A/N - Inspired by the Hank Williams Jr. Song 'I'm so lonesome I could cry'. Set after Season 2: Episode 20 - Endgame. Please enjoy!
The night air was cold against Dick's skin. Goosebumps raised a thin defense as he ascended the staircase concentrating each step – One. After. Another. – Till he reached the apartment number he didn't know he'd been looking for.
Oh god, why did he come here?
Dick caught his breath and tried to focus on anything but that pain, raw hurt, within him as he pushed the door open, heavy creaking echoing off the walls of the abandoned apartment – Wally's apartment.
He had quit Young Justice immediately after Wally's…death. There was no reason for him to stay. No reason for him to fight anymore. And he had blamed himself. How could he not? It was all Dick's fault.
If he'd just let Wally quit heroing like he wanted to…then maybe he would still be… Dick let out a weary sigh. He had told Artemis the exact words as they sat in her living room sharing a bottle of whiskey. She had called him up asking if they could 'talk'.
They both blamed themselves for what had happened. No one else could understand. They had been so selfish – Artemis wanted her life back and Dick had wanted….Wally.
He recalled how much whiskey they drank and how badly it hurt to hear Artemis slur about how much she missed Wally, loved him, before it finally became too much and Dick left. He had slipped from the apartment when Artemis had gone to get another bottle, a knot tight in chest as he ran to where he was now.
He was drunk, and hurting, so it shouldn't have surprised him that he ended up standing in front of Wally's old apartment.
Dick felt foolish standing here in Wally's home, in his bedroom, knowing the man he longed to see the most would never again walk in. Would never saunter over with a stupid smile plastered on his face lighting up his green green eyes - Dick had always loved Wally's eyes – to place a sweet kiss on Dick's lips and Dick would tell him he loved him like it was as simple as breathing.
Dick sighed running a hand roughly through his hair. God, why hadn't he told him?
Once, a long time ago, when it was just the two of them the older boy had confessed his love of records. How on days when he was feeling low he would put on a record and let his troubles float away. Dick had laughed playfully, chastising him for his 'archaic' tastes but that Christmas he had presented Wally with a working antique phonograph. Dick will never forget the way Wally had hugged him, practically oozing with happiness.
Now, it stood as the sole reminder of Dick's loss. Sitting atop Wally's dresser the brass funnel and deep cherry wood were reminders of a joy that Dick would never feel again.
Even now as he drew his hand up to run across the flowering edges of the brass contraption, circling down to where a record sat with a sheer coating of dust from lack of being used. His lips slid into a frown as he ran his fingers through the dust, collecting it on his fingertips.
He couldn't help but think the dust betrayed how long ago his happiness had left him - how much things had truly changed.
With a gentleness he did not know he possessed, Dick slid the needle onto the record. It began to squeak and slide and he took a step back as a song began to spill out filling the room with its presence.
He listened intently to the slow whining of the instruments, his mind growing hazy, and sat heavily on the bed before stretching himself out across the musty sheets and inhaling deeply. Even after all these months he swore he could still catch the deep scent of the speedster amidst the silk.
It all made his head spin even more. A primal want burning in his chest as he breathed deeper, curling into Wally's pillow.
Dick decided he was beyond foolish – this was pure masochism.
The song continued to wash the room with a sweet, melancholy tune. It was then that Dick felt something in heart snap. This was the moment that Dick Grayson understood that he was meant to be alone. Whether it was the alcohol or the many sleepless nights that caused his breakdown, Dick didn't know nor did he care, he began to cry.
'Wally' he cried out to a ghost who refused to answer.
Strangled sobs wrenched themselves free and his whole body shook with the weight of his world crashing down again and again and again –
'Wally, I'm sorry'- 'Wally, I love you'- 'Wally, I miss you'
Because Wally was gone and Dick was all alone.
Did you ever hear a Robin weep,
When leaves begin to die?
That means he's lost his will to live.
I'm so lonesome I could cry.