Soon I'll Grow Up
By Rachel
What's it been, over a decade
It still smarts, like it was four minutes ago We only influenced each other totally We only bruised each other even more so.
I sometimes wonder if he haunts me. He always seems to be there, on my mind, even two years later. I don't understand it. We never seemed to get along. It was only after he was gone that I realized I didn't want to lose him. Not that I ever had him. Not that he was ever there.
That was something that always set me off. His laid back, I don't care, it doesn't matter, don't feel for me, attitude. He was always so calm about everything, while I was so emotional. Maybe too emotional. Who knows what he didn't like about me, but it had to be something. The way we would usually go at it.
What are you my blood
You effect me like you are my blood
What are you my dad You touch me like you are my dad.
Why is he always on my mind? It infuriates me. I cannot stop thinking of him. He's been dead for two years. No one found the body, but there were many witnesses. They say they left to take care of some business and when they came back he was gone. They say someone must have disposed of it. It was never made into a big deal.
I went to his funeral with dry eyes. They weren't always dry though. When I first heard, I broke down. There were no tears to begin with. I simply stopped functioning. A "catatonic wonder" Jet described me as. After that was when the fountain, no ocean, of teas came. It was then that I realized I loved him. That was two years ago today.
Jet and I would hold a memorial for him as we did last year. Well we would when he returned with the latest bounty.
How long can a girl be shackled to you
And how long before my dignity is reclaimed And how long can a girl be haunted by you Soon I'll grow up and I won't even flinch at your name x2
Where've you been I heard you moved to my city
My brother saw you somewhere downtown I'd be paralyzed if I ran into you My tongue would seize up If we were to meet again.
I was staring at the wall blankly, when Jet returned. I often did this, I don't know why. Maybe there was something subconsciously interesting about it. The point is that's what I was staring at, the wall. I heard my partner walk in and sigh. The usual.
"Well?" I say to the wall.
"Simple. The guy didn't know what he had gotten himself into.:
I nodded. Though he was leaving something out. The tone of his voice said that wanted to add more. I wouldn't pester. One word would do it, and if he didn't want to answer I could live. Maybe it was something embarrassing. I laughed in my head. A year or so ago I would've loved to have something embarrassing on Jet, now I could care less. Really.
I sat up and turned around to look at him, "And?"
He looked at me and thought. I could practically feel the screws turning in his head. 'Should I tell Faye, or would she get upset?'
Was I really that pathetic. I mean, I don't get upset over everything. Not anymore at least. Did he think I couldn't handle what he had to say? It was a simple bounty, he said it himself. So what could possibly be on his mind?
"Faye we need to talk," okay, "About Spike."
I froze. Spke? Why? There was no reason to talk about him. He was. dead. There was nothing to talk about.
"What about Spike?" I choked out.
He came around and sat down beside me. Running a hand through his thinning hair, he looked at me.
"You know they never found his body, right?"
Yeah, "Yeah, so?"
"So Faye, what if he didn't really die? Maybe he's still alive."
He's insane. "Alive? Nobody could have survived that."
Our roles became reversed. I don't what brought this on, this bout of insanity, but I didn't like it. When we first heard about Spike I argued that maybe he could be alive. Jit told me that it was impossible.
Ugh! Now I was getting a headache.
Jet went on, "So? Spikes' been known to survive the impossible before."
Good point but, "With severe medical need. We put a look out for his body, someone would have notified us."
"Ah. We put out a notice for a dead body. If he was alive no one would have told us."
Note to self, don't argue with Jet, you always lose.
Change of tactics, "What makes you think he's alive all of a sudden?"
He seemed to be grinning from ear to ear now, "You won't believe it, but I saw him."
He was right. I didn't believe him. Saw him? He couldn't have. He was DEAD. Wasn't he?
I don't know anymore. I give up. When it came to Spike I could never figure things out. I'm not going to try now.
"You sure it wasn't someone who looked like him?" I asked hopefully. God, did I want him dead.
"Positive. I talked to him. That's why it took my so long. "
"You. Talked. To. Him.?"
A nod.
Now what? What was I supposed to do? Jump for joy because the man I love is alive? That's what I should be doing. I felt sick. Nervous and sick. Somehow it just seemed wrong. I don't know. I took a deep breath and let it out.
"What-what did you say to him?"
"Well at first I was shocked. I thought he had to be dead, the he said he was too. He wanted to be, but then got to thinking. For once he actually had a reason to live, to come back. So he held on. And when everyone disappeared he inched his way outside where someone found him and got him to a hospital."
That was quite a story. He wasn't finished either.
"Then he said he'd been looking for us since. So I told him what we'd been doing. Then I told him our plans for today. He's going to meet us at the service."
That feeling in my stomach became worse. We were meeting him at his won memorial. And what about Edward? She didn't know and she'd be there. What a shock this would be to her.
I nodded to let him know I had heard. He stood up and went to go get ready. And I know this is entirely crazy, but the thought that had entered my head right at that moment was, 'what was I going to wear?'
What are you my God, you touch me like you are my God What are you my twin, you effect me like you are my twin How long can a girl be tortured by you And how long before my dignity is reclaimed And how long can a girl be haunted by you Soon I'll grow up and I won't even flinch at your name x2
Here I am, one room away from where I know you're standing
A well intentioned man told me you just walked in. This man knows not how this information has effected me But he knows the color of the car I just drove away in.
What am I doing here? I certainly don't know that. Well yes I do. I'm about to see Spike. I don't want to see him. Yes I do. What the hell is wrong with me?
I even got dressed up all pretty. That was stupid, but true. Normally I wouldn't be caught dead in this. It has sleeves! It was an ankle length yellow, long sleeved, skirt, with a slit all the way up to mid-thigh (the only thing I like about it). Oh and it was low-cut, I like that too. My hair was just thrown up into a butterfly clip.
To say I was impatient was an understatement. I'd twiddled my thumbs, paced the room numerous times, played 20 questions with Ed quite a few times, and drummed my fingernails. The fact that I felt like I was going to puke didn't help.
"Why is Faye so twitchy?" Ed asked.
"For reasons Faye doesn't feel like revealing." I replied smoothly.
"Okay, Ed was just curious."
I let out a slow breath. It was beginning to be a long day. Beginning my ass. It started out long.
A long while later Jet came in, someone trailing behind him. I inhaled sharply. What would I say?
"And the man of the hour."
Nothing. I bolted. I ran for it. I'm a coward. I caught a glimpse of his curious face as I passed. Christ, the boy looked no different. Too bad I was a coward.
I ran out onto the busy sidewalk and sped down the street. A couple blocks down I turned into an alley to catch my breath.
Why did I run?
"Why did you run?"
I gasped. He had followed me? Why?
"I'll ask again, Faye, why did you run?"
I turned to face him. He hadn't changed at all. Granted it had only been a couple of years.
"Because you're dead," I answered him.
He grinned one of his stupid grins and patted his chest, " Actually I'm quite alive. Never felt stronger."
I stifled a laugh.
"You don't get it , Spike. For two years I thought you were dead. And all these feelings started surfacing. For the longest time I thought I hated you, but when you left I realized it was just the opposite."
"You love me." He knew it was true. He regarded me for a moment, "Well, I can't say I'm completely head over heels for you, but I do feel something. So you wanna try or are going to keep running from me?"
What are you my kin, you touch me like you are my kin
What are you my air, you effect me like you are my air How long can a girl be shackled to you And how long before my dignity is reclaimed And how long can a girl be haunted by you Soon I'll grow up and I won't even flinch at your name.
Did he just say he had feelings for me? Okay, first off, don't die. Second off, breathe. Now say something damn it!
"Keep running? I wasn't running."
That went okay. At least I didn't say something extremely retarted.
"So you'll give it a shot?" Him
"What do I have to lose?" Me.
He traced a finger along my jaw line, leaning in close.
"Nice dress by the way." With that he walked off.
I froze. Nice dress. wha? Wait. He was. I'll kill him.
"SPIKE!"
Soon I'll grow up and I won't even flinch at your name.
~Owari~
A/N: Okay. So haw was it? That's what you need to tell me in a review whether you hated it or not. I know Spike most likely wouldn't be alive. This was a bit based on a roleplay me and a friend did, where Spike was practically impossible to kill. Okay so not really. I don't know. He's just alive in this. I'm not too clear on the details of the last episode either. It's been forever since I've seen it. If anyone has any major problems with this email me at xelloses_sadist@yahoo.com. Arigato!
What's it been, over a decade
It still smarts, like it was four minutes ago We only influenced each other totally We only bruised each other even more so.
I sometimes wonder if he haunts me. He always seems to be there, on my mind, even two years later. I don't understand it. We never seemed to get along. It was only after he was gone that I realized I didn't want to lose him. Not that I ever had him. Not that he was ever there.
That was something that always set me off. His laid back, I don't care, it doesn't matter, don't feel for me, attitude. He was always so calm about everything, while I was so emotional. Maybe too emotional. Who knows what he didn't like about me, but it had to be something. The way we would usually go at it.
What are you my blood
You effect me like you are my blood
What are you my dad You touch me like you are my dad.
Why is he always on my mind? It infuriates me. I cannot stop thinking of him. He's been dead for two years. No one found the body, but there were many witnesses. They say they left to take care of some business and when they came back he was gone. They say someone must have disposed of it. It was never made into a big deal.
I went to his funeral with dry eyes. They weren't always dry though. When I first heard, I broke down. There were no tears to begin with. I simply stopped functioning. A "catatonic wonder" Jet described me as. After that was when the fountain, no ocean, of teas came. It was then that I realized I loved him. That was two years ago today.
Jet and I would hold a memorial for him as we did last year. Well we would when he returned with the latest bounty.
How long can a girl be shackled to you
And how long before my dignity is reclaimed And how long can a girl be haunted by you Soon I'll grow up and I won't even flinch at your name x2
Where've you been I heard you moved to my city
My brother saw you somewhere downtown I'd be paralyzed if I ran into you My tongue would seize up If we were to meet again.
I was staring at the wall blankly, when Jet returned. I often did this, I don't know why. Maybe there was something subconsciously interesting about it. The point is that's what I was staring at, the wall. I heard my partner walk in and sigh. The usual.
"Well?" I say to the wall.
"Simple. The guy didn't know what he had gotten himself into.:
I nodded. Though he was leaving something out. The tone of his voice said that wanted to add more. I wouldn't pester. One word would do it, and if he didn't want to answer I could live. Maybe it was something embarrassing. I laughed in my head. A year or so ago I would've loved to have something embarrassing on Jet, now I could care less. Really.
I sat up and turned around to look at him, "And?"
He looked at me and thought. I could practically feel the screws turning in his head. 'Should I tell Faye, or would she get upset?'
Was I really that pathetic. I mean, I don't get upset over everything. Not anymore at least. Did he think I couldn't handle what he had to say? It was a simple bounty, he said it himself. So what could possibly be on his mind?
"Faye we need to talk," okay, "About Spike."
I froze. Spke? Why? There was no reason to talk about him. He was. dead. There was nothing to talk about.
"What about Spike?" I choked out.
He came around and sat down beside me. Running a hand through his thinning hair, he looked at me.
"You know they never found his body, right?"
Yeah, "Yeah, so?"
"So Faye, what if he didn't really die? Maybe he's still alive."
He's insane. "Alive? Nobody could have survived that."
Our roles became reversed. I don't what brought this on, this bout of insanity, but I didn't like it. When we first heard about Spike I argued that maybe he could be alive. Jit told me that it was impossible.
Ugh! Now I was getting a headache.
Jet went on, "So? Spikes' been known to survive the impossible before."
Good point but, "With severe medical need. We put a look out for his body, someone would have notified us."
"Ah. We put out a notice for a dead body. If he was alive no one would have told us."
Note to self, don't argue with Jet, you always lose.
Change of tactics, "What makes you think he's alive all of a sudden?"
He seemed to be grinning from ear to ear now, "You won't believe it, but I saw him."
He was right. I didn't believe him. Saw him? He couldn't have. He was DEAD. Wasn't he?
I don't know anymore. I give up. When it came to Spike I could never figure things out. I'm not going to try now.
"You sure it wasn't someone who looked like him?" I asked hopefully. God, did I want him dead.
"Positive. I talked to him. That's why it took my so long. "
"You. Talked. To. Him.?"
A nod.
Now what? What was I supposed to do? Jump for joy because the man I love is alive? That's what I should be doing. I felt sick. Nervous and sick. Somehow it just seemed wrong. I don't know. I took a deep breath and let it out.
"What-what did you say to him?"
"Well at first I was shocked. I thought he had to be dead, the he said he was too. He wanted to be, but then got to thinking. For once he actually had a reason to live, to come back. So he held on. And when everyone disappeared he inched his way outside where someone found him and got him to a hospital."
That was quite a story. He wasn't finished either.
"Then he said he'd been looking for us since. So I told him what we'd been doing. Then I told him our plans for today. He's going to meet us at the service."
That feeling in my stomach became worse. We were meeting him at his won memorial. And what about Edward? She didn't know and she'd be there. What a shock this would be to her.
I nodded to let him know I had heard. He stood up and went to go get ready. And I know this is entirely crazy, but the thought that had entered my head right at that moment was, 'what was I going to wear?'
What are you my God, you touch me like you are my God What are you my twin, you effect me like you are my twin How long can a girl be tortured by you And how long before my dignity is reclaimed And how long can a girl be haunted by you Soon I'll grow up and I won't even flinch at your name x2
Here I am, one room away from where I know you're standing
A well intentioned man told me you just walked in. This man knows not how this information has effected me But he knows the color of the car I just drove away in.
What am I doing here? I certainly don't know that. Well yes I do. I'm about to see Spike. I don't want to see him. Yes I do. What the hell is wrong with me?
I even got dressed up all pretty. That was stupid, but true. Normally I wouldn't be caught dead in this. It has sleeves! It was an ankle length yellow, long sleeved, skirt, with a slit all the way up to mid-thigh (the only thing I like about it). Oh and it was low-cut, I like that too. My hair was just thrown up into a butterfly clip.
To say I was impatient was an understatement. I'd twiddled my thumbs, paced the room numerous times, played 20 questions with Ed quite a few times, and drummed my fingernails. The fact that I felt like I was going to puke didn't help.
"Why is Faye so twitchy?" Ed asked.
"For reasons Faye doesn't feel like revealing." I replied smoothly.
"Okay, Ed was just curious."
I let out a slow breath. It was beginning to be a long day. Beginning my ass. It started out long.
A long while later Jet came in, someone trailing behind him. I inhaled sharply. What would I say?
"And the man of the hour."
Nothing. I bolted. I ran for it. I'm a coward. I caught a glimpse of his curious face as I passed. Christ, the boy looked no different. Too bad I was a coward.
I ran out onto the busy sidewalk and sped down the street. A couple blocks down I turned into an alley to catch my breath.
Why did I run?
"Why did you run?"
I gasped. He had followed me? Why?
"I'll ask again, Faye, why did you run?"
I turned to face him. He hadn't changed at all. Granted it had only been a couple of years.
"Because you're dead," I answered him.
He grinned one of his stupid grins and patted his chest, " Actually I'm quite alive. Never felt stronger."
I stifled a laugh.
"You don't get it , Spike. For two years I thought you were dead. And all these feelings started surfacing. For the longest time I thought I hated you, but when you left I realized it was just the opposite."
"You love me." He knew it was true. He regarded me for a moment, "Well, I can't say I'm completely head over heels for you, but I do feel something. So you wanna try or are going to keep running from me?"
What are you my kin, you touch me like you are my kin
What are you my air, you effect me like you are my air How long can a girl be shackled to you And how long before my dignity is reclaimed And how long can a girl be haunted by you Soon I'll grow up and I won't even flinch at your name.
Did he just say he had feelings for me? Okay, first off, don't die. Second off, breathe. Now say something damn it!
"Keep running? I wasn't running."
That went okay. At least I didn't say something extremely retarted.
"So you'll give it a shot?" Him
"What do I have to lose?" Me.
He traced a finger along my jaw line, leaning in close.
"Nice dress by the way." With that he walked off.
I froze. Nice dress. wha? Wait. He was. I'll kill him.
"SPIKE!"
Soon I'll grow up and I won't even flinch at your name.
~Owari~
A/N: Okay. So haw was it? That's what you need to tell me in a review whether you hated it or not. I know Spike most likely wouldn't be alive. This was a bit based on a roleplay me and a friend did, where Spike was practically impossible to kill. Okay so not really. I don't know. He's just alive in this. I'm not too clear on the details of the last episode either. It's been forever since I've seen it. If anyone has any major problems with this email me at xelloses_sadist@yahoo.com. Arigato!