I think I can thank this little bit of inspiration for getting me to write again. If I didn't hear the below-mentioned song by the Script (which is quickly becoming a favorite of mine), I would have never come up with this idea and therefore, wouldn't have written anything at all. I found that this song fit Peggy and Steve so well, even though the initial meaning is about wanting the person who just broke up with you to come back. However, it can also translate into waiting for someone to come back, even though they may not be able to return. I hope you all enjoy and please review!
If You Ever Come Back
Inspired by "If You Ever Come Back" by the Script
His picture was still on her mantle, not of when he became a soldier but when he was the man that was now underneath the muscle and Erskine's serum. It seemed ridiculous to hold onto to something like that for so long, to be so wrapped up in a man when clearly, she was a very independent and self-sufficient woman… but he was just so unforgettable.
Peggy Carter, the strong yet gorgeous agent from Britain, had led a fine life after the war. The Allies had won; Germany and the Nazis defeated as well as Japan in the East. She worked as an agent up until the fifties, when she decided to leave it all behind her. Her work had lost its flavor, its perks. She made a small property in the English countryside her home and stayed there, refusing advances from fresh young men who were only interested in her looks and what she could do for them. Yes, Peggy Carter had led a fine and empty life.
How long had it been since she had seen Steve? She pondered this many a time as she sat alone at night, listening to the radio and drinking either a glass of scotch of a cup of tea. Tonight, it was scotch. She had turned the radio down low so she could barely hear it and stared blankly at the picture on her mantle.
"Oh Steve… Where on earth did you go?"
It had been 1943 when she last saw him, the last time they took Hydra on. He was a hero, strong and full of hope and willpower. Steve had entranced her ever since they met; she was so amazed by the amount of bravery was bottled up inside his frail-looking body. He was amazing long before the serum and everything about him was only amplified by the procedure. Steve possessed a wonderful and heroic soul. From the start, he was willing to lay down his life for his country and Peggy couldn't help but admire him for it.
Steve had always been selfless… too selfless, it seemed. There were times where Peggy hated how he had crashed the bomber, without thinking of himself. But then she would catch herself, cursing how selfish she was being. Steve went out the way he would have wanted, selfless and for the better of his fellow man.
She could still hear his voice every now and then, mainly from when she last spoke to him. Peggy remembered everything from that day. She remembered the mossy smell of the forest near the Hydra base, the cold concrete of the walls, the rough texture of Steve's lips as they slid against hers, the relief she felt when she realized that he was still alive, and the pain upon hearing the grave tone in his voice that signified that he wasn't coming back. But everything he said to her before disappearing from her life forever still echoed in her head from time to time.
"Peggy… I'm going to need a rain check on that dance…"
"Al-alright… A week, next Saturday at the Stork Club… eight o'clock on the dot. Don't you dare be late!"
She had gone to the Stork Club a couple of times, out of sheer hopefulness. Being the strong woman she was, she had no idea why she had but when she thought about it (which she hated doing), she realized that it was because she was waiting. Waiting…
"Just waiting for the right partner…"
Just waiting for him to come home.
And I wish you could give me the cold shoulder
And I wish you could still give me a hard time
And I wish I could still wish it was over
But even if wishing is a waste of time…
Howard was no longer looking for him. She knew how much he wanted to continue the search but growing tensions with the Soviets caused the government to rope him into producing weaponry. His time became very limited very fast and his business demanded more time from him than anything. The search for Steve Rogers was shut down and he was presumed dead.
But Peggy knew better. Steve would return, she knew it. He'd come home sooner or later. One day, he'd show up at the Stork Club, flustered about how late he was and how much he made her worry. He'd ramble on and on about how sorry he was, in that awkward yet adorable way that he spoke to her. But then she'd tell him it was alright, it only mattered that he was there with her, alive.
One day, Steve would be home for good but for now, Peggy would wait, drinking her scotch and remembering what made him worth waiting for.
Even if I never cross your mind
I'll leave the door on the latch if you ever come back
There'll be a light in the hall and a key under the mat if you ever come back
There'll be a smile on my face and the kettle on
And it'll be just like you were never gone
There'll be a light in the hall and a key under the mat if you ever come back
…
Her picture was still in his compass. It wasn't much, but it was all that he had left of her. It had been seventy years since Steve had seen Peggy in person, living and breathing with her curly brown hair and her red lips, and it hurt that all he could salvage, all he could have of her was a rusted compass with a fragile picture in the middle.
Not a day went by that Steve didn't ache for his old life. He missed the forties dearly, he missed his home. New York City now was a far cry from New York City then. Everyone he knew was either dead or in their last years. Bucky was gone, the Howling Commandos were gone, and Peggy- sweet, wonderful, beautiful Peggy- was gone. He was alone in a new time, surrounded by things he couldn't understand and people he didn't know.
He wished she was there. Peggy was his rock, the one person he could depend on when things weren't going well for him. But she was gone. There was no one to save him now.
Steve took the fragile compass from his bedside table and examined the picture inside. She was so beautiful, so right. She was the partner he was waiting for, the woman he wouldn't mind settling down with. He was willing to give his heart to her and maybe she still had it, maybe he had never truly gotten it back because he felt so empty without her.
He felt remorse about so many things he hadn't been able to do before getting frozen. One of those things was not being able to save his best friend. The other was making Peggy wait so long. Steve knew she had waited as long as her time allowed. With the permission of SHIELD, he looked through her file and found that she had spent almost seven decades waiting for him. She retired from being an agent just about right after the war and never married. As far as he knew, she spent her life alone, waiting on him. It tore him to pieces every time he thought about it. Peggy had sacrificed living what could have been a happy life with a man that would be perfect for her just so she could wait for him to come home.
"Oh Peggy…" he whispered to the picture in the compass, caressing the rusting metal with his thumb. "I'm so sorry… I never meant to be away for so long…"
She was alone for so long… and now, he was all alone, sitting in his small, lonely apartment in New York, thinking about the past and, most of all, her. To him, it seemed fitting. She waited so now he could wait too, wait until the walls of his apartment fell in on him and he could finally make up for what happened.
Steve wished that he could see her again, that he could touch her face and kiss her lips one last time. He wished that nothing could have gotten between them, that he would have been dug up in ten years or less instead of seventy. Most of all, he wished that she could come back to him, that she would live her life with him instead of it all being ripped away from the both of them by the cruel hands of time.
But even if wishing is a waste of time
Even if I never cross your mind
I'll leave the door on the latch if you ever come back
There'll be a light in the hall and a key under the mat if you ever come back
There'll be a smile on my face and the kettle on
And it'll be just like you were never gone
There'll be a light in the hall and a key under the mat if you ever come back
Steve looked at Peggy's picture one last time and set the compass back on his table. He settled down for the night and curled up under his blankets, cold and alone for another night.
"Peggy…" he sighed. "I miss you…"
He would wait, once more, for the right partner.
And it'll be just like you were never gone…
"I love you…"