Little Though She Be, a voltron: legendary defender fanfic

This chapter is dedicated to SionKaT3 for inspiring me to finally start this and finish the first chapter. Without them, it would have taken me much longer to wrote this. Thank you!

Pidge sighed, pulling her knees up to her chest. She looked out the window again, resting her head against it. Earth seemed so far away. She had counted up how long it would take them to get there. She had looked at Coran's star charts and compared the positions. She knew how far they were.

But it still seemed so much farther away.

When Pidge had been on Earth, it had been hard. Pretending to be a boy, knowing that her family could still be out there, knowing that it was all a big coverup. Staying up all night to listen to alien radio chatter, trying to piece together what had happened to her family, avoiding all detection. Hating being at the Garrison without her brother and father, hating not being able to see her mom. She missed her short hair, her freedom. She had been a wild, free child, and had hated being restricted. Hating the people that held her to such high standards, hating the world for keeping her from knowing. Wishing that people would just make some small adjustments for her, making life so much easier, wishing that people could understand.

She'd hated life on Earth after her dad, Samuel, and her brother, Matt, had left on the Kerberos Mission. Her mom, Colleen, had been quiet and withdrawn, always afraid, always grieving. She wasn't allowed to find out the truth, and that infuriated her. Pidge had attacked the only way she could and felt vindicated when they scratched their heads, bamboozled, her being able to be there and watch them the entire time, right under their noses.

But she'd been all alone. She'd held her team at a distance, her mom was gone, and her dad and brother were missing.

That was what she missed. She wasn't homesick, no, she hadn't cared for her home at all. It was her family she was sick for, family she craved for. Sure, the rest of the crew were slowly becoming her family, but they weren't there yet. And until they were, she would be all alone, wanting, wishing, craving for family. She wanted her family. She wanted them more than anything else.

But she couldn't just leave. She was making a new family, and Katie Holt did not ever leave family behind for any reason. She knew that she would hate herself for the rest of eternity if she ever did that. Any family.

Pidge sighed again and stood up. She was done feeling pity for herself. She was a Paladin of Voltron. She was strong. She was bold and brave and daring. She would shove aside this useless self-pity, and keep on going strong, for her family if not for herself.

She walked out to the kitchen to see Hunk. Maybe he'd give her a snack or some cooking lessons. She'd been getting better at cooking. Now her food actually looked like food and not food goo like Coran's. Hunk had been so proud of her.

She briefly wondered if Sam and Matt and Colleen would have been proud of her, but ruthlessly crushed the thought, walking into the kitchen. "Hey, Hunk." She greeted, only to stop short. The Yellow Paladin was sitting by the table, head in his arms. He wasn't crying. Pidge knew the second she saw him what was wrong.

She sat by him. "Homesick?" She inquired gaily. Hunk ignored her, but she could hear him dance. Sighing, she remarked. "You know, it's ok to be homesick." Hunk sighed as well. "I'm probably the only one feeling this way. I feel so weak."

Pidge sighed. "Well, I'm not homesick at all." She admitted. "I hated Earth after Dad and Matt left. But... You aren't alone." Hunk seemed interested. "Yeah?" She smiled at him, although she knew that she couldn't see it. "I'm pretty sure that everybody else on board feels the same way, 'cept for me."

Hunk finally raised his head. "You don't miss Earth at all?" He asked. Pidge shook her head. "I hated it there. It was only after leaving that I could truly be myself again. What I truly miss is my family."

She smiled down at him. "Why don't you tell me about it?" Hunk stared blankly at her. "What you're missing. It helps to talk to someone." She elaborated.

Hunk sighed. "I grew up in a small town with my family..."

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It had taken forever. Pidge certainly hadn't expected Hunk to give her his entire life story. Though it had been late at night when she'd met up with him, it was now well into the early morning. Breakfast would be wanted soon.

She smiled. "I guess you had something that you liked, huh? Listen..." She crouched down by him. "Being homesick is okay. You had something that you really loved. That's wonderful, Hunk. I don't think that you're weak for that."

Hunk smiled gratefully up at her. "Thanks, Pidge." He said, happier than before. "I guess you're always right, huh?" Pidge nodded. "Always." She enclosed him in a hug, although her arms didn't reach all the way around his bulk. He hugged her back gently, as if afraid that she might break. She knew that he could. She was small and she wasn't strong. She knew how delicate she was. She was reminded of it every day, every single time she couldn't do something or had a problem.

And Hunk was large and strong. He had a lot of strength, and the brains to back it up. He was the strong face of Voltron, the one who intimidated others and got them to comply. He could break her in half like a twig without even having to try.

But she trusted him, trusted that he wouldn't hurt her. They were a team, after all, and trust was essential.

She pulled back gently, despite knowing that she couldn't hurt him. He pulled back even gentler than her. He could actually hurt her.

She grinned at him. "Now, how about you get around to cooking. I'm sure that we're all hungry. I know that I am!"

Hunk laughed. "Sure." He smiled. It was still sad, but definitely better than before. She grinned happily.

She swung herself down and began to walk out. "I'm gonna go find Keith! Maybe I'll get him to stop training for a minute!" She shouted. Hunk grinned as he turned back to the kitchen. He tried to decide between the sweetest green goo or the savory pink gel.

Pidge hummed happily as she skipped through the halls of the castleship. She was headed to the training deck to look for Keith. He could be found there at almost any time of the day.

She reached the training deck and peeked in. To her surprise, Lance was there, head in hands. Keith was nowhere to be found.

Stepping carefully, she entered the training ground and sat by Lance. He didn't acknowledge her presence. She sighed and began to speak. "Feeling homesick?" She asked sympathetically. He nodded mutely. She sighed again. "I understand." She whispered softly. "Why don't you talk about it? It might make you feel better." She encouraged. Lance sighed. "I guess. I was born into a large family..."

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Lance had been more emotional than Hunk. He had cried and sobbed. He had sobbed out his entire life's story, leaving nothing out. It was a drastic contrast from Hunk, who had been too sad to cry.

But they both missed their home a lot. They missed Earth. They missed their families. And Pidge understood that. She missed her family more than anything. They had been everything to her. She has lived them and lived with them.

But this was Lance's story.

Pidge laid a comforting hand in Lance's back. He sniffled. "Thanks, Pidge. You were right. It did help. You should be a counselor or something." He lifted his head, smiling shakily. "Thanks." She grinned at him. "Anytime." She stood up. "Hey, do you know where Keith is? I've been looking for him." Lance shook his head. "I've been the only one here all day." Pidge nodded. "I'll check the lounge. He might be there." She headed off, waving over her shoulder at the Blue Paladin, who chuckled. "That's Pidge for you." He muttered.

Pidge walked backwards all the way to the lounge. She purposefully took a wrong turn, and spend several minutes working her way back to the lounge, before walking in. Keith wasn't there, but Shiro was, much to her surprise.

She sat beside the man that had become the father of their little space family. "Homesick?" She enquired sadly. Shiro nodded. "I miss Earth." He said simply. She nodded as if she had expected it. "Why don't you tell me about it?" He hesitated. "Come on, Shiro. You already know everything about me, but I don't get to learn about you? How unfair is that?" She whined, gaining a small chuckle for her efforts. "Alright, I'll tell you, Pidge." He sighed. "The thing that I always liked the best about Earth was the rain. It always made everything seem so fresh and new, turning the earth and stirring the winds..."

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Shiro hadn't given his life story. He'd told her what he missed and why he missed it and gave a lot of fond memories related to it. Pidge found herself grateful. She neither wanted nor needed the life story of every single person on the castleship, thank you very much.

Pidge stood up. "Have you seen Keith, Shiro? I've been looking for him." Shiro nodded, not surprised at all about the abrupt change in topic. Pidge was like that. "He's in his room, moping. Go see if you can cheer him up." Pidge nodded, skipping out of the room. Shiro watched her go, shaking his head. "That girl's a miracle." He muttered softly. "Listening to me and then going after Keith? She's got guts."

Pidge skipped to Keith's room, determined to help her fellow Paladin. After all, it was something to do, and if she didn't do anything then the memories would return.

Pidge knocked on the door to Keith's room brightly. There was no response. She tried again. "Keith!" She shouted loudly. "I know you're in there!"

The door slid open with a hiss of hydraulics. Keith's exhausted face appeared in the door. "Come in, Pidge." He muttered blearily. She skipped happily into his room, plopping down on his bed.

"What do you want, Pidge?" Keith asked tiredly. Pidge turned to him. "I wanted to come and cheer you up!" Keith sighed. "It's nothing, Pidge." Pidge shook her head. "If it was really nothing, then you wouldn't have said anything.

Keith sighed, turning to the window. "I just miss Earth." He muttered. Pidge sighed. "You aren't the only one." She assured. Keith nodded slowly. "Yeah. I bet." Then what she'd said caught up to him, and he spun around. "Wait. How do you know this?" Pidge grinned impishly. "I have my ways."

Keith groaned. Pidge patted the bed beside her and Keith grudgingly sat down. "Why don't you tell me about it?" She suggested. Keith sighed. "I might as well. Earth might have been lonely, but I spent a lot of time outdoors..."

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Keith hadn't given her his life story either, but he wasn't as bullet-point efficient as Shiro had been. He included tiny details, things such as the tiny speck of dirt that just wouldn't come off that leaf no matter how hard he tried and what exploring the Blue Lion's caves had been like. He gave thoughts and comments and opinions.

Pidge was glad to know that she wasn't the only one on Earth who had believed in aliens. Keith had too. Shiro had been abducted by them. The Garrison must have known too from the camera footage. Her father had once written a thesis on the existence of aliens (Which Katie had read, even though she wasn't supposed to), but it had been denied due to saying that humans are probably one of the most undeveloped races in the galaxy (Which was true), and for implying that there were things out there beyond their comprehension (Also true, but nobody likes being told that there is something so high above them that they can't even comprehend it).

She smiled at Keith. "Bet that made you feel better, right?" Pidge asked. Despite himself, Keith cracked a smile. "Yes, Pidge. It did." Pidge smiled happily before bouncing up. "Well, I'd better get going. Coran promised to let me look at some old Altean technology!"

Keith watched, grinning slightly as Pidge bounced out the door. "I swear, the way that girl goes, she'll be the only one left of us. We'll get old and she'll still be bouncing off the walls, curious and kind and trying to be helpful. If she was anyone else then she'd burn up." Keith shook his head. "I swear, she's gonna outlive us all, even those Alteans. I don't know how, but I'm sure she will."

Pidge bounced out of Keith's room, humming happily. Coran was probably on the bridge. She knew the way, so to test herself, she did it with her eyes closed. It was easy.

Pidge opened her eyes right before walking into the bridge. Coran wasn't there, but Allura was, looking out into space sadly. The space map was activated, and a little green icon was hovering over empty space. Pidge took one look and knew what was going on. "Not another one..." She groaned, before approaching Allura and laying her hand on the Altean's shoulder. "Hey." She greeted. Allura spun around, startled. "Hello, Pidge," She greeted back, hand over heart. "You startled me." She explained.

Pidge smiled at her. "Homesick?" She inquired. Allura looked startled, before laughing. "I should have known Green's inquisitiveness and curiosity. She always was too curious for her own good." She turned to Pidge. "Green always wanted to help others, even at the cost of her own life and that of her heart. I see that you're the same way."

She sighed. "But yes, I am homesick." She turned away, and without prompting, began to explain. "I miss my father. He was a good and kind king. The people loved him..."

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Allura hadn't mentioned Altea very much. Most of what she missed was her people, her family, her friends, her subjects. She missed the way that things used to be. She missed the time when she was a true princess, the time when she still had a family. Pidge could understand that. After all, who doesn't want to be a princess? But Pidge still greedily grasped at the slivers of knowledge that Allura fed her, tidbits of politics and history and lessons and geography and how the spaceships worked and many more. And Allura laughed as Pidge sucked in all that she could, laughed because Pidge reminded her so much of the last Green Paladin, a Paladin just as bright and inquisitive and thirsting for knowledge, a Paladin who had been chosen by the Green Lion of Voltron. Pidge reminded her of the way that things used to be, and that eased her homesickness.

"Thank you, Pidge. It helped to have someone to talk to. Being a girl on a ship of mostly males is hard for someone who grew up surrounded by girls and handmaidens like me. You've made me remember my home. I thank you." Allura bowed. Pidge blushed madly, before remembering something. "Allura, do you know where Coran is? He promised me access to some old Altean technology!" Allura laughed at Pidge's boundless enthusiasm. "He's in the engine room, fiddling away with gods know what. Perhaps you can drag him away from it for a little while."

As Pidge left, Allura's eyes grew sad and the smile dropped from her face. Pidge also reminded her of what had happened to the former Green Paladin, a secret which had been lost to the ages. Zarkon hadn't been the one to kill her, but it was his fault that she died. Allura hoped with all her heart that they'd never have to ask of Pidge what they did of Trigel. It had destroyed them all, and it would destroy them again.

Many thought that Trigel had died along with Blaytz, but neither of them had died at Zarkon's hands. They had been released to deliver a message, a small mercy shown by Zarkon to his former teammates. It had been after that that they'd had to ask of Trigel what they did, and it had destroyed them. The team had fallen apart without her. Zarkon had been a grave loss, but it had been the loss of Trigel that had truly torn the team apart.

If Pidge ever had to do what Trigel had, then the team would fall apart, just as it had back then. And Allura knew that this time, they wouldn't be able to pull a new team together. There wouldn't be time, there wouldn't be anyone to pilot the Lions, there wouldn't be hope. They would lose everything.

But they might win the war.

If Pidge could do it. Trigel had managed, but her bond wasn't deep enough and she had faded. She was still there but deeply faded. She had entwined herself so deeply into it that it would be a wonder if they ever managed to separate. But if Pidge could do it... no. Allura would not do that to another person. Not even as a last resort. Trigel had been older. She had been from a more advanced race. She had spent much more time with the Green Lion. She had explored most of the universe and had mapped everything that she found. She had been the best fit for Green. She had protected people for centuries before Zarkon betrayed them. Pidge was still just a child, even by human standards. No, Allura wouldn't do that to anyone, not again, and certainly not a child, albeit one who seemed to be almost exactly like Trigel in every way (except for appearance, race, abilities, etc, and her bond with Green). It would feel like she was sentencing Trigel to death all over again, only worse. Much, much worse. And this time, she would have the memory of what had happened to Trigel.

When they'd had Trigel do it, they hadn't known all the risks. They had thought that she'd be able to stay longer. They hadn't known that she would fade away like she did, right when they needed her the most. They hadn't known that Trigel would die, not truly. They had thought that even if she was dead, she'd still be with them. They just hadn't known how she would stay with them. Certainly not as she was. They hadn't known the risks, they'd ignored the warnings, and now Trigel was lost to them forever, and the rest of her Paladins were dead.

Allura sat down. Pidge reminded her all too much of Trigel. She only hoped that the two girls shared very different fates.

Pidge stepped out of the bridge and immediately set off running to the engine room, determined to be kept busy and to find Coran. She turned a corner and stopped. The engine room was right there.

"Hello?" Pidge called, stepping out into the engine room. "Coran?" She looked around. "Are you in here?" She glimpsed a lock of orange hair peeking out from behind a container and sighed, moving over to sit by him. "Homesick?" She asked sympathetically. Coran's head shot up. "Ah...yes, actually. How did you know?" Pidge smiled at him. "Let's just say that you aren't the only one." Coran nodded. "Ah." They sat in silence for a moment. " Want to talk about it?" Pidge asked kindly. Coran shrugged, looking up at the metal roof. "I was born on the planet of Altea..."

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Coran's story was long and meandering, but Pidge didn't mind. It meant that she got lots of information about Altea. She learned so much, things that Allura hadn't told in an effort to tell her own story instead. Coran was more focused on whatever his mind drifted to, which included things like what the planet was like, how many people lived, etc. Pidge had never been so happy to talk to Coran before in her entire life.

Pidge gently nudged Coran. "Is there something that I could help with?" She offered. Coran nodded. "Well, the Balmera Crystal needs polishing, and the Teludav mirrors need readjusting and the third pod on the left needs repairs; a space pod, of course, not a healing pod, and..."

Pidge grinned as she listened to Coran's list of things that needed to be done, sure that many of them he had been intending to do another time and others he was just making up, but as long as she was here then why not make her do it?

And when Coran gave her an old Altean toy that he had found in a crate, Pidge could not be more delighted.

But then it was over. They had done everything that needed to be done, and Coran had sent her to get some rest. Pidge had wanted to protest, but it would seem suspicious.

Pidge walked into her room, shutting the door before collapsing against it, trembling. Memories flooded through her mind, her and Matt and Sam and Colleen. Family. Climbing trees, beating people up, sending them off, coding, secret messages, blanket forts, homework, bullies, cuddles, spending time together, looking at old pictures from when Katie and Matt had been young, anagrams, aliases, breaking the rules, breaking the law, making vows that they had never broken, playing dress-up, teasing, laughter, tears, comfort, Matt, Sam, Colleen. Family.

Pidge knew that she was a hypocrite. She knew that she had encouraged everyone else to spill their secrets, to talk to others, but refused to do so herself. She had instinctive urges to shrink back, to hide. A protective instinct, a gift that few in her family had.

It was genetic. Her great-grandmother on her mother's side had had it. Her grandfather on her father's side had had it. An instinct to hide, to protect. To lash out at those who hurt. To hide who they are.

Pidge's was too strong. Having it from both sides of the family meant that it was doubled in strength. Instead of just being an urge, it was a full-blown need. She often had to do what her instinct said.

Her instinct was almost always right. It had saved her life before. Being always on the defensive means that you were rarely caught off guard. It was often whispering in her head, telling her all the hints of truthfulness and lies in others, telling her who to trust and who to not.

It had never been wrong before. Ever. It had told her that Commander Iverson was not to be trusted and had told her that Matt, Sam, and Shiro weren't dead. It had told her that the same way that it told her that she was alive and Zarkon wasn't to be trusted. Obvious as anything.

Her and Matt and Sam and Colleen. Family. Climbing trees, beating people up, sending them off, coding, secret messages, blanket forts, homework, bullies, cuddles, spending time together, looking at old pictures from when Katie and Matt had been young, anagrams, aliases, breaking the rules, breaking the law, making vows that they had never broken, playing dress-up, teasing, laughter, tears, comfort, Matt, Sam, Colleen. Family.

She wasn't homesick. She didn't miss her home at all. In fact, she could care less if the entire Earth blew up, except for the fact that her mother was still there.

Pretending to be a boy, knowing that her family could still be out there, knowing that it was all a big coverup. Staying up all night to listen to alien radio chatter, trying to piece together what had happened to her family, avoiding all detection. Hating being at the Garrison without her brother and father, hating not being able to see her mom. Bullies. Rules. She missed her long hair, her freedom. She had been a wild, free child, and had hated being restricted. Hating the people that held her to such high standards, hating the world for keeping her from knowing. Wishing that people would just make some small adjustments for her, making life so much easier, wishing that people could understand. Earth had hurt her.

But she missed her family, and it hurt, it hurt so bad. Matt and Sam and Colleen. She couldn't find them again. She didn't know where they were, and everybody was so set on protecting her that they refused to let her stay the extra minute to get that last piece of information.

She knew that it wasn't fair, the way she treated them. She expected them to put themselves and each other above all else and leave her in the dirt and dust. She expected them to be one unit, yet distanced herself from them. She expected them to save themselves and leave her to die.

That's what she wanted them to do. But they never did it. They always stood up for her and protected her, and her efforts to distance herself and make them save themselves simply made them fiercely protective of her. Her life was worth less than theirs; why couldn't they understand that? They were all special; she wasn't. They were all homesick; she couldn't care less if her home ceased to exist.

Unbidden, the image of the Paladins rose up in her head. She let it. They were her family too, after all.

But it didn't stay long, and waves of pain and grief washed over her as she curled up in a ball. She didn't cry. She was far too sad for that. Grief takes time, after all.

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Hunk left the kitchen, beaming and bearing large stacks of food in either hand. He looked around, puzzled. "Where's Pidge?" He asked. Everybody shrugged as one. "Last I saw her, she was looking for Keith." He added. Lance raised his head, surprised. "She was looking for Keith when I saw her as well." Shiro looked startled. "She was looking for Keith when I saw her. I told her where Keith was."

Everybody turned to Keith, who looked the most surprised out of any of them. "She told me that she was looking for Coran." Allura nodded. "She told me that as well." Coran pulled at his mustache. "She was asking me if she could help with anything." Keith shook his head. "She told me that you were giving her some old Altean tech." Coran nodded. "I did give her some. It was an old Altean toy that I found in a crate. I thought that she would like it."

They all shared glances. "Pidge was helping me get over my homesickness..." Hunk trailed off. They all shared glances. Lance looked absolutely disbelieving. Allura gasped. Hunk looked absolutely astonished. "All of you too?" He asked. They all nodded solemnly. "But the only way that she could have known we were homesick..."

They all shared a glance and bolted. Lance and Keith, being the smallest, managed to dodge around the others and reach Pidge's door first.

They all slowed down, entering Pidge's room at a respectable pace. She looked up as they entered. "Hey." She greeted. "What beings you here? If you're all together then it must be serious."

They all looked at each other, then closed the door. Pidge sat up. "What..."

She never got a chance to finish her question. They all dog piled on her, pushing her fragile body down into the sheets. She cried out in surprise and annoyance. They all somehow managed to arrange themselves comfortably around her. She curled into a ball, an instinctive movement meant not to defend or protect, but instead to sleep, to include.

And she realized, lying there with her pack, that she had a family. It might not be the one that she had grown up with, might not be the one that she missed with all her heart, but they were the one that she needed right now.

And that's what counts, right? That they were there for her, even in her darkest times, through joy and pain and rebellion. That has to count for something, right?

Pidge smiled and snuggled deeper into her pack. They were what mattered most right now. She could worry about finding her birth family later.

Of course.

Always.

Forever.

Family.