kiss with Han Solo. What should have been the first kiss in a new and improved marriage was the very last kiss I will ever have. No one will ever replace Han Solo in my heart.
I will always remember every kiss I ever shared with Han Solo, the one true love of my life. But I'd still hold some kisses closer to my heart, especially those that were more than just a kiss.
No matter how much Han and I argued throughout our years together (before and after falling in love), our love was real and unforgettable.
I miss him more than I could ever express, but I couldn't be more thankful for the memories I have of us. He will forever live on in my heart, as will his touch and kisses.
finis.