Speculative Fiction: "House, MD"
Title: "Simple Together"
Author: Aquarius Seth
Rating NC-17 for AC, AL and sadistic behavior. If you are disturbed by the idea of inflicting pain on people in any form please exit now. Thanks. I'm hoping this is my last Amber effects spec. I honestly despised the character but since we all have to wait until next month to get new "House" episodes I'm stuck working with the aftermath. (Sighing heavily and rolling my own eyes in annoyance at myself.)
Disclaimers:
"House, MD" belongs to David Shore, Fox networks, and syndication rights belong to USA Networks. Some Bad Hat Harry Productions and a few other production companies have rights-I just can't remember them at the moment. (I'm surprised I know my own name.) Anyway, I am not making any money off of this; I'm just getting ideas out of my head before I go nuts thanks.
By the way, I apologize in advance for the medical scene in this spec. Why? Well I can explain virtually anything about diabetes and glaucoma but I can't explain away cancer compromised diseases. I have very little experience with cancer treatments and I'm too lazy to do the research, besides it's a short story! So please forgive the vague medical scene in here but I can't seem to edit the thing out.
Lyrics and music by Alanis Morisette copyrighted 2002 Universal-MCA Music Publishing, a division of Universal Studios, Inc./1974 Music ASCAP. Produced by Alanis Morisette, Mixed by Ron Jacobs, Recorded by Rob Jacobs and Brad Nelson, From the Maverick CD and DVD, Feast On Scraps (48409 and 38533). Patented 2002 Maverick Recording Company.
Word Count: 4,253
(House, Wilson)
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I let my body flop onto the front seat of my piece of shit Subaru and sighed as I got exhausted just thinking about turning on the car, much less driving home. I rolled down my window in order to let some of the stale air out of the car. I did not notice that my radio had been changed and it was on CD mode. I had just managed to talk my right hand into putting the key in the ignition when an unfamiliar song opening began. I frowned as I glanced down at my radio. I thought that maybe my battery had died and thus wiped out my programming in the process. I got frustrated at the idea of having to call a tow truck for a tow or a boost. Damn it. It would be my luck; my car would have enough juice to turn on the radio for a half second before it died.
As I reached for my phone the CD cover caught my eye. I reached for it and frowned. Alanis Morisette? I don't remember buying her CD. This wasn't mine. In a matter of milliseconds I realized that House had stolen my keys again and had broken into my car. I began to see red even as Morisette's vocals filled the air.
You've been my golden best friend
Now with post-demise at hand
I can't go to you for consolation
Cause we're off limits during this transition
This grief overwhelms me
It burns in my stomach
And I can't stop bumping into things
I thought we'd be simple together
I thought we'd be happy together
Thought we'd be limitless together
I thought we'd be precious together
But I was sadly mistaken
You've been my soulmate and then some
I remembered you the moment I met you
With you I knew god's face was handsome
With you I saw fun and expansion
This loss is numbing me
It pierces my chest
And I can't stop dropping everything
I thought we'd be sexy together
Thought we'd be evolving together
I thought we'd have children together
I thought we'd be family together
But I was sadly mistaken
If I had a bit for all the philosophies I shared
If I had a penny for all the possibilities I presented
If I had a dime for every hand thrown up in the air
My wealth would render this no less severe
I thought we'd be genius together
I thought we'd be healing together
I thought we'd be growing together
Thought we'd be adventurous together
But I was sadly mistaken
Thought we'd be exploring together
Thought we'd be inspired together
I thought we'd be flying together
Thought we'd be on fire together
But I was sadly mistaken
My chest clenched unexpectedly as Morissette's vocals filled my Subaru. My hands were trembling on the wheel as I pinched my eyes shut as I tried to catch my breath.
Damn him.
"I don't give a damn what he thinks! I don't care if he has to skip his golf tournament, I need his worthless ass here for a consolation!" House's angry voice rushed over the air to my ears. I looked up and watched as he walked with quick short paces across the parking lot. He was not looking in my direction, he probably thought I was still inside. "I don't give a shit! If I wanted to treat cancer I would have gotten my Ph.D. in it! Wilson's not here! Wilson went home! No I'm not calling Wilson on a case that dick head Peterson's supposed to be covering! No! I'm not going to leave my number so he can call me back! Tell him to get his sorry carcass over here or I'll ruin his reputation! Believe me, his wife's dying for any excuse to get a divorce! I might just provide the proof she needs to fuck Peterson over raw in the proceedings!" House shouted and hung up the phone. He flipped it open again and dialed two numbers. "Sorry Chase, I can't find that shit head. He's off stroking his golf clubs. Who Wilson? I don't know where Wilson is. Just send the kid into prep, I'll scrub in and try my best to remember what few scraps of oncology I remember." He hung up his phone and pushed the button to summon the elevator.
I watched as his hands nervously wrangled with his cane. As much as House claimed to hate people, he'd do whatever he had to do for children. Except call me. I watched as he glanced back at his phone and let his hand tightened on his cane for a moment. I noticed his shoulders slump slightly as he sighed softly.
"Please answer the phone Jimmy." I heard him from where I was. I closed my eyes as I realized that Peterson had reduced House to calling me on this case.
God, House was going to call me and ask me for help. Weeks ago, I would have been vindictive enough to make him beg, now this just hurt on unfathomable levels. Luckily I had left my phone on vibrate and I let it ring twice before I remembered how to turn on the damned phone.
"Don't hang up Wilson. I'm calling you for a patient otherwise I wouldn't be bothering you. Please I need your help on this case. I tried calling Peterson but he's not in his office. A fair warning, the kid's about six years old, that's why I didn't call you sooner." I closed my eyes when he told me that. God, Peterson was really going to be on everyone's shit list. Everyone knew I avoided children around that age like the plague. "Please, Wilson. I don't trust anyone else to help this kid."
"Don't beg House. It makes me… sad." I pleaded.
"I'm sorry."
"Give me a few minutes I'll be right in."
"Where are you?" I swallowed and thought about lying to him but I couldn't.
"I'm in my car trying to wrap my mind around your song selection." His head whipped around and our eyes met briefly. He hung up and rushed up the stairs in a desperate attempt to hide from me. I gave him a three-minute head start before I got out of the car.
I had seen the vulnerability in his eyes. Music was extremely personal to House; anyone that honestly knew him knew that. That was the closest thing he could offer me as an apology when I refused to allow him to utter half a syllable to me.
I've been crazy with grief, anger and struggling with trying to cope with the aftermath. I haven't been able to be in the same room with him for more than a few minutes over consolations. Usually Foreman and I were the ones to have the medical debates because when House actually spoke to me directly I couldn't stop myself from flinching.
I was grateful for the space he was willing to give me. I knew neither of us came out of this mess completely whole, too much had been exposed. Shit that we would have never acknowledged was practically shouted in public.
God, even Stacey didn't do this to him. She didn't know him like I knew him. In many ways we were more intimate than lovers could ever be. I screwed up. I should have never gone after Amber. It was my fault; I refused to acknowledge how it would effect House. I was an idiot of the highest order. I wanted to believe that House and I am not that intertwined and almost convinced myself that we were just friends.
Now I had to find a way to apologize to him but how do I do that? 'I'm sorry,' isn't good enough. With a man like House, 'I'm sorry' would be empty words. I wouldn't blame him, how many times did I offer my ex-wives those two words when my failing marriages were finally over? 'I'm sorry,' wasn't good enough, my tears weren't good enough. The question became what was good enough?
He had music as a medium to offer his apology what the hell could I offer him?
I let that question stew in my mind as Foreman presented x-rays. Chase handed me a set of scrubs and a set of OR slippers as I forced myself to focus on the black and white image. The cancer was aggressive suddenly; something triggered its rapid expansion. Unable to study Peterson's notes on such short notice I had to get Cameron to find them and read them from the observation booth.
House stood on the opposite side of the bed as he rattled off symptoms to Foreman and Cameron as Chase helped me mark off the incision point. I was curious to what drew his old team back together over a boy but I was grateful for the distractions they offered.
I was able to find and remove all the cancerous tissue I could find while House went on to offer more diagnostic questions for whatever he was working on with this patient. As they all offered, dismissed and argued over the correct diagnosis I realized that House had asked them here on purpose. They were buffers; I glanced up to see Cameron offer me a sympathetic glance. Foreman and Chase argued passionately over their individual analyses, while House was unusually silent.
My attention was drawn to him when I realized he was not sharp shooting each suggestion. He was studying the monitor and staring at the same numbers for a long time. Long enough for a nurse to remind him that she could keep him updated on the numbers. Instead of being an ass to her he simply nodded and continued to watch the monitor.
It was not possible was it? Was it possible that he was afraid? Panic came over me. He could not be afraid, not here nor now. This was hard enough to deal with; I didn't want to deal with a stranger over the body of a six-year-old boy.
"House!" I called out drawing everyone's attention to me. He winced and slowly turned towards me. He looked like he was facing a firing squad. "From the top. This kid's cancer is far too aggressive and too fast. I can remove the cancerous tissue, as far as the test show this isn't leukemia so what is can cause this?" He studied me for a long moment before Chase threw some disease's name out into the air. With that one little push, House was back to being the brilliant genius we all know.
We all tossed around ideas and I was finally able to step away from the patient as House took over to solve whatever it was he needed to solve. I calmly watched the OR staff move around doing their jobs as House took charge of the situation. I sighed softly and left the OR.
I spoke to the boy's parents and explained why he was still in surgery. I hung around on the observation deck afterwards to watch as House solved his case and the boy was sutured up. I could not honestly tell anyone what was wrong with the kid because I just focused on House's movements. When he left the kid in Chase's care he glanced up towards me and gave me a slight nod. He then turned and went to go clean up.
I went back into the OR waiting room to see Foreman updating the kid's anxious parents. House was no where to be found. Not that it surprised me. House avoided speaking to people at all costs. The boy's father saw me and asked me a few more questions about the cancer I had found. About twenty minutes later Foreman and I left them fairly comforted with information as Chase stepped out to notify them that he had finished up patching him up.
Foreman and I made our way back to our floor. We spoke vaguely about the case and all the possible fallout from Peterson's unwillingness to come in. We agreed it was not going to be a pretty scene when House finally got a hold of Peterson. Not that they ever had civilized conversations, their mutual dislike of each other was stuff of legends. There was a good chance that the entire hospital was taking bets on what would happen when those two finally crossed paths.
"Do you think either one of them will come out needing stitches?" Foreman asked as the elevator finally arrived on our floor.
"Probably both. Cuddy is doing to need to just let this one erupt. If she interfered it will only get worse next time."
"How did House manage to catch you? We thought you had left for the day." I winced as our painful stalemate was subject to speculation. It was only natural but it still hurt to have the hospital's staff's rumor mill turning over us. Realistically it shouldn't have bothered me, I knew we were going to be the subject of discussions for weeks but to have it spoken aloud was rude enough. I sighed knowing that Foreman really wasn't looking for information to help feed the rumor mill but I could not think of anyway to answer his unspoken question. 'Why did you show up?'
"It was all my fault Foreman. The only person that I need to talk to is currently beyond my abilities to. I don't know what to say." He glanced at me with a concerned expression on his face.
"Amber?"
"No." He was going to say something I could see it in his eyes but then we heard the familiar irregular thump of a cane come towards us.
"Thanks for coming in Wilson. I'll talk to you later on." Foreman tossed over his shoulder as he and the nurses scurried out of the hallway into the last room in the hallway. I glanced back at House and noticed his team come into the hall. With one glance at us they all scurried into the men's bathroom and the sound of the lock clicking vibrated in the suddenly still hall.
A door creaked as it was opened and we both turned to see a hapless janitor pushing a bucket into the hall. He glanced up and noticed that the usually bustling hall was empty. He looked at House for a brief second before he looked up to see me on the other side of the hall. He put down his mop without a second thought and went back the way he came in.
Oh god. It was a still as old western movies when the main showdown came to a head. I began to laugh as tears threatened to escape at the absurdity of it. House glanced at me with questioning eyes.
"Are we Billy the Kid and Doc Holiday all of the sudden?" I asked.
"I think Val Kilmer's performance of Doc Holiday in 'Tombstone' was decent." House tossed at me as the phone began to ring behind the nurses' station.
"Oh god." I pleaded as I felt my stomach clinch and turn.
"Thank you for coming in on the case. I couldn't find Peterson, I'm sorry." The constant ringing of the phone got under my skin and I walked towards it and hung it up. When it began to ring again a few seconds later, I unplugged it and stared at the innocent phone as if it was an instrument of evil.
"House, I don't know how to fix this." I told the open files as my fingers tightened on the desk.
"I don't either. What do you need me to do?" He whispered. I shook my head.
"I don't know. I'm thinking of going on vacation, I need to get away from New Jersey." I knew he would interpret it as you but there was nothing I could do to change it so I just let it be.
"Wilson."
"I'm going to put in for my vacation, I'm thinking of visiting the West Coast for a change of environment." I rambled as I felt a desperate need to end this conversation. "I need a break House. I need to stop; I need to think clearly. I can't do that with you just a few feet away from me almost everyday." A pause followed and I could just imagine how he would react to that truth.
"Is it a vacation or a relocation?" He asked as I felt his eyes leave my profile.
"I honestly don't know. It's a vacation for right now. It could become relocation but I'm not thinking that far ahead. I can't, I'm happy I can get up in the morning and function like a human being." I admitted and waited for whatever remark he had to say. When he stayed silent I cursed aloud as another phone rang. "I'm trapped House, I can't escape. I need to escape otherwise I'll go crazy. I'm hanging on to my civility by the skin of my teeth. I wish I wasn't such a coward but right now it's all I can do to show up to work. I'm sorry I'm so pathetic but I can't seem to find the strength I need to fix anything. I did the same thing when I lost my brother. The only reason I didn't run away was because I was too young to do it." House soft sigh screamed of resignation and defeat.
"I understand." I winced as I heard the surrender in his voice. I could only imagine this was the man that said goodbye to Stacey. A shiver went down my spine as my muscles bunched underneath my skin. I closed my eyes as I hated myself for forcing this man out into public.
I cursed myself to the deepest pits of Hell and wished for any way to stop this. I did not want to hurt him-I knew that. I never wanted to hurt him. If I were stronger I would stay here and find a way to erase all the pain-all of it. His, mine and all the residual agony left by all the women in our lives.
I pushed myself away from the desk and rushed towards him. I watched as he flinched and took a step back. Before he could react any further, I had him in my arms. He gasped for a surprised moment before his trembling hand dropped his cane. I buried my face in the nook of his neck as his callused fingertips fluttered onto my back.
I could no longer hold back my tears as I felt them burn their way down in between my face and his shirt collar. His cologne burned at my sinuses as I inhaled a deep breath of air to accommodate the first sob I knew I could not contain. He pulled me into a tighter embrace and rocked me gently in his arms. My mouth fell open and I bit his neck hard. Hard enough for his body to jerk in pain but he did not push me away.
I heard my own whimpers as my teeth began to ache and my jaw strained to keep the warm flesh in its clutches. My fingers stiffened and dug into his biceps. I felt the strong pulse of his veins under my fingertips and only held on tighter. In the back of my mind I knew I was going to leave bruises on his skin but I could not loosen my hands or my mouth.
In an instant I wanted to cause him enough pain so he could not forget this moment no matter how long he lived. I loathed this desire but I succumbed to the temptation. I let go of his arms long enough to push him up against the nearest wall. His grunt only fueled this fucked up desire. My left hand traveled down to his damaged leg and I sank my fingers into the sensitive muscle.
He gasped and tried to push me away for half a second before he closed his eyes and let me sink my fingers further. He grasped in agony but only clinched my shirt in his hands. I saw tears flow freely from his under his clenched eyelids and he let his grind teeth together. His breath came out in heavy pants and his entire body shook.
I thought the pain I saw on his face was enough to satisfy this bit of sadism that forced itself into the forefront. I was stunned when I realized I needed to hear him cry out the way I did in the middle of the night. I forced his hands off of me and I let his leg go a brief second before I dropped to my knees and quickly latched my jaw on the indention mark on his jeans. I sank my teeth in and heard him scream in agony. I felt his hands fumble for my neck and face. His fingers grazed crazily at my head but he did not push me away.
I almost choked on my own sobs as my shoulders shook and my hands clenched his narrow hips to hold him still. I barely heard a door squeak open but I let him go. He tried his best to catch his breath and wipe away the tears and the tattle tale streaks on his face. I moved away as his knee gave out on him and he slid to the floor. His hands were massaging the muscle in an attempt to disburse the pain as quickly as possible. I eased into a squat and I rested my forehead on his collarbone.
"I wish I could honestly hate you but I can't." I whispered as my fingers traced his jaw. We heard the door shut once again. "I have to leave Gregory, if not I'll convince myself I don't love you." I sighed into his skin. "God, after all of this I know I still love you. I just need time to be a self-loathing asshole. I don't need to take out my pain on you and I will if I stay. Please let me run away for awhile. Give me time, maybe time will heal us."
"Don't lie for me James. I know you'll never come back. It's okay, I have a really bad habit of making the people I love hate me." He whispered into my neck.
"I'm not her House. I will come back to you, without you I'm not whole. Maybe we will never share anymore moments and I never wanted this to be one of them; but I will come back. You can turn me away, you can shun me, and you can hate me all you want when I bring my sorry ass back here. All I want you to know-to understand -to accept is that I will always love you. Even if I claim to hate you, I will always love you. Besides in order for me to be this angry, I have to be hurting because I love you. I love you House believe me. Please believe me." With the slightest of nods the moment ended and I left him sprawled on the hallway floor with his eyes closed and his face tilted towards the sky.
As penance I let the CD play the same song all the way to Seattle as I wondered how long it would take for me to go back home. There was no mistaking, home was where House was and I knew I would keep my promise even if it killed me.
The End.
Please review and respond. I need to know SOMEONE thinks SOMETHING of these things. Good, bad, indifferent I don't care, it's better than hanging out there in no-man's land. Thanks.