Disclaimer: The theme comes from Frank R. Stockton. The characters come from Bill Watterson.
Calvin the accused stood in the arena, gazing coolly at the two identical doors before him. Behind one or the other of them, he knew, his fate sat waiting for him.
The voice of the semi-barbaric King Dad thundered above the roar of the crowd. "The prisoner will step forward and make his selection," he said. "Let all be silent, and observe the irrevocable justice of impartial chance. May the spectacle build our nation's character."
Calvin stiffened his shoulders and strode toward the wall. He hesitated for a fraction of a second, then went to the door on the left and flung it open.
The next second, his scream of terror echoed through the arena.
"Hi, Calvin!" said the Lady Susie. "I was hoping you'd pick this one! I guess this means we're married now, huh?"
"Aah!" Calvin yelped. "No, wait! I meant to pick the other one!" With a lightning movement, he slammed the door and ran over to the right side of the wall. "See, look! I'm opening the..."
KA-POW!
The next thing Calvin knew, he was lying on his back about fifty yards from the wall, with a bloodthirsty tiger from the Forest of Hobbes snarling down at him. He sighed, and prepared to be rent limb from limb; he wasn't thrilled about it, but it had to be better than the alternative.
Unfortunately, the Lady Susie wasn't one to be deprived of her rights without a fight. "Oh, no, you don't!" she said, flinging her door open again and striding out into the arena. "You picked me fair and square, and now you're just going to have to live with it!" She grabbed him by the arm, and prepared to drag him out of the arena.
But the homicidal psycho jungle cat from Door #2 wasn't about to let his prey slip that easily, either. With a growl, he sank his fangs into Calvin's leg, and, as Susie tugged in one direction, he tugged in the other.
Through the mist of his pain, Calvin could hear the wildly excited crowd roaring support for one or the other claimant. (If he strained, he thought he could just make out the voice of the Lord Moe chanting, "Go, Teddy! Go, Teddy!") Mostly, though, what he was aware of was the ever-increasing agony of being used as the rope in a human-feline game of tug-o'-war. He could feel his arm and leg bones slowly slipping from their sockets; his muscles and tendons might as well have been on fire; slowly but surely, he was being brought to the maximum limit of human suffering...
And then, with a "pop!", he woke up.
Calvin took three or four deep breaths, and looked around for a moment to make sure that he was in his own, safe, monster-infested bedroom, and not in that nightmarish arena. Satisfied, he sighed with relief and leaned back onto his pillow.
That's what I get for studying, he thought. From now on, Hobbes is doing all my English assignments.