Disclaimer: I do not own Supernatural or the characters thereof.

Warning: Wincest! Unrelated but still is Sam and Dean. Sam/Dean. Some language, graphic imagery. Sexual Content. Dark content. Violent scenes are included here.

If you don't like Wincest, don't read! I get graphic with most of my Wincest and I don't want to offend you.

Plot:

Sam and Dean are hit with a lust spell and have to deal with the fall out from two days of sex that came from it. Dean freaks out and runs to a bar and Sam wonders if this will break them apart, even as brother.

Both want more than brotherly love now between them but struggle to decide how to deal with it.

Will it end in heartache?

xxxxxxxxxxxx

(Flashback)

Sam 23, Dean 27

Sam was alone in the room, thinking.

His feelings for Dean, so strong now. No longer able to ignore them.

They had just made love for two days straight. A lust spell from a witch. And then Dean had ran out, once the spell had lifted of course. To drink…and possibly lose all knowledge of what he just done with his little brother for two days.

(At the bar)

Dean downed another double and asked for another.

The bartender flirted but he didn't even see it, not even glancing up once. Staring into his glass and thinking.

He had just had sex with Sam for two days straight. Sam had just had sex with him.

He had been hit with a lust spell, a potent one. Sam had tried to calm him and damn if the thing hadn't been communicable. Once Sam touched him, they were gone. Both lost to it.

Sam. Below him. Sam. Dean sucking him. drinking his cum, with a smile. Sam. Sucking him, swallowing him. Sam. Kissing him. Sam. Being kissed by Dean. Pushed roughly to the bed. Spit lubed. Taken. Sam. Being filled with Dean's dick, moaning for more. Sam. Moving beneath him. Against him so hard.

Damn it! Dean swore, getting hard. Dick still had a mind of its own. He thought of baseball but the ball and bat thing, no way was that helping. Bobby. Bobby in a poodle skirt. Yeah, there it was. Bobby playing Marilyn on a grate, skirt blowing up. Ugh! He softened now, needing mind bleach for that image now too.

Sam. "I love you, Dean!". Cumming while he said it.

Sam loved him. Not in a brotherly way. Hadn't for years.

He had just admitted it when the spell broke. Kissing Dean hard.

Surprisingly, Dean kissed him back and pushed him to bed, thrusting in.

Then cumming with Sam's name on his lips, Dean's on Sam's.

Then he'd ran.

Here.

To try to figure out this mess he was in.

Witches! He hated Witches!

Fucking Lust spells!

Dean admitted though, that now that it was gone, the urge to be with his brother was still there.

So strong still.

He pictured him beneath him again.

"I love you." on his lips, those kissable lips.

That beautiful body.

Touching that beautiful body.

Kissing…

Sam.

He sat thinking then asked, looking up for a moment. 'Lanie' the bartender, her tag said 'Lanie'.

"Can I ask you something?" Dean asked, lost in thought.

Lost in need. Lost in love.

"Sure, sugar. What you need to know?" Lanie asked, hoping it was for her number. He was cute!

"If you loved someone, and you knew others wouldn't understand. Would you…be with them anyway? Even if you knew it felt right but others wouldn't see it that way?" Dean asked, needing an opinion.

"This ain't a teen thing or kid, nothing like that? Not pedophile crap?" Lanie asked, pretty sure it wasn't.

"No! Never that. It's…he's Special to me." Dean admitted.

"Ah, a man. You gay?" Lanie asked, and smiled, figures the cute ones were!

"Apparently so. I love him." Dean admitted.

"And what happened?" Lanie asked, curious.

"We had sex." Dean admitted again. Images of Sam and him filling his brain again. Dick getting hard again. Well, still was hard, just got harder. Bobby as Marylin. Yeah, that helped. Became Sam.

Dean wanted to look under his dress. Damn it!

"And he left you?" Lanie asked.

"No, I left. Needed to think." Dean said, sipping his drink thoughtfully.

"And you love him, you sure of that?" Lanie asked, thinking.

"Yep, really really sure. Used to see him…differently." As a brother, not said. "But now, he's more." My Everything, my world. Not said either. "Love is different now." That was said and meant, Dean's heart broke.

Was Sam still there? Had he left, too?

Yeah, both men had running away habits; Sam just used to do it more.

"So why are you here? Go be with him, it's what you want." Lanie advised and smiled at his relieved look and the shame one. First time with a guy, love at first sight thing. Straight men didn't take that well.

"But others…" Dean began then stopped, downed his drink.

"Fuck others! What do you want?" Lanie said softly, "All you guys want is what counts. If it's right for you, what others think shouldn't matter."

"Sam. I want Sam." Dean admitted, his erection gone. Standing now and smiling. "Thanks, Lanie. Keep the change." He handed her a fifty and left, practically running to the car. Hoping Sam was still in the room. He knocked when he got there. And turned the knob on the door. It opened for him easily.

Sam was on the bed. Still naked. Staring at the floor. His failsafe when thinking and upset.

Dean shut the door and locked it.

"Sammy." Dean said softly, so sorry for hurting him.

Sam said nothing.

Dean approached and sat by him. Sam slid away, to the corner. Had to slide more toward Dean though to avoid falling off the bed but still not very close.

"I'm sorry, I had to think. See how to go from here. I never saw you this way before…the spell." Dean admitted sadly, not wanting to lose it now that he had found out he wanted it. "I just needed to think, that's all. Wasn't going for good. Needed to decide. I'm a permanent sort, at least where you're concerned. Had to see if I was going to be able to do this. If I did, it's for forever, Sammy."

"And?" Came a quiet question, a tear fell on Sam's leg, and Dean cringed. Sam was crying. Fuck, he'd made him cry! Hating himself, he moved closer and Sam stayed where he was.

"I want you, Sammy. In a 'be my lover, please!' kind of way. I love you, Sam. With all my heart." Dean admitted and Sam looked up, eyes wet and relieved. A small smile growing on his face.

"You sure? Not changing your mind, not freaking out later?" Sam asked, biting a lip, scared to hope.

"Nope, I'm yours, Sammy. If you'll forgive me. Let me love you." Dean said more sure than he'd ever been of anything.

Sam's answer was a kiss. Dean's response was to make love and claim him for his own, never wanting to lose this man in his arms, ever again.

Xxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

(flashback)

Dean was shell shocked, Sam, his lover, his reason for living, was soulless.

Didn't love him.

Didn't know he had ever loved him.

Probably didn't even care if the moans coming from the room were any indications.

Dean walked to the car and sat on her hood. Crying. Heart broken.

A flutter of wings touched him and he looked up.

"Cas." Dean said sadly, wanting him to go. Hurting so much.

"Talk to me, Dean. What can I do to help?" Cas asked, taking his friend's hand.

"It's Sam. It's over. He doesn't know me. Doesn't love me, fuck this hurts!" Dean cried harder and Cas held him.

"I want you. If you ever decide you…well, you get it." Cas said hesitantly.

Desperate for love and comfort, Dean kissed him. Both men melted into each other. Made love in the impala. Stayed together until Sam got his soul back, then their love was shattered.

Xxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

(flashback)

Sam stood there ensouled and ran to Dean, kissing him in a way that made Bobby cringe. Dean fell into the kiss and Cas stared in shock. Popping out as his heart broke at the sight. Dean remembered himself and excused himself, went to look for Cas.

"Baby, I'm sorry! It's just the Wall. If I tell him about us, it will crack it. It would kill him, you heard Death." Dean sighed unhappily, "I love him, Cas. Still do. As much as I used to, except now I love you the same way. What do I do?"

"Be with him." Cas said coming to a decision, going to leave. "Keep him alive. I will always be here for you. I love you, Dean." Cas's blue eyes were soft and confused. "It's best this way." He popped out.

Sam welcomed Dean back with kisses and his body. Both enthralling the man again, but he couldn't get Cas from his head either. He loved them both. Damn it!

Soon Crowley approached Cas and reminded him of their deal, Cas nodded in resignation. "Pretty boy got a new pet, Angel man. You knew he'd be with him if he got the soul back. So why the long face?"

"Shut up, demon." Cas growled not in the mood for his lip, angry and hurt he wanted to hurt someone. "Or deal or no deal, I'll end you now!"

"Testy, ain't we?" Crowley purred, happy to have Cas on his side again. Dean was luring him to the good side again, making him question the wisdom of what they were doing.

Crowley couldn't have that. He needed those souls!

Xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

(flashback)

Sam walked in with the coffee and flowers. For Dean. A girly thing but hey, he was sure it was a good thing to show Dean he loved him. Sounds were coming from the room, familiar sounds. Sure it had taken a couple hours to get the car out of the shop but damn, he wouldn't do this to him!

Sam stormed in and saw them.

Dean. Cas. Having sex. On their bed.

Dean stopped in mid thrust and saw Sam, cursing.

Instantly sorry. "I love you both, I'm sorry!"

Sam put the stuff down and threw the flowers at them. He grabbed his duffel and fled. Flowers petals fell like rain around them. Soft rose scented rain.

Dean dressed quickly and ran after him, only to find him gone.

He went back to Cas.

"I should have told him." Dean said crying.

"We should have stayed apart." Cas admitted, it had been a spur of the moment thing, this. He'd popped into ask him something. Next he was kissing Dean and …then the sex. Their bodies fell in their old grooves again, their hearts melted together. Except Cas knew, his heart was melted into Sam's, too. Dean's heart was Sam's too.

This shouldn't have happened.

Cas kissed his tears away anyway and they had sex.

They were together now. He'd ease Dean's pain.

He loved him.

Xxxxxxxxxxxxxx

(flashback)

Bobby had talked Sam into helping again and things were strained between the boys now. Dean was with Cas and Sam was jealous and bitter about it. Wanted to kill Cas and Dean but helped, because a large part of him, a part he did his best to ignore, still loved Dean, as both a brother and his lover.

So he stayed and avoided Dean if at all possible, Avoided Cas on principle.

Cas approached them as they heard the truth from Ellie. Cas was working with Crowley, it was true. Dean's heart broke…again.

"No, Cas, say it's not true." Dean pleaded and Cas couldn't meet his eyes.

"It's true." Cas said sadly, "I'm doing this for you, for us, for the world." Cas pleaded back, and explained his plan to save Heaven. To stop Raphael.

"I won't let you open Purgatory!" Dean said and Cas nodded. Dean was good. Cas wasn't anymore.

He was on a path and he knew it was a bad one.

"I'm sorry. I'll fix him if you'll back off." Cas promised, touching Sam's head, breaking his wall to rubble. Sam fell to the ground. Cas watched Dean's love for him turn to hatred instantly and fled, knowing he'd done it and would have to do it again but regretted it had cost him Dean's love. But not letting it deter him from his path, there was no way out now.

Heaven was at stake.

In the meantime, Sam was breaking and Dean broke, too. He'd thrown away Sam for Cas and now he had a betrayed lover in his arms who would never forgive him and a lover that had just broke his love for him by doing this. Two heart aches in one swoop filled him and he did his best to get Sam to the car with Bobby's help.

Xxxxxxxxxxxx

(flashback)

Days later, Sam was in his room. Thinking. And packing.

Dean was wanting him to stay. But it hurt too much to stay.

"Gabriel!" Sam called and Gabriel came, eying him sadly.

"You sure about this?" Gabe asked, and Sam nodded.

"Hurts, can't stay. Too much has happened. It's done, It's over." Sam cried anyway. "Funny thing is, it's all I can do not to run to him and tell him I love him and want him back." He looked away for a moment. His shoulder's straightened and he sighed, "Hold on."

He went downstairs and gave Bobby a letter for Dean. "Give this to him when he comes back in. I'm sorry, Bobby. I can't stay." Sam said hugging him, "Still love you."

"This will break him." Bobby said and saw it in Sam's eyes, heartbreaks, so many of them.

"Then we'll be a matching set, won't we?" Sam cried and went back up, popping out with Gabriel now.

Leaving Dean a goodbye letter that would explain.

And leaving them both hearts that were breaking as they breathed. Like blood filling the lungs, the pain and hurt, and betrayals, all filling them, until they couldn't breathe, until they eventually died from not loving each other, from not breathing.

Later Bobby gave Dean the letter.

It was brief and tear stained.

And shattered Dean to pieces.

Pieces he hadn't known he had left to shatter into.

'Dean,

I know you are trying but, as you said, there is so much fucked up shit right now between us, we can't see past it. It hurts to go, it hurts to stay. It hurts be with you right now and fuck if it don't hurt to be without you, too!

I do love you still.

But it's not enough, Dean.

You. Me. We did shit and well it broke us apart. Guess we can break apart after all. Huh, never knew that was possible. Always said we wouldn't. But we are and if I don't go, we will for sure break apart.

I need time, Dean.

I am going into hiding, so don't look for me. I'll come back when I'm ready.

Sorry.

Cas was the final straw…who would have guessed.

Goodbye, Dean.

Love,

Sam.'

Xxxxxxxxxxxx

(flashback)

Dean watched as Cas declared he's God. Destroyed Raphael and Crowley skittered off like the cockroach he was. He and Bobby cringed and begged Cas to put the souls back, but he was not listening.

"Be mine again, Dean. And I will." Cas promised. Dean glared.

"Never. You broke Sam and me. How could you do that to him? You broke his wall and you lied to me! For months, you worked with Crowley and lied to my face. While we kissed and made love, you lied and broke our trust!" Dean growled hurt still.

"I had to. You wouldn't have understood and I couldn't lose you!" Cas pleaded, wanting Dean back desperately.

"Damn right I wouldn't understand! You're power-crazed, Cas. You lost me when you broke Sam! You knew you would, so don't stand there and say any different! You knew!" Dean shouted, "I chose you, over him! And I chose wrong, didn't I? Sam would never have betray me knowingly but you? You did it repeatedly and fuck did I ever choose wrong! You were a mistake, a mistake that cost me everything! You cost me Sam!" He glared at him again and said coldly, "I'll never be yours again."

Before Cas could speak, a bright light shone around them, blinding them, a loud humming rang out and the building exploded outward violently. Both Bobby and Sam ducked for cover and waited, hiding their eyes. When it subsided, the light was gone and so was Cas.

And they were alone.

They walked toward town, and called a tow truck and, for an extra hundred, they were allowed to ride in the truck all the way to Bobby's yard. Where Dean stared at his broken car, which reminded him of his broken life, which in turn reminded him of his broken heart and Sam. Reminding him they were still broken and he just wanted to find a way to fix them.

But first he had to find Sam.

Which wouldn't be easy.

It had been over a year and Sam was a great hider.

Dean worked out where to start.

Beginning with the GPS trick, which yielded nothing. Except a ditched cell phone and a curt message.

"Go away, Dean!"

'Well,' Dean reflected, 'That wasn't happening anytime soon. Nuh uh!'

So he looked harder.

Used up his contacts but found him.

Much to Sam's chagrin.

Xxxxxxxxxx

(Present)

Sam sat at his laptop, in a towel. A large one for once. No hunts in the area. That sucked!

He looked around the room and sighed. Felt so empty.

Without…no, Sam thought, not saying that name again.

Dean. The name floated up anyway. Sam felt it hit a chord in him.

Same chord it always hit. The painful one.

"You okay?" Gabriel asked and now stood beside him, touching his head. Sam had been sick for a few days but seemed better now. Gabriel had adopted the man, took care of him. Sam was still so broken, so lost.

Still so hurt since Dean.

Gabriel soothed him as best he could and they both turned at a knock on the door. Gabriel sighed and looked at Sam.

"What?" Sam said worried, "Who is it?" He whispered this and Gabriel gave him the look, the one that said Sam already knew the answer.

"Dean." Gabriel said softly and went to answer it.

"No, don't!" Sam cried out and groaned as he opened it with a smirk, a knowing smirk. Fucking know-it-all Angel! Sam swore then looked up as Dean came in. Eying Gabriel in confusion, seeing Sam in a towel. And coming to the wrong conclusion.

Per usual.

"You love me? Really? See I wasted my time!" Dean growled turning to leave. Sam jumped up without thinking, not wanting to but acting on impulse. His towel fell right then to the floor. Leaving Dean to stare at his dripping body and unable to move from where he stood. "See you got me back, got your own angel, very grown up, Sam!"

He still couldn't stop staring at Sam and still got hard from it, angry or not. He knew he should leave but couldn't bring himself to.

"At least I'm not fucking him. Unlike you!" Sam shouted back and Gabriel just leaned against the wall, listening, this was getting good. Sam gave him an exasperated look and Gabriel grinned, sucking on his lollipop, shrugging.

"What?" Dean sputtered and his face fell when he realized he had fucked up. He had jumped to the conclusion that Sam was…oh! He wasn't. Damn. Jealous melted away. Anger melted like snow in July.

"Not fucking him. He's my friend. He's only here because I've had a cold and he was helping take care of me, fucking mother hen angel that he is. I was doing fine! It was just a cold!" Sam gave him a sarcastic look, "Unlike you, the only one I have ever wanted in my life was you! Never anyone else. When I was soulless doesn't count, you said so!"

"I'm sorry." Dean said softly, thumping to the other chair, and sitting down. Looking up at Sam now. "I chose wrong."

"You say it was complicated and I'm going to beat the crap out of you right now. It was simple. You choose me. But did you? NO! You chose him. Even after I got my soul back and we were together, you still chose him! Over me. I understand he was with when I was soulless. It bugged me and I was jealous when I found out but you said it was over and you were with me. So I forgave that, nothing to forgive really. I fucked around soulless and you found love with Cas! Yeah, it pissed me off but you were right. You had a right to be happy and I let that go. But to find you fucking him in our bed, after you said it was over? That did it, fuck, did it ever!" Sam said this hissing as Dean crawled to him, begging with his eyes.

"You chose him…" Sam said softly and had to look away, love for him raging in Sam's heart now. The need to be with him as his, to be with him if he chose him again, driving him insane with pain. So many heart breaks between them. A wall built of them, from both sides. They kept adding bricks to it. All their lives, just adding bricks to it! "You didn't…" Sam stared at the floor. He heard Dean stripping and get on his knees again. Soon he had padded up to Sam and made him look at him again.

"I choose you. I should have to begin with. Please, Sammy, take me back. I'll make it up to you, promise! Anything, Sammy, anything you want." Dean pleaded. Meaning every word.

"I make you do what I say; you give me what I want. You make it up to me that way? Is that right?" Sam asked.

"Yes, anything." Dean promised.

Sam considered it and sighed, hating that he was going to give in. He loved Dean too much not to. "You know you'll have to work to make this up to me, right? Work a lot?" Sam asked, this offered so many possibilities.

"Yes, I'll do it." Dean nodded.

"Fine. Come here, please?" Sam asked grabbing his keys and money.

Dean crawled to him now. Eyes down submissively. Sam was going to make this hurt.

"Go to the bed." Sam ordered and Dean obeyed. Sam positioned him on the bed and put him on all fours. "Now stay this way, I'll be back. I have to get something."

"Yes, Sam." Dean said softly, wondering what he was getting.

Sam went to the door now and smiled, "I love you, Dean. Not leaving for good. I want to make this work. If you can't handle it, don't be here when I get back."

Then he shut it behind him and locked it.

Dean considered what Sam had said. Sam had changed. But he wanted to make it work.

"Dean? You staying?" Gabriel asked from his spot by the door.

"Yeah, just thinking. Sam's different now. I want him to forgive me. What's going on now?" Dean asked uncertainly.

"Sam's got kinky. He's going to make you earn it that way. I hope you like collars and leashes." Gabriel said chuckling, "He's going to make you a good dog for him first."

"Kinky? Like, pain?" Dean said and cringed.

"Yep, it's gonna hurt but it will feel good, too." Gabriel reassured him.

"How did he…" Dean had to ask.

"He's been visiting bondage places and kink clubs for months. He's fully trained in both now. He seems to like it. Sammy likes pain, too. Bet you'll learn to, too." Gabriel said coldly now, "You can leave if you don't like it, you won't hurt him again. I won't let you. He's my friend and I watched your memory destroy him piece by piece. He loves you but he needs this with you to make it work. How far are you willing to go with this? Sam is going all the way with this. He won't hurt you too much; he loves you too much to do that. This is your punishment, will you take what he gives you?"

"Yes, whatever he does, I'll take it." Dean sighed, arms and legs tired now. It had been an hour already, where was Sam?

"Good, he loves you so much, Dean. He wants you here." Gabriel stated softly, hoping he'd stay.

Dean swore to himself to do what he was told, no matter what it was. He let Sam do what he wanted to him, even if it hurt. Dean had a thing with pain, too. So he'd do it. Hours later, he was still there, on all fours and ready to fall, his love for Sam the only thing holding him up.

Sam came in now, with a bag, a big one. He came over to the table and sat it down. He sifted through it and then got something out. He came over and sighed. Dean wobbled as Sam brushed a hand through his hair. So tired and stiff, sore from staying this way for too long. Sam hooked the collar around his neck and laid Dean on his back, massaging his legs and body to work his soreness out, easing him into a sleep. Then he put the other things in the drawer and shut it, covering Dean up and cuddling next to him, smiling. Dean's arms pulled him close and he rolled over, "Can I hold you, Sam?"

He worried this was part of the punishment.

He wanted to hold Sam.

Among other things.

"Yes, please." Sam said and cuddled close in his arms, kissing his lips gently. "I love you. Don't leave me, please?"

"Not leaving, Sammy, never." Dean reassured him. He went to kiss him deeper, touch him, but Sam shook his head.

"Not yet, Dean. Later, after we finish this, okay?" Sam said and Dean nodded.

"Sorry, just need you so bad. Need you!" Dean said sadly, his dick so hard already.

"Need you, too." Sam said and smiled softly, stroking him now, making him moan as his hips lifted. Soon Dean came hard for him and crying out his name, then lay there tingling in Sam's arms as he was pulled close. "You're my slave until I'm satisfied, understand? You do what I say, when I say it. You don't look at anyone but me, you don't respond to them when they flirt with you or look at you, none of them. You look at the floor and you eat when I say to, and you fuck when I say to, and you obey me at all times. You do not walk upright. You walk on all fours, like a dog, and I hold your leash. When not on the leash, you can sit on the bed, or a chair, or on your haunches, wherever I put you until I tell you to move. You do nothing without my permission. Is that clear?"

"I love you but this must be done. If you can't handle it, I'll let you go and never see or speak to you again. There will be no more chances with me." Sam said softly, touching Dean's lips, eyes hungrily eyeing them.

"I'm staying. Do your worst." Dean reassured him. Sam rewarded him with a kiss and Dean melted into it, but Sam kept it brief.

"Sleep, Dean. It starts tomorrow." Sam said, and surprisingly, Dean did instantly. Sam smiled and buried his face into Dean's neck, taking in his scent. It made him feel better and happier than he had felt in a long time. "I love you, Baby."

"Love you, too, Sammy." Dean said in his sleep and sighed happily.

Both slept happily, cuddled together and feeling more complete than they had in years.

Xxxxxxxxxxx