Numbness for Sound

by Kat

A cold winter sun

My feet underground

A pale winter city

A numbness for sound

I'll wait back here

He remembered this room...this moment...the pain...the woman...

Except...

He was on the wrong side.

Max had told him where she was...how she was...but...

Entering his eyes had immediately taken a moment to adjust to the darkness. Once focused they had scanned the room, looking for her. He had come to a halt, the door still halfway open as he surveyed the wreckage around him. He had moved slowly, confusion warring with fear, as he'd glanced up the stairs. He had caught a movement, a flash of red and he'd turned to...find her...on the edge of the balcony...

Still as a statue.

There she sat now, hunched, almost twisted into herself, the only movement coming from the ruffle of her shirt in the wind.

Her stillness frightened him more than anything ever had.

She was never still.

All that you notice

A moment in time

A photograph lost here

Since you were mine

I'll wait back here

"Carly."

Her name was no more then a strangled whisper from his throat but she heard him. He watched her back stiffen slightly, her head turn an inch before she bent it, light blonde hair hiding her face. She seemed unwilling to face him.

He moved closer, trying to study her small frame for damage, and he realized that her hand was bleeding.

"Carly. What happened?" He tried to move to her side but she retreated, moving closer to the edge. He stopped, his mind racing to find a way to reach her.

"It was all my fault."

Or should I

Start pushing my way back

Yeah, should I start

pushing my way back

She seemed to waver, her body swaying toward the empty air and he forced his body to stay calm. Clenching his hands at his sides, he gritted his teeth, ignoring the screams in his mind to pull her off the ledge. He knew if he touched her now it would be worse.

He responded quietly. "What was?"

"Everything."

He shook his head, reaching her side as he spoke. "It wasn't..." He glanced at her hand, seeing the deep gash bleeding steadily. It was a
jagged cut...probably glass...

Carly sighed, a sad laugh emanating from her throat, her shaking hand covering her mouth. "I slept with him. I did. I wanted to. I'd never been loved...I wanted so badly to be loved..."

Her mumbled confession broke his heart. His hand reached for her free one and clasped onto it gently, her blood covering his fingers...He refused to let it go, to let her go...

He could never let her go.

I walk past your room

In deep silhouette

You're tired of racing

You're down and I said

I'll wait back here

A cold end, an evening

A soaked cigarette

I'm asleep on a shoulder

That I've never met

I'll wait back here

He wasn't going to think about it at the moment. "You were a kid Carly."

Her head shook repeatedly. "I killed her. Don't you see, Sonny? I killed her. I destroy everything I touch."

Glancing down, he could see the tiny lights of moving cars, the flashing red and blue of a police car and he felt her tense. "Carly...come off the ledge. Come inside." He grabbed her chin, forcing her to face him. "Please."

Her hot tears fell across his hand, her eyes pleading with him. "You remember? You said that."

He fell silent.

"You said we were the same. That we destroy everything we love."

"Carly."

"I hurt you."

Sonny shook his head. "This isn't the time sweetheart. Come inside and we can talk."

She looked into his eyes, her hand coming to his face. "You hurt me."

He nodded. "I know."

"Did you ever love me?" She moved away from him, teetering and struggling for balance. "I think you did."

"Yes. I love- I loved you." He knew he still did. He could never stop. He kissed her bruised, bleeding hand. "I still love you."

Or should I

Start pushing my way back

Yeah, should I start

pushing my way back

She broke away from him, leaning forward slightly, then back. She rocked back and forth as she glanced over her shoulder at him. "But not enough to stay. That was my fault. I pushed you away. I know that...but...not enough to stay..." She mumbled, her eyes staring into the horizon. "I got scared..."

"Of what?" He carefully took a position behind her, his hands settling loosely at his sides. He could see her agitation growing, knowing in his heart what she would try...

"Of you. You made me happy." She fidgeted with her hands, wringing them over and over together. He winced at the blood but she seemed unaware of it or any physical pain she was experiencing. She smiled, her eyes empty as they looked out over the night. "I don't deserve that. I don't deserve anything..."

"What about our boys?" He prepared for whatever was coming. "You love them."

"I'll destroy them like I did her...you...everything..." Carly let the wind sweep over her body. She felt an empty peace surround her, wanted to take it inside and make the hurt stop. She glanced behind to look into his eyes one last time. "You made it all...made me..." Touching his face, she smiled softly. "You made the hurt stop. Loving you made it stop."

Cold, and the whiskey is wearing

And I'm on edge of my breath

Oh, and I'm thinking of leaving

I could just lay down

Lay down and freeze to death

He felt her push away, had been ready for it, yet it was so sudden, he almost lost her. He clasped onto her waist, pulling back before she lost her footing. They fell back onto the hard tiled floor. She screamed, reaching for the ledge, begging him to let her go.

"I can't baby. I can't do that."

"Why?!" Her sobs surrounded him and he pulled her to him. She kicked, shoving at him, wanting to let go...wanting to end the pain... "Why?! It hurts too much! It hurts..." She slammed her hands on his chest, her cries shuddering out of her body. "Please, Sonny."

Hey yeah yeah

Oh, hold on

Yeah...

Hey yeah yeah

Oh, hold on

He felt his own tears, ignored the blows she was inflicting and tightened his hold, making shushing noises as he held her.

"Please..."

"I'm not letting you go Carly."

She shook her head, fighting with less force now. "Why? After everything I did...why?"

He cradled her head in his arms, pushing her wet hair from her eyes looking into their haunted depths and placed a soft kiss on her trembling lips. He pulled away, keeping his eyes on hers. "Because a long time ago...you found me...and made my hurt go away..."

He held her closer, felt her arms wrap around his neck, heard her pained sobs against his chest. He stared at the blurry moon, his pain melding with hers...his tears falling with hers...his lips kissing her wounds...

A cold winter sun

My feet underground

A pale winter city

A numbness for sound

Lyrics: Numbness of Sound by Howie Day